How to stop being jealous? An envious feeling is inherent in all individuals, regardless of gender, nationality, character, or temperament. Conducted sociological studies indicate that this feeling weakens with age. The idea of how to stop envying people appears when this feeling is already beginning to poison life, and instead of minding one’s own affairs and improving them, a person spends the bulk of his internal resources on constant comparisons and suppressing negative emotions. Starting to eradicate the feeling of envy without understanding the mechanisms and reasons for its occurrence will turn out to be a futile undertaking, since the feeling of dissatisfaction will remain and begin to manifest itself somewhere else.
Many have internalized the inadmissibility of envy in their emotional sphere, however, like any emotion, envy is not negative or positive, it only indicates a certain attitude. Such suggestions occurred at a time when many inconvenient or incomprehensible manifestations of the emotional sphere were prohibited, and envy is directly related to the sphere of desires and aspirations, human development. This did not always work out in favor of both parents and the state.
An envious feeling always signals your needs or desires. They envy the presence of something that they would like to have themselves, and it does not matter whether the object is a material object, a person, a character trait or an event. Trying to bury such manifestations, looking for ways to stop envying and comparing can lead to degradation. By observing the lives of others, we can find new ways to solve our problems, feel more clearly what is missing, determine our aspirations, and the compass in these directions is constructive envy. If you analyze the feeling that arises in this way, you can figure out how to work with the productivity of your own activities or change the entire structure of life, add self-development.
Without conscious analysis, an envious feeling is the engine of serious destructive actions, including the destruction of someone else's life. Usually this happens when the need is very significant, but there is either patience or resource for its implementation, then observing the presence of what you want in someone else’s life becomes unbearable and the only way to alleviate the experience is to destroy it in someone else’s life. To get out of this perception, be aware that you do not see reality completely, and perhaps for the result that you now envy, the person paid a price that does not suit you (for a high position they pay with health and family, for popularity - with a lack of personal space and intimacy , for freedom in your decisions - loneliness). Find a downside to any success (there is always one), and many desires associated with envy will disappear, and perhaps you will begin to sympathize with those you envied.
Envy as a manifestation of human essence
Often, when comparing oneself subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, a person comes to the conclusion that someone is smarter, more beautiful, richer. An annoying thought haunts you, thereby relegating your own merits and achievements to the background. In the eyes of envious people, reality seems to be distorted, the colors of life disappear, one’s own significance is lost, a person eats himself up from the inside. Sleep is disturbed, mood disappears, self-worth is depressed, resulting in stress, depression, and health problems.
Then how to stop being envious so as not to harm yourself and others?
A few general rules
- First of all, we must understand that all people are unique and inimitable, but there is no absolute perfection. A smart and beautiful woman can be unhappy in her personal life, and an unsightly and ugly little man can have a luxury car and a wife with a model appearance. This leads to the second rule.
- There is no need to waste time and energy on envy; it is better to focus on your strengths, talents, knowledge and skills, setting out to radically change your life. And if you belong to the human race, then everything will work out (see point 1).
- Separate envy from healthy competition. Sitting and watching others improve their well-being, improving their body, and throwing evil glances in their direction is envy, but raising your butt and starting to act is competition.
- Ask a truly close person to name all their strengths; everyone has them. An outside view is always more objective than your own.
- And finally, how to stop being jealous? People suffering from this illness need to analyze themselves, their goals and needs, compare their capabilities with their desires, and outline a plan of action.
Having made sure that you understand the above general rules, you can look at the root of individual reasons for envy and understand their essence.
How to stop being jealous of your friend
Depending on gender, friendships differ in many parameters and the rules by which these relationships are built, one of them is the presence of envy in friendships. It is generally accepted that there is no place for envy in male friendship, and in general this feeling is more characteristic of women, and men are either friends and rejoice in the successes of a friend, or are at enmity and rejoice in the troubles of an enemy. Naturally, this is a little exaggerated, but it is women who more often raise the question of what to do with envy of a friend, and whether it is worth continuing the relationship if this happens. Indeed, when you are jealous, it is difficult to be friends, both for the one who is jealous and for the one who is jealous, so it makes sense to deal with envy before important relationships are lost.
Analyze your relationship for any unifying moments, remember your expectations from communication and how you usually spend your time (or what you talk about on the phone). If these are similar views on the world, sincere interest, fun time together and mutual assistance, then everything is great. If you notice that you begin to communicate more in order to compare which of you is better, and instead of emotional conversations, they begin to resemble a report on the work done, then it is difficult to talk about friendship, rather, you are stimulating factors for each other’s development, and this is not always bad, How else to force yourself to move forward.
A friendship based on an envious feeling can be terminated, left for the sake of profitable goals (in which case it is better to rename the relationship a “useful acquaintance”), or you can rebuild the very system of your interaction. If everything is simpler with the first two, then you will have to work on the last point: remove narratives of a boastful nature, and you need to stop them on both sides, controlling your own statements and revelations of your friend. It rarely happens that sharing achieved successes for the sake of a feeling of superiority does not take on the nature of competition, so stop such stories on your part, and on similar topics on your friend’s part, express sincere joy for her, note the positive aspects of what happened, but do not start interrupting with your successes. Tune in to the wave of acceptance, not competition, then with your friend’s next success, you will be able to joyfully jump and clap your hands, instead of depicting a forced smile, choking with envy.
In addition to restructuring your communication style, you will have to make efforts to rebuild your internal perception. It is necessary to take care of your own self-esteem, since it is its decline or instability that forces you to constantly compare yourself (and with any comparison you can find a reason for envy). It’s worth spending more than one evening to find your true desires among all the “I want”, to filter out the fashionable aspirations and opinions of others from your priorities. This will help you not to get caught up in other people’s desires, not to want to repeat your friend’s life, because, in essence, you don’t want the same house as hers, but the feeling of happiness that this house brought her, which in your case may not work, but you you will be incredibly happy about the long trip. Accordingly, you should focus on fulfilling your desires, instead of comparing with others, live the life that you imagined for yourself and try to make it as happy as possible.
A few more traits that prevent the appearance of envious feelings are positivity, self-sufficiency and the desire for self-development. The first helps you to enjoy the success of your friends, and not to be upset. Self-sufficiency frees you from competition and the need to conform to the norms of society, which means it frees you from the desire for false goals. The desire for self-development helps to transform any difficulty into experience or a springboard to new achievements, so if you try to look for ways of development in everything, then envy can be used as a constructive guide to activity. If you envy some of your friend’s skills, for example, her ability to choose clothes, then ask to teach you or go shopping for new clothes in the closet together - and there will be no envy, and you will develop this skill in yourself.
The same applies to envy of her relationships in the family or with friends, and perhaps the presence of such - take a closer look at how your friend behaves with different people, what she shows and what she hides, what helps her avoid conflicts and attract the warmth of people - perceive your friend not as a competitor, but as a teacher, and you don’t have to ask for advice directly; you can learn a lot by observing. And you can solve some issues by making your own efforts, usually this concerns the material sphere: when envy eats at the delight with which a friend talks about her work, and you hate yours, maybe it makes sense to change your field of activity, and an example of a friend’s success is sent for you to notice how you can work while enjoying. Also with a lack of finances - perhaps you value yourself low and demand little, or spend a lot in emptiness; in such situations, only analysis and correction of your own situation will help you stop envying, and instead thank you for the inspiring example.
Material wealth
Envying material wealth, you need to think about whether the one who has them is happy? “The Rich Also Cry” is not only the name of a well-known TV series. These are the realities of life. After all, how much effort and nerves did wealthy people spend before becoming so? How much do you have to spend so as not to lose everything? Do they have free time to spend with friends and loved ones? Do they even have friends or just business partners? The answer to the question “how to stop envying others who are wealthier and more successful” suggests itself: imagine yourself in their place, remove the tip of the iceberg and look into the abyss underneath. Still have the desire? Then, realizing the complexity of achieving financial well-being, comparing it with your abilities and strengths, gather your will into a fist, sketch out an action plan - and move forward towards your goal. If a person is not stupid, then envy will go away, and in its place will be healthy passion and the desire to achieve the same level or higher.
Beauty and attractiveness
One of the reasons for envy can be appearance. How to stop being jealous of a friend with a beautiful figure? Who set the boundaries of beauty? “There are no comrades according to taste,” says a wise proverb. Some people like slimness and sophistication, while others prefer curvaceous shapes. And then, beauty is not a reason for envy, but rather an incentive to improve oneself. After all, no one is stopping you from pulling yourself together and at least starting to do exercises. Choose a diet for yourself and stop eating, smacking your lips, gnawing envy. The very first results will make this annoying thorn leave your mind. There would be a desire. And then, to consolidate your success, you can ask that same friend for advice and find out how she herself achieved such results. This way you can maintain your friendship and become more attractive.
Why do people envy others? What is envy?
Envy is a kind of aggression caused by the success of others. This is the desire to undeservedly acquire some other person’s resource, the inability to rejoice in the happiness of others.
Envy is greed and gloating merged into one; it is selfishness multiplied by malice.
What are the disadvantages of envy?
1. It clouds common sense and very often pushes you to rash actions. 2. Envy spoils a person’s relationship with others. 3. It destroys a person from the inside, prevents him from soberly and sensibly assessing the state of things and the situation. 4. Leads to anxiety, lack of sleep and insomnia. 5. Causes a person to morally decompose and leads to loss of moral qualities.
Career
How to stop being jealous of a careerist? Just imagine what he had to sacrifice for the sake of promotion. Sleepless nights, lack of personal life, abandoned children, restless husband. All this can be present in the life of a person making a career. Of course, this is not a reason to give up everything and hide within four walls. You need to compare all the pros and cons, decide for yourself what comes first, what is most important in life. Perhaps these are excellent parenting qualities that will help raise a wonderful person who you can be proud of throughout your life. This can be a kind of career - investing your strength and skills in the future of children. And you won’t have to regret the lost time, shyly lowering your eyes when talking about your own children.
Health
How to stop envying good health? It is not a fact that the person who is envied has a really strong one. Appearance is not always an indicator. And a wise person will not disclose the list of his illnesses to everyone around him. It is better to pay attention to your own condition. If necessary, consult a doctor. After all, there are a lot of people in the world who are terminally ill, but at the same time they completely lack a feeling of envy, they simply do not have time to envy. They try to fill their lives with maximum positive emotions. Maybe we should learn from them?
Possible reasons
The need to possess what another person has is the reason for the development of envy.
Since childhood, we often hear from parents and other adults that there are children from whom we need to take an example, that they are better in some way. This provokes the first feeling of envy. It is necessary to understand that this also affects the child’s self-esteem.
According to research by scientists, it was concluded that feelings of envy are born under certain circumstances.
- Feeling of distance. When a person is sure that in childhood he was deprived of the care of his parents, their attention, this is retained in memory for the rest of his life. Such a person will treat other people's successes and achievements as something that was taken away from him.
- There is no objective self-esteem. It is believed that a person who envies everyone elevates himself above other people, is sure that everything should belong only to him, that he should be more talented and smarter, wealthier.
- Lack of aspirations and goals in life. When an individual does not strive for anything, does not achieve anything, he concentrates his attention on the life of a relative or friend, neighbor, constantly sticking his nose into their affairs. When someone lives someone else's life and does not think about their future, they are definitely envious.
If we consider why feelings of envy arise in women, then it is believed that female friendship does not exist; many girls admit that they are not satisfied with their lives and they will be characterized by the phrase “I envy my sister, mother, friend.” Because in these people they see competition and want to feel better than those around them.
If we consider the situation with men, it is believed that envy is more characteristic of women, but males also often encounter this feeling. At the same time, a man’s envy is not so pronounced and more short-lived. It can arise due to the need to be the best, to have more material wealth, to be the strongest among one’s species. If we consider an unsuccessful man who has not achieved anything in life, for example, sits at home and does not work, then you can hear such a phrase from him as “I envy my wife.” Especially if his wife has achieved great heights, is financially independent, everyone admires her and holds her up as an example.
Intelligence and talent
How to stop envying a smart, talented person with high intelligence? There is nothing easier - to do your own! People are not born stupid and untalented, they become so from idleness and laziness. In the modern world there are so many sources of information that it would be a sin not to use them. Having dug well into yourself, you can always find your own talent, which simply yearns to be revealed and developed.
Summarizing all of the above, we conclude: envy is a swamp that pulls you to the bottom, displacing a person’s inner world, his individuality, devastating and depriving him of the breath of life.
And yet, how to stop envying and live your own life? Having realized your personal merits, begin to realize your desires, which will take a lot of time and will not give any opportunity for envy to enter your life!
Why do people envy others? Reasons for envy
Envy is an emotion that arises in an overly narcissistic person or a person with low self-esteem; ordinary people who do not want to do anything for their own self-development are susceptible to it. Our actions are based on character traits, temperament, and experience. Usually, feelings of envy are experienced by those who do not know how to calmly react to failures and temporary defeats. Pessimists do not know how not to envy friends, relatives, or even strangers who have some merits or material benefits that they only dream about. They realize that these are not good emotions, but they cannot do anything about the negative feeling that has arisen.
Why do people envy others:
- constant comparison of one's skills, appearance or achievements with others, which is always in favor of the latter;
- dissatisfaction with one's own life;
- dependence on stereotypes;
- vanity;
- excessive self-doubt;
- distorted perception of the world due to improper upbringing.
What to do with envy if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation when those around you are not at all happy with the success you have achieved? First, determine whether this is really envy.
