Capturing children's attention is always not an easy task. Especially if the child is running around the apartment, enthusiastically playing something, and the mother is impatiently trying to interrupt his actions. It's not easy to get children to stop doing something. And here it is useless to read notations; you need to choose your own methodology and your own approach.
The child should have a stop signal that would allow him to understand that he needs to stop the activity. It is enough for the mother to say a pre-agreed phrase, like: “Stop, the game!”
This works much better than if she talks about how dinner is getting cold or they need to get ready and go to the store. Even the most active and noisy children understand that the game has rules and that it must be stopped. But this technique should not be overused. Otherwise it will cease to be effective.
The second technique is the calming technique. You need to ask “Where are the eyes?” . And calmly look at the child with a neutral smile. This way the mother manages to distract the child and focus attention on what she needs.
Why don't children listen to us?
If a child does not listen to you, this does not mean that he wants to deliberately anger you. Starting from the age of 7-8 years, children acquire some independence from their parents. They are focused on school work, friends, hobbies. Your older child may be so immersed in his own thoughts that he is in no hurry to comply with your request.
When school starts, children have new responsibilities. The child has to obey the lesson schedule and the requirements of the teachers. At home he wants to relax, unwind and relieve stress. Therefore, children are not always ready to listen to us, especially if we want to talk to them about important matters. In this way they try to avoid excessive responsibility and pressure.
However, you can get your child to listen to you without getting angry or raising your voice. Next we will tell you how to do this.
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Peculiarities of attention of preschool children
Preschool age is characterized by significant changes in all types and properties of attention. Despite the predominance of passive attention, the baby is already able to manipulate several objects at the same time: many of his actions acquire the character of automatism, and therefore the possibility of dispersal increases.
A child’s ability to concentrate increases in preschool age, which allows him, under the guidance of adults, to perform the necessary work even when it is not particularly interesting to him. If the fidget understands that the matter must be completed, he tries not to be distracted. The development of curiosity and cognitive processes determine the ability to focus and concentrate on an object of interest. For example, a preschooler can watch aquarium fish for a long time, trying to find features in each of them.
The development of attention in children of this age is associated with changes in the organization of their daily life and the emergence of new types of activities.
The actions of a four- to five-year-old child are directed by adults: the baby increasingly hears the phrases “Be careful,” “Look carefully.” Trying to follow the instructions of adults, the baby learns to control attention.
With mastery of the controls, voluntary attention develops. At a younger age, these means are external in nature (an adult’s phrase, an indicating gesture). At an older age, new features appear: the baby’s own speech becomes a similar means of control, acquiring a planning function. For example, when going to the zoo, the baby says: “First of all, I’ll look at the elephant, and then we’ll go to the bears.” Having set a goal, the baby outlines the object in advance, and then carefully examines it and evaluates its features. In this way, the child begins to realize and understand the meaning and ultimate goal of the upcoming activity, which gives impetus to the development of active attention.
In addition, the development of attention in preschoolers depends on familiarity with the norms and rules of behavior and the beginning of the formation of will. For example, a baby wants to play with friends, but his parents ask him to help set the table. The little helper concentrates his energy on arranging the cutlery. He is imperceptibly carried away by this activity, and the use of will to maintain concentration is no longer necessary - voluntary attention is replaced by post-voluntary attention.
Make concessions
If the child is passionate about something, then postpone the conversation. When children play computer games, watch TV or read a book, they will remain deaf to your words. Wait until your child finishes his interesting activities, and then choose a good time to talk.
Irritation and shouting will not give any result. If you force your child to stop an exciting activity and listen to you, he will remain deaf to your words. Indeed, in such a situation, children feel annoyed because they were torn away from their favorite activity. Therefore, it is better to make concessions and choose a more appropriate moment for conversation.
This method is applicable if you have no urgent matters. If you need your child to immediately fulfill your request, then try to attract his attention.
Teenage depression: a way to attract attention or a real disease
The term “depression” often refers to feelings of grief, sadness, or despair. For some “romantics,” a real illness is actually an excuse to publish another melancholic post on a social network page. Therefore, many people do not take this disease seriously. The “sages” see the only way to treat depression in getting rid of laziness and putting a wide smile on your face.
It is especially difficult for teenagers who suffer from the disease; it is difficult for them to find support in society. Their mental problems are often attributed to adolescence, and general ignorance only aggravates the situation.
Teenage psychologist Svetlana Martynenko talks about what real depression is and how to fight it.
In a broad sense, depression is a significant decrease in energy resources.
The symptoms of the disease do not have a clear framework; it can manifest itself in different ways, depending on its form and the individual qualities of the patient. Teenage depression is not a consequence of laziness or a thirst for attention,
but a prolonged depressed state, a constant feeling of fatigue and an inability to enjoy life. These problems should not be considered “whims” that can be cured by physical labor and watching comedies. There are often complex reasons behind depressive behavior.
In addition, a mental disorder can arise because rapid hormonal changes occur in a teenager’s body, coupled with the fact that the young person’s immature psyche does not always adequately respond to stress and criticism. “Catalysts” are often youthful maximalism, bullying by classmates, family problems or hereditary predisposition.
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Mood fluctuations are quite normal for anyone. What can we say about emotional teenagers? But a bad mood is not depression.
Depression in young people occurs somewhat differently than in older people.
In addition to the “standard” symptoms: loss of feelings of pleasure, rapid fatigue, weakened concentration and memory, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, depression and suicidal thoughts, adolescents also present others.
Often depression in young people manifests itself not in a melancholic mood, but in its opposite - impulsive.
Their growing internal tension is expressed in irritability and anger. Many also suffer from severe anxiety. Constant conflicts with classmates or quarrels with parents, problems with alcohol are not uncommon here. In this case, problems arise due to internal discord, and not the desire to feel like an adult. Often the teenager himself does not understand what is happening to him. He is tormented by a feeling of hopelessness and fear of not solving his problems.
But in the eyes of parents, such behavior may look like “teenage rebellion” or the result of a “difficult age.” That’s why no one is in a hurry to make an appointment with a psychologist.
What should a teenager pay attention to?
Depression can be difficult to detect on your own. But if a person realizes that this condition is bothering him and has been going on for more than two weeks, and he cannot cope with it on his own, then he needs to consult a specialist. The main thing is to listen to yourself.
There is no universal way to combat the disease.
However, one of the most effective treatment options can be imagined:
If you exclude drug treatment, then the most favorable way is communication, conversation, analysis with a specialist
.
In order not to lose heart, a teenager should complete all the tasks given by a psychotherapist or psychologist. It is better to seek strength in the support of loved ones and distract from negative emotions. Perhaps through sports, walks and hobbies. The main thing is not to self-medicate
, including medication. If you do not have the opportunity to go to a paid specialist or your school does not have a psychologist, remember that there are various hotlines for psychological help for adolescents and helplines.
When fighting depression, it is important to divert attention from negative emotions and try not to “drown” in endless introspection. Here are some ways to do this:
Track your needs
Feeling the urge to eat ice cream? Do it. Do you want to go for a walk? Go outside.
If you feel that you do not have the strength to do a particular task, then do not force yourself to do it. The best solution would be to rest. Don't beat yourself up for being unproductive, because self-care is important.
It’s already difficult to find spiritual harmony during depression, so treat yourself with understanding and respect.
. This will help avoid internal conflicts.
Process destructive thoughts
Constant self-flagellation leads to hatred of oneself and life. Therefore, you need to get rid of the habit of “biting” yourself. Conduct introspection: see what thoughts most often lead you to negative emotions. You can even write the list down in a notebook. Try to understand each specific case. Determine: why you have a specific thought, whether it is logical and reasonable.
Once you understand what your belief is, begin to transform it. Try to turn destructive thoughts into constructive and positive ones.
For example, instead of thinking: “All people hate me!”, try to reason about this topic. Analyze what kind of relationships you have with your acquaintances and friends, whether you had a positive experience communicating with anyone.
Breathing exercises
During anxiety, we breathe intermittently and quickly. Because of this, the body expends much more energy than with measured breathing. Good oxygen saturation of the blood tones the nervous system. Therefore, breathing exercises help relieve anxiety.
We offer you one of them:
Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Slowly fill your stomach with air through your nose. The chest does not move. After inhaling completely, tighten your abdominal muscles and begin to gradually release air through pursed lips. Do several reps. This exercise slows your heart rate and helps lower your blood pressure. Therefore, after performing it, a person relaxes.
Don't ignore your mental problems. It is important to listen to the psychological state. If you understand that you cannot live comfortably due to prolonged depressed mood or constant anxiety, we recommend that you consult a specialist. Even if friends and relatives claim that all the problems are due to laziness.
Attract attention
School-age children often ignore what their parents say. They just pretend to be lost in their thoughts and not hear you. To attract attention, touch your child's shoulder. This helps most often. After all, physical contact is harder to ignore than words.
In many cases, a sense of humor helps parents out. You can tell your child some funny phrase. An unexpected joke will immediately attract his attention.
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Games and exercises for developing attention
The work to improve children's attention involves developing such properties as switching and stability. To do this, you can use regular puzzles and construction sets, perform special exercises and play educational games. For example:
"Buttons"
The game is used not only for the development and prevention of attention disorders, but also for training thinking, memory and spatial perception in children. To play, you will need two sheets of checkered paper and two identical sets with different buttons. The child starting the game places three buttons on his playing field (sheet of paper). The second player must remember which buttons are used and how they are located. After a few seconds, the first participant covers his playing field with a sheet of blank paper, and the second needs to set his buttons so as to completely repeat the playing field of his opponent. Over time, the game can be made more difficult by increasing the number of buttons displayed.
"Find the letter"
An exercise to develop a stable state of concentration for preschoolers familiar with the alphabet. The child should be offered a short text from a book or magazine. The child must look through all the lines and cross out a letter everywhere (for example, the letter “P”). The adult evaluates the completed task, recording the time and counting errors. By complicating the exercise with new rules, you can work on your skills of switching and distributing attention. For example, all “R” letters must be crossed out, and all “T” letters must be underlined.
"Who lives where?"
(a game that develops stability of concentration and the ability to concentrate). To play the game you will need a drawing depicting several animals that are connected by tangled lines to their houses. The kid needs to figure out who lives where. To do this, he needs to follow the selected line with his gaze. If the baby is not yet able to do such a task, at first you can use a pencil or simply move your finger. Similar maze games can be purchased ready-made, and the main characters may not necessarily be animals, but also characters from famous fairy tales and cartoons.
"Printing words"
(an exercise for a group of preschoolers that develops attentiveness and strengthens reading skills). Each participant must be assigned a letter (give out a sheet with a picture of the letter). An adult names a simple word (“mother”, “house”, “water”, “rose”) and writes it on paper. Kids need to “print” this word - those whose letter is present in a given word clap their hands in the sequence in which the letters are located. The words should be chosen so that all children can complete this exercise.
"Hunter"
(a game for developing attentiveness and the ability to concentrate). The kid needs to imagine that he is a hunter in the forest who needs to listen carefully to everything around him. The child should sit quietly and listen to what is happening outside the room where he is (in the corridor, on the street). Purpose of the game: the baby must tell what sounds he was able to recognize (a door slammed, a car drove by).
If by the age of five the child is only trying to be attentive according to the instructions of adults, then by the end of senior preschool age, under the influence of self-instructions, active attention begins to develop rapidly. The main thing is to take into account the child’s attention characteristics and help if he has difficulties with concentration and focus. After all, at school, deliberate attention will become one of the basic conditions for organizing educational activities.
Avoid endless repetitions
Frequent repetitions of your words and endless calls to the child by name do not lead to a positive result. You should teach your son or daughter that you voice your request only once. What to do if children don't listen to you? Explain that in this case they will have to deal with the consequences of their disobedience themselves.
For example, you are going to visit or go for a walk with your child and ask him to put on outerwear and shoes. But he is so busy with his own affairs that he does not pay attention to your words. You can say that if he is not going to get dressed and put on his shoes, then you will leave without him.
You can also use a kitchen timer. Give your child a few more minutes to do his favorite activities. Tell him that after the timer signal he will need to begin fulfilling your request. If he listens to you, then do not forget about encouragement.
Consequences of impaired attention properties
It is important to know that a violation of even one of the properties of attention can lead to deviations in the child’s behavior and activities. With a small attention span, it will be impossible to concentrate on several objects at once. Unstable attention and weak concentration will lead to rapid distraction and weakening of interest. If there is insufficient selectivity, it will not be possible to concentrate on any individual element of the material necessary to solve the problem. The inability to switch attention will complicate the learning process, as it will not be easy for the child to direct thoughts in a new direction. A poorly developed ability to distribute attention will affect the inability to efficiently perform several tasks at the same time. But if there is insufficient voluntary attention, the ability to concentrate on something else at the request of another person will become more difficult.
Children aged 5.5–6.5 years can spend approximately 4 times longer doing things that are of little interest to them and are almost 5 times less likely to be distracted by foreign objects compared to children aged 2.5–3.5 years. Younger preschoolers can play the same game for 30–50 minutes, and by the age of 5–6 years the duration of the game increases to 2 hours.
Determine the importance of things
Before making a request to your child, evaluate its importance. This is especially necessary if he has recently entered first grade. After all, at the beginning of school life, many children feel depressed. They feel like they have too many responsibilities.
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Therefore, you need to determine which things are your priority. Try to contact the first grader with the most important tasks first. If you explain to your child the need to do certain things, he will be more willing to listen to you.
Let's say a child gets carried away with watching TV or playing computer games and forgets about doing his homework. In addition, he did not clean up his shoes in the hallway or threw a candy wrapper past the trash can.
You should not remind your child of all the unfinished tasks at once. Concentrate his attention only on the lessons, because this is the primary task. And talk to him about cleaning later, when he has completed his homework.
Always listen to your child
Often we ourselves do not listen to our children. When a child comes home from school, we are often very busy. Adults usually listen only to what they think is important and meaningful.
For example, a child begins to talk about his school friends. His parents interrupt him and ask him about his grades. Adults do not understand that relationships with peers are no less important for children than school success. Remember that if you do not listen to everything that the child wants to tell you, then he will do the same in relation to you.
