Crisis of 30 years in women and men: what changes in personality and life?

Symptoms of the crisis of 30 years

As mentioned earlier, the symptoms of this crisis differ slightly in their manifestations depending on the gender of the person. If for men it is associated with the desire to realize themselves in the love field (gray hair in the head, demon in the rib), then for women there is a revaluation of their own achievements, and for some there is even a huge disappointment in life. Midlife crisis in women - it is worth noting that if you described absolutely all the symptoms, it would take at least a couple of chapters of a boring scientific treatise. Below are the brightest and most common signs of a midlife crisis.

The crisis of 30 years in women is manifested by the following symptoms:

• “I’m a failure” - thoughts of approximately the same content haunt most women who could not achieve everything she dreamed of at the age of 20. The problem with this symptom lies primarily in low self-esteem. For example, by the age of 29-30, a woman has reached very successful career heights, she is appreciated and loved by her colleagues, her family members are proud of her, but she has not married. It would seem that you are only 30, you still have your whole life ahead of you, you are successful, beautiful, etc., but you haven’t gotten married - that’s it, you are automatically an unnecessary cat lady with 40 cats waiting at home. There is a solution to this problem - stop taking everything to heart, stop listening to all “well-wishers”;
• Comparison with others is a fairly common reason for self-criticism, which leads to a crisis. But let's be honest - someone will always be better at something than you. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your personal life or work – someone will still overtake you, you won’t always be the best, and you don’t need it. Of course, self-development is wonderful, but the main thing is to love what you devote yourself to. So stop tormenting yourself and just enjoy life without comparing yourself to anyone. You are individual, like any other person. So why is this not a reason to be proud;
• issues related to finances - unfortunately, our state cannot boast of stability and rarely do any of us have confidence in the future. And if, when you are 20 years old, you think little about financial problems, due to youthful maximalism, then after you step over the line of 30 years, willy-nilly you begin to think about how you will live tomorrow. After all, in the end, it is very humiliating to realize that in adulthood you have not reached financial heights;
• inability to enjoy life - the crisis of the age of 30 in women is characterized by a loss of the ability to see the pleasant in little things. This age is characterized by the fact that the joy from life’s minor pleasures is reduced to almost nothing due to many daily problems. Thanks to this inability to completely take everything from life, you will never be able to, because you will always find a reason that will poison your joy;
• regret - tormenting yourself with thoughts on the topic “everything could have been different if…” has never led to anything good. The reality is that a person stops looking into the future, while analyzing the present, and all the time turns back, creating more and more new options for the development of events, which in fact have already been completed. This is very fraught with the fact that while you are dreaming about how you can change the past, you will simply miss the opportunity to change at least something in your life now.
• emotional immaturity - simply put, a model of behavior of a child in the body of a mature woman.
• inability to make decisions, to be responsible for actions - rest assured that in the future all this will lead not only to a crisis, but will also aggravate its manifestations, since in fact, a person is not prepared morally, and sometimes even financially, for its manifestations.

Summing up the symptoms of a midlife crisis in women, we can safely say that, first of all, for them it is associated with emotional restructuring - hormonal levels change, a rethinking of life positions occurs. For this reason, it is better to spend your time on your own self-realization, as well as self-development, rather than regretting that things could have been different.

Requests for help Write your story Hello! I feel so bad now... and my head already hurts from thinking about my life... lately, when I come home from work, I cry more and more often. I am 31 years old, and I look with deep despair at those who have a loved one, have a family, children, people who live an ordinary normal human life, which is at this age and which I do not have. All my classmates are defined in this sense, and I... I only have work, where I often stay late, and I also go to my parents and to the dacha outside the city. I only have 2 friends, whom I rarely meet, because... They have their own life where they have a loved one. I am ashamed in front of my colleagues in the team (women feel sorry), because... We are either married (married) or with grooms (brides), I’m alone! And I’ve never been married... And I’m also very ashamed to come to my native village because of this... it’s small and everyone knows about everyone... thank God winter is coming, and it gets dark early, I won’t be seen there when I arrive and leave.. There were men in my life, but they all left me, the last one 2.5 years ago, his school love divorced and he rushed to her , despite the fact that we were building a house... then there was a division of it, in short, the whole year was terrible while our family collected money to give him half. Over the years, he already had a child, but I haven’t had any special changes, I fulfilled 2 dreams - I saw the sea and St. Petersburg, and didn’t meet anyone, I’m still alone... Why is life like this with me? I’m not ugly, but I’m not a fashion model either, I always get into a position, I’ll listen, I’ll understand a person, I don’t demand much... I tried to meet people on the Internet, because I don’t have enough courage or self-confidence in real life... but sometimes I look like my ex, sometimes They offer something that is not serious, then they quickly disappear from correspondence, etc. etc.. In general, I was often disappointed, but now I left there. I know that those who were among the men in my life - I would not be happy with them. I didn’t feel spiritual unity, but it took me a long time to move away from the latter. Probably because I understood that at the age of 30 it would be difficult to meet someone... and apparently not in vain, that is what it is... My greatest fear is to be alone, when there are no parents, no family, not even a brother or sister... Why live like this? - alone? for whom? I don’t understand my reason for being on earth. But to die there is no courage, and the pain is terrible. Of course, as long as you have your parents, you can live. I no longer want anything from this, I constantly feel sick and it seems that melancholy and despair are in my body and I feel them physically. Maybe they have cast a spell on me or I have the crown of celibacy. I’m afraid to go to a fortune teller, what if I have a lonely destiny... I’m impressionable, then my legs will give way... It seems to me that God doesn’t see me and my suffering... It’s like I’ve never offended anyone in my life. All these thoughts torment me. Thanks everyone for listening. Support the site:

natashag, age: 31 / 10/05/2012

Responses:

dear Natasha, pay less attention to the village gossips and don’t let negativity into your soul at all, especially someone else’s, pray, of course, love yourself and your happiness will find you!

baby boom mom, age: 33 / 10/06/2012

Natasha, people are usually attracted to positivity, but when a person is depressed, they don’t want to be around him. I have many unmarried friends who are already over thirty, and they live for their own pleasure and are quite happy. Maybe you should move to a big city - there are more opportunities to meet people and have an interesting social life. Just do it not with despair, but with a positive attitude. Maybe you should take more interest in what is happening in the country and in the world in order to be an interesting conversationalist. Go to concerts, to the theater. Think about ways to expand your circle of acquaintances with whom you can meet and have a good time. Clubs, websites, organizations... Continue to meet people through websites, but don’t take every meeting as a matter of life and death. This will in any case increase your chances of finding the right person. Maybe he will be one thousand one hundred twenty-five! And if (which is unlikely!) you are still alone in ten years, you can adopt a child from an orphanage. Watch the movie “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” for inspiration! Probably the most important thing is not to think about the bad and try to enjoy life, and the rest will follow.

Anya, age: 27 / 10/06/2012

Dear Natasha, life is arranged in such a way that it is always from us! everything we FOCUS on moves away. God does this to show that there are things more important than our, most often invented, problems...)) I’ll tell you from a personal example: despite the fact that I am a tall, slender brunette with green eyes, I have been unlucky in my personal life for seven years. Everyone got the wrong one and quickly parted ways. The notebook was filled with names, and the heart was filled with wounds. I thought and worried: have all the normal girls disappeared? And then I decided to give up on this matter, concentrated on my career, sometimes asked God to send my soul mate, although I didn’t see the problem alone and by chance! bam and met Her. Remember Natasha: ALL THE BEST MEETINGS AND EVENTS HAPPEN UNEXPECTEDLY. The problem, if you concentrate on it, only gets worse. Your confidence and feminine charm disappears. Do men really need a bundle of complexes? No! We need sweet, friendly, sociable and well-mannered girls who know their worth. These are the ones who get married. Work on yourself, make your life better and richer, and I assure you, your man himself will find his way to your gate...)) Peace, joy and blessings to you! Develop and be happy...))

Misha, age: 36 / 10/06/2012

Natasha, your story is very close to me. I also have no one and never had one, one might say. My parents are in the village, everyone is also discussing my “celibacy.” I used to worry, but now I have let go of this pain. Everyone has their own path. You will meet your love again - maybe not at 30, then at 35 or 40! But you will. The main thing is to hold yourself confidently, not to show that your soul is heavy, then no one will think of feeling sorry for you. YOU are still very young, you probably look good ,My friend, at the age of 30, got married for the first time this month. She married a 37-year-old man, very good and smart. And before that, she wasn’t worried about getting married. She studied, worked a lot, developed. There are many such examples. Let’s not Let's be limited. Yes, there are limits that prevent us from living. Like, we have to get married at 20 and before 30. Who came up with this? Everyone has their own hour, their own way! Straighten your shoulders and smile! Our hour is coming!!!!!! !!!Do you hear, Natalka?

Tatiana, age: almost the same / 10/06/2012

Try to understand! I will speak harshly! Any problem is given by the world for a specific purpose! Here you expect everyone to start feeling sorry for you! But this is your ego talking!! Look inside yourself, maybe you will see that we are accustomed to suffering and we subconsciously want it (this is our comfort zone! We actually cannot be happy for a long time and are filled with any emotion, remember what a wake turns into after one hour) !! Why do we love suffering? Yes because there is POWER in any emotion!!! It doesn’t matter what emotion it is, positive or negative! On the other hand, understand Sri Aurobindo’s thought: “External events are the unfolding of what you are!!” So what should you do? 1. Talk to the image of your problem in your mind!! Ask the question several times: “Tell me a higher purpose for having you in my life”! 2. This is difficult to do: let go of events and accept them as they are and stop being yellow and whining 3. Laugh internally at the image of your problem and allow it to change!! Remember, a problem that is understood and laughed at ceases to be a problem even in external situations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are half the ways to find a way out on the Internet! For example, the right famous film "The Secret"

Roma, age: 40 / 10/06/2012

Dear Natashag! I am also 31 years old and I am the only child in the family, and I have never been married. But I haven’t visited St. Petersburg yet, although I’ve been dreaming about it for a long time. I understand perfectly well your (can I use “you”?) experiences, suffering and fears. And I didn’t have a feeling of confidence or stability from the men who appeared in my life. Either the demands on them were too high, or God really gave them away. From your letter it is clear that your environment contributes to your despondency. But isn't it worth changing your attitude towards the problem if you can't change anything? In marriage there are also problems, depression, and loneliness. And even childlessness. But you and I have a place to live, a job, and parents who value attention and a good mood right now. There are girlfriends. Even if they are married and busy. I have before my eyes the example of my cousin. She is single, a year younger than me. But the differences between us are striking! And she achieved this intentionally, reconsidering her attitude to life, taking care of her appearance (diets, fasting days, body wraps, masks) and adjusting her views on what was happening around her. Doesn't get hung up on small troubles, solves problems as they arise, loves himself, smiles a lot. She and I work together and every day I see men’s reactions to her. And it became impossible not to notice her: her gait, gestures, and style of clothing changed. As a result, fans, dates, new acquaintances and additional self-confidence appeared. It is not simple. I can’t take care of myself and envy in silence, flattering myself with hopes that I’m about to take care of myself. Don’t despair! After all, this feeling leaves an imprint even on the facial expression! Recently I attended a Liturgy in a church. I felt so good, so bright! I couldn’t hold back my tears. Then I walked and smiled for several days. This is very helpful and supportive. Puts you in a good mood. All the best, Natasha!

Rina, age: 31 / 10/06/2012

What are you talking about? 31 years is just the beginning of a conscious and adult life. My friend got married at the age of 35, and even then she would not have gotten married for a long time if the person had not really proven that there should be no doubt. Do not worry! Let go of the situation, don't dwell on it. What are you doing? Don’t dare think about bad things, don’t drive away happiness from yourself. Go to Church - ask, everything will be given to you! Happiness to you dear! Take care of yourself! May God grant you long family happiness!

Julia, age: 25 / 10/06/2012

Natasha, everything is fine. Everyone is alive and well. You have a job. Find something that interests you. Don't dwell on your loneliness. Enjoy every minute of your life - today, right now. Appreciate what you have. And thank the Lord for taking unreliable people, scoundrels, and traitors away from you. I'm also 31 years old. Single. My 26-year-old friends are whining that it’s time for them to get married. And I have come to terms with it and enjoy every moment. I BELIEVE that the Lord has a plan for each of us. As they say, if a problem can be solved, then there is no need to worry about it, if it cannot be solved, then there is no use worrying about it. So, what’s the point of suffering if I’m never destined to get married?.. And if my time simply hasn’t come yet, then also, what’s the point of suffering?.. There’s a time for everything. The Lord will manage everything. Pray to Him to send you a husband, if this is His holy will. Don’t pay attention to others - everyone has their own path. And even more so, don’t pay attention to your neighbors, employees, etc. People have always said and will continue to say - there is such a category of people. And a normal person will never consider you somehow different just because you have never been married at 31?.. For you, is marriage an end in itself?.. Or is the number of times you have been married important?))) Or you Do you still want to meet YOUR person, give birth to a child from him and live your life together?! Watch the film “Anna German. The Secret of the White Angel." This beautiful woman gave birth to a son at the age of 39. Because nothing is impossible for God. Natasha, be happy right now! You have everything for this. And God willing, you will create a real strong family. God help you!

Same, age: 31/10/06/2012

Natasha dear, why do you think that happiness lies in the family? Are there many people married and unhappy? We ourselves “produce” happiness from what is inside us. I want to give you an example, I have a friend who could not get married and at the age of 35 she decided that she would give birth to a child without a husband, nothing stopped her on the way to this goal. Having a child is a good goal, it is such a blessing to be a mother, but in what wrong ways are we ready to go towards this holy goal? We don’t want to think about what will happen next, we’ll think about it later. Bottom line, a friend gave birth, there are a lot of problems: not enough money, not enough time, and therefore also patience. All the impulses that were there before pregnancy are gradually fading away, and now 5 years have passed, and now what: she is all on edge, the child is annoying her. She loves him, but he gets on her nerves. She is very good, she loves her son, but she has a lot of problems and she is unhappy. Although she thought that a child would appear and I would become happy. I wrote this to you to tell you: happiness is within us, we must learn to be happy no matter what we have. Starting a family and having a child does not guarantee your happiness. If happiness consisted in what we have, then all people would be happy in their own way, but alas, this is not so. I sincerely wish you to meet your man who will love you and take care of you. But I also wish you to gain inner peace, calmness and self-confidence and that your life is not in vain. Fear destroys us, but faith lifts us up and helps us move on. There are many people in the world who need you, your care, your unspent love. Start giving what is inside you and you will definitely become happy. And your husband will not pass you by. Don’t be sad, Natasha, we are with you, you will break through!

Nonna, age: 32 / 10/06/2012

Natasha, you are a good person, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!!!! They feel sorry for you - they want the best for you in their own, stupid way - they only spoil your mood. Forgive them. You write: “All our women are either married or with fiancés” - it’s not true! I also forgot that according to statistics “in our country,” 70 (!!!) percent of marriages break up. You are waiting for a boyfriend or groom. Can not be so!!! No need to wait or look for anyone! Nothing will work like that! Relax, live your life! A marriage is not successful where the wife looks into her husband’s mouth for fear of losing; she doesn’t need anything except him, my dear. No! Happiness is in a family in which spouses love and appreciate each other, but at the same time each person is self-sufficient. You need to learn to be happy with yourself first. I want to take care of someone - there are many, many suffering people! Give care to everyone around you: colleagues, parents, lonely old people, orphans, neighbors. It is very interesting and joyful to raise a puppy! I sometimes say to my dog ​​as a joke: “My husband demands something, my children sometimes don’t listen, so you’re the best!” Your soulmate will find you herself, Natasha, when necessary! And you will smile at him calmly and openly. God knows what he's doing, don't interfere.

Elena Ordinary, age: 35 / 10/06/2012

If a woman is single, such thoughts come to her, whether she is 20 years old, 30 or 40, it doesn’t matter. But I want to say that we must courageously accept our fate, and in any case be grateful for the life that is given from above. Here is a simple piece of happiness advice: Live for today and enjoy it, but the future is too vague to be afraid of: when there is day, there will be food. You are only 31 years old, life is changing rapidly, who can know what awaits you around the corner, what other amazing events will happen in your life. Just be grateful and love life, forgive your ex-men and wish them happiness in your thoughts, pray and your destiny will find you, no matter how, maybe she just makes the wrong phone number or accidentally rings your doorbell, or maybe she’s already somewhere nearby and you you don't suspect. After all, it’s always like this, we make plans, think about how it can be, and God arranges everything in a way we never even dreamed of. I really like the Chinese proverb: “People who are destined to meet are connected by an invisible red thread, despite the time, place and circumstances, the thread may get tangled, but will never break” something like that. Please, for your sake and for all of us, love life, just like that, without conditions, people need you, your parents need you. You are healthy, you have parents, girlfriends, a roof over your head, and believe me, this is not enough. I wish you to be the happiest in the world!

Alla, age: Not much, not little / 10/06/2012

Natasha, what a touching letter! Do you know the saying “there are two for every creature”? So you will meet your soul mate, maybe a little later. But we will definitely meet. We just have to wait. I agree, without a man’s shoulder next to you it’s difficult and difficult. But! You had men, right? Here! That means there will be more. Where will they go? You are probably smart (write without mistakes :))) and a pretty girl... You know, in Europe there is a general trend to get married by the age of 35. So you’re... slandering yourself in vain))) While you’re waiting for your soul mate, don’t waste time on tears and frustration! Go to the sea again and see how it is without you. And take a look at St. Petersburg :)) Either sign up for a fitness class, or learn English... You never know what’s interesting in life!

Zlata, age: 25 / 10/07/2012

I live in Germany. Here, at the age of 30-35, many are just finishing their education, and some are just starting, having become disillusioned with what they have already received. In a word, 35 years is the age when adulthood begins. So don’t be foolish))) This is just Russian reality in which it is considered normal that children at 18-20 start a family, and before 25 have offspring. Looking for yourself at this age is a completely normal practice, and as for your life partner, fate will take care of it itself. Enjoy life)) Best wishes, well wisher.

Well-wisher, age: 31 / 01/05/2014

dear girl, you are only 31, you will still have it, believe me. I myself got married late, there is no need to despair. There are troubles in life worse than loneliness, and you have parents who, I am sure, love you madly and live for you. Become more confident, you have nothing to be ashamed of; start respecting yourself, throw away stupid thoughts; be around people more often; do something you never had time for. Live and love life and loved ones. I wish you happiness. You must do everything for this yourself. I went through this myself, believe me, it will still happen!

Lana, age: 54 / 12/10/2014

Hello. Don’t despair. My story is also similar. Only I was married, but the marriage was unsuccessful. I lost a child and my husband got cancer, and after I cured him, he left me... Then there was despair, divorce, depression, a lot of unsuccessful romances…..I gave up on myself, I just accepted….that I would be alone. It was also hurtful and painful, because I’m not ugly, beautiful, 29 years old, slim….I wanted a family…And that’s when I was already desperate…. My prince galloped up...))) Yes, it was him! We met online by chance... After three weeks of communication, he came and took me to his place. He turned out to be a very handsome man, a Muscovite with his own company, a widower with 2 children. I live like in a movie....))) We got married 3 months later, first we had a daughter, and a year later we had twins. Now I have 5 children)) And two years ago, did I even think about this...

Tatyana, age: 30 / 01/07/2015

Previous request Next request Return to the beginning of the section

Crisis after 30 years in men and women

As for the crisis after 30 years for men, it is directly related to the manifestation and self-realization of their own “I”. All a man wants when going through a period of crisis is to prove to himself and others that he is the same as he was 10 years ago. Still as strong, young, handsome, etc. Not to say that this aspiration is bad, but the methods of execution are a little lame. Simply put, at this age, men are more ready than ever to leave their families for the sake of self-realization of their desires.

The main difference between a midlife crisis in men and a midlife crisis in women is its destructive power. If the crisis of 30 years in women is primarily aimed at internal changes and the woman looks for the cause in herself, then during a crisis in a man everyone is to blame except him. For example, if he was caught cheating on his side, then it would not be his fault, no. The wife will be to blame - she paid little attention to him, the mistress will be to blame - she seduced him, the concierge will be to blame - she burned him, an infection. Quite convenient, isn't it? A good excuse, even after this crisis has passed, because there is always something to write off.

It may seem that this article greatly understates the manifestation of a midlife crisis in men, but this is not so. Just let's be honest - how many women cover up their mistakes with this kind of crisis? About 1 in 20, but what about men? Every third. The problem with the male gender is initially that it is simply convenient for them - after all, they managed to do both here and there. So, dear men, everyone has ups, downs, turning points, but the main thing at this moment is not to lose the faith, love and respect of those close to you.

How to overcome the crisis

It is almost impossible to completely overcome the crisis, but it is quite possible to minimize its manifestations and consequences. It is very important at this moment to realize that this is a completely natural process, which means there is nothing terrible in it.

We bring to your attention some practical tips for overcoming the crisis of 30 years for women and men:

1. Analysis of your current life and its acceptance - a period of crisis can last for many years, developing into long-term depression, if you do not accept your past as it is, without any embellishment. And acceptance is the logical conclusion of the process of awareness. Simply put, appreciate all the moments of your past, regardless of whether the memories were pleasant or not;
2. Determine your own values ​​– one positive aspect of the current crisis is the opportunity to re-evaluate your own life priorities. Perhaps now is the time to concentrate on achieving career heights or, on the contrary, on building a family. Find what you will primarily enjoy and everything will work out for you;
3. Life balance – the ability to keep all aspects of one’s life under control is already half the success in dealing with a turning point in a person’s life. If you have order on all fronts, then you can easily understand what, where and when you got out of control;
4. Taking care of your own health - since a crisis is not only a psychological turning point, but also physically, it would not be a bad idea to devote time to your own recovery. Sign up for a gym, undergo a full medical examination, and in the end, just pay enough attention to your own rest.
5. Strengthen relationships with loved ones - no matter what anyone says, but the support of loved ones is always needed. Left alone with problems, it is very easy to fall into despondency, a kind of emotional abyss, since a midlife crisis is a very debilitating thing, one might even say devastating. Therefore, now is a very good time to build bridges with people close to you.
6. Set new goals for yourself - stagnation in any aspect of life always has a negative consequence. It is always very important to be able to leave your own comfort zone - because only in this case does a person develop. Start small - let it be something insignificant to begin with - for example, getting up at 6.00 in the morning or going for a run in the evening. Gradually choose more difficult goals. Thus, you will have the opportunity not only to conquer new heights, but also to bring certain fresh notes into your life;
7. Self-development - no one has canceled it. Remember the saying: “Knowledge is power.” Never forget about personal growth, no matter what stage of life you are at now. This advice is most suitable for overcoming the crisis of 30 years in women. For the simple reason that many women very often bring their interests or hobbies and aspirations to the altar of family life, forgetting about their individuality. Therefore, dear ladies, remember, family is family, but don’t forget about yourself either.

It is worth noting that a crisis is always a good reason to rethink your life, an opportunity to turn it upside down. Take time, first of all, for yourself (not forgetting, of course, about your loved ones). Now you have a wonderful opportunity to start your life from scratch, while having a huge advantage - experience. In fact, you are making a fresh start, while already knowing how to avoid most of life’s mistakes - that’s one, two - you already have a circle of support in the person of trusted friends and family.

“What have I achieved in life?”, or How to survive a midlife crisis without losses

Am I satisfied with my life?
Did I achieve everything I wanted? Usually by the age of forty we are all trying to take stock. This period is especially difficult for men: the time has come to evaluate their results, achievements, successes. Then some rethink their values ​​and grow, and some commit madness and destroy their lives - the outcome of such a crisis can be both positive and negative. A crisis often takes you by surprise and unsettles you for a long time. The feeling that the best part of life has passed, and gloomy thoughts about their inadequacy lead men to mental anguish and force them to rethink the stages of life they have passed. Why does a midlife crisis occur? How can it manifest itself and how can it be overcome? An expert in the field of psychology, a specialist at the Republican Center for Medical Prevention, Pavel Khamaev, answers these questions .

— Pavel, tell me, what are the reasons for the midlife crisis?

— By the age of forty, half of your life has already been lived. After years of constantly striving to prove his masculinity and worth, a man finally questions who he is. Sometimes he feels constrained by the confines of the life he leads now.

It seemed that he did everything that society demanded of him and that he himself desired, but how did it happen that he gradually began to lead such a boring, uncomplicated life? He wonders: is he in the right place? Is he living his own life? Is he satisfied with the image he has created in society to date? A crisis is especially likely if there is no change or opportunity for growth in a man’s life for a long time.

The surest signal of a crisis is a feeling of being driven into a corner, that life has ceased to suit you, and a desire to break out of the usual framework.

— How to understand that a man is going through a crisis?

— If a man is already ready to commit rash, life-changing actions, we can say that the revaluation of values ​​characteristic of middle age has become a crisis. As a result, some men rebel against the old value system, get divorced, have an affair, start drinking more and spending time in bars, behave irresponsibly, and take unnecessary risks.

He wonders: are they in the right place? Is he living his own life? Is he happy with the image he has created in society to date?

The first “flags” signaling future disasters appear much earlier. The most accurate is a feeling of being driven into a corner, that life has ceased to suit you, and a desire to break out of the usual framework.

Here are some other features that may indicate an impending crisis:

• withdrawal into oneself, the desire for rebellion like teenagers;

• increased interest in the opposite sex, flirting and attempts to have an affair;

• increased interest in external images, fantasies, search for new experiences, desire for risk.

If you want to “break free”, this does not mean that you need to do it right here and now, giving up everything that you have been creating for many years.

— How to survive a crisis without destroying your old life?

- IN NO CASE:

1. Don’t make radical changes and don’t turn your life upside down. Look at yourself as a teenager who can't make informed decisions yet, so you need to stop him from doing bad things.

2. Don’t be led by all your emotions. Feelings are only a hint and a guide. This is not something you should rely on when making decisions. If you want to “break free”, this does not mean that you need to do it right here and now, giving up everything that you have been building for many years.

3. Don't lose touch with reality. Don't let your fantasies fool you. They may remain castles in the air and not bring the desired result.

TRY:

1. Realize that to improve your condition it is not necessary to radically change your life. If you want to rebuild your life, start with consistent and gradual changes in one area. Approach this process consciously and carefully to minimize the destructive effect.

2. Accept that many opportunities are indeed missed. Analyze what you think you missed and what prevented you. Write down on paper a list of everything you never did that you wanted to do. Indicate why you didn’t decide to do this, what reasons were behind it.

3. Analyze what you currently have. Write down on paper a list of what you value in life and would not want to lose. Reflect on your current life values—old ones and those that are coming to you now.

Marina Ermil attended an “appointment” with a psychologist

photo: pixabay.com

Methods for overcoming a crisis

However, many people want to overcome the crisis quickly and immediately, as if at the snap of a hand, using the stupidest advice for this. Therefore, here is a list of the most stupid, and most importantly useless tactics for overcoming the crisis.

1. The first method is treatment with antidepressants. The very fact of such treatment may surprise you? Unfortunately, many of us believe that everything can be cured with pills. Yes, this is partly true, but be prepared for the fact that now the need to take medications will be with you for the rest of your days, which is unlikely to be part of your plans.
2. The second method is immersion in youth! This truly stupid method is very typical for a midlife crisis in women. Have you seen these? She is about 30-35 years old, but at the same time she looks very young. Ridiculous outfits in acid shades, stupid hairstyles, behavior and communication. Such women can deliberately start a relationship with a young man who will be 10 years younger than her. With this model of behavior, you will not achieve anything other than justified criticism, which can only aggravate the current situation;
3. To submit - to humbly bow your head - is the third way of enduring all the blows of fate - this method is very common, due to the peculiarity of our mentality. It is very rare who is ready to swim against the tide and fight every adversity. This method is bad because no matter how much a person hides his head in the sand, like an ostrich, the problems will not be solved, and most likely will even get worse. Agree, you hardly need it.

I would also like to note that if you are unable to deal with the crisis alone, then you should contact a specialized specialist. He will help you find the root of the problem, and then guide you along the right path. In such a situation, you should not listen too much to the advice of other people. Don't forget that everyone experiences this catharsis individually. This means that what helped your friend can only make the situation worse in your case.