How to overcome shyness and become confident

Shy people always suffer from their shyness. Even if they don't realize it. Moreover, as a rule, they do not turn to specialists precisely because of shyness.
This vicious circle does not allow them to become free people and improve their own lives. Although many argue that shyness has its own charm...

What is shyness and self-consciousness - where did it come from and how do they manifest themselves?

The term “shyness” refers to the lack of opportunity to clearly and openly, without fear, express oneself and declare one’s interests.

Typically, this condition develops on the basis of the “little man” complex , in which this person feels guilty for the inconvenience caused to others, considers himself uninteresting to society, and so on.

But, if you dig even deeper, shyness goes hand in hand with cowardice, self-doubt, fear, complexes and false modesty.

You communicate calmly with your friends

Shy people appear completely different when they are in the company of family members or close friends. You know that people close to you won't judge you, so you worry less about saying only the right and appropriate things. To achieve this level of comfort with strangers, it's a good idea to intentionally do something slightly embarrassing.

False shyness - or true shyness?

It is important to distinguish true shyness from complexes! When a person is embarrassed because the shameful actions that the situation requires are beyond his moral boundaries, this is decent shyness and completely normal behavior.

It’s another matter when a person’s shyness begins to take the form of noticeable self-doubt - this phenomenon definitely needs to be fought.

If not on your own, then with the help of specialists.

You feel completely alone

When you have difficulty communicating, you may convince yourself that you are part of a minority. Shy people think that they are alone, that no one else is shy, and that no one else in the room feels as bad as they do. However, don't worry: about forty percent of people consider themselves shy.

The main causes of shyness usually include:

Fear. Fear of rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding, etc.
Cowardice.
Low self-esteem , lack of self-confidence.
Dependence on other people's opinions and lack of self-confidence.
Presence of complexes.
Closed character , isolation.
Loneliness, isolation from society . Lack of basic skills necessary for free communication.
Genetics and parental example . Shy, complex parents most often have equally shy, complex children.
Experienced psychological trauma , fear of communicating with others.
An abundance of criticism in the family , constant humiliation and life in prohibitions, a “Puritan” upbringing.
Ignorance.

And so on.

Studying the causes of shyness, we can confidently say that shyness is based primarily on human complexes, internal tightness caused by specific factors. And the question - to treat or not to treat shyness - disappears by itself.

If we are not talking about behavior that is normal for a well-mannered and worthy person, which is expressed in healthy embarrassment as a reaction to one or another “unhealthy” situation, then we are talking about shyness, which can and should be eradicated, gradually changing it to self-confidence, the right to speak, think and act as your heart and head tell you.

Causes of shyness

The main reason that people become shy is improper upbringing. An abundance of restrictions imposed in childhood that completely suppressed your desires, aspirations and initiatives.

I simply had to force myself not to do a lot of things, following constant parental control. It would seem that this is childhood, it has long passed, but only the habits and complexes developed at this age take root very deeply, and they are the most difficult to cope with. Of course, shyness is also formed under the influence of other external and internal factors. For example, a number of circumstances can lead to the fact that we begin to place ourselves low, as if we begin to notice bright and charismatic people around, stubbornly believing that we are not one of them and will not be able to enter in any way.

A strongly developed desire to conform to some self-imposed norms and standards is also a cause of shyness. As a result, we begin to become overly focused on ourselves, and we become uncomfortable in any environment. It is important to remember that shyness is not some kind of natural instinct, but a formed set of stereotypes. And this means that we can completely get rid of it if we want.

Among the disadvantages of shyness:

Without a certain amount of arrogance and assertiveness, it is difficult to make your way in this world.
Shy people find it difficult to climb the career ladder - they are simply not noticed.
The personal life of shy people is a separate issue. For the same reason.
Despite men’s love for shy girls, in reality they often pay attention to relaxed and confident ladies.
Shy people don’t know how to say “no,” which is why they are often given extra work, borrowed money and not paid back, and so on.
A shy person has great difficulty solving problems that require communication with strangers.
Shy people are often deprived of the classic joys of relaxation because they are too shy to sing, dance, or express their emotions in general. And emotions that are not released in time will one day group into severe depression and neurasthenia.
Shy people are too vulnerable and too sensitive; they react very painfully to any reproach, criticism, or comments about their shortcomings.
Shy people are closer to the world of illusions - fantasies, dreams, movies and book novels - than the real “cruel” world. The consequence is the lack of an adequate assessment of reality as a whole. A shy person who is unable to adequately evaluate people and relationships often becomes a victim of deception and more serious actions.

How to get rid of fictitious shortcomings

Calmly inhale and exhale and look at yourself impartially from the outside, discarding unnecessary emotions and love (or dislike) for yourself. Objective self-esteem is not the easiest thing to do in relation to yourself, but after several attempts you can get much closer to understanding your own essence. Benevolent self-criticism, and not self-flagellation, an attitude with humor towards one’s own shortcomings and a calm perception of good qualities, loving oneself as one is, understanding one’s own shortcomings and strengths - this is the approach that will help in self-knowledge and self-acceptance.

Such a person is recommended to talk with those who are really dear to him: family, a close friend (even a person with very limited communication will have one), children, spouse, etc. or seek advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist. It is important to be sure that the other person will give a fair assessment, will not lie or embellish the situation, but will express his view from the outside.

How to overcome shyness in 10 simple steps - tips that really work

To fight or not to fight shyness?

Definitely - fight! Moreover, if it interferes with your life, and you yourself realize it.

How to fight?

Many books have been written on this topic and no less films have been made, but we will highlight the main advice from experts separately - in 10 simple steps that will help you cope with this “disease” and gain self-confidence:

We do what we fear most. Take a pen and write a list of all the situations in which your shyness manifests itself. Let's start with the most serious ones. For example, “perform at the institute in front of everyone,” or “meet a young man on the street,” or “go to a dance school,” etc. Have you written a list? And now, strictly point by point, starting from the very first, we knock out a wedge with a wedge! We are preparing a lecture and delivering it at the institute. Then we meet on the street. Next, we sign up for a dance school, etc. If it’s difficult, you can start from the end of the list, with the easiest situations.
We keep a diary of observations. Carry a notepad with you and write down every situation that caused you to feel embarrassed or nervous. At home, analyze these situations and analyze why you were embarrassed and what to do to prevent this from happening again. For example: “Situation – ask the driver to stop the minibus; The reason for embarrassment is that people will pay attention; The level of embarrassment is 5 points out of 10,” and now we are looking for a way to cope with anxiety.
Self-confidence can be faked! Over time, you will get involved, you will like it, and you can be confident in yourself quite sincerely.
Speak little, slowly and loudly. Train at home. Join a theater club - it liberates even the shyest people.
Nobody cares about you! Remember this. In fact, people really don’t care what you’re wearing, whether your voice trembles, whether you’re worried, and so on. Therefore, worrying about people who don't care about you simply doesn't make sense.
Love yourself for who you are. Get rid of complexes. Confident people don't waste time worrying about being short, having narrow shoulders, not having white teeth, having a burr, or anything else. Confident people accept themselves as nature created them.
Smile, gentlemen! A smile is always a sign of a confident person. Start in the morning with the mirror. Then smile at passers-by, neighbors, colleagues, and so on. And be sure to look the person in the eyes when you smile. In response, people also begin to smile (in 90% of cases), and your self-confidence will grow by leaps and bounds along with your mood.
Sign up for sections or clubs where you will be forced to communicate with people and constantly fight shyness.
Attend group thematic trainings that are conducted for shy people to help them cope with shyness.
Change your environment often. Travel constantly. Create situations for yourself in which you have to go beyond your usual boundaries and get out of your comfortable shell.

Identify your strengths

Every person in the world has some unique characteristics and ways of expressing themselves. It is important to fully know and accept ourselves, as well as what we do – even if our appearance or behavior differs from the norm. Remember that if everyone was just like everyone else, the world would be a very boring place.

Find the things you are best at and focus on them. By learning about your strengths, you can help yourself accept your identity and increase your confidence and self-esteem .

Understand that every personality is unique, even if you think this is bad, it gives you some advantages. For example, Anya is a peaceful person who likes to spend time alone. She noticed that because he listens better than others, he remembers more in each lecture.

And also...

Look for motivation! For example, career. Or a loved one. Or the dream is to dance tango on stage.
Analyze your life and find the reasons for your shyness.
Learn from other people's experiences with shyness.
Develop a sense of humor - it helps to maintain inner balance even in the most extreme situations.
Fight fears : study your fears under a magnifying glass, simulate situations of getting rid of fears.
Do more stupid things and become daring . For example, buy yourself a motorcycle instead of a car. Or sing a song on the balcony in the middle of the night - loudly so that everyone can hear. Change your image radically so that everyone will be stunned by what a fatal beauty you turn out to be. Invite someone you like for a walk.
Play sports . Sport not only gives you beautiful shape, but also strengthens the spirit and also raises self-esteem. Immediately sign up for a gym and look for a trainer who will teach you not only how to create a sculpted body, but how to be yourself.
Constantly ask passers-by how long it is and how to get to house No. 14 . It doesn’t matter that you have a watch, but there is no house number 14 on this street - just ask. Every day - 20-30 times, regardless of gender and age.

Conspiracy against shyness

Prayers, spells, hypnosis and other unconventional practices are sometimes used to cure painful mental states. The placebo effect must be at work here.

Having written yourself a text like “I am the most beautiful and confident girl, many people like me” and so on at your discretion, you need to repeat it every day in front of the mirror.

Self-hypnosis is a powerful thing, because the subconscious “absorbs” what you tell yourself and with its help you can overcome shyness.

There are several ways to get rid of shyness:

A trip to a psychoanalyst. For those who have money, this will be the most optimal investment in the development of their “I”. There are now many certified specialists in the field of psychology, each of them works with specific problems: neuroses, raising self-esteem, family problems, mental trauma. Methods of influence can be traditional (psychoanalysis and certain influence techniques) and non-traditional (hypnosis, conspiracies). You will have to visit a psychologist more than once, but this is a guarantee that you will be able to eliminate all problems with self-esteem.
Reading books on psychology. Professionals spend more than one year understanding all the basics of working with people’s emotional states, and you have to learn this yourself from books. We type a query into a search engine, find some Philip Zimbardo and other famous names, download books and read avidly, not forgetting to put the advice into practice.
Public performance. As Dale Carnegie wrote, the best way to overcome your fear of public speaking is to speak in public. To overcome complexes, you need to force yourself to communicate with a large audience, thereby expanding your comfort zone. A couple of performances - and you will already become much bolder. Where to perform? At a meeting at work, in a class at the university, attend hobby groups and show off your oratorical skills there. There are a lot of options, the benefit lies in communicating with people.
Sports activities. Even if your shyness is not associated with a feeling of dissatisfaction with your own appearance, the following has been proven. Smooth posture and strong muscles on a subconscious level increase self-esteem and help develop self-confidence.
Introspection. Analyze your childhood, fears, write down all your complexes, what you don’t like about yourself and what you would like to correct. Verbalize everything that haunts you and try to correct the situation.

This fact has been scientifically proven and those people who tell themselves that they are fat and ugly, useless and insecure, become and remain so, because the subconscious mind believes them and brings these instructions to life.

Important! When pronouncing a spell, you yourself must believe in its effectiveness, and not be skeptical about the exercises with yourself. Otherwise there will be no result.

You can compose the words of the conspiracy yourself, it is advisable that they rhyme. To enhance the visual effect of persuasion, you need to look at your mirror image.

Your self-esteem will rise within a week and you will be ready to start a conversation with a stranger or propose your project to your work colleagues.

Get over yourself and finally go to the gym, don’t hesitate to ask for help from a trainer. Think about all the benefits you will get from becoming confident.

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Who and what can help you and point you in the right direction?

Psychologists.
Specialists who give recommendations remotely – online.
Coaches.
Group trainings.
Special books with practical guides.
Thematic films that charge you with positivity, teach you to fight shyness and set you up for heroic deeds.

Don't try to get rid of shyness in a month. This process can take up to a year. But gradually, step by step, with regular exercises, which have long been written by experienced psychologists, you will get rid of this shortcoming.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

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