Dark and frightening thoughts
“This is disgusting, show me more”
People are embarrassed to admit that they are attracted to sinister and vile stories: it is considered to be the preserve of freaks and perverts. Fans of bloody thrillers, photo compilations of road accident victims, or preserved embryos in alcohol have a reduced ability to empathize. Thirty years ago, University of Delaware professor Marvin Zuckerman determined that some people are more susceptible to sensation-seeking than others. When confronted with something abnormal and terrible, people with this personality type become more excited - this can be determined by measuring electrodermic activity.
Cravings for unhealthy and creepy things can be healthy. According to psychologist Eric Wilson, thinking about the suffering of others allows us to neutralize destructive emotions without causing harm to ourselves or others. They can even lead to a state of awe: “I can feel the value of my own life in a new way,” Wilson writes, “because I myself and my family are alive and well!”
Thoughts about sexual perversion
“Do not open at work... or anywhere at all”
Many of us consider the most disgusting thoughts associated with sexual taboos: there is nothing worse than catching yourself fantasizing about something immoral or illegal.
The good news is that being a little agitated doesn't mean anything. Clinical psychologist Lee Baer, a professor at Harvard Medical School, argues that arousal is the body's natural response to attention: "Try thinking about your genitals and convincing yourself that you don't feel anything." If the thought of rape or sex with a minor flashes through your mind, this does not mean that you are going to bring this idea to life. Everyone thinks about sex, but not all fantasies should be taken literally.
Women's erotic fantasies about submission and rape have their own logical explanation. Researchers at the University of North Texas found that 57% of women have ever felt aroused by fantasizing about violent sexual acts with themselves as the victim. This can be explained by the woman's desire to be desired - so much so that the man cannot control himself. Another explanation is the rush of endorphins, which enter the blood more actively due to the accelerated heart rate that accompanies feelings of fear and disgust. An imaginary situation of coercion allows you to give freedom to secret “vicious” desires without feeling guilty. Fantasies about rape, which remain under the reliable control of our consciousness, are in no way connected with the desire to be raped in real life.
How to deal with obsessive thoughts and emotions
Physical activity has been and remains the best cure for unnecessary thoughts. It is better if it is a collective action, supported by positive emotions, for example, playing football with friends, going to a club with a large group and dancing until the morning.
Solo exercise, walking, jogging, going to the pool and cycling also have an effective distracting effect. And even a simple set of push-ups, squats and bends left and right and back and forth can reboot the brain for the next few minutes.
In second place are any household chores that require simple physical effort and take a lot of time. For example, do the cleaning, cook borscht, remove garbage from the balcony, sort through and neatly put things in the closet, remove and wash the curtains. Men can go to the garage and clean it up. Just, mind you, no alcohol!
Any creative activity is also very effective in distracting from disturbing thoughts - knitting, sewing, embroidery, drawing, playing musical instruments. Try cross-stitching some picture – any one, even one that you won’t show to anyone. Try to learn some melody on the piano - any melody, even if only you like it and you will not perform it in public anywhere.
If everything is literally “out of your hands” and you can’t do anything, try to plunge into other people’s emotions. The plot of a movie or book can distract you from your own experiences for several hours. And then, you see, you won’t want to return to them anymore.
Going to a movie, theater or concert has approximately the same effect - the plot of a film or play always involves solving a problem. It may well turn out that it is much more complicated than yours. Or, on the contrary, it will be similar to yours, and your anxious thoughts will finally be directed in a constructive direction.
Look for an interesting online crowd on social networks, for example, photographers, HR managers, lovers of rock music, cats, or jokes. As a rule, there is a lot of energizing positivity there. And besides, such online parties tend to flow smoothly offline. This was the case before the coronavirus restrictions and these are the plans of many online communities for the next year.
From the previous point follows another way to distract yourself from negative thoughts - plan a trip for next year to a city or even a new country. Even if by next year you find something more interesting to do, now is a very real chance to feel a surge of strength and gain an understanding of what to do, at least in the next 10-12 months.
Those who have experience in meditative practices can be advised to visualize the experience and “release” it. For example, imagine all your problems as coupled carriages of a train going into the distance and taking your problems beyond the horizon. Or in the form of film frames - then you just have to get up and leave the movie.
Let us now briefly summarize the above. Top 10 ways to put obsessive thoughts to rest:
- Collective and positive activities - football, volleyball, basketball, dancing.
- Individual sports activities - swimming, cycling, exercise equipment, skateboarding, roller skating.
- Household chores - washing, cleaning, cooking, putting the house in order.
- Creativity – knitting, sewing, embroidery, drawing, playing musical instruments.
- Literature and art - books, films, theaters, museums, exhibitions, concerts.
- Online communities of interests - photography, humor, animals, personal growth and creative development.
- Travel and trip planning.
- Actually travel and trips, if possible.
- Meditative practices.
- Relaxation techniques – deep diaphragmatic breathing, self-massage, calm music.
You can learn more about meditative practices and relaxation techniques in our “Mental Self-Regulation” program. In a month and a half, you will take control of everything that happens in your life and learn to respond adequately to stress.
And finally, what if all the methods have been tried, but there is no relief and no relief in sight? Perhaps it is for you that your situation is a stalemate. Moreover, regardless of what all the psychologists combined told you about this. Then it’s worth taking the advice of the Meladze brothers: “If things don’t work out, don’t wait!” And not to repeat the mistakes of others, clearly described in the video for the song “My Brother,” when “I spent half my life getting used to it, but I just had to leave.” Sometimes, indeed, you just need to leave and not tire with your presence those who generate negativity in your life.
We wish you extremely positive and joyful thoughts. And the more, the better!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- The best blog content in 2020: psychology
- How to Silence Your Inner Critic
- Dorian Gray Syndrome
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Signs of neurosis
- Five problems during your first meditation
- Seven ways to stop rumination
- Overcoming obsessive thoughts
- Occupational Therapy - Lose yourself in activity
- Post-traumatic stress disorder: briefly about the most important things
Key words: 1Cognitive science, 1Psychoregulation
Politically incorrect thoughts
“If they know what I'm thinking, they'll hate me.”
The hateful voice in your head that kicks in whenever an “other” comes into your field of attention—be it a man in a wheelchair, a woman in a veil, a flamboyantly dressed transsexual, or a foreigner with an unusual skin color. This voice, which you try your best to drown out, questions the adequacy, behavior, abilities and general presence of human qualities of “others”.
Mark Schaller, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia, believes that such thoughts are caused by a primitive defense mechanism that formed at the dawn of humanity, when strangers were by definition a source of threat. The mechanism of “psychological immunity”, however, does not justify modern manifestations of intolerance - fat-shaming, xenophobia, religious prejudice or homophobia.
The good news is that automatic politically incorrect thoughts can be overcome: psychologists advise you to stop thinking about how polite and open-minded others think you are, and concentrate on the personality of the person you are communicating with.
Gloating thoughts
“Your failure is my joy”
When we hear on the news that some girl was caught drunk driving and arrested, it doesn’t bother us. But if that girl turns out to be Paris Hilton, we feel a strange, evil satisfaction that the Germans call "shadenfreude" (literally, "joy from harm").
Australian psychologist Norman Feather (Flinders University) proved that we are more pleased by the failure of someone outstanding than by the failure of a person equal to us in status. When successful people fail, we feel smarter, more insightful, and more confident.
Perhaps this is how our inner desire for justice manifests itself. But where does the feeling of shame come from? According to Professor Richard Smith, author of The Joy of Pain, there is no point in beating yourself up over this trivial emotional reaction. To overcome an attack of schadenfreude, you need to imagine yourself in the place of the victim or concentrate on your own achievements and merits, because the best antidote to envy is gratitude.
What is “garbage” and where does it come from?
How do each of us determine where the garbage is? There are several signs thanks to which we can easily part with this or that thing. Now I’ll try to put everything on the shelves, or rather, in garbage bags. And I classify rubbish on a scale of uselessness. If I make a mistake, please tell me or tell me about your approach to the matter, how you can get rid of trash information.
- Waste
Everything is clear with this category. This is what we used for specific purposes and threw away as unnecessary. Note! As unnecessary. And it wouldn’t even occur to us to bring home other people’s waste, put it in a place of honor and look for meaning in it.
- Thoughts and feelings
This is about things. Let's see which thoughts in the head or feelings are garbage. Perhaps they once brought us benefit, but now they are of no use: the weather in Malta, a panda born somewhere, the birthday of a neighbor’s dog will not linger in our minds on their own.
But there are grievances, frustrations, like once someone at school did not let us write off, and many other different memories, and not only from a past life, but also what is happening now, for example, someone at work did not protect us. This and similar information is of no use to us. We have already learned a lesson from something. So why a “survived” fact from life, like a lemon, that doesn’t even lift your spirits? Drive away all this and never remember it again under any circumstances!
This also includes the information that others share with us: friends and acquaintances. We can listen to them, sympathize, but it is better to leave it outside of our consciousness. Why do we need it?
- Broken things
Sometimes, in the hope of fixing things, we accumulate a lot of unnecessary items. Let me give myself as an example. I’m writing from a laptop, and 3 more are sitting and collecting dust, because at one time I didn’t repair them, but bought new ones.
So here are the thoughts. Sometimes it’s a pity to throw them out of your head, maybe they’ll come in handy. These may be unrealized plans, unfulfilled dreams of some kind of acquisition, etc. We keep them in the hope that someday we will fix them.
- Something we haven't used for a long time
Why do we throw away even good things? They may not pollute the room, but they certainly clutter, take away space, light and accumulate dust. Because of them, there is nowhere to bring and place new, good and necessary thoughts.
School knowledge helped us get used to life and develop our abilities. But why do we need them now? The same as the address of a good dressmaker, if our size was slightly adjusted during childbirth. All this was good, but it is “junk” that should be removed without thinking and without regret.
So, let me summarize with a simple formula:
Garbage thoughts = everything that we do not intend to use + what prevents us from living and feeling truly happy.
It turns out that this affects not only a comfortable emotional state, but is also directly related to healthy eating and weight loss. More details in the video from my favorite vlogger
Cruel and bloodthirsty thoughts
“If only I had a chainsaw now...”
You’re calmly chopping onions in your kitchen, and suddenly the thought flashes through your head: “What if I kill my wife?” If thoughts of murder were a crime, most of us would be found guilty. According to psychologist David Bass (University of Texas at Austin), 91% of men and 84% of women have ever imagined pushing someone off a platform, smothering their partner with a pillow, or severely beating a family member.
The researcher offered a radical explanation: because our ancestors killed to survive, they passed on to us a predisposition to murder at the genetic level. Our subconscious always stores information about killing as a possible way to solve problems associated with stress, power, limited resources and security threats.
However, in most cases, thoughts about violence do not precede actual violence, but, on the contrary, block it. The heartbreaking pictures that the brain paints force us to analyze the situation before acting. The scenario is played out in the imagination, the prefrontal cortex turns on, and the terrible thought disappears.
But what happens to dark thoughts when we suppress them?
We use too much energy
Overthinking takes a lot of energy. The brain spends all its energy thinking through different scenarios and working through all the thoughts that come to mind. It turns out that in the end there is not enough energy for something truly productive. You may feel incredibly tired simply because you spend too much time in your own thoughts. Scientists have concluded that when we think too much, we find ourselves in a stressful situation, then the body begins to produce cortisol, the stress hormone. And the more often we encounter this, the faster we come to emotional burnout and decreased productivity.
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