When our hearts insist on change, there is always a reason for it. It doesn’t happen that a happy, self-sufficient person wakes up in the morning with the thought of how to change himself beyond recognition internally and externally.
And right away I jogged 10 kilometers, changed my color from normal to green, got a tattoo, stopped eating junk, or signed up for all available self-esteem courses.
Any change is preceded by serious emotional experiences, which sometimes force us to rush from one extreme to another, to be “wild, daring, sharp as a bullet,” not in the best sense of these words.
In this article, we’ll talk about what to do when you realize that you can’t continue like this, and where to start on your path to transforming your way of thinking and appearance.
How do you know if you need to change yourself?
Changing yourself is not easy. Especially if phrases about stability, which is a sign of skill, about a bird in the hand, about constant measurements before cutting, are stuck in your head.
Do you really agree with them? Or are there still doubts about their fairness? Maybe we should take a chance and drink champagne? Or let us remember that life must be lived in such a way that there is no excruciating pain for the years spent aimlessly?
If yes, then you are on the right track. Without changing anything, it is impossible to move forward. As Bill Gates said: “$100 won’t fly between your butt and the sofa.” We need to get up.
But realizing that it’s time to change yourself is not always easy. Most often, your consciousness defends itself from the thought of change. But sometimes there are hints that make you think: are you living right?
- Every day the same actions that do not bring the desired result and do not give bright emotions.
- A depressed mood, when nothing makes you happy or sad, you constantly want to sleep, or better yet, just disappear, dissolve in space.
- Stuck thoughts in the past or future, which does not exist. Ignoring the present.
- Ignoring yourself is a lack of concern for your health, appearance, emotions.
- Constant anxiety. The simplest daily tasks raise a million questions about what to do, what will happen, and what if...?
- Stopping development, which discourages the taste for life, makes desires unrealistic and goals blurred.
- Envy of other people's successes, devaluation of other people's results.
- Debris - in closets, on the table, in the apartment, finances, in the head. Wherever there is chaos, this is a reason to take a step towards change.
There are other signs that it’s time to think about how to change yourself.
- Constantly putting off important things.
- Rescheduling meetings or being late is one of the warning signs that you should pay attention to.
If everything and everyone has begun to irritate you, then you can’t hesitate any longer!
How to protect yourself from breakdowns in diets, sports and training
Motivation, comprehensive approach, regularity
December is the perfect month for a personal reboot. The festive atmosphere puts us in a different mood, when we want to believe in miracles, plan something, dream about something. Give yourself at least 21 days to prepare for a new life in the new year, because even positive changes are always a little stressful for our body.
I’ll say right away that you will have to work comprehensively, that is, influence simultaneously on several different aspects of life: physical, social, mental and emotional. In addition, regularity is very important. If you want to really reboot yourself, one day is definitely not enough. And the most important point is motivation. Decide what you need all this for, clearly formulate your request or even write it down. Specifics are important, not general phrases like “I want to live better.” Your brain simply won't understand what "better" means. But, for example, “I want to receive 100 thousand rubles a month” is another matter. The main thing is that your motivation is objective, i.e. if you now receive 25 thousand rubles, but want to earn a million, then it is clear that a miracle will not happen in three weeks. Also try to fit your motivation into 5-6 words, no need to build complex sentences. It should also be formulated in the present tense. Let’s say, “I feel confident,” and not “In the new year, I will feel confident in absolutely any company, when I speak in front of my boss, when I meet new people, etc.” The brain will not accept the second option.
Motivation is a kind of red flag that stands, relatively speaking, somewhere in the field, and no matter what happens, we clearly understand where exactly we need to go and why we should put so much effort into it.
Article on the topic
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Why do you need to change yourself for the better?
Have you already asked yourself why you need change? If not, then think about it.
- Do you want to live as you do now, 5, 10, 20 years from now?
- How do you see your life without change?
- What kind of people surround you and do you want to see them around years later?
- What are your financial capabilities, do they suit you?
- Can you realize your dreams?
- Do you have dreams?
If you want to achieve what you want, to feel the taste of life, changes are necessary. And there is no point in postponing anymore. I Know - You Can!
I know how to change myself for the better! We need to develop and act!
Bodily level
It doesn’t matter what kind of motivation you choose: financial well-being, career growth or ideal family relationships. Your task is to feel it through your body, that is, to give it the pleasure that you love. Sports, massage, if you want, sex, sauna, aromatherapy, delicious food, etc. Find what exactly brings you positive emotions and pamper yourself. We all want to live better, and for this we need to consolidate the experience of pleasant experiences in our psyche and enter a state of energy resource. The easiest way to do this is through the body, so give yourself a real spa.
How to change yourself for the better: simple steps
You need to take several steps to become the author of your life, the one who leads it, and does not follow the lead of circumstances. Proactivity, the ability to set goals and move towards their implementation is what will change you and your life for the better.
Proactivity
Viktor Frankl was the first to talk about proactivity in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” According to the author, a proactive person never blames others and circumstances. He chooses to be active and move towards his own goals. Takes responsibility for consequences.
The opposite quality of proactivity is reactivity. Being in this position, a person acts depending on his reaction to external factors. For example, he quickly loses balance due to bad weather, the atmosphere at work, or relationships with family.
As an example, consider an episode that many have encountered. Morning, a crowded tram, the conductor responded sharply to the appeal. A reactive man gets off the tram with a bad mood. A proactive person chooses how to react to what is happening. He remembers what is most important for him today, so he does not waste his resources on all the distractions.
If we compare proactivity and reactivity, these are diametrically opposed life strategies. Proactive person:
- purposeful, active, shows initiative;
- accepts responsibility for the actions taken;
- understands freedom of choice;
- focused on one’s own values and principles;
- changes circumstances to suit his needs.
A person who follows a reactive strategy gives up when faced with difficulties. Those who choose to be proactive look for ways to change themselves and their reality. The first commandment of success in my book “Act! 10 Commandments of Success” - take responsibility! The steering wheel of your life is yours alone!
Proactivity is one of the best qualities to change yourself for the better.
Setting a goal
Proactivity allows you to become the author of your own future. What kind of future do you dream of, what kind of future do you want to be? Turn your dream into a goal. To do this, imagine yourself in the future in as much detail as possible:
- what are you going to do;
- how much will you earn;
- what house will you live in?
- who and what will surround you.
And now the main thing is how will you feel in that future? What emotions will fill you, how will your body feel them? Do you feel warm and inspired when you think about it?
If you like your new self, start acting based on the picture you receive. My audio book “Set Goals” will help you with this. You can listen to it at the link: Set Goals: Audiobook by Itzhak Pintosevich
Actions towards the goal
Work towards your goal every day. Be disciplined and persevere. The third commandment of success is to set goals. Fourth - plan! Fifth - act!
Find out what you need to achieve your goal - if it’s new knowledge, then learn. Dating - meet the right people. Physical strength and endurance - take up sports. Do not be afraid that you will not be able to overcome the path that at first seems long and difficult. Break it down into several stages. And write it down into a monthly, weekly plan.
At the end of each stage, check how well the tasks have been completed. If you were able to cope with 60% of the tasks assigned, this is an excellent result, don’t slow down. If less, think about what resources you lack for more active promotion.
The sixth commandment of success is control! Don't give up on your goal, keep it in your head all the time. Remember why you decided to radically change yourself, what you will have at the finish line.
Environment selection rules
Feeling a similar person, we often rush to entrust him with our soul, our inner world. There is no need to rush so much; the right decision would be to take a closer look at the person, feel him, evaluate him and make sure that he is worthy.
To improve your standard of living, you need to have several different social circles:
- Wise people who can teach you something, give you a new outlook on life and the world in general, and enrich your inner world. As a rule, these people are a little higher than you, slightly different from you in experience and wisdom. When communicating with such people, one feels an incentive to achieve the same thing that he has. And it’s even better to jump two steps higher than these people. But many are afraid to do this; they are driven by the fear of being misunderstood and rejected. Some people think that they do not have a sufficient level of knowledge to be interesting to such people. There is another type of people - those who are completely unable to communicate with people occupying a step just above themselves. The ladder of relationships changes - like-minded people descend to a lower level, and those who were a higher level become on the same level as you. In this way, the movement of life is formed, guaranteeing development and growth - after all, the movement goes upward.
- People are one level below us. We ourselves can give something to these people, endow them with our wisdom, share our experience. This social circle performs two functions - it provides an opportunity to share existing knowledge and gives a feeling of importance and significance in someone's eyes.
- A circle of people equal to you. This circle contains like-minded people with a standard of living similar to yours. With these people you can exchange opinions and support each other in various situations.
The people in your circles will constantly change - “mentors” will become like-minded people, and like-minded people will become “followers”. Having in your social circle only those who are one level lower, you will not be able to grow, become wiser, more experienced. They will receive some knowledge from you and move on, and you will again have to look for a “background” environment where you will look like a leader. It should be a little different - you should be in search of those who are higher.
There must be potential for spiritual growth in your life. Therefore, you cannot limit yourself to the 3rd circle of communication. There must be 1st and 2nd.
Only in the situation described above will your life constantly develop and its quality improve.
Change yourself for the better - a few more tips
I have a few more tips if you are seriously thinking about how to radically change yourself.
Taking care of your body
It takes strength to change. First of all, physical. Pay attention to your body - monitor your health, get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, drink a lot. All this will provide resources for change. More complete information on this topic is collected in the training book “Live! 7 Commandments of Energy and Health” and in articles by Mikhail Pintosevich.
Mental hygiene
Think about who is around you. If these are people who do not strive for better and do not share your desire to change, distance yourself from them. Remember - surrounded by stronger ones, you yourself become stronger; among weaker ones, you sink to their level.
Resource sources
Fill your every day with positive energy. Remember your hobbies and finally pursue them. Let it be cycling, embroidery, dancing or drawing - the main thing is that it brings joy.
And be sure to notice what makes you happy in everyday life - aromatic coffee, the smiles of passers-by, a ray of sun breaking through the clouds. Every night before going to bed, remember at least 5 things that made you happy during the day. And also don’t forget to praise yourself for 5 things you’ve done (even the simplest ones). This practice develops the habit of thinking positively and seeing opportunities even in difficult situations.
Fill every day with positive energy, a charge of motivation and active action! This way you can quickly change your life for the better.
Attention to yourself
Don't ignore the signals your mind and body give you. Notice them and analyze them:
- in what situations do you feel complete comfort, and when something oppresses you;
- With what it can be connected;
- what will help you change your condition;
- what to do to be more confident in similar situations in the future and experience comfortable emotions and get the desired result.
Life growth
The author of “The Zone of Proximal Development for Children,” Vygotsky, stated the following:
At a certain level, the child must have his own responsibilities, which he can easily cope with on his own. At the same time, there must be some tasks for which he will need the help of adults. In parallel with these two types of responsibilities, there must be those tasks for which he is not yet ready, but he sees them and realizes the need to perform them in the future.
In this way, the child will gradually move from simple skills and abilities to complex ones. Tasks for which he needed outside help will turn into tasks that he can complete on his own, and very difficult tasks that once seemed impossible will become completely achievable with the help of an adult. This is how the child will develop.
This statement about the development of children is also acceptable in relationships with the opposite sex. A woman should see in a man qualities that are unique to him. These qualities are admirable, but they are beyond the power of a woman. He also has qualities that are close to you and those that you would like to see in him, and the man will strive for them.
By communicating with a man in only one direction, seeing only his positive side, you take away your partner’s opportunity to grow for you, because you already consider him perfect. At the same time, you cannot express constant dissatisfaction, mistakenly considering this to be an incentive for him - rather, it will tire your man, as he will feel that he does not meet you and your needs.
It is very important to periodically express your admiration for a person, thereby adhering to the law of proximal development - this contributes to both the personal development of your partner and the growth of your relationship with him.
Conclusion: how to change yourself and your life for the better
Take big or small steps in your chosen direction every day. When you can’t reach your goal, crawl towards it, and if you don’t have the strength to crawl, lie in its direction. There will definitely be a result!
My training books and online programs will help you make the process of improving your life scientific and guaranteed! And a free coaching session with my students will help you create your individual plan!
The first coaching session with analysis and development plan is free! Link to consultations here.
Plan!
Your goals will not achieve themselves. More likely, it’s even like this: while you are afraid and lazy, someone more focused and purposeful is already achieving your goals. To avoid giving away your dreams to others, you must make them real. And an important technique for solving this problem is proper planning. Your goal should not be something abstract that floats around in your thoughts only in the form of a vague idea.
We will not open America: a large and complex task must be divided into several less complex subtasks, each of them into several even less complex subtasks, and so on. Until the operations that make up the tasks of the next level seem really feasible to you. All this needs to be carefully and clearly written down, and then note every small task that you managed to cope with.
Be able to focus on what is important.
The laser focuses precisely on the target and penetrates it. Also a person who focuses on ideas. The greatest productivity can be achieved if you do not pay attention to the little things. An environment where there are no irritants will help you immerse yourself in work. Just as files on a computer have their place, thoughts should not be chaotic. There's an important task hanging over your head—now is not the time to look at celebrity photos on Instagram! The exam is tomorrow, but I'm tempted to watch a show on TV - bad idea! You can be allowed to rest if you work enough.
Never give up! Well, or almost never
There are a huge number of quotes from great people on this topic, and we will not cite them again. Obviously, to achieve real success you will have to deal with failure repeatedly, and you must be prepared for this. After all, all this is your experience, your life and the key to your future success.
The only caveat is that you must really want what you are striving for. Sometimes it turns out that in the process of achieving a goal, a person realizes that he wants something slightly different (as in the example of entering university and subsequent disappointment). In this case, it makes sense to step back, choose another goal, think through ways to achieve it and begin to implement them. Don't break your veins fighting for what you don't need.
