From time to time, each of us tries on a “liar costume,” and areas such as fiction, advertising and politics cannot exist without a dose of fantasy and fiction.
However, if you try to completely get rid of deception, high self-esteem, good mood, and optimism may suffer. But when lying becomes a habit, the deceiver himself risks becoming its hostage. How and why does this happen?
Why do teenagers lie?
All parents dream of raising their children to be honest and decent people, but many of them are faced with children's lies. Most often this occurs during adolescence. To overcome this unpleasant phenomenon, it is necessary to identify the true cause of the lie.
As a child grows up, he has a desire to become independent and less dependent on his parents. This often becomes the reason for lying. The child tries to create his own space, so he keeps his secrets. A lie in this case can be completely unfounded, for example, a teenager says that he was in the library, although in fact he downloaded the necessary literature from the Internet. He knows that you wouldn't scold him if you found out how he prepared his homework, but he wants too much to create his own personal life. In the case of such lies, you should not worry, you just need to understand that your child is growing up.
The most common reason for lying is fear of punishment. A teenager tells a lie in order to hide some misdemeanor - for getting a bad grade at school or for a remark in his diary.
Many children lie to establish themselves as a leader among their peers. They make up incredible stories to gain credibility. But such lies too quickly become a habit, so children begin to deceive not only friends and classmates, but also their parents.
Is this phenomenon considered a mental disorder?
The tendency to tell lies can be both a personal characteristic and a sign of illness. Pathological lying in psychiatry is indicated as a manifestation of schizophrenic disorder. Patients with a similar diagnosis are haunted by visions and delusions. As a result, they present fictitious information as truth.
Sometimes a person behaves too emotionally. Such individuals show feelings very violently: they cry loudly, laugh. These are patients with hysterical neurosis. They are also characterized by the desire to constantly lie in order to attract the attention of loved ones and acquaintances. Pathological lying is combined with the diagnosis of hypochondria. Such individuals regularly visit doctors, trying to convince them that they are sick, and they themselves believe it. However, tests indicate no health problems. Others evaluate the complaints of an anxious hypochondriac as deception.
The desire to constantly lie is characteristic of individuals who cannot adapt to society. They often commit illegal actions: they steal, they cheat.
What to do to make a teenager stop lying
There can be many reasons for lying. The main thing is not to ignore its manifestation, otherwise your child may decide that lying is absolutely normal.
If you notice that your child is lying, this is a signal that not everything is going smoothly in his world. You should reconsider your own behavior. Parents are an example for their children, so never, under any circumstances, lie in front of your child.
Perhaps the teenager is lying because he lacks your attention. Establish a trusting relationship with him, take an interest in his life more often and share your secrets. He must understand that he can trust you completely.
If your child is lying to avoid punishment, your parenting methods may be too strict. Don't be too harsh so that your teenager is afraid of you. He must understand that all punishments are not exaggerated, but fair.
Be sincere and honest with your children, talk to them more, and they will always tell you only the truth.
Pathological lying, which in medicine is referred to as “fantastic pseudology” or Munchausen syndrome, is considered not to be a separate mental illness, but a complex disorder that has a complex structure. The pathology can be temporary (from several months) or last a lifetime. Scientists have proven that the disease is not a consequence of epilepsy, insanity or dementia. Pathological lying should be perceived as part of a general mental disorder, and not as a separate phenomenon. Today, only psychologists are involved in the treatment of such deviations.
A pathological liar tries to pass off fiction as reality in order to present himself in the best light to others. Over time, he begins to believe his own lies. A world in which liars exist does not fit in with reality.
Until now, doctors cannot come to a consensus on how much a pathological liar can control his inventions and whether this person can be recognized as fully capable.
How to stop lying?
The tendency to lie becomes pathological only when the deceiver’s sense of guilt disappears. Later, he himself begins to believe in his stories, losing himself behind a fictitious personality.
However, there is no point of no return here. You can get out of even the most vicious circle of lies on your own.
If you are looking for an answer to the question - how to stop lying - listen to the advice of a psychologist:
- First, trust your loved one. Someone who can listen to you and not judge you.
- then take a closer look at those around you. For fear of forgetting any part of his legend, the liar cannot concentrate on what he is being told. At the same time, considering himself far from perfect, he attributes incredible qualities to the people around him.
But it’s enough to look closely to see that everyone has shortcomings. “If you were able to show tolerance towards others, then why can’t you accept yourself for who you are?”
- Even though you haven’t become what you dreamed of being as a child, and your life isn’t full of fun and celebrations, running away from reality won’t solve this problem. Love yourself and then you will be able to accept the love of others that you so need.
Bad habits: the psychology of lying
As a rule, the habit of telling lies appears in early childhood. At first these are harmless excuses about a broken toy or a fight with a neighbor boy. During school years, deception is most often caused by bad grades and unsatisfactory behavior. Trying to avoid punishment, children shift the blame onto others - this is how behavioral habits are formed. As you get older, lying becomes less harmless.
The desire to show oneself from a more advantageous side can force a person to embellish reality - this is our psychology. When telling a stranger about themselves, some people want to seem more successful or rich, without actually being one.
In an effort to get some benefits, many are ready to deceive. For such people there are no barriers - they are capable of much to achieve their goal.
Some people are forced to tell lies by circumstances. It seems to them that it is better to shift responsibility to another person. Many people come up with “good reasons” to avoid meeting an unpleasant person.
Deep inner experiences can lead to serious consequences - various bad habits develop. Fear of disappointing family and friends is one of the justifications for lying. This can manifest itself in unfulfilled dreams, feelings of uselessness and helplessness.
In some cases, people are embarrassed to tell the truth. They are ashamed to admit that their project failed and the idea turned out to be unprofitable. In such cases, they wishful thinking.
Many liars hide behind “white lies” while showing “concern” for friends and family. But they do themselves a disservice.
Advice from psychologists: understand yourself
First of all, you need to admit to yourself that lies are a constant “companion” of your life. It is because of her that all the troubles occur. Having decided to say goodbye to lies forever, it is very important to set your priorities correctly. Then it will be easier to fight this bad habit.
The most common mistake liars make is blaming themselves for all their troubles. In this case, low self-esteem may occur, which will negatively affect self-development. It is important to remember that wanting to break this habit highlights your positive qualities.
Try to admit you made a mistake
In order to break the habit of lying, you need to recognize that it is a real problem. Pathological liars know this well. To reduce the negative reaction of others to a minimum, you need to admit your mistakes yourself. Try to explain to the deceived people why you did such an act.
In addition to confession, you need to promise that in the future only the truth will come out of your mouth and you will make every effort to change your behavior habits. Although they are unlikely to believe you the first time. Close friends can forgive and forget the insult, but relationships with someone will end forever.
How to regain trust and change behavioral habits?
You can regain the attention and trust of others. But you need to understand that this will take time. Try to show your best side. In the rush to demonstrate your most advantageous sides, it is very important not to return to the past.
In order to be proud of yourself, you need to show positive qualities. Every person has abilities for which he is respected. By getting your interlocutor interested in your real achievements, you can not only return old relationships, but also make new acquaintances.
Remember that true friends do not care about your financial situation. These people value their relationship with you. If bad habits are stronger than you, then you can try your hand at writing fantasy stories or fictional stories. Of course, everyone will understand that this is not true, but in this case they will not be able to accuse you of lying.
The theory of lies: how to force yourself to stop lying
“Everyone lies,” said a famous character from a famous series, but did not go into details: who is lying, how much he is lying and, most importantly, what to do about it. The author of the book “Recognizing Lies,” Pamela Meyer, talks about all this in her speech - and at the same time explains what Barack Obama’s fingertips are saying and what signs can be used to understand that the American presidential candidate John Edwards is deceiving us.
The researcher lists many interesting figures: we are lied to from 10 to 200 times a day, spouses do this in every third conversation, and unmarried couples do this in every ninth. Teenagers lie to their parents in one case out of 5; in 10 minutes of conversation with a stranger, we will evade the truth three times; men not only sometimes like to embellish their own merits - but do it all the time - and lie about themselves 6 times more often than about any other topic.
All these facts need to be taken into account somehow: on the one hand, we don’t like it when anyone deceives us - be it Bill Clinton or our business partner; on the other hand, we ourselves endlessly resort to lies.
3 details that give away a liar:
- liars use formal language, distancing themselves from the object of the lie (“this woman”, “this company”).
- Liars tell a story with too many irrelevant details.
— the liar’s entire upper body is tense, he deliberately looks straight into your eyes with an unblinking gaze. We, of course, have our own reasons for this - it’s much easier to tell your best friend that her dress doesn’t make her look fat at all than to admit that she looks disgusting today. The result is an ambivalent situation: we are by nature against lies, but we are for it in cases where society sanctions it. If we look at the historical context, lying turns out to be part of our culture and history, and even more: scientists note the evolutionary significance of lying for humanity and highlight the connection between the development of the cerebral cortex and the improvement of the ability to lie.
It seems that everyone is cheating: [gorilla Koko](https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BA%D0%BE_(%D0%B3%D0%BE%D1 %80%D0%B8%D0%BB%D0%BB%D0%B0), infants, double agents, financial scammers and corrupt media Pamela Meyer coined the term “Post-Truth Society” - although, of course, it is reasonable to ask the question here : was it ever true? Meyer's position on this issue is that she fights for honesty and advises us to fight - and build a brave new world based on honesty. In any case, it is difficult to argue with her that that the ability to recognize deception is a useful skill. And here the fun begins: Pamela gives some practical advice: she says, for example, that there are good liars and bad ones, but there are no original ones - we all deceive the same way, and the same gestures give us away. Freud was right when he said that no mortal is capable of keeping secrets - even if his lips are silent, his fingertips speak.Politicians and criminals rehearse their speech, but forget to watch what their gestures tell.
Meyer believes that lying is an action in which both parties participate - both the one who deceives and the one who is deceived. It follows from this that if you were deceived, then you are no less to blame for what happened than the deceiver - since you agreed to believe this lie. Science has identified many indicators of lies - each of them may well turn out to be random, but if you encounter a combination of them, this should be a signal for you - ask more questions, look closely, listen, and this will save yourself from being deceived.
How to recognize a deceiver?
In order to avoid getting into an ambiguous situation and becoming a victim of deception, you need to be able to recognize a liar. “Newbies”, when describing an untruthful situation, often lose their thoughts, speak uncertainly and stutter. Coming up with a story on the fly, they keep coming across an invisible wall that prevents them from comparing some facts. Such a person risks immediately losing trust.
If you doubt the veracity of what your interlocutor has said, pay attention to his behavior habits. Advice from doctors in the field of psychology will help you recognize a deceiver.
When a person is lying, the following signs give him away:
- Red spots appear on the face.
- Sweating increases.
- The pupils narrow.
- No eye contact
- Unnatural facial expressions.
The problem with lying is that getting out of it is as difficult as getting rid of a bad habit. A lie lingers like mud in a swamp—more and more every day. Only by ceasing to deceive your family and friends can you “agree” with your conscience.
Olya
Living deliciously is a whole science!
The phenomenon of pathological deception
Sometimes the habit of confusing others with false information takes over a person so much that he himself believes that he is telling the truth. Such individuals do not even realize how strongly dependent they are. Pathological lies become a real obstacle to a full life in society. People around them are not inclined to take lovers of writing seriously. The circle of contacts of these individuals narrows, and they turn into outcasts. In addition, such people sacredly believe in the truth of their words. Therefore, when others accuse a liar of deception, he may be sincerely offended and begin to make excuses.
How to recognize a lover of lies? The next section of the article talks about the obvious signs that are characteristic of abnormal behavior of this kind.
