It's not just mental and emotional
The phrase “mental illness” makes it seem like it simply exists in our thoughts. But that's not true. WebMD (Medication Guide) lists at least 12 physical symptoms of severe depression. Chronic pain develops or worsens. Chest pain, migraines, stomach problems and a weakened immune system are some common symptoms.
Real fatigue to the bones, which becomes a constant companion; no amount of sleep or coffee can make it go away. When people say they can't get out of bed because they're depressed, this is what they're talking about.
That day on the beach, I told my colleagues about the physical state of depression. Every part of me ached from the resistance to gravity, as if my cells wanted to collapse into a puddle on the ground. My skin, like lotion, burned as if from a sunburn, and my throat hurt from the lump stuck in it. At one point I had serious weight problems because I couldn't eat properly.
Suicide is not a selfish choice
Sometimes people say that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. But for many who struggle with darkness, death seems the most selfless act. Depression often carries an intense, shameful feeling of self-hatred. In my low moments, I believed that I was toxic and harmful to my loved ones. I was sure that taking my own life would be a blessing to others.
It's like a repeating chorus. As a mom, I thought my husband would find a wonderful new wife and mother for his child. She knew he wouldn't be burdened by her illness and her baby would have the best mother. My good friend, Steve Austin, almost died because he thought the end of his life was best for his wife and young son. Fortunately, he didn't die. He spent some time in a mental hospital, took medication and found support that he never found in the church.
We can't be sad
Depression is not sadness, as this article explains. Everything is much more complicated: emptiness, flatness, irritation or strange numbness. Many people who seek help for depression report only physical symptoms because they are not sad.
For me, I first notice it as brain fog. The world seems to be moving in slow motion, but I still can't keep up. All I want is to sleep, not only because depression is tiring, but because sleep is an escape.
What it is?
Depression usually means a serious illness that radically reduces a person’s ability to work and brings great suffering not only to the patient, but also to the people around him. It should be noted that modern citizens know extremely little about some of the typical manifestations of this disease and its consequences, therefore, numerous patients receive qualified assistance only when the disease becomes severely protracted and is practically untreatable.
It's not because we don't pray and read our Bibles
In 2013, Lifeway Research found that nearly 50% of evangelicals believe that only prayer and Bible study can overcome serious mental illness. Unfortunately, this false belief prevents people from seeking the help they need.
I know this first hand. No matter how many times I read poetry, asked for healing, and did all the other things I was supposed to do, I still had the disease. I was not miraculously healed.
Of course, our God is powerful and able to heal in an instant. And sometimes mild depression naturally goes into remission, like cancer, which can reinforce the dangerous idea that seeking medical help means a lack of faith. Christians need to know prayer, and reading hope-filled verses is an important part of a comprehensive self-help plan.
But they are not enough. It wasn't until I started taking medication and seeing a licensed therapist (pastors don't get enough training to counsel people with depression or suicidal thoughts) weekly that the darkness disappeared and my chest stopped hurting.
And I am also grateful to God that he works through small pills and experienced professionals, as if he waved a magic wand and instantly healed me. He is still the primary source of healing and is still glorified by working through people.
People who serve God also sincerely struggle
The lie that people who walk closely with God never have suicidal thoughts or other mental health problems is dangerous because it falsely views these problems as sin.
If we believe that depression and dark thoughts are sinful, we are more likely to feel shame and expect God to punish us. But the truth is that he is kind and does not wait to punish us for our struggles.
Depression and suicidal thoughts do not go away if we are spiritual. I am sure many devout believers and committed leaders would like it to be so. And me too.
I was in ministry—helping people, preaching, leading worship, traveling, leading Bible studies—but I still wanted to die. Being in a struggle and facing hopelessness.
I mentioned Steve earlier. He was a young pastor when he tried to die. He knew what the Bible said and how to pray. He knew well all the “right” answers and corresponding spiritual statements. They simply made his situation even more embarrassing because the stigma of being a pastor with these problems was too great.
Depression and suicide are on the rise across the country. We cannot assume that those we love and look up to do not struggle with darkness.
Attention relatives and friends
► After receiving news of a serious diagnosis, it is better not to leave a person alone. ► Use any strings to tie the patient more tightly to life: try to show him new, interesting things. ► If the patient has thoughts of suicide, immediately contact psychological help centers! ► Do not put an adult in the position of a helpless baby. Emphasize through words and actions the patient’s strength and confidence in the fight against the disease. Avoid tearful and pitiful intonations when communicating with him. Make a choice: either you support him and help fight the disease, or step aside.
We can't "choose joy" or "stop thinking about it"
Sometimes Christians tell us to “choose joy” or focus on someone other than ourselves. There is some truth to this: caring for others and cultivating joy are important parts of a healthy life.
But when death seems like the only way out of the internal torture chamber, these things don't work. What's worse is that they become a way to mask the pain. This is how I could participate in several services and smile widely while I wished for death.
Saying something like, “I'm so sorry you're hurting,” and spending time with people who are struggling is much more effective than telling them to choose joy. This allows them to be honest, which can save lives.
Varieties
The symptoms of depression vary from person to person. The way out of this illness depends on the degree of depression. There is, for example, hereditary depression, which literally arises “out of nowhere” in adolescence, the treatment of which may require drug therapy and observation by a qualified psychiatrist.
But there are conditions that develop sequentially, as reactions to psychological trauma (for example, divorce, dismissal, death of a loved one, etc.) or appear as a result of mental exhaustion. In these cases, a universal algorithm helps excellently, which is effective regardless of what a person has experienced in his life. The exception is the death of a close relative: most often therapy and medications are needed here.
Suicidal thoughts are obsessive
They appear whether we want it or not, like a horror movie that constantly plays in our heads. We watch our demise over and over again. Sometimes it's terrible. Other times it feels like sweet relief.
Several years ago I was part of an amazing church in Atlanta. I co-led a non-profit organization and served in youth ministry; the students looked at me and came to me for wisdom. Nobody knew how hard I struggled. They never knew about the horror movie in my head.
One difficult Sunday, I sang Christian hymns with my students and did my best to keep my eyes on Jesus. I told Him I loved Him and would praise Him no matter what, even if I always felt that way. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the image of my body swinging from the rafters.
I didn't tell anyone.
We can believe that God has abandoned us because we are so bad
The disease of lies. When healing doesn't come, it's easy to believe that God has left. And if we have been taught that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, we can trust that He is right in leaving us.
This is why we must treat depression and suicide with the same compassion as we treat other serious health problems. Kindness and encouragement from other believers is enriching and empowering; they prove God's presence and demonstrate his steadfast love.
You Can Truly Love Jesus and Be Depressed
If you are struggling, you must know that your life can be separated from his purpose and filled with opportunities to serve and bless others. You can still fight. Sometimes you may want to die, but you are no less loved, worthy, or faithful because of dark thoughts. And although you may not believe it, it is still possible to live a full, joyful life in the midst of depression.
This will require hard work and a lot of support from trained professionals. This will likely require therapy, digging into painful things, and possibly medication. But you can still have abundant life; I know because I know.
I must take my medications every day, spend time with Jesus in the morning, and go to therapy faithfully. I tell the people closest to me when I'm having hard days and dark thoughts because I'm determined that they won't win. And after years of my journey, I am still struggling. But my life is wonderful and I'm happy.
Stage one. Shock and/or denial
Having received a confirmed diagnosis of a serious illness, the first hours or even days a person experiences a state of shock. He lives and acts “automatically” and may look completely calm and healthy.
Following the shock comes panic, the person begins to rush about literally and figuratively. To protect itself, the psyche develops a “denial reflex”: the patient does not believe in his diagnosis and often tries to lead a normal life, avoiding any reminders of the disease. Such a short-term state of denial is a natural defensive reaction, but if a person remains in this state for too long, then, firstly, he experiences extreme stress, and secondly, he puts his life at great risk, since he does not see a doctor and does not take care about your health. At the same time, relatives may be completely in the dark: often the diagnosis is either hidden from them, or they do not know the whole truth. Therefore, at this stage a person may feel very lonely, even isolated from the world, alone with his fear.
How to cope. Engage in self-education, collecting complete information about your illness. From getting to know the disease, you should gradually move on to getting to know the sick - that is, people suffering from the same disease. As the observations of doctors at the Moscow Center for Multiple Sclerosis show, even ordinary friendly communication between patients increases the effectiveness of treatment and quality of life.
You can live too. But please invest in yourself. Take care of yourself.
Here are some steps:
- Write in the comments or to us in the feedback form about your problem, we will try to answer.
- Make an appointment with your doctor. If you don't have insurance or can't pay for an appointment, most cities have free or low-cost clinics that offer mental health services.
- Find someone to talk to. You are not a burden to them. You are precious and important, and this world is a better place because you are breathing in it.
What to do?
In fact, depression is an extremely common mental disorder. It should be noted that with a mild form of the disease, a general decrease in the level of mood is felt, a loss of interest in things for which the person previously experienced a genuine passion. You feel incredible fatigue and general weakness.
Many people in this state are able to mobilize, concentrate and, with the support of relatives, independently get out of a difficult psychological situation. Of course, such cases are quite rare. If you think you have depression, treatment should begin immediately. In the middle stage of depression, sleep patterns and eating patterns change. What does it mean? There are either too long or too short hours of sleep, serious disturbances in appetite, up to complete refusal of food or severe overeating.
Saving a life is easier than you think
I mentioned earlier that my death would be a blessing to others. But I'm still here because a friend noticed something was wrong and took action.
Angela invited me to dinner, took me blackberry picking with her children, and constantly reminded me how important I was to her family. She told me she loved me, it wasn't my fault I was broken and God didn't like me being hurt. She was simply there, showing understanding and sympathy for my pain.
On a hot July night, when I was tired of fighting to stay alive, I showed up at her doorstep because I knew it would protect her. And her family walked with me through the darkness.
When I needed Emmanuel, God with us, she brought him into my life. She helped me believe that I was loved and my life mattered.
Very often, all it takes to save a life is for us to be Jesus—to be present, to be loving, and to be easy. Christ “in you is the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27). You don't need answers or the ability to fix it. You just need to be present, perhaps help set up an appointment with a doctor or just listen. Just be aware of those who are in pain. Just be kind.
Depressed and suicidal people just need you to come into the darkness and sit with us, that is an act of love. You could be His hands to hold us, His hands to feed us, His voice to tell us that we are not alone. Your love and kindness are stronger than you think.
Depression and suicide are serious issues and my heart breaks for those dealing with them.
I don't want to live
I don't want to live. There is something in this phrase, some deep, hidden meaning. Often we try to get our way or attract attention using strange methods. Instead of saying “call me, I’ll be glad,” we say “people are kind of uncommunicative now, they don’t even call each other.” Instead of saying “buy me this if you can,” “yes... it’s a beautiful thing...”, half-hints, half-tones and then serious insults: “they don’t understand me, they don’t appreciate me, no one needs me.”
You don't want to live. Something has happened in your destiny, and you don’t know how to live with it further... But do you want your mood to change? Yes, exactly the mood. After all, we are often not able to change the reality around us, but we can only change our attitude towards it. Your reactions, your perceptions. All you need is desire.
Doctors in hospitals have 2 types of patients. The first is people realizing that they are sick. They are coming to be cured. The latter also know that they are sick, but they do not need recovery, they need their illness - it feeds them, they have something to feel sorry for themselves for, they love to complain and tell how sick they are. They go to hospitals like to a theater, where they are the main characters. They reject in advance any prescriptions from doctors, “after all, they don’t know anything and don’t help in any way.” The same is true in the matter of mental state, some understand that I need help, while others cherish and feed their negative mood. What type of people are you?
I assume that if it’s the second, then most likely you will leave the page without reading the article to the end. People of the second type do not have the patience to listen to a point of view different from their own. They don't need an outsider's view of their life.
If you understand that what is going on in your soul is abnormal and destructive, and you are ready to look for a constructive way out, read on, let’s think together about what to do about it.
Medical reference term
So, the situation is quite complicated. In medical terminology, depression is understood not just as a very bad mood, as is commonly believed. In general, this is a rather serious disease that has certain clinical manifestations. That is, this disease can attack at any time of the year. But if only that were all! Often the disease begins with seasonal depression, which is part of a group of diseases called affective disorders. What does this mean? Immediate treatment for mental disorders! Depression is primarily an abnormality in mood and behavior, but symptoms can vary.
How to live on when you don’t want to live?
What is in a person is undoubtedly
more important than what a person has.
Arthur Schopenhauer (German philosopher)
So, life is initially difficult. But what to do next? How to get out from under the slab of depression, get rid of the difficult state of hopelessness? How not to break down, but to move forward? I will once again draw your attention to the phrase of the German philosopher quoted above. Let me rephrase it a little: it doesn’t matter where you are, it matters who you are. The form is not as important as the content - what matters is your character, your soul. It needs to be educated, it needs to be invested in, it is in the soul that needs to be invested. No matter what is going on in your life right now, you can start making the right investments in your own personality. This question is much deeper than the self-development techniques offered today, because only the One who created it can help you put your soul in order.
I'm talking about God. I am talking about Christ because I do not believe in the existence of other gods, because this question has been personally researched and tested by me. Only through knowing Christ can a person find peace and tranquility in his soul, understand the meaning of all the suffering that has come into his life, gain clarity and understanding of where and how he needs to follow.
Christ said to his followers: “In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome this world” (Bible, Gospel of John, chapter 16, verse 33).
He warns that we will face troubles, and immediately calls for courage based on faith, the understanding that our God has emerged victorious in this world. All a person needs is to follow Him. As a prototype, imagine a minefield and a squad leader who walks through it and then says to his comrades: “I did it! All you need to do is follow in my footsteps. Follow the trail, don’t deviate, and you will pass too!”
Also, in order to walk the path of life, we need to follow Jesus Christ. He came to save people, to lead us out of chaos, a confused life left to chance, to give strength to the weakened, and to resurrect our coarsened, dead souls.
Main types of depression
There are many reasons for depression. Often, such conditions arise against the background of prolonged stress or severe traumatic situations, but in practice there are cases when depression occurs without any apparent reason. It should be noted that such a disease can be accompanied by certain somatic ailments. In this case, doctors treat exclusively these diseases, without paying any attention to the person’s suppressed emotions. In addition, making a correct diagnosis becomes significantly more difficult. However, with timely detection and adequate treatment of depression, many patients notice a rapid improvement in both their mental health and physical well-being. So how to get rid of depression?
How to start a new life?
Don’t say: “ I don’t want to live !” Start a new life with God! How to do it? Start with repentance, with faith that God exists. Start leading a spiritual life: learn to pray, read the Bible. If you follow this path, you and your life will soon change. If you want to take this path now, just read this prayer out loud:
“Heavenly Father, I admit that I am a sinner. But I realized that You love me for who I am. You gave Your only Son on the cross in my place, so that I would not perish, but live forever. I ask You to forgive all my sins and make me a new creation. I want You to become my Savior and Lord of my entire life. May my life be changed and put in order by You. Jesus, I invite You into my heart and my life. I need You and Your love. Thank you for the forgiveness of all my sins and for the salvation You are giving me right now. In the name of Jesus Christ I prayed. Amen". I prayed
What is a sense of life?
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Requests for help Write your story Please help! I'm deeply depressed. I don't want to live. I have a 6 year old child. For his sake, I have been fighting my condition for 3 years. I'll tell you a little about myself. At the age of 18, I came to Moscow with my mother and brother. I got a job, went to college, and rented an apartment. About a month later I met a young man and became pregnant. I loved him very much and decided not to give up my studies and keep the child. And I told him that whether he leaves me or not, I will still give birth to a child. He ran over me. We rented a 2-room apartment. In one we have a child. In the other, mom. The usual domestic quarrels began. In addition, all financial expenses were borne by my mother. Quarrels began between him and his mother. I took maternity leave to go back to work. But he refused to sit with the child while I worked. He got a job in another place and began to disappear at night. When the child was 2 years old, we finally separated. We don’t see each other anymore and he’s not interested in the child. I dropped out of school and got a job. I placed the child in kindergarten. We first bought a room in the Moscow region. Now I have taken out a mortgage on the apartment. I'm waiting for the house to be rented out. But my emotional state is worse than ever. I've gained a lot of weight. There are no friends left. Every day is like a lazy groundhog. Work, pick up the child from kindergarten, walk with him, cook dinner, go to bed. Weekends mean walking with the child and cleaning the house. All three years I have been thinking and regretting that I did everything wrong, not as I planned. I was afraid of 3 things: loneliness, poverty, and unfulfilled plans. Now all three fears have come true. The mortgage that I pay is simply an unbearable burden. but I understand that I have to pay it, because all this is for the child, because he will get it. Now I can cry over any little thing. The boss shouted, the employee’s bad joke, the child’s whims in the store. I'm trampled, I take everything to heart. I try not to despair, but I’m no longer able to even force a smile. There is no young man and there cannot be. Even just a friend with whom you can talk. Since I have no one to leave the child with and go somewhere. I have a complex about my weight. I start to lose weight, then I feel really bad and I eat everything. The thought of throwing myself in front of a train comes to mind every day when I stand on the platform waiting for it. How to come to your senses, how to stop being discouraged? This greatly affects my work and my health. When I'm not alone, everything is more or less. But when I’m left alone... I sometimes even run to work, because there I can take my mind off these thoughts. At home they don’t understand me, they think I’m just a quitter. Their words hurt me very much. Previously, I would not have converted in March, but now I immediately either cry or scream. I'm afraid of schizophrenia. Recently I did Temt iq result before 120 points. Now I’m 70. Apparently I’m getting “dumb.” If anyone has dealt with the condition described to me, please help me too. Support the site:
Katya, age: 24 / 30.06.2013
Responses:
Hello, Katya! After reading your message, I realized that you are great! I think you did the right thing by having a baby. God gives us the opportunity to have children at the most appropriate time for this moment. I myself have a divorce behind me and I, too, was left alone with a two-year-old child in a city that was foreign to me. In order to somehow normalize my nerves, I drank sedatives, it helped me. I was also overweight, and in fact I still have it! Just try to love yourself for who you are. Take care of yourself, your self-development, please yourself more often (for example, buy yourself something new) and everything will come)) You will definitely have a person in your life who will love you and your child. I wish you success)
Anastasia, age: 21 / 06/30/2013
Katya, give up your mortgage! Understand - there is nothing good in this, it is debt bondage, slavery. You will pay it off in 10 to 20 years at best. How can we make plans for such a long time, we don’t know what will happen to us tomorrow. No apartment is worth these nerves. Your child will soon go to school, it’s better to spend money on preparing for school, you can even choose a private school, even if it costs money, but he will receive an excellent education. Spend money on your child, his future, and not on some mythical apartment in 20 years.
From Flame and Light, age: 23/30/06/2013
Katyukha, I have a friend. Her mother was left a widow with two girls. Post-war time, there are no men. Destroyed housing. Librarian salary. What are your hopes for a complete family? And suddenly her youngest daughter (5 years old) brought a young man to her: “Mom, this uncle wants to be my dad...” “This uncle” became a father to two girls and his third (my friend), and most importantly, a husband and a faithful friend to her mother. They are no longer there, neither M., well N. But the memory of the kind old men is preserved not only by their three daughters and many grandchildren, but also by everyone who knew them. Daughter, see a doctor, you probably need some kind of medication correction. Get treatment, rest and... everything in your life will work out!
Elena, age: 56 / 06/30/2013
Katya, I want to support you. Yes, this happens, and more than once: it seems that everything is over, the end, the pitchforks. This is a purely internal state. When it passes, I ask myself the question: now, I no longer feel that everything is over, but what has really changed? What helped me? - In external life - absolutely nothing. The mood has changed, the attitude has changed, hope and confidence have appeared - that’s all. If you look at it, then everything is very good for you. Don't worry about iq. You are on edge right now, and in this state they don’t do the test. The result is distorted by stress. It is no secret that when a person is very nervous, he loses his mind, logic, makes mistakes that are unusual for him, and simply gets lost. Even in legal practice there is a concept: a state of passion. This is when a person does not remember himself at all and is not responsible for his actions due to severe stress. You are in a similar state now. It is vital to recover: think about how best to do this. You have a mother, she can sometimes look after the child. The child is already old enough, you can go with him to visit friends, and play sports with him on the street, and not just sit on a bench while he walks. Run, do exercises, swim in the river. You can go to the hairdresser with it and anywhere, to many places where you want. This will be great: firstly, life will be more diverse. Secondly, you are not alone and he is not alone: you are together. Closer yet you still don’t have a little man. Happiness is not just living together, but getting joy from it, and not being burdened: it’s hard to bear, and it’s a pity to leave. To see joy in the company of relatives is, first of all, joy. There are and will be problems and conflicts, but let them be somewhere in the background or third plan. When you find a loved one or friend, then it will not be difficult for you to divide your time into two, three, etc. And don’t think that “if it weren’t for the child, I could go to Moscow to a disco, to the theater or who knows where else.” I assure you: if it weren’t for the child, you wouldn’t want any of this. As always. This is how man is made. From Moscow, people go to the seaside for health reasons and save money on purpose. And those who live by the sea, swim once a year, don’t eat fruit, they don’t need anything. Well, where we do not. It's hard to enjoy everyday life. All our lives we learn to be calm about everyday life, and to organize holidays, trips, and come up with variety.
Elena Ordinary, age: 37 / 06/30/2013
Katya... one of my friends got married at 36 years old, with three children in her arms. AND THIS MARRIAGE WAS A HAPPY MARRIAGE! They are both happy... You will say that this does not happen, but this is a fact. Now let’s compare: when she found her happiness, she was 36 years old and had three small children in her arms - you are now 24 years old and you have one small child in your arms. YOU HAVE ALL THE ADVANTAGES IN YOUR HANDS! Don't be sour!
Alexander, age: 53 / 06/30/2013
Dear Kate ! You found this site and this is already a lot.. I only recently found it.. But I’ve suffered so much already, only now I’m starting to understand what’s wrong with me.. I’m 36 and I, too, started to experience all this around your age even earlier.. If only someone smart was nearby. But alas, I had to go through everything alone. You need to calm down now and understand the most important thing. This is what many people have already gone through with you. And I think you haven’t weakened much yet if you still work. I’ve reached the point where I can’t work. So everything will be fine for you now. You just need to take the right steps now and that’s it) Go to church for services and confession. Tell them to repent of what you sinned.. Tell us everything that’s tormenting you. Next to the family Explain everything to the doctor and let him suggest a good, preferably Orthodox psychotherapist.. And then you will understand everything.. Read all the articles here.. Read people’s stories and reviews.. They all turn out to be similar here.. You have a state of depression. And it needs to be treated.. As I wrote to you... And the main thing is faith and good deeds. Everything will be fine, believe me... thank the Lord for not letting you get stuck in this state for years. God help you! I hug you and support you)) Always happy to help...)
Kirien, age: 36 / 06/30/2013
You should see a psychotherapist... And you don’t have any special problems, you just perceive everything too tragically. I understand you. That's how it is. I don't want to live. But you definitely need to live for the sake of your child. And there will still be a holiday on your street. And you will have a young man. Life is an unpredictable thing. Who knows what awaits you tomorrow. As for the train, that’s not an option. There is no way to substitute the driver of this train. There is no way to substitute your child either. He deserves happiness. Just like you.
Mary, age: 29/30/06/2013
Katya, hello... I really want to hug you and at least somehow support you! Don’t be sad... Unbearable periods come in life, and sometimes they can drag on... One thing I know for sure, only God can help us. Pray to Him, ask Him for help, go to church, read the Gospel... If you don’t have the strength to do this, then just read spiritual literature. This puts our mind in order and we begin to see our life from a different angle. We move into a different quality of life, our problems are perceived differently by us, we begin to see joy... Not that joy that can disappear at any moment, but that true joy that no one will ever take away from us... Katya, just understand that without God everything is nothing. I wish you happiness and that everything will work out for you. God help you!
— , age: — / 06/30/2013
Katya, well, you wrote half the answer to yourself: the three most “terrible” fears: loneliness, poverty and unfulfilled plans have come true... On the one hand, there seems to be nothing to be afraid of, on the other... the fact that you have a son is no longer loneliness , you pay your mortgage, so being short of money is not poverty. I don’t know what your plans were. But you indicated your age, i.e. You are not 62. Maybe you wanted to finish your studies, well, everything is ahead. By 24, you already have the main thing - a child, and a grown-up one at that). And you did everything as best you could at that moment. It’s kind of a childish reaction to blame yourself so much. The main thing is that you did absolutely the right thing by GIVING BIRTH! Maybe this is the most right thing to do in your life. Even if everything else is reduced to absurdity and considered wrong, it is already clear that you are a strong woman, since you decided to give Life. And God will not leave you. It’s so great when a woman can do this, you insisted on your decision, despite everything, in a state of uncertainty and at a young age. Just great! I admire that kind of resilience. What is wrong with you now? You just need to help yourself gradually get out of this state. Surely, they will write something specific in the responses here: stop thinking all sorts of bad thoughts, drink a sedative, get a psychologist, definitely start going to the Temple..
Alena, age: 31 / 06/30/2013
Katya, my dear, you are so good for giving birth to a child. Good girl! Yes, now you have tests, but what difference does it make whether you go through them now or later? In any case, a person will have trials, it is only a matter of time. The fact that you and IQ have become lower now is nothing to worry about, this happens to all women who give birth to children. It’s just that the body is rebuilding itself, putting all its energy into shaping the little man, then breastfeeding. Now you are also looking after the child, plus you are also working - that’s also a burden. Then gradually everything will be restored. Obesity is also a consequence of pregnancy, but this too will pass, the main thing is to move, run, and your food intake is 70% greens, vegetables, fruits. And we still need to rest too. Find a mother with children among your friends or neighbors and agree to pay a certain amount per day to look after the child. And you will rest, and she will get help. Your accusations against yourself can also affect your physical and mental state. For what??? For giving birth to a baby? On the contrary, this deserves praise! For taking out a mortgage? On the contrary, you are smart and well done, because you manage your finances very correctly and make the right investments. Because the child's father left? So he is an adult, not a little boy anymore. It is he who should feel sorry for you and the child, now he is young, he does not understand, the time will come, he will be very sorry. It's only a matter of time. You should find your soulmate. Look through marriage agencies. Write down the man of your dreams on a piece of paper, his parameters - height, thin or strong, what profession, homebody or travel lover, etc. Then write down your goals for the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years, what you would like to achieve. And when you meet a prospective man, ask him to write down his goals and compare them with yours. If they match, you can continue communication, but if not, you won’t waste each other’s time. And you also need to pray, ask God for help in finding exactly the one He has prepared for you. Every day, read the prayer Our Father and Psalm 90, look at amazing stories about this psalm on the Internet. Ask God to protect you and your child, help in solving financial issues and in everything. You will succeed!
Alina, age: 42 / 06/30/2013
Kate! All women experience a protracted period, this endless Groundhog Day. For me it lasted until I was 45 years old. Until the child turns 18 years old. You are in a better position because you gave birth early, this has many advantages. Yes, everything is monotonous, and there seems to be no joy or meaning, chronic fatigue. You have to imagine that you are a running car without feelings, but don’t freak out, don’t get discouraged, work constantly, pay off your mortgage, endure difficulties. Let more than one year pass until the first minutes when you feel more happiness. But believe me, it's worth it. Financial well-being, an adult child, a harmonious emotional state, boyfriends to choose from, this is what I have now. And you will have it much earlier. And how could I not live to see this! No. Never. It’s very comfortable and pleasant to be in this state. You did everything right. And most importantly, you have a child. I noticed that children adapt faster and easier in our complex world, and often help parents not to get lost with these proliferating information systems and technologies. Your child is your capital, the foundation of a future happy life. Dejection destroys the future. Do you need this?
Anna, age: 50 / 06/30/2013
LIVE FOR YOUR CHILD!!! Maybe a young man will fall in love with you and you will live for him and his feelings, and then you will feel what exactly the meaning of human life is. You will feel it with all your heart.
Ugly_man, age: ** / 06/30/2013
Katya, I, of course, do not have experience similar to yours, but I had the honor of observing how a woman regained her physical shape after giving birth and feeding her children. This is quite possible, the main thing is to set a goal and take an active life position. In the past, you programmed your troubles by being very afraid of them. Learn your lesson, now program yourself to be positive. Change your depressed state to an active one and step by step, with God’s help, you will be able to change everything for the better.
Sailor, age: 35 / 06/30/2013
Hello, Katya! You are so young, but you are thinking about suicide! You have your whole life ahead of you: I can say for sure that your situation is not critical. (Read the stories of other people on this forum) Yes, it’s hard for you: you are a single mother, the father abandoned the child, is not interested in him. You work as if the mortgage needs to be paid... But there are hundreds, if not thousands, of such situations. This is a temporary phenomenon. But, if you can adequately pass the test sent to you, unexpected happiness will come to you! Just believe and hope! Life's difficulties only make us stronger and force us to look at reality in a new way. Expect changes!
Yulka, age: 19/30.06.2013
Dear Katya! I hope my advice will help you: do not shift the responsibility for YOUR happy life to someone else. You are an adult and you can control your own destiny and make it what you want, regardless of men, bosses, those who do not understand you. It depends only on YOU what your life will be - interesting, rich, happy or boring, hard , hopeless. Suicide is not a solution, it will not change anything, there is no need to waste your time on such worthless thoughts, on negativity. You are the director of your life, no matter how loud it may sound. Change your attitude towards the situation. First, regarding loneliness: Are you saying that you cannot have a boyfriend? why on earth? there is no need to feel sorry for yourself. If at the moment you do not see or do not know a single person who would suit you, with whom you would feel good, this does not mean that he does not exist. This is the position of materialists - I don’t know this, which means it doesn’t exist. Yes, all people are different - there are “bad” ones (irresponsible, selfish, morally weak, alcoholics, envious, unfaithful, and so on). But there are also real men!!! I say again, if you have not met them, this does not mean that they do not exist. In my opinion, the reason for the collapse of relationships is when we agree to what is, sometimes turning a blind eye to serious, sometimes to small, shortcomings. “Yes, he sometimes drinks (forgets about promises, does not meet late at night), but he earns well (he cooks well, is good in bed).” After all, everyone wants a worthy, real man, reliable and strong, so why should we be content with what we have, with the one who first deigned to pay attention?? Life is a search for: a job that would suit a man with whom you really feel good, and not just the one who turned up first. And this is not happiness. It is better to be alone than, for lack of a choice, to agree to what is (fearing loneliness), and then regret a failed marriage filled with betrayal, misunderstanding, mistrust, collapsed dreams, etc. You regret the past so much, as if you have your whole life behind you. Never look back - learn your lesson and move on. What is important is what is happening right now. The past cannot be returned, the future is unknown. So live in the present, otherwise your life will turn into one big regret about yesterday. You need to do only what is important right now - think about it. And don’t forget that your life is only in your hands - so that there are no regrets later - choose YOUR man, not the first person you meet, choose a job that is interesting and suits you and study more, this gives freedom of choice. You know, when they sprinkle earth on top of you and you lie somewhere deep below - this is really a reason for despondency, then nothing can be changed or corrected. In the meantime, everything is in your hands, do not waste time on worthless thoughts, on self-pity, on complaints about your life, because there is very little of it anyway. Does the most interesting, strong, reliable, best man in the world need a woman who dreams of committing suicide every day?? So correct mistakes, learn lessons, become better, live in the present so as not to miss your chance at happiness!
Lana, age: 27 / 07/01/2013
Live for life itself!!!! After all, it is too short, in all this fuss we do not notice that it is irrevocably gone!!! Take care of your health, do not be burdened with problems, treat everything more simply, because everything is relative! Of course, we must fight to live well, but we must try not to forget about the main thing!! Good luck!
Ksyu, age: 30 / 07/01/2013
Thanks to everyone who responded! When I read your comments, I felt my head become clean and clear. It became much easier. Of course, there is still a nagging feeling in my soul, but thoughts of settling accounts with myself go deep into my consciousness. And tomorrow I’ll sign up for the pool with my child. Strengthen his health and give himself a figure :). THANKS TO ALL.
Katya, age: 24 / 07/01/2013
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