Midlife crisis in a man: causes and symptoms

A person lives a long and happy life when there is support and a reliable rear next to him. It is important for a woman to have a strong man nearby who can protect her from bad events, protect her, help her in a difficult situation and just be there. It is also important for a man that a woman not only be present, but also help him cope with some matters and concerns. Over time, the man and woman get used to each other and get used to each other.

Almost no one pays attention to shortcomings anymore, but when middle age sets in, problems often begin. A midlife crisis is a difficult period in the life of any man. This is the time when he can completely change his entire life. Starting with the fact that he changes his job, changes his lifestyle, leaves his family, takes a mistress. It is not just middle age that leads to such dramatic changes, but the psychological state during this period. No one wants discord or dramatic changes in life, so it is important to have time to help your husband overcome such a period of time. How to survive a husband's midlife crisis? This question is asked by almost every second woman in the world. After all, in fact, it’s not easy to be next to a man who will not be satisfied with literally anything in life. This article will provide advice on what a woman should do if her husband is having a midlife crisis.

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What is a midlife crisis in men?

According to statistics, a midlife crisis overtakes every second man who has crossed the thirty-year mark. The bad news is that not only the head of the family, but also his household will have problems associated with the crisis. A man may become irritable or even attempt to leave the family. You should not hope that nothing threatens your family - regardless of character and financial condition, a person goes through certain stages of development, and age-related crises are inevitable. It is in our power to prepare for the turning point in advance, so that we know how to help our partner overcome this condition, relieve the symptoms of the men’s age crisis and survive it.

Many women tend to underestimate the stress that men experience in midlife and do not pay attention to dangerous symptoms. It seems to wives that their husbands suffer over trifles. Although in fact the man has big psychological problems. It was during this period that a man, in his opinion, ceases to be a young, carefree guy (even if he had previously been married for 10 years), but becomes an adult, serious and responsible. If the wife does not help him calm down, does not support him, the husband, being in a depressed state, can “break the woods.” There are often situations when a person begins to abuse alcohol, even going on binge drinking, finds himself another woman who understands him, or withdraws into himself and changes in relation to his family.

What is a midlife crisis? This is another age milestone that overtakes people who already have some “weight” in society - family, with an established social circle, formed professionally. In men, the crisis is more acute and has its own specific characteristics.

At the age of 30-40, people understand that half of their life has already been lived. The man begins to evaluate what he has achieved up to this point. And close examination causes depression - one gets the impression that the achievements are very modest. It seems that the car could be better and the wife more beautiful. They remember mistakes made in the past, missed opportunities, which does not add optimism.

Another alarming symptom of the men’s age crisis is a serious revaluation of values. The dreams that a man strived for no longer look as tempting as before. And what you want now is so unrealistic that it is unclear how to get it.

In addition, a man considers himself in the prime of his life, he is sure that he should do everything better than young guys, be it sports training or a difficult professional issue. When one of the younger employees bypasses an older person at work or beats in the hall, he reacts sharply negatively. Add to this changes in appearance - an emerging bald spot, a couple of gray hairs or developing wrinkles, and the state is close to depressive.

The male midlife crisis is caused by:

searching for the meaning of life;
revaluation of values;
decreased motivation (in work, in family, and in life in general);
stagnation in self-realization;
routine and decreased job prospects;
emotional burnout.

The main symptoms of a midlife crisis

Symptoms of an age-related crisis are similar to those of adolescence, only more serious ones are gaining momentum, which affect the lives of people around them and are expressed as follows:

Attempts to change appearance - trying to regain lost youth, men try to transform their appearance: try on teenage clothes or things left over from their youth, paint over or pull out gray hair, hide wrinkles in various ways. It is during this period that a man can decide to have plastic surgery. A man often starts going to the gym and working on his own physique.
Copying youth style - using colloquial youth slang, listening to modern music, changing hobbies, clothing style and passion for computer games. With these changes, middle-aged men prove to themselves that they have not changed or aged, but remain just as energetic and still full of strength.
Demonstration of male power - intimate life is one of the important aspects for a man in the matter of aging. They prove to themselves that they are capable of fulfilling their basic task and their capabilities are not limited, but they also need recognition and conviction of their own strengths. When the wife does not understand the specifics of the crisis, the husband begins to seek recognition on the side: he takes on a young mistress, proving to himself his worth.

But later she begins to understand that she is not interested in his external qualities, but only in his material and social status.

Hasty goals - if a man dreamed of a new car, but understood that money was needed to buy a new home or for children’s education, then in a crisis period he could easily make this purchase. In this way, a man is trying to prove himself, to save his position, and such actions seem necessary to him, despite the acquired monetary debt or bank loan.

Symptoms of age crisis in men

What are the manifestations of a midlife crisis? You can easily recognize the symptoms of a men’s age crisis – primarily by their radically changed behavior. There are several signs, the combination of which signals a turning point in life. The intensity of manifestation of each of them may be different.

Main signs of a crisis:

A depressed emotional state, commonly called “depression,” or a bad mood. This is expressed in loss of appetite, sleep disorders, loss of interest in work or family.
Self-pity. An unusually painful reaction to criticism or even minor jokes. It would seem like innocent phrases, but the middle-aged man gets offended, takes it personally and gets upset.
Craving for thrills, seeking adventure. A man is looking for adrenaline - he suddenly becomes interested in extreme sports or commits rash acts, for example, buying a new car. Another variant of the same symptom of a male age crisis: a man moves away from his family and spends much more time than before in a bar with friends or even alone.
Trying to dramatically change your life. For example, changing jobs without obvious reasons and with external stability. For many, priorities and fundamental judgments change, but the desire to change jobs may be just a symptom of a men’s age crisis.
Manifestation of anger, irritability. A dangerous symptom that causes a lot of trouble. Some young people tend to blame others for their problems - wives, bosses, colleagues, children. Discontent, anger, and aggression are difficult to veil, and a previously peace-loving person quarrels with everyone.
Doubts about choosing the right wife. Despite the fact that by the middle of their lives the spouses have been living together for more than one year, it is during this period that some of them begin to doubt that they made the right choice at the time. During an age crisis, married people begin to think that their current marriage is one of the mistakes of their youth that needs to be corrected. It is advisable for wives to remain calm when hearing such statements - after all, such an opinion can only be a reflection of the man’s painful state, a symptom of an age crisis.

Another symptom of a midlife crisis in men is an increased interest in their own health, the emergence of numerous diseases and pathologies, including fictional ones. Shortness of breath, blurred vision, increased blood pressure, weak erection, or decreased potency may well arise “out of the blue.” It is necessary to pay attention if the husband begins to often complain about his health, talk about its deterioration.

It’s also time to be alarmed if a man starts visiting doctors frequently, starts taking dietary supplements, vitamins, and pills. This becomes a symptom if until now a man has not taken care of his health. The wife will be wary when her husband begins to pay a lot of attention to his appearance. For example, going to the gym often and for a long time, training in a way that you never trained in your youth. And some men try to maintain youth by resorting to the services of surgeons and cosmetologists, and this point is also undesirable to lose sight of.

What to prepare for if a man has a midlife crisis

In general, men agree that the general meaning of human existence is love. But when it comes to their own lives, the importance of love is greatly reduced. Two and a half times fewer men than women consider love to be the meaning of their lives.
Men who have celebrated their thirtieth birthday begin to experience a decrease in sexual activity, while their peers do not. This psychologically traumatic symptom also affects mood.
Most men are confident that their fate does not depend on whether they have found the meaning of life or not.
Scientists have proven that men see the goals and meaning of their lives not in what their “halves” see. Moreover, men are much less likely to define this meaning for themselves. And if they do, then in most cases these are achievements.

To summarize, we can say that the midlife crisis is directly related to the search for the meaning of life. A representative of the strong half of humanity evaluates existing achievements and finds new guidelines for himself. The good news is that the jolt that a person receives as a result of a crisis mobilizes and gives strength. The main thing is to survive this turning point. And you can help your loved one with this.

How to help a loved one if a midlife crisis is “diagnosed”

How to help overcome a midlife crisis? How to relieve the above symptoms of a male age crisis? The easiest way to survive the transition period is to change your environment. Perhaps a trip to the sea or out of town, or a vacation in a secluded village will lift a person’s spirits. By the way, having rested and gotten rid of the blues, it will be easier to deal with work. If a man wants to change his occupation, then after the vacation it will be clear whether this desire is caused by fatigue, or whether it is really time to change his profession.

Look for hobbies and exciting things to do in your free time. A busy person will have no time to feel sorry for himself or be sad about the wasted years of his life.

Married men need to be reminded that their apathy will affect their household. The head of the family cannot let his wife and children down even in the most difficult moments. Responsibility for the family will not let you lose heart.

Surely there are achievements in your man’s past that he could be proud of. Moreover, these happy moments are unique and inimitable. There is hardly anyone else who has the same number of victories. You need to remember past successes from time to time. But psychologists advise not to abuse memories and not try to look into the future. Especially in a pessimistic version of upcoming events. To remain in a stable state, psychologists advise living for today, being mentally “here and now.”

Advice for wives whose husbands show all the symptoms of a midlife crisis:

Be patient and tactful. Refrain from advice, let your husband think about all his problems himself.
Be prepared for the crisis to last for more than one day.
Don't feel like you are somehow to blame for your spouse's crisis. This is a normal process that almost everyone goes through. You just need to notice the symptoms and wait it out.
Give your husband the opportunity to be alone with himself, do not demand increased attention from him during this period.
Do not take your husband’s unflattering statements about you to heart, be prepared for his indifference, as well as rudeness and aggression, regard these as symptoms of an illness.
Be as loving as before, treat him with understanding and warmth. Let your husband know that despite his apathy, you support him.
Hide your weakness, powerlessness. Let your husband see that your personal life has not changed, it is still harmonious.

The spouses will have to overcome the man's midlife crisis together. And depending on how the wife behaves, how she reacts to the symptoms, to the husband’s mood, the duration of the crisis may change. The intimate sphere is the most important part of family life. And in a stressful situation, it is necessary to maintain the quality of sexual life, even if its volume decreases. If your husband is experiencing a decline in sexual performance, let him know that you enjoy spending time together, regardless of the amount of sex.

To learn how to solve problems in relationships, watch the video by Yaroslav Samoilov:

How a man can survive a midlife crisis

What could I achieve? Is this what I expected from my life? Do I have a future? By the age of 40, these questions plague both women and men. But the latter, as a rule, endure the midlife crisis more difficult, because society constantly demands achievements, success and results from them. And more often than not, the summed up results do not satisfy or console. What to do? Let's think about this together.

A man who is going through a midlife crisis feels as if he is being squeezed by his own lifestyle. He seems to be looking for a way out. His ideas about himself and about the time in which he finds himself begin to change. Realizing that he has few years of life left, the man begins to rush from one extreme to another. Some desperately cling to the last opportunity to feel youth and pleasure in life again. Someone decides to divorce. And some people have nervous breakdowns and depression. Some may start drinking actively and having affairs on the side. In the worst case scenario, suicide can occur. In any case, not only our “lyrical hero” suffers from all this, but also his family and those around him.

During this period, men's fantasies and old dreams seem much more attractive than reality. The person is convinced that he seemed to be doing everything right, but he is surprised: how did it happen that he became an ordinary middle-aged man? A crisis will be especially acute if there is no opportunity for growth or change. A man doubts whether he is satisfied with the image that he has created for himself, whether he is in the right place? Life seems false and empty. Being in such a state, a person is afraid of himself. It's like he's going crazy. The feeling of panic pushes him to prove to himself and everyone around him that he is still “great” and can do a lot.

When a man is inclined to commit rash, radical actions, we can say that a simple internal conflict has turned into a crisis.

It can force a person to change something for the better and in a positive way, or it can lead to the complete destruction of the individual and his own built life.

The feeling of being cornered is disturbing. I want to radically change my life.
There is a withdrawal into oneself, a desire to rebel like a teenager.
There is an increased interest in fantasizing and searching for fresh impressions, and one wants to take unjustified risks.
There may be a tendency to flirt with the opposite sex, and attempts to have a mistress may arise.
Life is no longer satisfactory, there is a temptation to take a radical step.

He is constantly in a bad mood, behaves silently, and is reluctant to answer your questions.
Sometimes there are bursts of unjustified aggression and mood swings. Often takes out anger on you and loved ones. It can lead to assault.
He looks tired and broken.
Doesn't sleep well.
Starts to look at other women.
Can change his wardrobe to a more fashionable one.
May start using modern youth slang.

It is important to understand and realize that the crisis, despite all its severity, cannot last forever. You can survive it if you understand that it has come and try to curb your thoughts and act only after careful thought.
View yourself as a teenager who needs boundaries to prevent him from doing anything bad.
Don't take your emotions too literally. If you are overcome by a strong desire to “break free,” this does not mean that you really need to do it. Perhaps this is just a symptom that something is not going according to plan.
Stop getting lost in your own fantasies. Otherwise, you risk starting to take rash steps that will prevent you from gaining the strength that you lack.
Remember that to change something, you don’t have to radically change your life. Step towards changes gradually so as not to accidentally destroy what you have been building for so long.
Accept the fact that many opportunities may be missed. Think about what exactly you missed and why. Write down on paper everything you would like to do, but didn’t do. Describe there why you didn’t decide to do this at that moment in your life.
Think about what you value in your life and what you don't want to lose.
Reflect on past and present priorities. Think about what real changes you can make without destroying everything.

The main thing is patience. There is no need to demand that he immediately go to a psychologist and bother with advice. It’s better to just be nearby, support him, forgive this weak psychological state, and show your love and devotion in every possible way.
Talk to your husband. With the help of an open, warm conversation, a man will be able to speak out and talk about painful issues. This will help improve his mental state. Try to show the man his strengths. He must understand that he has something to be proud of and value.
It is necessary to diversify family life. Buy theater tickets, invite him to a new restaurant, to a movie premiere, buy joint pool passes, take up a new sport with him, sign up for a foreign language course. This will show a man that life does not end after 40.
Despite the mental torment of a man, the sexual side is still of great importance to him. In this case, you need to do everything to be the best lover for him. Start preening yourself in a special way, don’t spare your family budget for a new set of sexy lingerie, and if you learn how to do an erotic relaxing massage, you will certainly be fully rewarded.
The main thing is not to run away from the problem, do not indulge your own feelings if you want to really help your loved one. Your hysterics, tears, threats, reproaches will lead to divorce. Only the right psychological support on your part will help you regain your loving, wise husband.

What not to do if a man has a midlife crisis

Avoid the problem, pretend it doesn't exist. The crisis can be overcome, and we must at least try to get out of it with dignity, without losses. There is no point in drowning out feelings with the help of computer games, alcohol or drugs - this will only add problems and aggravate the current situation.
Do not Cry. At least in the presence of her husband. Stay calm and carefree, pretend that everything is fine with you.

Do not demand from your spouse that he behave as before, before the crisis. Moreover, do not try to influence him with the threat of divorce. It is possible that if you propose a divorce, your husband will agree to this, hearing confirmation of his thoughts in your words.
Don't blame yourself for the current situation. Even if your loved one accuses you, do not take his accusations to heart; you may be dealing with one of the symptoms of a midlife crisis in a man.

A loving wife may well help her husband survive a midlife crisis and emerge from it with minimal losses. With the psychological support of a woman, a difficult period in a man’s life will be shorter and less painful. Remember that our life is too short to waste it on apathy and quarrels with loved ones.

How can I help my husband?

If all the signs of a midlife crisis coincide with the husband’s behavior, then it is necessary to immediately begin to help in overcoming this period of life. The very first feeling that a woman should stock up on is patience. It will be much worse if quarrels and scandals begin. From such a situation, a confused man will simply run to another place. A woman should also not try to advise her husband how to behave, or try to take him to a psychologist for conversations. This will also distance him from his wife.

The first aid will be conversation. A woman should talk to her husband in a moderate, calm tone, simply finding out what the reason for this mood is. Constant conversations with your husband will help him not to close himself off, alone with his problem. In addition to talking, the wife should also take action, namely, try to cheer up her husband. To do this, you can come up with a family vacation in another place, for example, going to a resort. You can visit your husband’s favorite restaurant, go to the theater or cinema. Together you can study English in order to travel abroad in the future. All events should be selected according to the husband’s character and his mood. And if everything coincides and works out, then the man will be very grateful that he was not abandoned in difficult times.

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TOP 5 books that will help a man survive a midlife crisis

“Having completed half my earthly life, I found myself in a dark forest...” - these lines from Dante’s “Divine Comedy” perfectly characterize the state of a man during a midlife crisis. In world literature there are many books whose heroes have certain symptoms of crisis. Encourage your loved one to read some of them.

Michel Houellebecq "The Possibility of an Island"

The novel “The Possibility of an Island” is about love. However, talking about show business, totalitarian sects and life in the distant future, the author explores the topics of eternal life, reincarnation, cloning, and reflects on the state of modern minds.

In his characteristic ironic manner, the French writer tells fascinating stories. In the center of the story is Daniel, an older man, a pop artist, a comedian who successfully performs sketches and then successfully makes porn films. The hero is going through an age crisis in men. The symptoms of his crisis are cynicism, apathy, satiety. Ironically, the hero of the novel is in love with a girl almost half his age. Daniel creates clones of himself devoid of human passions who live after the apocalypse.

Jonathan Coe "The Incredible Private Life of Maxwell Sim"

Maxwell Sim, the hero of the novel by a modern English writer, is an ordinary, if not boring, person, a typical Briton and our contemporary. A man has been suffering from depression for six months following his wife’s divorce and separation from his daughter. Trying to get a new job (he has lost interest in his current one), Maxwell goes on a promotional trip. Meeting a stranger at the airport sets off a chain of events and meetings - the hero visits his father, with whom he has lost contact, and his childhood friend. The reader is treated to a fascinating story about an attempt to overcome a crisis and an unexpected ending.

Douglas Copeland "Life After God"

The author of the cult novel "Generation X" about people of the 1990s, Douglas Copeland again explores growing up and spiritual quests. Before us is a collection of stories, apt sketches, a diary of love and disappointments.

The hero of the novel Life After God travels to a small town north of Vancouver. And along the way he reflects, reflects on life. It seems to him that everyone around him is living a real life, and he is just procrastinating. It is not difficult for the reader to recognize the hero’s midlife crisis, the characteristic symptoms of an age crisis. It is all the more interesting to follow the author’s reasoning, plunging into this one of the most humane modern novels.

Joseph Heller "Something Happened"

The hero of the novel “Something Happened,” Robert Slocum, is over forty. He has three children (one of them is mentally retarded) and a wife who abuses alcohol. Despite the fact that Robert Slocum works in a successful company and has mistresses, he feels unhappy and experiences apathy. The problem is that nothing happened. The hero takes stock of his life and realizes that he was chasing chimeras.

The novel is structured in the form of a monologue by the hero. The symptoms of a man's midlife crisis are described so realistically, the hero is so recognizable as an ordinary person, that the novel seems modern, although it was written in 1974. A pessimistic book, according to Kurt Vonnegut, that still resonates with readers today.

Chuck Palahniuk "Fight Club"

A club that should never be talked about as a cure for insomnia, irritability, a desire for destruction, or mental illness.

The hero of the cult novel goes from group therapy for terminal diseases to the explosion of an office building, through participation in merciless fights in an underground club. On this self-destructive, dangerous path, the hero meets a much braver and more desperate reckless bully - Tyler Durden. The narrator follows his newfound comrade. The dangerous dive, which will involve the hero and his crazy alter ego Tyler, will reveal the true essence of the character, show the person’s way of thinking, and the symptoms of a man’s midlife crisis.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Be near

Being close, bringing value to your loved one and being a unique person for your other half are three main things that play a big role for every person in the world. But it is especially important for a man that all three of these fundamental things applied to his wife. A man’s crisis can begin for various reasons. It can begin due to an internal conflict with oneself, the occurrence of some diseases, quarrels at work. This can accumulate and lead a man to feel confused and lose his sense of the world. But the man doesn’t know how to deal with this, and this is where his rash actions begin. This can start at different ages. From forty to fifty years old. In such a state, a man wants to change something around him, to fix it, but most often it turns out to simply destroy it. And sometimes a man at that age becomes bored in the family if no new sensations, emotions appear, or no events occur. In this case, there should always be a wife nearby who can diversify family life by showing her husband different sides, reasons for new joys and enjoyment of the time spent together.

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