Down with shyness - how to help a child overcome shyness?

The way the world works is that each person has his own character and his own problems, and children are no exception to this rule. Some kids happily run up even to a crowd of unfamiliar peers and within a few minutes find a company for fun entertainment, and after a few meetings they turn the participants of this company into bosom friends. Others stand modestly on the sidelines, not daring to start even the most harmless conversation, and blush with embarrassment if someone approaches them first and asks something.

Of course, these examples describe extremes: many children are somewhere between completely comfortable and extremely shy. But if your child still gravitates more towards stiffness, tightness, lack of self-confidence and the inability to establish contacts with other people, then you should think about how to help him.

The difference between shyness and unsociability

Before we start talking about overcoming shyness, let's find out why this overcoming really needs to be done. Let's start with the fact that you must distinguish between the concepts of shyness and unsociability. As already noted, all people are different, and each person, including a child, has his own level of need for communication. Not all children are born sociable guys who are able to find a common language with anyone, instantly become the center of attention in any company and make a huge number of acquaintances.

Some kids just don't need it. They don’t want to be the “life of the party”, they don’t want to take part in crowded entertainment - they are much more interested in playing something on their own, or, for example, together with a really close friend. And they do not at all feel uncomfortable because of this state of affairs, but, on the contrary, they get very tired and irritated if, involuntarily, they have to communicate a lot with unfamiliar people.

If your child is like that, then under no circumstances should you force him to “meet that girl over there” or “be more sociable like other guys.” Respect the character and personality of your child, do not make him feel inferior just because he did not turn out to be a smiling, energetic introvert who evokes affection in every adult and a desire to make friends in every peer. The child has the right to be himself and undergo social adaptation in the mode that best suits his needs.

When to worry

CONTENT:

A child’s behavior depends on many factors and, just like an adult, it can change depending on the conditions that arise. Parents should not confuse the baby’s natural reaction to unusual circumstances, situations and pathological signs of shyness. You should take into account the character and temperament of the child, which does not need to be compared with your own, it can be radically different. Often it is these parallels that lead to excessive moral pressure on a son or daughter, and as a consequence - the formation of complexes and the development of other qualities characteristic of insecure individuals.

Signs of shyness to watch out for

In practice, it is possible to notice that shyness has become pathological in nature based on certain signs. They may have the following manifestations:

1. External signs. By facial expressions, gaze and gestures one can understand the child’s psychological discomfort; some develop nervous tics. Behavior changes even with a slight change of environment, when talking with unfamiliar people. The skin may become pale, the pupils are especially mobile, or the eyes are constantly drooping.
2. The child does not strive to communicate with peers, does not make contact with them, does not participate in games or joint activities. Preschoolers or teenagers have few or no friends and prefer to spend time alone.
3. Lack of initiative. Children with severe shyness do not offer ideas for games, are indifferent to them, and are not particularly attracted to mass events. They rarely voice or implement their ideas and thoughts. Passivity can be observed in one's own endeavors, as well as in collective affairs.
4. Lack of own opinion. It is easier for a child to accept someone else’s point of view than to insist on his own. Parents should pay attention to this if this situation occurs constantly and with all people.
5. Stealth. You can detect such a trait already in a preschooler, when he does not share news from the garden or says anything after a walk or some event. This behavior is not always associated with particular shyness, but if this happens, then perhaps there is a lack of trust in the relationship, which also needs to be corrected.
6. Speech disorders, such as stuttering.

If the above signs have clear manifestations, then parents should pay attention to the child’s behavior. If there really are problems, shyness and accompanying characteristics are obvious, then action needs to be taken.

Why is shyness bad?

We can talk about shyness when a child avoids communication with other children, not because he has little need for this very communication, but because he is afraid of it. Accordingly, this is accompanied by discomfort and really reduces the child’s quality of life, causing an urgent need to overcome the fear of communication.

The reasons for shyness can be different:

1. Negative experiences associated with episodes of communication in the past. The more such experiences and the longer they accumulate, the more shyness becomes established as a feature of the child’s behavior.
2. The desire to take a leadership position in the absence of the necessary qualities. Shyness does not always accompany lack of self-confidence. Some children refuse to communicate simply because they are unable to become the center of attention: perhaps because they do not yet have sufficient communication skills, or perhaps because of the high authority of the current leader of the company.
3. Delays in the development of thinking and speech, which make it difficult for the child to carry on normal conversation. There may even be cases where developmental delays have been overcome, but the child, from old memory, is convinced that in the process of communication he will look stupid.

It is worth dwelling separately on the self-esteem of a shy child in order to explain the main danger of this problem. As numerous studies show, in most cases, shy children have a very high opinion of themselves. They consider themselves good, obedient, kind, smart (with rare exceptions). They care not about this, but about how others see them.

This is not to say that, in their opinion, everyone around them considers them bad. It would be more correct to put it this way: they very much doubt that others have a high opinion of them, and feel confused because of this. Therefore, they can communicate normally with people they know well: for example, with the same parents who repeatedly show and prove to them that they love and appreciate them.

Over time, this state of affairs can lead to the following consequences :

1. The gap between one’s own vision of one’s “I” and attempts to guess how other people see it will lead to an imbalance in the child’s self-esteem.
2. Due to the discomfort and anxiety caused by such disharmony in the baby’s inner world, he will begin to attach too much importance to someone else’s assessment of his actions and focus solely on receiving praise, rather than on achieving goals that are truly important to him.
3. It will be difficult for a child to understand what exactly he wants from life, since the main value for him will be the approval of other people. It is quite possible that he simply will not discover the existing talents or abilities for something in himself, because he will not attach the necessary importance to them.
4. The baby will constantly worry, although from the outside it may not be noticeable. Regular stress associated with various communication situations can cause illness or exacerbation of chronic ailments.
5. Shyness will lead to the formation of a panicky fear of public speaking. Often, a shy child cannot give the required answer at the board, even if he has learned the material perfectly.
6. The child will have few friends, it will be long and difficult for him to “merge” into any new team, it will be difficult to make new acquaintances, and he may become a target for ridicule.

To prevent such consequences, the work of a psychologist with a shy child becomes very important. It will include different components: diagnostics, performing various exercises (including playful ones), therapeutic conversations. It would also be useful to have a consultation for parents after the first few meetings, when the specialist will form a more or less complete picture of the problem and will be able to give personalized recommendations.

Why you need to help your child overcome shyness

Despite the fact that a calm, shy child causes less trouble in the family, it will be difficult for him to adapt in later life. According to psychologists, and as practice shows, initially shy children, in whom this mental state is pathological, subsequently encounter the following difficulties:

• Difficulties in relationships with peers, classmates, and later with colleagues.
• A child or teenager may experience various kinds of pressure from other people. He can be mocked, mocked, manipulated.
• Depression, loneliness.
• Fear of expressing your opinion.
• Unfulfillment in the profession, family and society in general.
• Psychological imbalance.
• Development of complexes of various nature.

For each child, excessive shyness can manifest itself differently in adolescence and adulthood, and more often these consequences are predominantly negative.

Why does a child grow up shy?

Everyone knows very well that the child’s psyche is a very flexible and mobile system, allowing the child to adapt almost painlessly to possible changes in his usual way of life. But at the same time, an unformed personality is particularly vulnerable to sometimes completely petty situations. As a result, the child’s nervous system often goes into a kind of protective mode, in which reactions such as shyness and secrecy predominate.

Among the main reasons for the development of shyness in a child are the following:

• Genetic predisposition. Scientists involved in the study of heredity have long been convinced that it is often the main trigger factor in the development of shyness. Features in a number of generations accumulate over time in the form of various distinctive features inherent in this particular family branch. Having carefully studied your ancestors, you can speak with almost one hundred percent certainty about what features of appearance and character will prevail in future generations.
• Social environment. In this case, we are talking about the child’s connection with the world around him. Family upbringing naturally plays a fundamental role. If parents cannot provide the child with moral comfort and surround him with care and affection to the strictly required extent, then this will certainly affect his character and behavior. Not least important is interaction with peers. If a child often encounters human cruelty and aggression, then he is more likely to prefer to withdraw into himself and not attract unnecessary attention.
• Problems of adaptation. All human childhood is directly related to adaptive reactions. First he learns to crawl, then to walk, then he goes to kindergarten, and then to school. And everywhere a period of adaptation awaits him. In the course of getting used to new conditions, the child develops positive and negative character traits that are necessary for his further interaction with the outside world. If adaptation is unsuccessful, this leads to the development of indecisiveness and shyness.
• Somatic pathologies. In this case, we mean the presence of various diseases, the manifestations of which can distinguish the child from his peers. For example, developmental pathologies, traces of damage to the skin or congenital physical defects. Often, external differences from the main group of children lead to ridicule and teasing. As a result, the child feels insecure, withdraws and prefers to keep a distance from peers.
• Wrong upbringing. Parents have the greatest influence on the formation of a child's personality. If a child grows up in conditions of overprotection, then he has problems developing independence. If parents treat the child with excessive demands, then he withdraws into himself and acquires an inferiority complex.

Annual plan for working with shy children

Mikheleva Natalya Evgenevna

MBDOU "Kindergarten 247" Nizhny Novgorod

Educational psychologist

Annual plan for working with shy children

Target:

Overcome shyness, isolation, stiffness, indecision.

The cycle of classes lasts several months, they take place once or twice a week. Classes can be held both individually and in groups, lasting 30 minutes (in accordance with the requirements of the Federal State Educational Standard for senior preschool age).

What experts say

Scientists at Harvard University have concluded that almost 15% of children are born with a predisposition to shyness. If raised incorrectly, it can progress and create problems in the life of an adult. There is no consensus on the nature of this phenomenon in scientific circles. Here are the main versions.

• Sociologists say that shyness is incorrectly formed social attitudes and lack of communication skills.
• Psychoanalysts explain the problem as a manifestation of mental subconscious contradictions expressed at the level of consciousness.
• Social psychologists believe that shyness is nothing more than the result of self-hypnosis. When a person tells himself that he is timid and shy, the quality manifests itself. Children can be given the attitude of shyness by their stupid immediate environment.
• Medical psychology sees the genetic (innate) nature of shyness.
• According to neuroscientists, painful shyness is a manifestation of metabolic disorders of neurotransmitters in the brain and asthenia of the central nervous system.

Since there is no consensus in the scientific community, we should not theorize in vain. It is better to consider effective ways to rid children of painful shyness.

Shyness. Pros and cons of shy children

The ability to communicate and make friends in the modern world is the main component of the successful life of every person. These skills are formed in a person since childhood, and therefore parents should ensure that their child is not overly withdrawn and withdrawn from society.

Of course, many may say that shy children are just a gift of fate , because they do not misbehave and their parents do not have to blush for their behavior. However, excessive shyness can bring great difficulties in a child's life .
Very often at school they are the subject of ridicule and jokes from cocky children. And modesty and indecisiveness prevent them from raising their hands during class and answering in front of the class. Important In most cases, due to their indecisiveness, such children have very few or no friends . All this can affect his future life, when he grows up, he will regret that he missed a lot in his childhood.