Remember the comic riddle about how to get an elephant out of the refrigerator: open the refrigerator, get the elephant, close the refrigerator?
Ah, if only the task of getting a person out of your head could be solved just as simply! But alas, there are no magic ways here...
However, if you are ready for non-magical, but still effective actions, the women's site sympaty.net will tell you how to get thoughts of a person out of your head.
What to remember in order to forget?
Psychology says that all people tend to remember better and more clearly what brought them certain pleasant sensations and positive emotions. This also applies to memories of past relationships - more often good, warm moments pop up in the head and heart. But women tend to forget, downplay, justify those cases when a partner offended, hurt or did something bad...
This psychological mechanism, of course, is generally useful to people - thanks to the ability of a healthy human psyche to forget grief, we do not become depressed, do not suffer for a long time due to physical pain we once suffered, etc. But the flip side is that we can actually underestimate how bad it was for us and convince ourselves that the good outweighs it.
Even if the bad thing was actually so bad that there can be no talk of any “advantage”: for example, you cannot forgive and throw out of your memory the assault of your “beloved”, remembering how this man once gave you a bouquet or took me to the sea!
So here it is. “Beautiful and Successful” claims that the first key to getting a person out of your head and heart is to remember the bad things well! Be offended! Get angry! Tell yourself that you shouldn’t want to go back to this artiodactyl under any circumstances, because things are bad with him! It is a strong resentment in the heart and anger that can become the catalyst that will trigger the above-described mechanism of forgetting the bad: you realized that your former loved one was not a gift, you began to think about him in a negative way - and your brain, trying to free you from sad thoughts, I began to slowly block out all memories on this topic.
Here's how to get thoughts and people out of your head
Have you ever felt like you just couldn't stop thinking about someone, what they did or said, and how embarrassed or hurt you were by their actions?
When someone hurts us, our children, or someone we love, we may focus on them for hours or days.
We're doing the dishes, driving the car, or walking the dog, and we can't stop thinking about it. Their image and their words continue to be renewed.
Five hours, five days, five weeks later - the same thing.
How can we drive away such thoughts? How can we stop thinking about a person or a situation, about what we should or could have done differently, when the same thoughts keep coming back, rewinding and replaying through our mind over and over again?
You want to get rid of them. But you can't.
But there are several ways to do this.
"Let's just wait and see what happens next." Sometimes we feel the need to react to difficult people or situations right away, so we don't know what to say or do next. Buddhist psychologist Sylvia Baurstein advises just waiting and seeing what happens next.
“Tackle your biggest problem first.” Buddhist meditation teacher Norman Fisher suggests that no matter what has happened, the biggest problem we face is our own anger. Our anger creates a cloud of emotion that keeps us from responding in a compelling, productive way. In this sense, our anger is truly our biggest problem. Talk to yourself: meditate, exercise, go for a walk.
“When you are angry, it weakens the mind.” This is the teaching of Sylvia Baorstein. You can't think clearly or be creative or intelligent and handle any situation when you're going crazy. “Anger wrinkles the mind,” she says. If you want to think clearly, "you shouldn't be angry at anything."
"Don't try to understand others." This is another teaching of Norman Fisher. Ask yourself if others have tried to find out what you are thinking? They probably have no idea what's really going on in your mind. So why try to understand what others think?
“Your thoughts are not facts.” In other words, don't believe everything you think. We experience our emotions—anxiety, tension, fear, and stress—in our bodies. Our emotions are physical. We often take this as a sign that our thoughts should be facts. Tibetan Buddhist Tsokini Rinpoche teaches that when we are emotionally crippled by worry, regret, fear, worry or anger, we must remember that the emotional and physical state we are experiencing is “real, but not true.”
"You are not a time wizard." When we are confronted with past events, we often think about how we could have done something differently to prevent a crazy fight or unfortunate outcome. But what happened yesterday, just like what happened a thousand or more years ago, we cannot change.
"I'm sorry, for my own sake." Forgiveness is not something we do just for the other person. We forgive so that we can live without the acute suffering associated with the past.
"Send them into the white ball from your mind." When you can't stop thinking about someone who has hurt you, “imagine sending them away in a beautiful ball of white light. Place them in that ball of light. Surround them with this light until your anger disappears.
Source: mywoman-club.ru
What to do and how to help yourself stop loving a girl if she doesn’t love you?
The most effective method is to get rid of any mention of your love object in your life. However, before that, you just need to want to stop loving the girl yourself. Yes, yes, the success of the entire operation depends on your desire.
Tip number 1
People tend to suffer and even somewhere deep down they enjoy it. Therefore, until you yourself decide to stop suffering for an inaccessible beauty, nothing will come of it.
Tip number 2
After you have made the final and irrevocable decision to move on, you need to throw out of sight all the things that will remind you of your past love
: gifts, forgotten clothes, cute things that you bought together at the fair last February. All this should go in the trash, or better yet, straight to a landfill.
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Do not regret anything, even the necessary things. Then you will buy, but these will be your things, which will not remind you of how you went for a walk together and just so accidentally decided to buy a table or sofa. Expensive things, of course, are better to sell. However, you can arrange a ritual bonfire in a vacant lot. Who likes it more? Just don’t overdo it so that the firefighters or police don’t become interested in your fire.
Tip number 3
Some may think this is obvious, but some really don’t understand that it is necessary: stop talking to this girl.
I know that some guys will now say: “Am I a fool? Of course, I won’t communicate with her if I want to stop loving her!” But, returning to the first advice, we can repeat it again - many people like to suffer. Love is an addiction, a drug that is hard to get off.
When a person stops drinking, he wants to be in contact with people and places where there is alcohol as often as possible.
It's the same here. You can call and talk about the weather, discuss the news, try to start a conversation in any way, sometimes even the stupidest. This will not work! Stop it! Otherwise, you will not be able to begin to live peacefully further, without her.
Tip number 4: No alcohol or binge drinking!
It won't help.
No girl can drown out your feelings. On the contrary, it will only make it worse, because you will see her in everyone or, on the contrary, you will understand that not a single girl can compare with that same one. Here, again, like with drugs - you need to wait out the withdrawal, preferably at home. But you shouldn’t get too carried away here either. Binge drinking or watching movies about love will only make it worse. The best option would be to simply return to a standard, measured life.
And the most effective thing is to find a new hobby, and even if you don’t really want to, still throw yourself into a new hobby, go on a trip, change your job - in general, anything that will bring you new unforgettable emotions, but those were unsuccessful love will go into the archives of your life.
I can't get her out of my head
Hello.
My name is Max, I'm 21 and I'm desperate. Almost 2 years ago I broke up with a girl I loved very much. It bothers me that so much time has passed and she still can't get out of my head. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Don’t think that I’m some kind of wimp who is obsessed with his ex and does nothing. No, that's not true. I characterize myself as a fairly strong personality in many areas of life. I am a confident person and always achieve whatever I want. And these 2 years I did not sit idle, killing myself for it.
We often argued, but she always came to make up first. But this time everything was more serious. She said she didn't feel anything for me anymore. I am very proud and therefore decided not to do anything. I thought that she would come to her senses and come running to me. But this did not happen. In addition, within a week she found herself a new boyfriend. I decided she wasn't worth me after that. Three months later, I realized for the first time that I could no longer live without her, I decided to return her, no matter what it cost me. At first the attempts were in vain. This other guy of hers, who I thought she needed only to take her mind off breaking up with me, seemed like she really liked him. And although she said that she no longer felt anything for me, it’s not so easy to get used to a person with whom I’ve been together for three years and I didn’t give up. I read a lot on this topic on the Internet and found the information I needed. I understood my mistakes, why this happened and how to get her back. I succeeded, I fought it off and returned it to myself. And I was incredibly happy. Happy, probably, for four days. Later I found out that she slept with him. It was a dead end for me... I loved her. Her feelings returned and she wanted to be with me, but I couldn't touch her anymore. She was no longer mine, she became disgusting to me, but I still loved her. I have never felt anything more terrible in my life. This was the first time I realized my helplessness. For the first time, I couldn't change something the way I wanted. I tried to come to terms with this, but I couldn't. I decided that I needed to put an end to the relationship and forget her. To be honest, I hoped for a long time that I would be able to forgive her and be together with her, because until now I have not told anyone the real reason for our separation.
To begin with, I threw out all the things associated with her. I told all my friends, if they suddenly see her somewhere with someone, not to tell me anything. I told them I didn't want to know anything about her. It was easier for me that way. After I broke up with her, I took care of myself to distract myself. I threw myself into sports. This helped to distract myself for a while, but not completely. I read a lot of various articles on the Internet and literature on the topic of how to survive a breakup. But everything I tried only helped temporarily. Every time I thought that I had finally gotten rid of thoughts about her, they returned with renewed vigor. I also tried to look for a replacement for her to distract myself. I have no problems with other girls. During this time I changed about twenty of them. I get tired of all of them quickly. Walking with them, I often think about her.
During all this time I saw her only three times. The last time was recently. When I saw her, it was as if I began to burst from within. I thought that I would burst from an overabundance of emotions. Moreover, I could not understand what I was feeling. Everything seemed to be mixed into one whole. One thing was clear, no matter how much I convinced myself that everything had passed, nothing had passed. Few people who know how I feel advise me to return her. I know it's not a problem for me, but I don't want it. I decided a long time ago that she was not worth me. The only thing I want is for her to get out of my head, but it seems like I can’t do it on my own.
Why does it still affect me after all this time just because I saw her by chance? Please help me. I'm very tired of her not getting out of my head. Because of this, I cannot live in peace.
I’m ashamed of my action, I can’t get it out of my head (6 answers)
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David Goehring, 2013
“I can’t get her out of my head”, “she is my only one”, “I felt good only with her”... If such thoughts do not leave you alone, then it’s time to seriously break with the past. Psychologist Nina Rubshtein talks about how to forget your former passion and calmly immerse yourself in a new relationship. In the previous manual, I described the stages of experiencing a breakup, and if you did everything correctly, then in a year, maximum two, you will be released. But if you haven't let go, you don't seem very interested in letting go. You must be clear and understand why you need to get rid of it. Make a list of things that are important to you and actions that you would like to take when you are released. Ask yourself: What is really stopping you from doing this right now? Consciously, you can think “how I was lured by thoughts about her,” perceiving your attachment as an obsession, but in your unconscious there are undercurrents whose task is completely the opposite - to hold on to thoughts about your ex with all your might, otherwise... Otherwise what? It may not be that thinking about her is keeping you from concentrating. It may turn out that you do not believe in yourself, that you are afraid of screwing up in these new things, that you consider yourself a failure, and thoughts about her help you avoid confusion and anxiety associated with self-realization. Even if she is absolutely perfect, she has one huge drawback: she doesn’t love you, doesn’t want and doesn’t want to be with you. If this is the case, then at least you have two options: a) honestly admit to yourself that there will be happy you are too troublesome; b) decide to make changes. If you chose point “a”, in fact, you can stop there. The problem does not require a solution. We will return to point “b” below. It is possible, and even true, that you are idealizing her. That is, you think that she has no shortcomings. But even if she is absolutely perfect, she has one huge flaw: she does not love you, does not want and does not want to be with you. She doesn't value you, she doesn't need you for who you are. That is, she does not treat you as well as you treat her. And if everything is fine with you, then awareness of this fact is already enough to admit that she is not ideal, and that there is probably an equally beautiful woman in the world who needs and is interested in you. Moreover, as long as you hold on to this one, meeting that one is impossible for you. If this does not stop you, then it seems that not everything is all right with you from the point of view of ordinary life pragmatics. I mean, if all these simple, pragmatic things don't move you at all, it seems that it is extremely important for you to maintain some image of yourself through this story (romantic, suffering, sighing, eternally devoted, etc.). The purpose of this image is to create a certain picture, a paradigm of your life, which justifies and explains why you should be unhappy and should not change anything in your life. If all these simple, pragmatic things do not move you in any way, it seems that it is extremely important for you to preserve, through this story, some image of yourself (romantic, suffering, sighing, eternally devoted, etc.). It may seem to you that you had something so unique with her that it can never be repeated with anyone. This is partly true, any relationship is unique and inimitable. However, it may turn out that the “unusual” thing you felt with her was only unusual because you only tried it with her. For example, talking about some topics that are important to you or doing something together that you have never done with others. It's easy to get rid of this idealization if you just start doing all this with other people. And not even necessarily with women. It may turn out that doing this with some people is even more interesting and cool. So, if you still decide to choose point “b”. Start doing what you have long wanted, without waiting for the uncertainty and confusion to end - they will end thanks to your actions. If you don't know what to do, experiment with whatever you are curious about and you will find it through practice. Every time you start thinking about her, do squats or push-ups. Start communicating with women, not in order to get something from them that you did not receive from your ex, and not in order to take revenge, and also not in order to compare. And in order to figure out what it is all about and what is real there and what is unreal, what attracts you, what repels you, why, what you want there and how possible it is, how and with whom. Just start exploring yourself in relationships. Non-reciprocity is often associated with the fact that a person does not adequately evaluate both his partner and himself. Come up with activities that should redirect your energy from thinking about her (or looking at her page on social networks) into your self-development. For example, every time you start thinking about her, do squats or push-ups. True, this recommendation only works for those who have a really strong intention to switch. Reconsider your life paradigm: maybe your self-image and idea of what kind of life suits you are outdated? Or not yours at all, but, for example, your parents? Or is this strategy needed to prove something to someone? To whom and what? If so, write a new version of your life that you plan to follow. Don't try to make it right once and for all. It should be relevant to you today and for the period of time that you need it. And then you’ll come up with a new one.
