0 26538 July 26, 2020 at 08:39 Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova, psychologist Editor: Tamara Tkachenko
He was in my head always and everywhere. When I was cooking, watching movies, meeting friends, driving to work. An exhausting, obsessive state - when a person who doesn’t need you occupies all your thoughts. It's painful, it's stupid, it's humiliating, in the end! But you simply can’t do anything, and no advice from psychologists on how to get a person out of your thoughts helps.
- I wonder if he would like this seasoning for meat?..
— A dashing plot twist, just a great movie, I wish I could tell him...
- That same song... ours... just brings me to tears...
-What a starry night! And the moon is just huge. What if he, too, is looking at her somewhere now?
Yes, that's how crazy it is. How can you not think about a person who doesn’t care about you? An effective way has finally been found. It turned out that the main thing here is to understand the reasons why a person cannot get out of his head.
Ways to stop thinking?
- See each other less! You need to avoid places where you would meet, you need to exclude communication in the virtual world, remove all reminders of it from your eyes (but you shouldn’t tear up or burn photographs, because the time will come, everything will settle down, but no memories will remain).
- Spend more time with friends, work, switch to an interesting hobby, perhaps go on a trip - the more positive emotions you have, the faster you will forget about your lover.
- All the thoughts that are swarming in your head need to be changed so that the memories of him fade into the background. You can sign up for a gym, a swimming pool, fitness, yoga, car courses, gain new knowledge (learning a foreign language) and so on. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of rearranging the house, redecorating, or maybe going to the garden and spending time with the harvest.
- If thoughts arise after thoughts, then you need to stop developing it. You need to learn to switch from one topic to another. One famous psychologist gives this advice - you need to put an elastic band on your hand to roll money, and as soon as an unnecessary thought arises, slap the rubber band on your hand. A painful sensation will arise, and therefore the brain will quickly switch to a different wavelength. It is unlikely that you will want to feel such pain again next time.
- Psychologists also advise doing general cleaning, throwing away old things, or, best of all, donating them to other people. This way you will cleanse your aura and let new creative force into your home and life.
The following five ways are about re-evaluating your worldview. All people appear on our path for certain reasons, some for life experience, some for the soul, some for support in difficult times, because the hand of the Lord moves all things.
And if it so happens that this person is no longer yours, then you need to find the reason for such a change and move on with your life, without being tempered by the past.
- It is important to learn one truth - no one and nothing on earth lasts forever, such is the natural law of life. You need to learn to gratefully accept the gifts of the Universe, and also let them go. This is a real breakthrough for healing your soul.
- You need to learn to give love to others, let them be parents, friends, colleagues, those who want to receive attention and support from you. In this way, one develops one's own strength and independence.
- You must value and love yourself, there are so many interesting, unknown things in life, so why occupy your thoughts with negative emotions, take away what no longer belongs to you. Develop your horizons, travel, get real pleasure from life.
- To get rid of love addiction, you may also need the help of a psychologist, because situations are different. There is no need to be ashamed of this, it is important to find the cause of depression, get rid of it and start living happily.
- The most important thing is to find the strength to live on. You need to understand what tied you so much to each other, perhaps it is mercantile interests, then the purification of soul and body must begin with yourself and your unfaithful thoughts. Love is pure and bright, not demanding anything in return.
How to stop dreaming about love and start living?
Many psychologists say that you first need to love yourself. Most often, people with low self-esteem experience an urgent need for love, craving attention, care and solutions to all problems. If a person does not accept himself for who he is, then further relationships may be accompanied by scenes of jealousy or become dependent on the attention of a partner. And this can no longer be called love. Therefore, drive away the thoughts “I’m uninteresting”, “I’m ugly”, “I’m fat” and the like if you plan to become a full-fledged and harmonious person.
It is also impossible to experience all the delights and joys of life while being in an amoebic state most of the time. Constant movement, activity and communication will immerse you in the cycle of events, interesting acquaintances and new experiences. Don't know what to grab hold of? Turn to your inner voice.
Learn to listen to your desires Photo: Depositphotos
From time to time, learn to listen to yourself, to your desires that have been suppressed over the past years. Perhaps the most common things you will hear are: “eat those fries over there,” “skip your morning jog,” “stay in bed until lunch.” And it’s also normal to want this, but you shouldn’t overuse it and turn into a lazy seal.
Abstract from the needs associated with the banal “wants” of the body and the call of laziness, pay attention to what the soul wants . Perhaps you used to draw well, but abandoned brushes and pencils a certain amount of time ago. Or they played musical instruments, were engaged in collecting, modeling, photography, and did cross-stitch and beadwork.
Find a hobby that interests you, develop a skill and enjoy the results achieved. It will not be surprising if the chosen activity soon brings in additional income, and your self-perception reaches positive indicators.
Try not to stay at home , especially in winter. A large number of master classes, seminars, exhibitions, presentations, and concerts are held in every city, where you can not only have fun, but also make new acquaintances. It is worth noting that in various groups of social networks, boys and girls are looking for company for this or that event, if there is no one to go with. A great dating option for very shy people!
Don't sit at home, start a hobby! Photo: pixabay.com
And, of course, don’t forget about your friends and parents. Perhaps right now they need your support and attention, which will distract them from your own problems and strengthen their connection and relationship.
Feeling his own importance and necessity, a person forgets about loneliness and lets go of obsessive thoughts. And at such a moment, life lets in new people who will play an important role in the future.
Love and live in harmony!
Tags: love yourself, inner voice, love, joy of life, low self-esteem, harmonious personality, spend time, need for love, loneliness
Ways to Overcome the Victim Mentality
You have driven yourself into a corner, you feel like a victim, poor and unhappy, you think a lot about him and believe that only he can solve all your issues and heal your emotional wounds.
Look in the mirror what these thoughts have turned you into, realize the enormous power that is inside and is capable of working miracles - just wish to be happy without him and everything will come true.
If it is difficult for someone to speak out, then you can start a personal diary where you can write down all your secret thoughts. Sometimes, in this way, much more can be said than in reality. And over time, you will re-read what is sore and will be able to draw objective conclusions.
You can practice meditation, sign up for yoga classes in order to collect your thoughts, free yourself mentally and physically, and take the path of truth. Forgive him for all the insults, if there are any, and let him go in peace, this will make you feel much better.
Pray, strengthen your connection with the Lord, put him first, look for ways to be a spiritually developed person, and do not worship people. This is to some extent even sinful.
Maintain social connections, communicate, don’t isolate yourself, love life in all its manifestations, give joy to each other and everything will be fine. Don't get stuck on a certain period of time in life and be happy!
What prevents you from forgetting another person?
- When a loved one is the meaning of life. Not all girls have fantasies only about a white dress, borscht and children. It happens that it fades into the hundredth plane, and you want to understand: why do you even live in the world? And the people around, as luck would have it, are down-to-earth and narrow-minded. What should I talk to them about?
And then He appears. A silent, strange man, as if not from this world. Meaningful conversations with him are a special pleasure, but being silent together is a real paradise! You have something to talk about, right?
And here the seeker of the meaning of life (the woman with the sound vector) risks falling into a trap. The meaning of life, which has not yet been found, is transferred to a loved one. He becomes the center of the Universe. The reason it exists. In the whole wide world he is the only one. Like the Almighty.
Sometimes it's a platonic relationship. A man may not even suspect that someone else’s world revolves around him. For a sound girl, with her sensitive ears, it is enough to occasionally hear the voice of a loved one around whom her thoughts revolve. Know that he is somewhere. It is difficult for her to stop constantly thinking about the person who is the meaning. After all, thinking is a special pleasure for sound engineers.
- When a person evokes emotions that you don’t experience with others. How to stop thinking about a person if there were bright, fountain-like feelings next to him? If only next to this person you felt truly alive, living every moment of life strongly and brightly? Sensual experiences and love are the main values for people with a visual vector. Such people suffer from love addiction, when without a loved one you suffocate, as if without air. Memories of the man you like come flooding back with a wave of great feelings. Experiencing them seems like a salvation from bottomless melancholy.
And it happens that your vivid imagination itself painted pictures of a whirlwind romance in your thoughts. In every glance, in every word, you felt something more, and your emotions were unwinding, unwinding... And then a painful collapse from the realization that you were wearing rose-colored glasses and had put them on yourself. But in reality these feelings are not mutual.
- When the dream of getting married and becoming a better wife and mother did not come true. This case is already “about borscht and children,” but not only. The owner of the anal vector, more than other women, strives to get married and “build a nest.” To be a faithful and devoted wife to your loved one. Become the best mother to his children. When obsessive thoughts about this haunt you, then you involuntarily try on the surname of your loved one almost from the first day you met...
If you had joint plans with your ex-partner, then thoughts about this stubbornly do not leave your head. We were never able to implement them, complete our plans, or call it a day. It's painful.
In addition, people with the anal vector have phenomenal memory. You remember every little thing, every detail of your past. It is impossible to stop thinking about your loved one simply because you remember everything constantly and in great detail.
Ways to stop thinking
It is impossible to force yourself not to think about a person through an effort of will. And thoughts involuntarily creep into your head, and there is no peace with feelings. And even time, it turns out, is a so-so “healer.” It is possible to truly get rid of obsessive thoughts about a person only if you fill your shortcomings and realize your desires.
It's not about any specific person at all. And the fact is that your soul painfully wants, but does not receive what is so desired. For example, meaning in life or vivid feelings and experiences, family comfort and warmth.
The psyche of modern people is complex - we can be carriers of three or even more different vectors at the same time. And so, how can you stop thinking about the person you love if almost all the desires of your heart were connected with him?
Self love
In order to stop thinking about your ex-lover, you must provide yourself with a constant dose of positive emotions that will distract you from unwanted thoughts. A very generous source of energy and positive emotions for every woman is her external attractiveness. After breaking up with a guy, a lot of time is usually freed up to devote to yourself.
What can be done:
- Go to a cosmetologist and get your skin in order.
- Go to the hairdresser and change your image, becoming even more beautiful and attractive.
- Get a trendy manicure.
- Go shopping. After all, shopping has long become a universal cure for life’s disappointments for all women.
All those feelings that were previously directed towards a man must be turned in your direction. This will help you stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend as quickly as possible and introduce drastic changes in your life.
Male attention as another way to stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend
Under no circumstances should you rush to start a new relationship with the first person you meet. This is the most common mistake most girls make when they want to prove to their ex that he is not the only man in the world.
Some girls hope that the rumor about their new romance will reach the ears of their loved one, and he will begin to be jealous. But their plan usually doesn't work, and new relationships only bring new problems.
In the first months after breaking up with a guy, it is better to simply meet and flirt with young people to increase your own self-esteem. And in general, nothing clears thoughts of melancholy and sadness as well as a flurry of compliments from handsome men. Let the attention of many temporarily replace the courtesy of one.