The ability to answer provocative questions is useful in any area of life.
If you are a student, this will be useful when answering exams and defending coursework/thesis papers. But even when you grow up, you will have to answer the employer’s tricky questions. Then - the boss. Difficult moments in communication can also arise with a spouse, and the quality of the marriage and the likelihood of divorce depend on the success of their resolution. You don't have to be a politician to face difficult questions. Classic examples are the questions “when do you think about children?” Inconvenient questions may also come from other areas that you consider personal for some reason. Of course, you can try to avoid people asking them, but it is much more effective to structure your answer in such a way that you not only avoid answering, but also make a friend.
The science of answering tricky questions is difficult, but if you master this craft, you can achieve great success in life. So how to do this? Let's figure it out together on the PSI-MODERN portal.
A person insensitive to semantic tricks may be seduced by the phrase “humanitarian technologies.” A sensitive person will immediately understand that where there is “humanitarian” there cannot be technology, and where there is technology there cannot be “humanitarian”. Sergey Kurginyan
The basis of any answer to a difficult question
There are two types of people: The first is perfectionists
. They believe that there is some one correct answer to a tricky question, and if they are wrong, they will be burned at the stake. It seems to them that everything in a speech or communication with people should be perfect: the audience always listens attentively, asks only smart questions, respects the authority of this person, and the speaker/interlocutor himself always knows what to say.
Of course, this doesn’t happen in life. People will ask uncomfortable questions, and not because they are bad. One person is trying to compensate for his inferiority complex, another does not even suspect that he is asking a tricky question, and the third is a scientist by nature, and he is interested in seeing how you answer. People's motives may be different. Moreover, the goal is not always to offend you and offend you. Of course, it may seem so to you. But this is only because of the standard instinctive “fight/flight” reaction, which so inappropriately appears at such moments. In fact, people are kind.
The speaker's second strategy is optimalism.
. This desire to do everything in the best possible way. This assumes the right to be imperfect, both for the speaker and for the audience with whom he communicates. The basis of optimalism is a position of balance between confidence and goodwill. A perfectionist always goes to one extreme or the other.
He either behaves like an omniscient, tries to make his performance so perfect that other people want to find a catch in it in order to reveal this one who imagines himself to be a god. In another case, the speaker unnecessarily ingratiates himself with the audience, as if taking an exam from them. Accordingly, there are people like teachers whose asking uncomfortable questions is part of their job.
The speaker needs to communicate with the audience, building a partnership with them. Very often, speeches of successful people are structured in the format of sharing experiences. The advantage of this approach is that the audience is often the source of what you can talk about. There is no need to be so careful when preparing your speech.
The audience is given the right to take direct part in how the performance will proceed. Therefore, tricky questions will not be asked. No person wants to spoil something they feel involved in. And accordingly, he will love the speaker who gave people the opportunity to express themselves.
Writes to just say hello
When he texts you just to say hello, you may think there is nothing more than friendship between you because such messages lack any depth or feeling. But actually it is not. An SMS with a simple “hi, how are you” is a very good sign. This shows that he really wants to start a conversation with you, but it doesn’t matter what topic. The main thing is to spend more time with you.
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The desire to communicate often definitely reflects deeper feelings than just friendship. Therefore, if he constantly texts you about nothing, it may mean that he is just looking for another reason to talk to you.
Three types of questions that the speaker will have to answer
In general, all questions that are asked by the audience or people can be divided into three categories: green, yellow and red.
Let's look at each of these types:
- Green questions are asked to find out information of interest.
Nothing particularly interesting here. The main requirement for a speaker when answering questions from this category is to be sincere, or at least give the impression of being so. - Questions from the yellow zone can be asked to express emotions or show off oneself.
By structure, they include a basic question with missing information that the speaker must provide, while adding a negative emotional component. For example, if the question from the green zone is: “how are our investments being used now?”, then the yellow question will be something like this: “why are you spending our investments so irrationally?” - Red questions are openly provocative questions
that are aimed at putting you in an unfavorable light. Of course, the yellow question: “why are you spending our investments so irrationally” may be perceived as red, but at the same time it is not. "Why?" - you ask. The fact is that the yellow question has a constructive grain, and the red one contains a direct attack with the aim of discrediting the speaker.
Strategy for answering green questions
Questions from the green zone are extremely easy in content.
At the same time, attention - even they can be perceived as provocative. For example, if you are really spending your investments irrationally, then the usual and normal question for investors about the details can put you in an awkward position. The main thing here is not to perceive the question as red. It is better to give the impression of a sincere person and answer the question that is asked, and in the language that is asked. Here we are not even talking about Russian or English, but about the understandability of your answer for another. The fact is that we put different meanings into the same words. Therefore, it is very important to express yourself in terminology that the audience understands.
How to answer yellow questions
The first stage is to find a rational grain even in the most emotional issue and still perceive it as green.
If you hear the attack: “why are you spending our investments so irrationally,” then you still need to find the meaning in it, which could be like this: “we would like you to manage your money more wisely.” In this case, the question must be answered in the appropriate manner: “we are interested in the effective management of funds, because the likelihood of the success of our project depends on this.” It is worth remembering that there is no perfect answer to the question described above. It is also necessary to take into account the context of the situation in which it fits. Therefore, you should not memorize answers to potential tricky questions, but construct them.
Let's return to the important principle described above - maintaining a balance of confidence and goodwill. As soon as we lean to one side, our instinctive “fight-flight” reaction kicks in. You begin to think in a very narrow corridor: how to hide from uncomfortable questions (and if you do this, you will arouse suspicions that will further intensify the wave of yellow and red questions) or attack the offender (and at the same time turn the entire audience against you and receive a wave of red questions with the aim of teaching you a lesson).
Now pay attention - you will be very easy to manipulate
. Once you start thinking in animal terms, you won't be able to come up with a creative, cool answer. If you internally give permission to ask you tricky questions, then you have a source of creativity, because most of your brain is not busy planning how to dodge a blow or attack.
In addition, do not forget that in a moment of panic or intense rage, the cognitive sphere narrows and you will not be able to adequately assess the situation. So working on yourself is the basis for answering tricky questions.
If you still can’t figure out what to say to the “yellow” listener, you can clarify his question. This way you kill several birds with one stone:
- Show the listener that their question is important to you. And here you really need to not limit yourself to the clichéd phrase “thanks for the question,” but show it.
- Specify details that can be used in the answer.
- You buy time to come up with an answer.
Strategy for answering red questions
In the case of the Reds, you have every right not to answer.
This must be done in a friendly manner, but it is your right to avoid answering. The main thing is that listeners really understand that this question was asked inappropriately. If you want to answer, then you need to carefully think through the answer, because what you say can be cleverly used against you. Especially if the author of the question is a professional manipulator. Another way to answer a provocative question is to immediately ask about its purpose. In this way, you are already putting the manipulator in an awkward position, because it is important for him to be hidden so that his goals are not revealed.
He is the first to start a conversation
People often worry about who should text first when communicating. You don't want to be the only person who texts first because it might show that the relationship is a little one-sided. If a guy initiates a conversation first, it's a sign that he's not just being polite - he actually wants to talk to you. This behavior proves that he likes to correspond with you and you are important to him.
On the importance of focusing on the values of the person asking the question
Do not forget that each person has his own values, which may differ from yours.
And under no circumstances should you enter into a full confrontation with someone who asks a tricky question. You can express your disagreement, but you must find something to agree with. In fact, you can find common ground with every person, it all depends on your skill. Even if you are discussing nuclear weapons and the need for their preventive use, you can agree with the other person that you care about the security of your country. That is, you indicate the commonality of your values, the list of which includes safety, and you will receive a friend. And from friendships it is much easier to bring the interlocutor to your point of view. It is in the ability to establish friendships that true influence lies. The big mistake many speakers make is that they start arguing with the audience, turning them against themselves.
It even happens that a dispute arises out of the blue. Both people seem to be saying the same thing, but somehow manage to argue. And the reason is that they focus on their answers and do not listen to each other at all. If they did this, they would immediately understand that their points of view are in fact the same.
He texts you when they are with friends or at work
If a guy sends you messages when he is with his friends or colleagues, then this is one of the sure signs that he is interested in more than just friendship. This indicates that you are so important to him that he thinks about you everywhere and at any time, without even focusing on the present.
On the other hand, if a man never texts you back when he's hanging out with other people, it could mean he doesn't want anyone to know about your correspondence with him.
conclusions
Today we figured out the basics of constructing a good answer to a provocative, tricky question.
In fact, all the techniques will look ridiculous if you don't have a positive attitude towards the audience. Many listeners really don’t like would-be speakers who have read a lot about different techniques, and then try to use them all with or without any reason. Also, listeners do not like boring speakers who do not know how to speak to the audience in their language. Naturally, questions will appear like: “How do you think you can apply this in life?”
The audience also does not like speakers who believe that they know everything or, on the contrary, are too unsure of themselves.
Remember: there will always be someone in the audience smarter than you. And it’s better for him to be on your side; he’s smarter, which means he can do worse. Unfortunately, this is the honest truth. There will always be some person who claims informal leadership, and let his opinion be for you, not against you.
Milyukova Yuno Mar 21, 2018
He writes long messages
Many people believe that if you have important information to talk about, it should be discussed in person rather than via text. Instead, you should wait until you meet the person face to face, or call them if it is truly urgent. However, in some situations, long SMS messages can come in handy.
A guy may be unable to say what he really feels to your face or over the phone because he is afraid of appearing too nervous or shy. So sending long messages allows him to say how he feels. Plus, if he's just your friend, he probably won't try to romance you via text, so that's a pretty clear sign.
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Sends funny messages
Laughter is one of the main keys to a good relationship. Many people overlook this, but it is actually one of the important aspects of connection because it helps two people become closer to each other and have fun together. This is of great importance if they plan to create a strong couple in the future.
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So if a guy often makes you laugh with his messages and also goes out of his way to be funny and amuse you, it could mean he's trying to make a positive impression and is interested in a romantic relationship. Sure, he may naturally have a good sense of humor, but this is still another potential sign that he has feelings.
Shares his problems
When a person starts telling you about his failures and problems, this is a good indicator that he feels quite comfortable in front of you. After all, you don't tell people you don't like or trust because you don't want them to know about your mistakes and you won't appreciate their advice anyway.
Therefore, if he comes to you with his problems, he really trusts you. There is no need to judge him for this or consider him weak. Perhaps he wants advice from you because he trusts you. When a man tells a woman about his failures, this indicates that he loves her and wants to let her into his world.
