Who is a sadist - signs in women, men and children, causes of sadism, differences from a masochist

Bullying can affect physical and emotional health, both in the short term and later in life. This can lead to physical injury, social problems, emotional problems and even death. Those who are bullied are at increased risk of mental health problems, headaches and social problems. Of course, this has an extremely negative effect on a person’s energy balance. Bullying can also cause long-term damage to self-esteem.

[edit] Consequences of bullying

The consequences of bullying for the person subjected to it can be quite serious, even suicide. Those who have been abused may suffer from long-term emotional and behavioral problems. Sometimes a victim of violence is subject to an escalation of personal aggression, which can lead to some kind of revenge, or a noticeable change in aggressive behavior. Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and increased susceptibility to disease (decreased immunity due to nervousness).

How to deal with hooligans and brawlers

If you notice any of the symptoms described above in your child's behavior, this is a time to have an honest and open conversation about what caused them. If your child tells us about times of abuse, remain calm and try to show that you understand how sad and scared he is. Say that victims of bullies must have a hard time and you sympathize with them. You can then share some of the tips here with your child to help overcome behavioral issues.

Ask your child how his classmates and friends feel about teasing and insults, and how they feel about it. Remember what they told you at school about the rules for interacting with aggressors in a company. Be prepared to give your child practical advice on how to overcome any difficulties that may arise. Offer him several behavioral tactics and role-play the expected situations before leaving for school, so that the child knows how to behave and feels confident. The Internet and your local library can offer many books and articles on the subject, so dig through the materials with your child and then model skits involving yourself or a trusted family friend. The child must know what is needed:

1. avoid direct communication with the offender;
2. stay alone with a friend or someone the child trusts;
3. ridicule and turn into a joke the comments and statements of the offender;
4. be able to protect yourself in the face of immediate threats.

Another great way to keep bullies at bay is by building self-confidence. Teach your child to defend his own opinion and have ready answers to the bullying of the offender. The child must act boldly in such a situation, even if in fact he is very scared. Sometimes simple courage is enough to stop bullying.

You can recommend that your child make friends from another group outside of school. This will give him self-confidence. Advise your child to go for a walk alone with one of his trusted friends who could stand up for him in the event of an attack. It is useful to enroll your child in a club or section outside of school to help him form a new circle of acquaintances.

You may think that the best way to resolve the problem is to have a frank conversation with the parents of your child's abuser. This is only reasonable if you are on good friendly terms with them, otherwise such an attempt will only lead to accusations against you. Use a mediator to conduct negotiations - this could be a teacher, coach, or circle leader.

You, of course, cannot control what happens at school, but it is recommended to monitor your children's extracurricular activities and play together. Hooligans, bullies and fighters are active only in the absence of adults. If you notice anything like this, intervene immediately. Natural unintentional minor quarrels between children should not be taken into account, but signs of more dangerous behavior in children need to be known and troubles prevented in time.

Discuss the problem of bullying and insults with your children more often, let them understand that they can always come to you and tell you about any trouble that happened to them. This will help children understand that you are not leaving them alone to face difficulties. Together with your spouse, try not to show anger and irritability in the family, so as not to form an appropriate behavior pattern in your children.

[edit] Initiators of bullying

The initiators of bullying at an older age are people of an authoritarian nature with a strong need to control and dominate. People who are prone to a rapid transition to anger and the use of force, with sympathies for aggressive forms of behavior, who mistakenly perceive many actions as aggressive, often become the initiators of bullying towards other people. People from their immediate environment, such as relatives, classmates, co-workers, neighbors, are often bullied.

The opinion is often expressed that an aggressive model of behavior can be instilled in childhood, through education or in its absence.

Why is this negativity dangerous?

Emotions spread like epidemics. But there is an important difference: these are apparently asymptomatic infections. Over time, a person begins to consider a certain emotional state as normal and no longer asks himself why it is present.

Negative people, who allow all the moral bullying and pressure, usually have more power to infect than positive people because they take advantage of the most basic emotions such as fear, doubt and insecurity and amplify them.

[edit] Legal definition

In Russian jurisprudence, there are four definitions of bullying:

1. action of the victim, which can cause... a state of passion in the person guilty of murder (Article 107 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation); represents an evil mockery, mockery of the guilty. Unlike a grave insult, which is always expressed in an indecent form, I. can be carried out in a decent form, although in its content it is just as cynical and offensive, deeply wounding the human psyche. These are, for example, ridicule of a person’s physical disabilities or other handicaps. I. can be extended in time;
2. one of the qualifying circumstances when causing serious and moderate harm to health (Articles 111, 112 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
3. one of the qualifying circumstances when forced to testify (Article 302 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation). By I. over the interrogated one should be understood the commission of actions against him of a cynical and impudent nature, deeply insulting and humiliating his human dignity;
4. one of the signs of a criminal violation of the statutory rules of relations between military personnel in the absence of subordination relations between them (Article 335 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).

Committing a crime involving bullying is considered as one of the circumstances aggravating the punishment (Article 63).[1]

Bullying a child – moral violence

Most often, an outcast child is subjected not so much to physical attacks from peers, but to verbal ones. Moral violence can include threats of physical harm, blackmail and swearing (including name-calling). Blackmail is most often associated with a threat to tell adults about something, to reveal to them some kind of misdeed of the victim if she does not comply with the demands of the persecutor. Also used as blackmail is the threat to stop being friends with the victim.

Six-year-old Yulia greatly valued her friendship with seven-year-old Rita, who threatened to break off their relationship if Yulia did not agree to exchange dolls, hairpins, etc. with her.

​​​​​​​​Stronger peers tend to resort to threats of physical violence against the victim in case of disobedience. Intimidation may simply give pleasure to the pursuer, for example, he may chase the victim, threatening to beat him, but not strive to carry out the threat, being satisfied with the fear and humiliation of the other. But the most common form of violence in children’s groups is name-calling and insults—the so-called verbal aggression.

Name-calling is the most common cause of insults and fights in primary school. Pupils of the third and fifth grades, in which an anonymous survey was conducted “Why do you not like some classmates?” most often answered: “Because he (she) calls names.” It is “name-calling” from classmates that rejected children most often complain about. Moreover, they call names and insult not only the child victim himself, they gloatingly comment on his drawings and things that belong to him (“What a chest he has instead of a briefcase!”, “Did you find this suit in the trash heap?!”), insult his relatives (discuss his relatives, give them offensive nicknames). The latter, perhaps, hurts the child more painfully than his own nickname.

Bullying a child - nicknames and teasing

Why do children so willingly repeat offensive, swear words? Firstly, they are attracted by the emotionality with which these words are pronounced by those around them. A person who swears usually “radiates” boundless self-confidence, his gestures are very expressive, and a certain excitement and tension arises around him. Secondly, seeing that such words shock, anger, and upset the one to whom they are addressed, children begin to use them to annoy and tease others. For them, swear words become another weapon of revenge. Cm.

Bullying a child - learning to resist

It is almost impossible to avoid the appearance of teasing in children's groups, but it is necessary to fight them.

Parents and teachers should not ignore situations where children call each other names. The teacher’s task is to stop the appearance and use of offensive nicknames in the classroom. You can talk separately with the instigators, you can arrange a class hour on this topic. You need to discuss with the victim why others call him names (are they offended by him, do they want to attract his attention?). Cm.

[edit] Philosophical meaning

Mockery is the use of distorted methods of handling a given object in order to create vivid combinations of meanings (entertainment - reducing responsibility - or targeted insult - increasing responsibility by creating additional excuses).

There is a theory according to which the amount of bullying a person receives is directly proportional to the amount of attention paid to him. It is confirmed by evidence of increased mortality in the days close to the birthday of the deceased, and by aphorisms: “No good deed goes unpunished” (attributed to Thomas Brookes), “Give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, and I will find in them something for which he can be hanged" (attributed to Cardinal Richelieu), "Live unnoticed" (Epicurus), "For every action there is an equal counter-criticism" (Murphy's Law).

HOW TO RESPOND TO BULLING OR RIDICLES

Let us agree to assume that bullying from which we must defend ourselves is an attack from which we can still defend ourselves, and not at all a game on the nerves of hostages captured by bandits. We must learn the art of responding to verbal rather than physical bullying, which requires a separate conversation. I’ll make a reservation right away - much of what was said about protection from criticism (the entire first part of the previous section of the chapter) also applies in the case of protection from ridicule. You must try to understand what the one who is trying to laugh or mock wants, evaluate his strength and compare it with yours, instantly choose what response move you will make and, finally, respond with dignity.

Mockery and ridicule are sometimes perceived even more painfully than criticism, leading a person to muscular and mental tension and causing him mental trauma. If you take a close look at all the times in your life when ridicule was painful, you will see that your body reacts to it almost like a physical illness or injury. It contracts and experiences pain, which over time transforms into a muscle clamp that prevents the free circulation of subtle energy in the body. Many people who experience constant muscle tension and suffer from various diseases of psychogenic origin have simply forgotten that poisoned arrows of bullying and ridicule have been sticking out of their subtle mental wounds for many years, sometimes from early childhood.

The motives for which this or that person begins to mock or laugh at you are in many ways similar to the motives of someone who often criticizes you. However, the main difference is that the bully rarely seeks to achieve from the victim some kind of beneficial decision for himself - what benefit can you count on when you are angry or offended? The main goal is to spoil your mood and assert yourself both in your own eyes and in the eyes of the public present at this peculiar performance. But if you know the composition of the poison well, then it is not so difficult to find an effective antidote.

There are several successful strategies for dealing with ridicule. First of all, become deeply convinced that ridicule is an unpleasant psychological effect that can have a long life in your mind, or can pass through you and dissolve almost instantly. Therefore, you should not take it too seriously, much less show that it somehow offends you. Learn to answer it easily and internally freely, without embarrassment. Another thing is outright bullying, to which it is absolutely necessary to respond. You can try to destroy the bully by responding with murderous irony. It is possible to build a relationship with someone who is trying to bully, according to the principle of cold hard ignoring - a healthy dose of reciprocal irony on your part will be perceived by him as the effect of a cold shower. Direct conflict and quarrel are also possible. Although this is not the most elegant way to force yourself to be respected, it nevertheless works quite well. It is known that the young Stalin resorted to this method, and his party comrades tried to make fun of his appearance and manners. However, according to eyewitnesses, the “young Georgian” reacted to completely innocent jokes with such rage and fury that the jokers involuntarily had to retreat. It is only important that in a conflict you behave like a strong person, confident in the favorable outcome of the skirmish and that the jokes will stop. If you are not confident in your abilities and you do not have any leverage over the joker, especially one who reaches the brink of bullying in his jokes, then starting a quarrel is quite stupid - in the end you will find yourself in an even funnier and more ridiculous position than in the first moments of “playful” attack. A person’s ability to relax his body plays a big role in reflecting aggressive humor. Look at TV presenters and TV stars who have learned to behave relaxed under the rays of Jupiter and freely parry any aggressive attacks directed against them. They all know how to relax their own body well, take free natural poses, and make light movements. In none of them will you find the habit of contorting or taking unnatural positions leading to muscle tension. Now take a closer look at those who are prone to embarrassment and complex when ridiculed with mockery. They almost always take unnaturally tense or submissive poses and are constrained in their movements. Therefore, work on deepening the relaxation of your body - this will help you feel lighter, more natural and freer in situations that carry the possibility of ridicule.

It is also useful to change the image and stereotype of behavior. If you always take jokes painfully and seriously, and your ill-wishers know this, you can be sure that they will not fail to take advantage of such a wonderful opportunity to please themselves and play on your nerves. But if you are known as a person of unpredictable reactions, and no one knows how you will perceive someone else’s irony: you will not notice it, like an elephant does not notice a pug, you will respond with even more refined, ornate irony, or you will turn over the table at which the offender is sitting, then the joker is unlikely to make up his mind at risk.

And of course, cultivate generosity and condescension towards those who try to bite you. If you feel like such a significant and large person that you can afford not to notice the mosquito bites of ridicule, then this is the most painful thing for many categories of jokers. It is useful to allow yourself in such a situation to be the hero of a folk aphorism: “The man was angry and angry with the master, but the master didn’t even know.”

Psychology bookap

I will never forget how one famous film director responded to a TV presenter’s question: “How do you feel about Mr. P-n, who wrote a devastating article about you?” Without being embarrassed at all, he answered the question with the question: “Who is Pn, exactly?” And although he hardly knew or had not heard this sonorous and by no means the worst name in journalism, the very intonation of the answer was absolutely murderous. And the topic was automatically closed.

Whatever answer you choose, try to prevent all mockery and ridicule from sticking to your aura, like an offensive nickname, but returning to its source.

What is moral bullying?

Moral bullying is a very effective means of establishing power over your partner. It is often invisible and intangible to outsiders. Mental bullying causes the same harm as physical violence. It is often accompanied by threats of physical or sexual violence.

It includes the following:

• you are being humiliated
• you are constantly criticized
• you are constantly monitored and monitored through technological means, including checking your phone usage and keeping records, checking your call recorder and all text messages, using spyware to read your email, and secretly installing video cameras in your home.
• threats by the abuser to kill women, children, the woman's relatives, or himself, including a detailed description of how and where he will do this.
• destroying property, including their cars, furniture, clothes and home.
• treatment using derogatory words, such as calling a woman “it” and “bitch.”
• you are left in a bind when the person harassing you takes your car keys, empties your car's gas tank, or steals or breaks your phone so the woman can't ask for help.
• you are never allowed to be alone with yourself, you are followed from room to room, and accompanied to all events outside the home.

What is the difference between a sadist and a masochist?

The concept of sadism describes a person prone to violence against others. He experiences moral and sometimes physical pleasure from this. Another form of the disorder is considered masochism. The term implies a sophisticated form of psychological pleasure from inflicting suffering of various types on oneself. That is, the masochist’s aggression is directed towards himself. It could be:

1. Work until complete exhaustion.
2. Denial of your obvious needs for food, sleep, rest.
3. Pleasure from causing pain during sex and others.

The sadist and the victim, who may also be a masochist, are like sides of the same coin. One likes to inflict pain, and the other likes to feel it. Psychiatrists are confident that aggression directed at oneself can develop into an open form of sadism. Then the person loses touch with reality and does not understand the illegality of his actions, completely justifying them.

Sadistic zodiac signs

Astrologers tend to believe that the sadism gene is more often than others inherent in certain zodiac signs. These include:

1. Aries
   . This representative of the fire element is prone to emotional sadism. Aries men, more often than others, are “famous” for their total control over their other half, emotional pressure and eternal criticism.
2. Sagittarius
   . People born under this sign experience their other half with excessive attention to other members of the opposite sex. All claims on this matter may be met with attacks and mutual accusations.
3. Scorpion
   . This sign is considered one of the most “bloodthirsty”. Scorpios are able to experience satisfaction from causing both physical and moral suffering to others.

Signs of a sadist

Even a person far from psychology intuitively understands how to recognize a sadist. Clear signs of aggressive and violent activity include:

1. Psychological pressure
   . Aggressors are constantly trying to humiliate and suppress the will of their victim, touch her to the quick, insult her, ruin her mood, and so on. A moral sadist constantly seeks to destroy the plans and hopes of his victim, play on her feelings and create “nervous shocks.” A distinctive feature of such people is pronounced vindictiveness.
2. Sexual violence
   . A person regularly seeks to persuade a partner to have intimacy without his desire. Uses forms of behavior that are unacceptable and unacceptable to others in bed, causing physical and mental pain to the victim.
3. Physical bullying
   and bodily harm to another living being for the purpose of one’s own satisfaction and self-affirmation, a feeling of one’s own limitless power.

Women are sadists

Psychologists say that in the absence of severe psychiatric diagnoses, people are not initially prone to sadism. This behavior is formed due to the influence of external factors. The female psyche is more resistant to external influences due to protective emotional mechanisms, which is why there are still significantly fewer cruel and aggressive representatives of beauty than men. In addition, female sadism is more likely to manifest itself in a psychological form. Such ladies strive to express their inclinations secretly or as legitimately as possible, choosing weaker victims.

There are many examples of who such a sadist is among women:

1. A boss who tortures her subordinates with impossible tasks, humiliates, intimidates, and so on.
2. In hospitals, sadistic nurses secretly kill the sick and infirm, explaining this to themselves as saving them from suffering.
3. A woman mocks her children, considering them to be the cause of her troubles, her appearance and the departure of her loved one.

Sadistic man

The structure of the male psyche is such that representatives of the stronger sex are more prone to displaying sadistic tendencies. Often you can find out from news headlines that a sadistic guy abused his girlfriend or wife, who endured all this for many years. Forms of male sadism are more diverse:

1. Men are stronger by nature than women, so they often use brute force against the weaker: wives, children.
2. Moral sadists act more sophisticatedly, torturing their victims for a long time. Such people do not always use shouting, swearing and scandals. They can psychologically suppress the victim with devaluation and humiliation, after which they will repent and ask for forgiveness before the next act of aggression.
3. Sexual sadists who are used to dominating intimate life and causing pain to their partner, both physical and psychological.

Children are sadists

Much less often, signs of sadism can be found in a child. However, there are also such babies. More often these are people with severe psychiatric diagnoses or those who have experienced trauma and violence at an early age. Childhood sadism can include:

1. Animal abuse.
2. Hysterics and denial of parents’ requests, the desire to do everything “out of spite” at home.
3. Bullying and ridicule of peers.
4. During adolescence, this behavior can develop into criminal activity.