What should a teacher do if the children do not obey him? Useful tips

What is disobedience through the eyes of a parent? It so happened that parents want their children to be obedient, that is, to do everything that their parents say, without arguing, quickly and efficiently. Parents suppress not only their children’s independence with their desires, but also their emotionality. It often happens that children are forbidden to be angry, and anger is one of the emotions, the same as joy.

By suppressing the emotions of anger, the child stops experiencing other emotions, such as happiness, joy or love.

A naughty child at 6 years old is a common occurrence

In fact, disobedience comes in different forms. For example, a child is told to brush his teeth. The child refuses, as a result of which, if the parents do not insist, the child’s teeth will begin to deteriorate after several more such refusals. But, if a child is told to eat, but he doesn’t want to. His parents scold him, force him, but the child is not hungry. If you give your child free rein, then when he feels hungry, he will ask for food himself. Then why scold him and is it possible to achieve obedience here by mocking the child’s body.

Obedient children, from the point of view of psychologists, are a suspicious phenomenon, in contrast to children who disobey from time to time.

Therefore, before looking for reasons for disobedience, you can look at your actions and evaluate them. Are parents doing everything right, is it really necessary in a given situation to achieve absolute obedience from the child?

Why children don’t obey – we need to identify the reason

Parenting styles

Often among parents there is an authoritarian style inherent in both mothers and fathers. Parents who raise children in this style simply train them, suppressing the child’s will. For example, a child was asked to learn a poem at school, but he tries to understand it before learning it. But it is important for such educators that the child does not reason, but memorizes a verse or a multiplication table and receives an excellent grade at school.

Authoritarian upbringing creates a dependent personality type

But there are also democratic methods of education. In this case, children also take part in decision making. And you shouldn’t rely on the number of years here; independence can be cultivated at any age. There are just some things that are not negotiable.

If a child is indulged in all his whims, he will become uncontrollable

There is also a mixed style of parenting, where, depending on the mood of the parents, either everything is prohibited or everything is allowed. Children adapt to this style, rushing from “carrot” to “stick”.

Excessive curiosity

This behavior is typical for children as young as two years old, but it also occasionally occurs in older children. At this age, the “internal barrier” is only being formed, the child is only accumulating experience. Of course, after a year the baby already understands the word “impossible,” but he does not listen to it every time.

With this problem, it is important to talk with the baby, explain the meaning of words, and actively teach him to speak. When the baby begins to speak syllables and words, to understand the meaning of words, read the link.

The more words the baby knows, the easier it is to explain to him what can and cannot be done. But be prepared that a conversation with a two-year-old child will not be as effective as you would like. Since a child at this age does not always understand what is required of him.

When talking, try not to scream or lash out at your baby. You need to be patient and explain the same thing several times. Screaming will only scare the baby and will not lead to the desired result. Include actions in your explanations, turn it into a game. If your baby has scattered things and toys, race to collect the items together.

Reasons for disobedience

A child at the age of 6 does not obey his parents for a variety of reasons. Here are some of them:

• Children do not understand what is said to them or how it is presented to them. They especially don't realize why their parents yell at them. The child is lost and does not know what to do to make the parent calm down. Screaming because clothes are not neatly folded in the closet or something similar causes misunderstanding.
• From constant screams and threats, an intuitive “struggle” for freedom of action arises. Children from birth have different temperaments. Some are born melancholic and unquestioningly obey not only their relatives, but also hooligan children in the yard, a stupid boss at work, a grumpy cashier in a store, etc. Other kids are born with a strong leader’s temperament and are not ready to suppress their innate dignity. These children require communication without shouting, just like all the others. They need to explain, seek a compromise. This will not be easy to do at first, finding a beneficial solution for everyone is a difficult task, but it is achievable. Not only children must study, parents also have an obligation to do so.

The main reasons for disobedience

• Absolute obedience is inherent in children with a weak nervous system. They are unable to cope with tasks on their own, so they wait for orders and obediently carry them out. Growing up, they will begin to look for a strong character who will tell them what to do. It’s not for nothing that people are divided into followers and leaders. All this starts from childhood.
• Some children are so cunning that they pretend to obey. They try to do everything they want as quickly as possible in order to free themselves and go about their business. They quickly realize that they can deceive their own parents with cunning. In adulthood, they will try to have minimal contact with their parents, since they were never able to find a common language with them.
• Children do not obey even when their parents humiliate them, comparing them with classmates, friends or children from the yard. You can notice how quickly good relationships between brothers and sisters deteriorate when parents begin to use them as an example to each other, praising one and insulting the other.

Most often, a child does not obey for two main reasons:

- he is forced to do something he does not want to do;

- he is denied what he strives for.

First of all, let us note the following fact: children’s perception differs significantly from the worldview of adults. A small child sometimes does not understand at all what his mother and father require of him. In addition, the children's nervous system does not yet control the processes of excitation and inhibition. Therefore, the baby is physically unable to sit in silence for more than 5 minutes.

Disobedience also occurs in response to:

— establishing unreasonably strict restrictions (you can’t run, make noise);

- inconsistency of actions - parents prohibit, grannies allow;

- poor health of the child, when a 2-year-old child does not obey due to a rise in temperature and a sore tooth.

How to get obedience from a child?

In fact, the question is not how to make a child obey, but rather how to establish contact with him so that there are no quarrels, shouting and misunderstandings. If contact is established, then requests for help around the house, to study diligently, and the like, will be heard and fulfilled. You need to understand that a 6-year-old child is no longer the same as he was at 2 or 3 years old. If at 2 years old his psyche was still unstable, he often did not know what he wanted. Due to hunger, small children are also very capricious.

Features of preschool age 6-7 years

But at 6 years old, these are already formed little personalities who have their own inner world, unique thinking and perception of the environment. The child has his own opinion and if it is incorrect, then this can be discussed with him without shouting, threats or force. Perhaps the parents will not be heard the first time, but if you have patience, show that you are right by example, and repeat several times, but in a firm, confident tone, you will definitely succeed.

Some children become withdrawn at the age of 6-7 and “withdraw” into themselves

It is worth considering the main points that will help achieve child obedience:

1. It is necessary to establish trusting relationships in the family. Children are not stupid, especially at 6 years old, so you can explain to them what, how, why. Eliminate anger from communication, although it is not easy. If mom or dad is in a bad mood, tired or exhausted by problems at work, then you can tell the child about this that he is not in the mood now, and there is a risk of losing his temper, getting angry, postponing the conversation and teaching for a time when he feels better, but not delay with this.
2. Personal requests should not be asked in a demanding tone. Imagine that something is required of you. This attitude irritates and infuriates not only children, but also adults. Therefore, you need to ask softly. If this does not help, then without leading to screaming, add firmness to your voice and physical contact: take the child by the hands, look decisively into the eyes, and achieve full attention to your words. This should all happen in a friendly manner, and not as a threat or ultimatum.
3. Don't forget about praise. Let there be things that each person must do, personal responsibilities and the like. But family relationships would be better if the father was thanked for getting up every morning to work, if the mother was thanked for cleaning, cooking and taking care of the family, and the children were thanked for their help, obedience, and good studies.
4. The child needs to be told that there are emergency situations when arguing is unacceptable. Give some examples. To teach a child to obey, show this by your own example, because children look up to their parents and learn from them.

The child needs to be told when not to be capricious.

Other techniques to stop negative manifestations

In case of isolated manifestations of violations of discipline during important security moments, the following measures can be taken against the “troublemaker,” especially if the child’s actions are, to put it mildly, inadequate:

• Ignoring or minimal attention to the offender;
• Focused gaze into the child's eyes without anger or condemnation, calmly but intently, as if we were stopping with our gaze;
• Addressing the child in a specially intoned voice: in some special tone we say something like “Look at me, please,” in a lowered, changed voice;
• We abruptly stop any activity and say: “We’ll wait until Petya can join us”;
• A non-standard question or gesture (affectionate) that will distract the child;
• Voicing his state: “You hate me, you are very angry with Petya, you are tired and angry”;
• Praise often stops you: “You kick your legs so beautifully, how do you do it?”, but without mockery, in a friendly way, without laughter;
• You can sit on a chair to think, but not in a corner.

In principle, these methods and techniques should be enough; at the end of the article I would like to share some tips on good teaching aids:

• “Planning the organized educational activities of a teacher with children of the preparatory group: technological maps for every day according to the program “From birth to school”, ed. N. E. Veraksy, T. S. Komarova, M. A. Vasilyeva. December-February";
• “Organization of children’s activities during a walk. Preparatory group";
• “How to help an autistic child. A book for parents. Toolkit";
• “Special offer to top up your personal account + participation in the offline webinar “How to organize the work activity of a preschooler?”

I really hope that my young colleague will take advantage of the ideas I proposed and be able to cope with negative manifestations in the children's team. If you find my article interesting, share it with your friends, and if you want to constantly read the materials, subscribe to the news.

Sincerely, Tatyana Sukhikh! Till tomorrow!

By the way, I recommend reading:

Crisis or another transitional age

All of the above tips apply in normal everyday life, but people at different ages have crises when it is very difficult for them and they require help. Most often, crises occur in childhood. There is a crisis at the age of 6 years when the child categorically does not obey. This does not mean that all children go through this crisis. Sometimes it can take only a few days, sometimes it can drag on for months. The more correct the parents’ attitude towards their child’s rebellion, the faster they will be able to survive the crisis. It is necessary to learn to survive crises and get out of them at such an early age of the child, because during adolescence it will be much more difficult to do. Children do not develop gradually, but in leaps and bounds. It’s difficult for him to transform from yesterday’s kid into today’s grown-up know-it-all.

Manifestations of the 6-year crisis

Advice: The ability to resist a parent’s word is a sign of a strong temperament, a skill of self-defense, but it’s difficult to indulge yourself in this when a child protests absolutely against everything.

The parents’ task in some matters is to support the child’s denials, to look for an alternative if it is impossible to agree for some reason, but not to indulge every child’s “rebellion.” If a child is given complete independence, as he demands, that is, given access to the refrigerator, not washing his clothes, not cleaning his room, not buying him sweets, giving him the opportunity to plunge into adult everyday life, then he will quickly get tired of it and everything will return to its place. Your son or daughter cannot read minds, so they need to verbalize what you hear them, but cannot do as they want for reasons such and such.

Causes of crisis in children 6 years old

This age in a child’s life is associated with finishing kindergarten and entering school. So the baby teeth are replaced with permanent ones. This period is difficult for children. New values ​​and skills emerge, and the world around us changes a lot.

Checking parents' reactions

A common cause of bad behavior in children of any age. At 2-3 years old, a child explores the world and sometimes chooses this path to find a suitable way to communicate with dad and mom. The kid wants to know what will happen if he doesn’t do what his parents ask.

In this case, pediatricians also recommend waiting and enduring this period. You need to react to disobedience calmly. At the same time, it is important not to be led and not to rush to fulfill every whim. Make it clear that you hear and understand the child, but cannot comply with the request at this time. Be consistent and insist on your own! After some time, the baby will get tired of provoking you, he will lose interest in it.

Lack of attention

Any changes in the lives of children leave a sediment in their souls. Perhaps a new family member has appeared in the family, parents work a lot, and so on. Children even at 6 years old need attention. Not as much as for a baby, but still. An attempt to gain attention results in disobedience, screaming and hysterics.

Main neoplasm at 6 years of age

Advice: To fix this, you need to carve out at least 15 minutes every couple of hours to cuddle the child, play with him, and talk about something.

No matter how busy parents are, it is quite possible to find a few minutes when the child is in a good or normal mood. And it doesn’t matter how old your child is. Children who know that they are loved do not throw tantrums and grow up to be more emotionally stable and obedient.

The child also has moods

Almost every person has moments when everything falls out of his hands. Children have moments like this too. It is important for parents to understand this. Maybe the child had a fight with his best friend or teacher, maybe he lost his favorite toy, or his best book was chewed up by a dog. His troubles may seem trivial to you, but for a preschooler or elementary school student such troubles are very serious. Talk about it, sympathize, advise him on how to behave, because for him your opinion is still very important.

Desire for power

There are also situations when children are loved and regularly reminded of this, but children still begin to ignore any requests, and even demands. They are unforgiving, and parents are terrified of not understanding “where their child went.” The reason for this behavior may lie in the fact that the child is trying to find out who is in charge in the family and is “pulling the blanket over himself.”

Advice: Negativity in a child’s behavior is also necessary and important in his life.

It must be supported in certain situations, since its presence will be needed in adult life, in the fight against unscrupulous and stupid people.

The child screams for toys

If it’s difficult to immediately navigate the situation with your child, try to take a “break” for a minute or two. Leave your noisy child, analyze his behavior and try to find the best option to correct the situation. You should not hope that everything will work out quickly and the child will become kind and good again.

Physical punishment is unacceptable

Especially if the cause of bad behavior lies in a crisis of 6-7 years, then this may drag on for 2-3 months.

You need to be patient and the result will not take long to arrive.
If you are reading this article, then you no longer care. You are a wise parent, you will not let some crisis or misunderstanding between you and your children upset your relationship. leave a comment

Why do children become “difficult” and uncontrollable?

Parents' mistakes in education

Mistake #1. Raising a “family idol”

Parents indulge their son or daughter in everything, fulfill any of his or her desires. This situation often arises when the child is the only one in the family or a long-awaited one. As a result, he gets used to being the center of the Universe and does not react to any prohibitions and restrictions from adults.

Mistake #2. Absence of punishment in the family and the child’s responsibility for his actions

The child is forgiven for bad deeds and disobedience under the pretext “he’s little, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing, but when he grows up he’ll understand everything.”

Mistake #3. Overprotection

Just as permissiveness is dangerous, constant prohibitions and restrictions lead to the desire to violate them. Moreover, when the child’s vital needs are limited: activity, communication, knowledge of the world.

To give your child more freedom, stop limiting his important needs, but remain calm about his safety anywhere, install the Where My Children application from the AppStore or GooglePlay stores.

Mistake #4. Wrong example of parents

You can endlessly tell your child about the dangers of smoking and the benefits of reading, but if there is a smoking dad in the family, and books are used as support for a rickety table, it is unlikely that you will be able to instill these skills in your child.

Mistake #5. Lack of clear “don’ts” and “dos”

If today mom strictly forbade eating sweets, and tomorrow grandma secretly put them in her pocket, or dad came home from work cheerful and allowed him to go to bed after 12, the child will quickly adapt to the changeable mood of adults and learn to manipulate to get what he wants.

Mistake #6. Shifting the educational function

The position of the parents in this case is as follows: “Kindergarten and school should educate. We don’t have time to do this, we earn money to provide for our child.”

Motives for “bad” behavior in children

In addition to parents’ mistakes in raising a child, there are other reasons why a calm and obedient child suddenly begins to behave badly:

To attract attention

When mom and dad are constantly at work, the child sees them only in the morning and evening, he often lacks their love and care. And on weekends, many parents leave their children with their grandparents, taking care of their backlog of household chores.

Naturally, a child strives to get attention from his parents by any means. And, as you know, the fastest and easiest way is to do something that mom or dad will immediately pay attention to: throw a tantrum, scream in the street, start stomping your feet, fight with someone.

What should parents do:

• address the child by name more often, speak kind words to him;
• if a child’s bad behavior is caused precisely by a lack of parental attention, it is better to ignore it;
• if a child begins to behave badly, distract him, give him some task (water the flowers, wipe the dust, clear the dishes from the table) and be sure to praise him for doing it;
• Spend your free time with your child, walk, play. Let him feel like a necessary and significant person in your life, and not an annoying obstacle in parental affairs.

The desire for power

Many children, especially during periods of crisis, want unquestioning fulfillment of every “I want”. The child strives to gain the upper hand over his parents, to achieve independence from them.

This is expressed in whims, disobedience, refusal to obey an adult, and insistence on one’s own.

What should parents do:

• Recognize the child's strength, but also his responsibility. For example, a mother allows her daughter to wear a festive dress to kindergarten on a weekday, but if the girl gets it dirty, then she will have to wear a different dress to the matinee.
• set boundaries for inappropriate behavior. You can’t fight or call names on parents, adults, or children in a group; You must not break or spoil your own or other people’s toys. If a child has crossed these boundaries, the action must be followed by punishment. It should be discussed with the child before committing “illegal” actions.
• Teach your child to manage himself and his emotions, cope with anger, rage and aggression.

Revenge (“You did me bad - let it be the same for you”)

We ourselves sometimes don’t notice how we offend our children. And if this goes unnoticed for us or we simply do not attach much importance to a quarrel with a child, then the offense can have serious consequences for our son or daughter.

First, the child withdraws, withdraws into himself, then begins to show physical or verbal aggression towards the adult, behaves badly, and stops obeying his parents. The result will be either an improvement in relationships or even greater distancing from parents.

What should parents do:

• teach children to talk about their feelings and experiences, often ask “What are you feeling now? What’s your mood today?”;
• after a quarrel with a child: ask for forgiveness if you couldn’t restrain yourself and yelled at him, discuss why you quarreled and what can be done to avoid this in the future;
• don't be afraid to show your feelings in front of your baby. Your credibility will not suffer from this. Yes, sometimes you also feel sad, offended, and ashamed of your mistakes.

Avoiding Failure

Such a child refuses to participate in games, sports competitions and public events, does not answer in class when the teacher asks him, and is afraid of visiting new places and unfamiliar people.

Adults believe that he is simply capricious and does not obey, but the problem is much deeper - in the personal development and self-esteem of the child.

The child is afraid that he will not succeed, is afraid of being unsuccessful, and therefore refuses traumatic situations in advance. Parents also make their contribution, whose requirements for the child often do not correspond to his real capabilities.

What should parents do:

• create situations of success in which the child can demonstrate his strengths;
• increase the child’s self-esteem, praise him for showing perseverance and finishing what he started;
• teach you to think about yourself in a positive way (“I don’t know how to tie my shoelaces yet, but I can put together a complex puzzle in five minutes”);
• compare the child only with himself, not with others;
• support and help when difficulties arise, but do not do it for him!

Age crises

3 years

By the age of three, a child begins to strive for independence and independence from an adult. He refuses to comply with his parents' demands, is stubborn and often throws tantrums. Most moms and dads are unprepared for the fact that their sweet little one suddenly turns into an uncontrollable tyrant. But you should not be afraid of manifestations of the crisis, this means that the child is growing up, he is ready to separate from the adult and become an independent person with his own needs and desires.

6-7 years

The next crisis stage in a child’s life occurs in preschool age, when his social self begins to form. As at 3 years old, a preschooler wants to make decisions himself and for adults to take his opinion into account. Children can react painfully to critical remarks from adults; they often become offended, show stubbornness and disobedience when their parents demand that they unquestioningly fulfill their demands.

Adolescence

A teenager is looking for self-expression and self-affirmation in society; the opinion of his parents is no longer authoritative for him. Hormonal changes in the body cause explosiveness, irritability and emotional instability. Many children's school performance declines, conflicts arise with peers and teachers, and a hostile environment also reigns in the family due to the desire of parents to take control of the life of their son or daughter.

If you're worried about your teen, suspect he's been hanging out with bad people or being bullied by his peers, or just want to make sure he's doing well at school, you don't have to put him under total control. Just install the Where Are My Children app from the AppStore or GooglePlay.

Physiological reasons

In addition to the above reasons, children with:

• ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder);
• ASD (autism spectrum disorder);
• mental retardation (mental retardation) and mental retardation;
• mental illness;
• for those who have suffered psychological trauma or are in a state of stress.

In these cases, parental action alone will not be enough. The child needs medical, psychological and pedagogical assistance.

Remember the boy who came with his dad to see a psychologist? In his case, there was a whole complex of reasons that gave rise to such behavior of the child. Mom and dad separated when the child was not yet three years old, and his grandmother began raising him, since the parents prioritized organizing their personal lives. Soon the grandmother realized that she could not cope with the boy, and tried to involve the parents in the process of raising the child. As a result, the boy lived either with his dad and his new wife, or with his grandmother, and sometimes his mother took him for weekends. The family situation, in which the child did not feel needed and loved, was superimposed on pedagogical neglect and neurological disorders, which the boy’s parents did not pay attention to.