Freud's Oedipus complex
This is the hidden sexual attraction of a 3-6 year old boy towards his mother and ambivalent emotions during the same period towards his father in the form of love and hatred at the same time.
The stage of adoration of the mother as a woman and jealousy of her man, even if he is your own father, is necessary for the proper development of the child’s nervous system and his adaptation in the family and in the world around him as an independent individual.
Causes
While the child is small, he often has more contact with his mother .
As the child grows up, she realizes that her attention goes not only to him, but also to the father and other family members - because of this, the child’s proprietary interests clearly suffer.
This is how he learns that he is not the center of the universe for his mother and other people and, naturally, this greatly shocks him for some time.
At the same time, the boy tries to copy the behavior of the older man in the family towards his wife, therefore he pays attention to his mother both as a child and as a man. But at the same time, she gradually begins to realize that she treats him differently than her husband.
The child is unable to understand the reason for the difference, and confusion in feelings brings him a lot of unpleasant moments.
How do parents provoke its development?
Approving of his son's abnormal behavior.
How can the course of the complex worsen:
- By condescending observation of how the child is openly or covertly trying to push the father away from the mother . If dad starts fawning over his son or playing along with his son, which is contrary to nature, the child will be afraid in his soul both for the burden of ill-imagined responsibility and for guilt before his father. Although outwardly it will demonstrate triumph. In the future, such a policy of the father will become the reason for disrespect for him and reluctance to copy his male line of behavior.
- Agreeing to let the child into your bed . Mom and dad's bed is their personal territory. And, of course, the baby may be angry and offended by the ban on sleeping under his parents’ side, but this rule must remain unbreakable.
- An unreasonable hope of marriage with a son in the future. Even in a joking manner, you cannot tell your child that you will marry him when he grows up.
The focus on healthy relationships should be laid from infancy. So that the child does not feel rejected, they must explain to him that mom and dad are a couple, and when he grows up, he will definitely find his soul mate and love her. - Ridiculing my son's feelings. Parents must respond adequately to excessive manifestations of love, but at the same time not hurt the dignity of the little person.
- Lack of normal family relationships between the child’s parents. A tyrant father and a mumble father will have an equally bad influence on the further development of the child. For example, in both cases, such a model of behavior may be rejected by the child as worthy of copying.
- If a boy is raised only by his mother, then she, consciously or unconsciously, can turn him into the head of the family. Thus, frequent repetitions of phrases like “you are my only support” elevates the child in his own eyes, but imposes too many psychological obligations on him.
It can also influence the formation of a subconscious idea of the mother as a female partner for marriage. In the future, this thought form can prevent a man from starting his own family. For example, he will be tormented by neurosis due to guilt for “cheating” on his first woman, or he will develop sexual impotence due to associating his partner with his mother - and this is incest.
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Features of the approach to the Oedipus complex
From Carl Jung
Carl Jung was a student of Freud, but he rejected his teacher's theory, creating his own teaching based on archetypes, which are mental representations. They appear throughout life and are filled with emotions.
Jung highlighted the collective unconscious, as well as the archetype of the mother, which is common to all humanity. In addition, the scientist identified the archetype Persona, Shadow, Self, Anima and Animus.
- Persona is related to our social roles and how we present ourselves to the world with a unique character and way of expressing ourselves.
- Shadow is material displaced by consciousness to the level of the unconscious (desires, experiences).
- Anima and Animus are the feminine and masculine principles, ideal ideas about masculinity and femininity, formed as a result of communication with the opposite sex.
- The ego is the center of all consciousness.
- Self is order, the integrity of personality, which unites and brings together the conscious and unconscious.
At Alfred Adler's
The scientist emphasized that under normal conditions, by the age of 6, a child already shows interest in his father and mother. A certain amount of care aside, attraction can only be associated with external influences, when the baby spends more time with one of the adults. At the same time, Adler considers the Oedipus complex to be a manifestation of ordinary capriciousness.
From Erich Fromm
Fromm generally agreed with Sigmund Freud and believed that the development of sexuality actually begins in childhood. However, the conflict with the father is not associated with competition for the mother, but acts as a signal of the desire for freedom and independence, independence. The father tries to subdue his son, encountering resistance. And this has nothing to do with the “war” for the mother.
This, according to Erich Fromm, is where the Oedipus complex is expressed.
Signs
Main features:
- It is manifested by serious, from the boy’s point of view, statements about his intentions regarding living together with his parent as a life partner.
- If a child is naturally shy, the mother can guess about his fantasies thanks to the increased attention from the son, expressed, for example, by active help around the house , the desire to cuddle closer than usual during hugs, etc. At the same time, cases in relation to the father may become more frequent unreasonable aggression or demonstrative disobedience in various situations.
- pseudophobias “bloom” - it is convenient for the child to use fictitious fears so that the mother devotes more time to him.
For example, I read longer at night, allowed me to sleep in my parents’ bed, and always took my hand on the street. - During this period, the child may often think about the partial or complete removal of the father from participation in the life of the family , which can result in fantasies with a sad and even tragic ending at the end of fictitious stories.
- If the manifestations of the Oedipus crisis are not eliminated correctly and on time, with the advent of adolescence, an unconscious strong craving for the mother will appear again , but in a different form. The son will in every possible way poison the life of the parent with his antics, rude and even boorish communication, without having a specific goal and, in fact, not receiving any pleasure from it.
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Features of the complex
Both boys and girls are characterized by the following signs of the Oedipus complex.
- Excessive moodiness. The child demands that a parent of a different gender be nearby. Otherwise, he refuses to eat, sleep, and play.
- Reluctance to communicate with peers. The girl will insist on playing often with her father, and the boy will insist on helping his mother. In this case, there is a refusal to play with peers.
- Difficulty saying goodbye. The child will not want to let his beloved parent go to work. She will cry and even be hysterical.
- Irritability. A child can behave aggressively and even answer an adult’s questions very angrily.
In boys
The mother spends most of her time with the child. At the phallic stage, the boy begins to unconsciously feel attracted to her and is not yet able to draw the line between different types of love.
It is then that irritability begins to appear, the child constantly cries if mom pays attention to dad and not to him. And aggression arises towards the father. For him, his father becomes an unconscious rival who needs to be eliminated.
If the father does not treat this kind of love with understanding and does not try to build a dialogue, as a result this stage will not be completed, and the process will turn into the Oedipus complex in adult men.
For girls
Girls show little aggression. At this stage, they copy their mother’s behavior, learn to please, and it is then that the image of a future husband is formed, for whom the girl prepares food, washes the dishes, and pleases in every possible way.
If the father forms a negative image in the girl, in the future the future woman will experience difficulties in choosing a partner and developing trust in the man in general.
Why is it dangerous?
Secretly, the boy begins to dream about the disappearance of his father, but at the same time he feels like a traitor to the latter.
At the same time, being able to evaluate the world purely through a personal prism, the child “reasonably” suspects that the father has the same thoughts, but in relation to the offspring.
So many contradictions cause discomfort in a fragile psyche, very exhaust the child , and instill in him fears that he will soon become an outcast in his own family.
In addition, he experiences difficulties with the next line of behavior - children need examples to understand the direction of the desired path of development.
In the absence of behavior correction and a clear understanding at a young age of one’s secondary importance in the triangle of mother - her husband - their son, acceptance of this state of affairs and awareness that this is correct, the Oedipus complex will manifest itself in an adult man, bringing him new suffering.
Residual traits in adulthood
Manifestations in adult men:
- Difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex . Each new partner will be studied through the prism of matching or mismatching the physical and psychological traits of the mother. And even if the features of the first are perceived as satisfactory, the partners’ life together will be full of special problems. For example, a man will be highly influenced by his mother and will agree to her active participation in his own family life.
- Homosexuality . Such an outcome is possible either due to the father’s lack of an adequate acceptable example of behavior or due to excessive love for the mother. In the first case, the boy may begin to identify with his mother and choose a feminine line of behavior. In the second case, preference for same-sex partners develops due to a subconscious strong reluctance to offend the mother by having a relationship with another woman.
- Hidden neurosis that manifested itself with the birth of a joint child . A wife, hiddenly associated with her own mother, paying a large share of attention to the newborn, can provoke in a man hatred of his own offspring.
- Masochistic tendencies , impairing the ability to build normal relationships in friendship and marriage.
As if punishing himself for his secret love for his mother, the man subconsciously looks for partners who turn his life into a branch of a madhouse. - Difficulties in intimate life. The Oedipus complex is “to blame” for the existence of many sexual inversions.
- Rude behavior when communicating with the opposite sex , the desire to suppress a partner in everything is a frequent manifestation of being stuck in a crisis, revenge on the mother for inaccessibility and on the father for the lack of male influence on behavior.
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Origin of the term
The author of the concept of the Oedipus complex is the famous Austrian scientist Sigmund Freud. It was he who, based on an ancient Greek myth, created his famous theory of psychoanalysis in 1910.
The myth tells about the young man Oedipus, who, after solving the riddle of the Sphinx, killed his own father Laius and married his mother, without knowing it. The child's fate was predicted in infancy.
A similar mythological story is associated with the heroine Electra, who wanted to kill her own mother. Freud applied his theory to both men and women, but today, as a counterweight to the Oedipus complex, the concept of the Electra complex has been introduced.
These legends formed the basis of the theory and were used to explain the attraction of children to a parent of the opposite sex, unconsciously, to study the formation of the inner “I”, as well as the “super-ego”
