Philophobia

At all times and among all nationalities, the majority of living people considered love to be the highest divine gift. However, there is a separate category of people for whom the possibility of falling in love means hellish trials and torment. This illogical, uncontrollable, obsessive fear of falling in love is called philophobia.

Situations in which there is a risk of inflaming a passionate feeling for another person cause a state of panic horror in such persons. To avoid falling in love and to prevent attachment to another person, patients with philophobia resort to various tricks. They can become voluntary recluses, ceasing to have any contact with people of the opposite sex. Or, on the contrary, in the blink of an eye turn into a debauched reveler.

Philophobia is a rather serious and difficult to treat disorder that brings a number of difficulties into a person’s life. A person suffering from the fear of falling in love ultimately turns into an unhappy and lonely inferior person. Such an individual loses the ability to experience vivid emotions and feel the joy of human communication.

Causes of phobia

Philophobia is a mental disorder that can be caused by both personal experience of failed relationships and the perception of loved ones suffering in love. This may include:

Loss of a loved one and idealization of his image;
Painful separation, unhappy first love;
Negative sexual experience, domestic violence;
Difficult relationships between parents, psychologically difficult divorce proceedings;
Religious beliefs prohibiting love.

Fear of love is a kind of mental defense when faced with emotional shock associated with a loved one. With such an unhealthy reaction, the subconscious protects against the repetition of a traumatic event.

The importance of love

Like any mental disorder, this condition needs treatment. Only a professional can help a true philophobe.

To do this, you need to understand that a person remains social, and love for him is still an important component of life. To refuse it consciously is simply criminal. Of course, you may encounter different experiences in relationships throughout your life.

People who do not suffer from philophobia understand that they can seriously win through romantic feelings. For them, relationships become an opportunity to express themselves.

Signs of the disease

A person suffering from philophobia experiences the following symptoms:

Tendency to spend free time in solitude or, conversely, in noisy society;
His own appearance does not matter to him;
Short sexual contacts;
No action is taken to create a family, the man is afraid to confess his love and take responsibility;
Irritability, pessimism;
A state of prolonged depression.

A philophobia test will help you recognize these symptoms in yourself, which will reveal unwanted changes in the psyche.

There is a term - philophobia, which is the name for the fear of falling in love and loving . Translated from Greek, “philos” means “beloved, to love,” and “phobos” means “fear.”

People suffering from philophobia are usually called philophobes. They avoid the possibility of becoming attached to anyone and claim that they are incapable of experiencing feelings of love for others.

There are two types of philophobes. Some know how to hide their fear of falling in love and loving, immersing themselves in work, others do not, but they are exactly the same in one thing: in distrust of the opposite sex.

Situations in which there is a possibility of forming a close relationship cause panic, sweating, and breathing problems in the second type of philophobes; sometimes they cannot bear to talk about love , not to mention the fact that falling in love is not easy for them. And strangely enough, such a disorder is more often observed in people who dream of love. In their thoughts and dreams, they see pictures of love relationships, but in life they cannot make their dreams come true.

Philophobes do not allow anyone into their personal territory and are afraid of strong feelings, which is a very serious problem due to which these people are unable to be sincere. Their obsessive state, which is expressed in the fear of falling in love , makes them unhappy. They lack emotional connections and contacts; communication with people at work or in a friendly company does not bring them joy and satisfaction, as a result, a person, completely despairing, runs away from the problem or plunges into loneliness and cannot escape from his distrustful world. If a philaphobe does not get rid of this, then there is a risk of remaining unhappy and lonely forever.

According to statistics from the American Psychotherapy Association, in the United States alone, 250 thousand people are philophobes.

Signs of a philophobe

Fear of relationships affects a person's behavior over time. A philophobe who cannot hide his fear can be easily identified by signs of isolation , reluctance to answer questions about his personal life, and avoidance of conversations. He is embarrassed, does not want to be alone with a person of the opposite sex, stutters, blushes, and gets confused in his words.

With a more balanced person suffering from philophobia, the situation is different; He can be given away by a quick transition to another topic of conversation, grinning, or ignoring him.

Symptoms of philophobia

Psychologists distinguish two complexes in the symptoms of philophobia:

aggression;
victim.

The aggressive complex manifests itself in negative and destructive emotions , which the philophobe directs towards himself due to injustice, as it seems to him, and self-accusation. He wants to be loved and fall in love himself, but a strong fear of love pushes him to think that he, in general, has no right to want her, so he blames himself for expressing such desires.

As for the victim, the philophobe is in severe depression. He experiences humiliation, cannot accept injustice, suffers from any failure, remembers sad moments, and is offended by life. Such a person is helpless, he cannot survive the pain, which only accumulates in constant disappointments.

The aggression complex applies more to men, and victims are more often women.

Causes of philophobia

Events of their past.
Excessive demands on a partner.
Unhappy love.
Lack of sexual experience.

Events from the past are one of the main causes of philophobia. Children who grew up in constant scandals, in conditions where the child was treated with disdain, develop a fear of life from an early age. Such children, when they grow up, are afraid of intimate relationships ; According to psychologists, this is a defensive reaction of the subconscious due to the fear of repeating past events, which prevents the first feelings of love from manifesting. If a child has witnessed parental betrayals, tears and suffering, then in the future he develops a subconscious distrust of the partner with whom he could have a close relationship. In this case, the philophobe does not believe in a happy family and is confident in the future betrayals and disappointments that await him.

Children who are brought up in favorable conditions, in prosperity and in a friendly family, are not ready for difficulties and any disputes. They try to look for partners in their own circle , which fails due to inflated demands on a partner and the inability to accept people as they are; idealize, prone to romance. And these qualities lead to constant disappointment, since a person cannot get what he wants.

Unhappy love leaves its traces in a person's life. Unrequited feelings, loss of a loved one, divorce, greatly affect emotional people. They initially embellish relationships , idealize them, succumb to emotional pleasant impulses, and when the picture of love changes and brings only suffering, they also emotionally experience the bitterness of loss and no longer believe in reciprocal feelings; they are afraid of new disappointment, try not to look at life through rose-colored glasses and convince themselves that fairy tales about love do not exist.

Lack of sexual experience is an important reason for the development of philophobia. Basically, people with low self-esteem are afraid of sexual relationships. This may be due to the fact that the person was constantly criticized, humiliated, and his achievements were devalued. Such reasons push a person to the idea that he is not ready or incapable of any actions, especially sexual ones. Also, an unsuccessful sexual experience or violence has a strong impact on a person’s psyche, which makes it impossible to overcome one’s fear.

How do the signs appear?

Philophobia has clear signs of this. The person needs to be rescued urgently. They are often attributed to character traits. But this is not a personality trait at all, but symptoms of a big problem:

A person tries to live alone. As a rule, he communicates with friends, but there are no relationships with the opposite sex:
Tries to run away from a partner immediately after meeting. Such people can meet and even enter into close relationships. But after a short time they announce a break in relations;
Lack of trust. Such people do not reveal their souls and treat everyone with suspicion. They don't trust anyone at all.
They try to avoid questions. It can be difficult for such a person to admit the fear of falling in love with the opposite sex. They talk a lot, about anything, but never talk about their own fears. You can't expect an answer from them to the questions asked.
They don't flirt. Even within reasonable limits, they avoid any form of flirting. This forces us to draw certain conclusions.
Problems with diction. Oddly enough, but for a phobe, this is a reason to refuse a relationship.
They feel guilty for everything. An insult inflicted on a vulnerable person can become the cause of such a complex. A person is afraid of relationships so as not to hurt another.
Aggression towards oneself. A person shows aggression towards his lover and himself. When meeting an interesting person, they try to avoid possible relationships.
They mutilate themselves. The fear of falling in love in this case manifests itself in a conflict with oneself. This may be a manifestation of psychosis, when a person deliberately makes himself unattractive. In turn, this helps to avoid interest from the opposite sex.
Avoids melodrama. This is a kind of protest against other people's feelings. The Phoebe finds them unpleasant.

How to fight

Such a manifestation of philophobia can have quite serious complications. Such people have every chance of remaining alone for the rest of their lives. They are in no hurry to have children and a family. Therefore, you need to solve the problem as soon as possible. After all, every year it becomes less and less possible to create a happy relationship.

Help from a psychologist and self-therapy

There are quite effective methods that allow you to get rid of philophobia and return to normal life. First you need to acknowledge the very existence of the problem. After that, make a plan to get out of the current situation. Therapy must be comprehensive. You need to contact a psychologist who will help you find the causes of the phobia.

According to experts, the problem is really serious. Therefore you need to do the following:

Talk confidentially with a psychologist. If there was a problem in the past, then trying to analyze it yourself can even be dangerous. Therefore, it is best to go through this stage under the supervision of a specialist.
Hypnosis. People are often afraid of this method, however, this is nothing more than a myth. If it is used by an experienced specialist, then the fears are in vain. A problem extracted from the subconscious can be examined from all sides and analyzed.
Cognitive-behavioral methods. This technique allows you to project a phobia onto situations in life. An experienced specialist will help solve the problem.

Independent work

In addition to working with a psychologist, you need to try to help yourself. You may find yourself in splendid isolation or leading a depraved lifestyle. But this will not allow you to gain the integrity of your own family.

Self-hypnosis. Trying to change your own life always has certain difficulties. Getting used to a lonely existence, a person feels quite comfortable. In order to start moving your goals, you need to leave your comfort zone. Try watching melodramas, reading romance novels. This will make it possible to understand that in fact, sincere feelings and passion can arise between people.

We analyze our life. In the depths of his soul, every person is aware of the reason that provoked the problem. If the signs of a phobia are especially vivid, then it means there is a factor that provoked it. Therefore, it is very important to determine the cause and try to change your attitude towards it. Try to forgive and let go of your offender. You shouldn't ruin your life over this.

Flirt. Even if you really want it, you need to make a little effort. Just communicate with the opposite sex. However, try to keep yourself within limits. You can flirt, smile sweetly. But you shouldn’t be overly intrusive.