This article is part of the One on One project. In it we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!
There is a feeling that all the problems have piled up at once and everything in life is going wrong. Moreover, it does not matter whether there are objective reasons for this. Sometimes the last straw is a peeling sole or a broken glass. But there is always a way out.
When life feels like it's going downhill, it's important to understand that this is just a temporary mode of operation of the brain. At this moment he is simply unable to think straight. It works like a computer on which several programs are running simultaneously, overloading the RAM. It is the feeling that there are not enough resources to solve problems that creates a feeling of loss of control over life.
Victoria Mikhailova, co-founder of Sensemakers, expert on the psychology of leadership and partnerships in business
Therefore, we must try to take control of both ourselves and the situation.
Take a break and calm down
The advice sounds a little strange. The feeling that you are standing on the ashes of your own life, and you are asked to sit down and bake potatoes in these ashes. But in fact, this is the first and very important step in order to get out of the crisis.
You need to regain your sobriety. When everything in life goes wrong, we attack ourselves with a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol. They make the heart beat faster, the blood drains from the brain and flows to the muscles so that we can escape from danger. But in modern conditions this does not work as nature intended. On the contrary, we should calm down and think.
Tatyana Khodzhaeva, social teacher, psychologist
A simple way to calm yourself is to breathe slowly. Sit back and concentrate on inhaling and exhaling, thinking only about them. Perhaps some of the problems will be eliminated already at this stage, since under stress and panic we tend to exaggerate the scale of difficulties.
Your cat is sure that you live with him, and not vice versa
The first sign that a cat is trying to destroy life is the desire to demonstrate that the entire territory belongs to him. He does this in simple ways - he begins to mark walls, furniture (the smell is unpleasant), rub against his legs, calmly lie on the freshly washed floor, and throw objects. If a person approaches the animal in the wrong way, picks it up or strokes it at the wrong time, the animal may scratch. The cat decides whether the guest deserves attention or should be ignored. If the expression of affection and care is not reciprocal, get ready for scratches.
These self-confident animals will perceive any place in the house as their own. The cat will not care why you put up the New Year tree: the animal is sure that the bright tinsel, flickering garlands and large glass balls are hung on the branches only for him. Only a serious fence around it will help preserve the tree for the holiday. This is how the animal tries to say that this is its property, and it is always pleasant to play with such beautiful and loud (when they break) toys.
Replenish resources
To solve problems, you need strength. If your batteries are low, you are unlikely to be effective. Remember how we already said that the feeling of loss of control over life arises due to a lack of resources to solve problems? And then the situation will be corrected not only by eliminating these same problems, but also by increasing the amount of resources. In a computer, you would simply install an additional stick of RAM. And in a similar situation, you need to rest. You don’t have to go on vacation to the ends of the earth, at least get some sleep.
The key is to be kind to yourself, remember your talents, and simply give yourself unconditional love.
Victoria Mikhailova
Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker
Most of your photos will be with your pet.
Today it has become fashionable to get involved in the art of photography. Your pet will encourage you to do this and will become a personal model that you will shoot tirelessly. You will need not just a camera, but a camera with good characteristics to be able to capture the most interesting shots from your pet’s life. There is no doubt that your Instagram will be filled with photo galleries with interesting pictures from the life of a cat.
Admit the problem
During the previous two steps we ignored the problems. Now is the time to recognize them - at least those that did not disappear by themselves earlier.
You need to accept that something went wrong. Do not run away from this state, but look into its eyes. This can be truly scary, and it takes courage not to run in panic, but to stop. But if you did this, you are already a hero on the path to victory.
Tatyana Khodzhaeva
You need to sit down with a clear head and think about what exactly is going wrong. You can write down the points and ask yourself a few questions for each:
- Is it really as bad as it seems?
- Isn't there something good in this? Could the situation turn out for the better?
- What can I do to fix this?
- Can I do this right now?
- Who can help me?
- Have such situations happened before and how were they resolved?
Ideally, you should consider problems not as your own, but as if you were assessing them from the outside. Sometimes this shift in focus makes things clearer. If there are several participants involved in a disturbing situation, you can try to take the position of each of them.
Of course, this is subjective. But in the process, many blind spots become clear to us. The state of uncertainty and anxiety disappears by itself, because our thinking finds some facts, connections, goals and reasons that have eluded it and builds a new, more holistic picture of what is happening. And this, in turn, brings us out of a state of uncertainty.
Galina Polomodova, consulting psychologist
In this case, psychic energy ceases to be spent on servicing anxiety. The person frees up the resource and can calmly move on.
How to set up your life in a new way
Sometimes moments come that make you reevaluate everything that is happening and think about your future fate.
As a result, there comes the realization that it is simply impossible to continue living in this way and changes are necessary. If you want to set everything up in a positive way, then it is important to learn to live every day in harmony with yourself, which will allow you to fulfill your dreams, make your career successful and restore your relationship with your significant other. However, not everyone knows how to improve their life.
Where to begin?
If you decide to radically change your own life, you will have a huge field for activity that will allow you to discover hidden talents. It will be enough to replace all the “damaged” elements to get decent and interesting results, and again enjoy every moment.
Many people don’t know how to improve their lives or where to start. In such cases, it is important to analyze your own life path in order to establish the reasons that led to disharmony. Only the complete elimination of these factors will create the preconditions for change.
We recommend: How to change your life, where to start?
After this, it is important not to hesitate and start taking action to achieve any goals you set. Find out how to improve your life: advice from a psychologist can come to the rescue:
- Active life. If you are constantly busy, you will not have time for sad thoughts. It is important that you have enough time every day to do what you love (hobbies, sports, creativity).
- Think about the future. Don't constantly dwell on past disappointments. The laws of space state that negative thoughts can attract negative energy. That is why it is important to learn to think positively and constantly make plans for the future that will need to be fulfilled. The main thing is to show the will to win every day, and any doors will be open to you.
- Completely get rid of negative emotions (fear, envy, jealousy, suspiciousness, suspicion, hostility, self-pity), which can poison the soul and destroy the personality.
- Belief in the power of positive thinking. Thoughts should become your best friends because only optimists can achieve great success.
- Learn to set exclusively realistic goals. If you take on too many obligations, it can only lead to exhaustion and overexertion.
- Do what you like. If it is vital for you to do an unpleasant task, then it should not drag on for the rest of your life. Don’t tolerate a job you hate, tense family relationships, and don’t be afraid to change your own life.
We recommend: How to radically change your life?
- Find like-minded people. It happens that the environment can act as an inhibitory factor. It is important to find people who will constantly push you forward and inspire you to accomplish new feats.
- Don't be afraid of mistakes. It is impossible to do anything without mistakes; they allow you to gain experience and learn.
- Start pampering yourself. Learn to have fun, take care of yourself: sign up for a relaxing oil massage course. This will allow you to forget about troubles and finally relax.
- Improve your personal life. If you are not satisfied with the absence of a worthy companion or the presence of an unworthy partner, then it is important to learn how to improve your personal life. You should try to become more flexible, smooth out possible conflicts, and pay more attention to your partner.
If the relationship is coming to an end, then you need to try to restrain yourself and not throw out negative emotions on your spouse. Be gentle and remember that your life will not end after divorce. The main thing is not to be afraid to open your heart to a new feeling.
If you are single, then you have an interesting task ahead of you: finding a suitable partner. The main thing is to treat the current problem in this way so that it becomes one. As a result, you can even enjoy the search. If loneliness doesn’t bother you, then it’s better not to do anything, because love can suddenly find you on its own!
Would you like to know how to improve your life? It is enough to believe in your own strength, take care of your physical health, and change your attitude towards the current situation in order to learn to enjoy your days again.
Author: Laura Green
Solve the problem
You calmed down and analyzed the situation. Here are the conclusions you can come to.
There is a problem and you can solve it
In this case, it would be correct to draw up a detailed action plan and progressively deal with difficulties. True, from time to time you will have to return to the first step and calm down. Because excitement and panic only get in the way. But feeling in control of the situation will in any case eliminate the feeling that life is going to hell. Because it is in your hands and you can direct it anywhere.
There is a problem and you can't solve it
This happens when difficulties arise due to external circumstances. A pandemic, a financial crisis, a natural disaster—you can't reverse them. All you can do is wait out the situation in the most comfortable conditions possible. Lifehacker has detailed instructions on how to act in such cases.
No problem
You were simply tired, succumbed to emotions, or did not have all the data, so you exaggerated the scale of the troubles. All that remains is to be happy and move on with your life.
A man of rule and a man of freedom
People can be roughly divided into two categories: a man of rules and a man of freedom. A man of rules lives by the statutes, laws, rules and morals of society. If it is said that you need to get married and have at least one child before the age of 30, then you need to do so. Otherwise, having crossed the threshold of 30 years of age and not having found family happiness, a person begins to consider himself wrong, inferior, defective. A man of rules lives as he is told. He is cultured, well-mannered, and wants everything to be in order. And any deviation from the rules is considered wrong, a threat, something that needs to be gotten rid of.
It probably won’t be surprising to say that a person who rules is society’s best investment. The state has created for itself a useful “cog” that is ready to turn in the direction in which it is told to turn.
The fight against alcohol by all women with their men; the fight against smoking without clear evidence that it actually causes harm; grandmothers’ constant dissatisfaction with the younger generation, etc., are yet another way to create a rule person. One rule person tries to make the people around him correct. And note that the word “correct” is derived from the word “rule”, that is, a person must live by the rules that are set before him in order to be correct. And if he resists, then he is wrong, society stops it.
“You must”, “you must” are the favorite words of the rule man. You probably already realized that the more “correct” a person is, the more despotic he is. You must live according to the rules of man, otherwise you are immoral, flawed, wrong, strange and you need to be re-educated. It is the people of the rules who do re-education. You should be “this way”, “correct”, “decent”, etc., and not yourself.
Naturally, in contrast to such people there is another category - a person of freedom. This may include people who do not necessarily love their freedom. These are just people who want to live by their own rules, and not by the rules of society. They have their own interests, desires and goals, which sometimes do not fit into the picture of society that everyone should live by. A person, for example, wants to do what he loves, and not earn a lot of money at a job he doesn’t like. But society says: “Work hard! Be patient! Earn money if you want to live!” And the man of freedom says: “I cannot live the way you propose to me, otherwise I will die mentally, morally and emotionally.”
A man of freedom lives in his physical body if he adheres to the rules of society and lives as other people tell him. But at the same time, he becomes a “dead” person who no longer wants anything, does not strive for anything, does not feel anything, is not worried about anything. Society forced him to live someone else's life. How can you be happy about something that doesn’t really make you happy? When you don't achieve what you want, you die in soul and feelings. That is why a man of freedom either dies, living according to the rules of society, or rebels, appearing uncultured and strange to others.
Conventionally, people are divided into a person of rules and a person of freedom. It is impossible to say who is better and who is worse. Both are important. You just need to understand that there are people who do not live the way you do. If you don't want to ruin relationships with those who are not like you, understand them and accept the lifestyle they have chosen for themselves.
Ask for help
Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker
It’s not always possible to cope with the feeling that everything is going wrong alone. This condition can be caused solely by internal reasons, when it is difficult for a person to see and evaluate reality. He is in an illusion and looks at the world through the prism of his internal psychotraumas.
The main indicator of this condition is a rake that a person steps on again and again. Moreover, he usually understands that the rakes are the same, that they are laid out everywhere you go. The most constructive solution in this case would be psychological counseling or psychotherapy.
Galina Polomodova
The feeling that life is going to hell is scary. The main thing is to remember in time: this will not always be the case. Sooner or later everything will get better, but it is in your power to make it happen as soon as possible.
Have you ever been in such a state? What helped you cope with it? Share in the comments.
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There comes a certain moment when a person understands that the cat has become the real master of the house. This fluffy beauty is so firmly established in the house that it seems as if you are living with him, and not vice versa. A person’s life is subject to the regime of a family pet; no matter what the household does, the cat will always be nearby. There are signs that will help you understand who is the real boss in the house.
Why do cats make us fall in love at first sight?
There are many examples of a cat’s ability to destroy a person’s life, but animals brighten up gray everyday life and make life brighter. Furry friends can give an ocean of positive emotions, cause a sea of smiles, cure a bad mood, relieve stress - with their presence and attention, purring, and play. Watching a video with a pet or flipping through the pages of a photo album is a pleasure - every time you will involuntarily lift your spirits.
Cats are not only proud, self-satisfied and believe that people should please them in every possible way. There are a number of signs that prove their attachment to the owner:
- The pet rolls from one side to the other. By opening his tummy, the cat becomes vulnerable - this is how he demonstrates his affection.
- The cat rubs its muzzle or “butts” - this is a manifestation of its love for its owner.
- Sharpening its claws on upholstered furniture is not only for warming up its claws - it is a demonstration of the comfort of the home for the animal.
- An adult cat tramples its paws over its body for a long time - it feels relaxed and safe.
- The pet “shares” its prey - gratitude for the care and love.
- Often, cats can bite and scratch while playing. The ones who get the most are the ones they love the most.
- Choose the safest place to sleep. If it is near the owner or even on him, be sure of the animal’s trust in you.
- A “cat kiss” is not a lick with a tongue, but a gaze from a pet. Cats are very protective of their eyes, so this gesture speaks of trust.
- The animal’s ridiculous habit of showing off its butt speaks of affection and trust in the person.
- A long meow can be a kind of “conversation” between the pet and the owner. Feed your cat and it will save your hearing from intrusive sounds.
- By licking a part of the owner’s body, the animal expresses its affection and considers it a member of the family.
- A cat will only allow those it trusts to touch its tail. It can seriously scratch the rest.
