Human doubt. Feelings and thoughts.

If there are doubts and it’s not clear what to do, people often resort to the following tricks:

— they postpone the matter/activity/decision-making until the circumstances become clearer,

- “they take it and do it,” that is, they decide to test in practice what they can and cannot do,

- they abandon the case or prefer something more understandable, that is, one that does not yet raise doubts.

These are simple and understandable ways to act when in doubt. How can you figure out which method is needed right now?

As a rule, before making any decision, it would be a good idea to understand the reasons for it and the sources of your own doubts.

Reasons for doubting your actions

The reasons for any insecurity lie in childhood and in relationships with parents. If the parents did not allow the child to take initiative and any of his independent actions were perceived not as a normal process of growing up, but as pranks and bad behavior for which they were punished, then growing up, such a child becomes unable to evaluate his actions as “useful or unhelpful” - on on a subconscious level, he will believe that everything will be punished. If the parents rewarded the child only for sitting and not doing anything (not disturbing or distracting the parents), or only doing what the parents told him to do (without deviating from the “plan” and not showing initiative), the child’s future a person develops an inability to act independently.

Reasons for doubting your qualities

And again we return to childhood. Few of us have been able to experience unconditional parental love. Most parents reasoned like this: “if you behave badly, we won’t love you” or “look at how you behave, good children don’t behave like that.” With such statements, parents inspire us to believe that we are the way we behave, and since most parents always scolded us for the bad and “forgot” to praise us for the good, we became convinced that we were bad and knew nothing about ourselves other than that.

Endless doubts

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Doubt is a mental state in which there is abstention from final judgment. In other words, it is uncertainty about the truth of something, lack of faith and difficulty in resolving any issue.

Every person is an individual. This means that he has the right to choose. Every day people have to decide many issues and make choices in something trivial or significant. This is where the main problem lies - responsibility for your choice and subsequent doubt. What is it? Doubt is a human condition when there is no certainty of solution, there are many options for exiting the situation. This process is called the difference between the ability to think and its absence.

The ability to make decisions independently is a huge talent. When it comes to solving simple problems, doubts are almost invisible, since there is no great threat of failure. Indeed, the life of humanity does not depend on what kind of bread you buy. But the fate of each person faces quite a lot of serious decisions that require analysis. Such situations are life-changing, and therefore before making a decision, and sometimes even after that, people are tormented by doubts. The game “If I…” immediately plays in my head. At this moment, we try to shift the burden of responsibility onto someone else: friends, relatives, the Internet. Weighing the pros and cons, we find the right choice.

How to deal with apathy?

“The most difficult flight is flying above yourself.” (S. Exupery.). This statement completely explains the fact that people are very afraid of failure. Not the losses associated with them, but that very feeling of contempt for oneself. We want to feel like the smartest, most successful, most beautiful and destroy this self-deception, illusion - a painful process.

It is this fear that imposes states of uncertainty. Indeed, in addition to the fact that the decision must be correct, it should not adversely affect the image that a person has come up with for himself. It often happens that we make choices not the way we wanted, but to please other people. For example, teenagers do not follow the dream of becoming a musician, writer or something else, but become owners of a prestigious profession that their parents have chosen for them. Thus, instead of becoming an individual, a person loses himself.

Nobody knows what will happen next: five ways to cope with the fear of the unknown

However, this is not the worst outcome of events. Some people are so hesitant that they refuse to make a decision at all. But, if you look at it, this is also a choice. You can avoid the problem, or you can make sure that someone else is responsible for solving it. The last option is very common - a certain illusion of choice. As they say, there are elections, but there is no choice.

The reason for all this is doubt. Relinquishment of the right to choose can be absolute or relative, that is, you made the decision, and someone else will be responsible for the adverse consequences.

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How to get rid of the fear of public speaking?

What happens when you analyze a situation and get out of it? At first glance, it may seem that our mind is busy thinking about the correctness of the decision, but, in truth, we are looking for excuses for our actions. What comes to the fore is not why you want to do this, but why you need to do this, what it will give, what the risk is.

johnhain/Pixabay

We don’t care how it affects our lives, the main thing is to be correct in the eyes of people, to justify our wonderful image. And this is not news, because from birth we are instilled with norms, the framework in which it is customary to live. So, what happens is that at the age of formation of a worldview, people simply go with the flow, following the decisions they have made.

In the endless search for the right solution, we manage to find one that meets all the requirements. And a feeling of peace, certainty, joy and happiness fills – the right choice has been found. Enthusiasm fills all the cells of our body, and we rush towards life with our heads held high, because we did everything right.

This is the experience we strive for when we endure the burden of uncertainty. The final result of reflection depends on whether we have experienced this sensation or not.

How nice it would be to live in a world where you can know all the possible combinations of choices and their consequences.

Win every day and you will find your strength. Strategy for small victories.

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If you understand what is right and wrong, you can come to the conclusion that these concepts are relative. Then it turns out that the choice cannot be correct. Why are we so confident in this or that case? The fact is that the better we think through the logical chain of our choice, the more justified and correct it seems.

Six Simple Ways to Reduce Anxiety

It’s normal to have doubts, but if you are completely confident in your choice, then something has gone wrong. If this happened, then this is the work of illusions, high-quality self-deception to maintain one’s own ego. Remember that until a choice is made, everything is possible, but when everything has happened, you should not torment yourself with doubts. There is no need to struggle with the presence of options for the development of events; accept them from the position that right and wrong decisions simply do not exist and it is stupid to be afraid of them.

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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment

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Reasons for distrusting others

In principle, all of the above reasons influence the formation of mistrust. For a child, for a long time after birth, parents are the whole world, and their behavior and attitude towards the child described above does not contribute to the establishment of a trusting relationship. The child projects: how my parents treat me, so does the whole world, and for many it becomes hostile, accusing, punishing and punishing for sins and missteps.

Parental attitudes affect us so strongly because they are repeated many times and are remembered involuntarily, unconsciously. Moreover, they are voiced precisely at an age when we are not yet able to filter information and evaluate it critically, especially that which comes from the people dearest to us.

In addition to self-doubt, our past has left many “gifts” that prevent us from living fully today. Distrust of the world, inability to make decisions and take responsibility, failure to choose a profession and find one’s place in life - this is only the visible part of the iceberg; the roots of all this lie deep. It is not always possible to deal with such a volume of material on your own. Free consultation

from a psychologist, is the first step towards confidence.

Ksenia Golitsyna, Emotional therapist, psychologist 2013 Official website wayto.life

Human doubt. Feelings and thoughts.

A person's doubt Sometimes a person's doubt puts an end to him, and often this does not depend on how smart he is.

Friends, today we’ll talk a little about one very serious topic, about our doubts. You yourself know perfectly well what kind of thoughts these are and what feeling they cause. It is clear that these are our thoughts that come to our minds when some kind of situation arises in front of us that requires us to make decisions, actions, and which can cause anxiety in us, lead to indecision and sometimes even make us panic, and the main thing is that our actions are slowed down.

If you look deeper, on the one hand, a person’s doubts are a kind of guardians. Thoughts that protect us from ourselves are aimed at making better choices and imply good intention.

On the other hand, they can not only literally slow down actions aimed at achieving goals, but also simply take possession of a person and make him worthless and wretched.

There would be many more successful people in the world if these thoughts of doubt were not so strong and capable of causing various fears. It is especially offensive in those cases when a person, possessing truly talent, allows doubts and fears to take over himself and, instead of achieving great success, remains outstanding and unhappy. Although in many cases, laziness or small ambitions of the person himself can contribute to this.

By the way, big brains and constant thinking can also cause problems. You need to remember the golden mean and trust your subconscious more. Simply put, wisdom, like success, is not always the lot of smart and very smart people.

And so, first, let's try to figure out what kind of thoughts of doubt they are, this will help us treat them more correctly, react adequately, perceive them more calmly and use them for our own benefit, and not put ourselves into a state of uncertainty, inaction and stupor.

Let me give you a simple example . This is something like the actions of a computer, a rough comparison, but quite accurate, so it will be easier for you to perceive what I will write below.

You have downloaded some new program to your PC or want to update an old one. The program has been downloaded, now in order to use it, you need to install it. A box pops up where your PC asks you, “Are you sure you want to install or update this program?” And you press either “YES” or “CANCEL” button.

Thoughts of doubt are also a kind of program that asks you again, only with the difference that our brain plays the role of the PC. Moreover, everything happens in the same way as in the case of a computer - automatically, without asking us whether we want this frame “YES”, “CANCEL” to pop up, or if it would be better if this did not happen.

the subconscious , first of all . If this program were not inherent in nature within ourselves, thoughts of doubt would arise much less often. But doubts themselves, in their essence, are intended for our benefit. But the nuance is that the more opportunities and strength we provide to this program, we rely on it, the more we associate ourselves with it, the more actively it interferes in our lives.

If we take into account that beliefs and attitudes are laid down (written down) to us from childhood, then we can imagine how much strength this or that program, belief and some kind of principle (rule) can gain. Then everything goes as usual, our actions almost entirely depend on these internal settings. You won't even be aware of it. Now imagine that you always or almost always gave in to doubt and pressed the “CANCEL” button….??

Here, a lot depends on how you relate to these thoughts of doubt, how you perceive them, whether you consider them to be your enemies, and what feeling this thought of doubt that comes to mind evokes in you.

Feelings can range from fear and anxiety to indifference. Depending on the importance of the decision and your attitude to the situation, the state in which you arrive and what is important, on your beliefs and attitude towards yourself.

Even the most difficult situation, requiring a responsible and correct decision, is perceived differently by different people. It will lead one into panic and make him inadequate, another will be cheered up and forced to act actively, a third will be led into a temporary stupor and uncertainty, a fourth will not give a damn, etc.

In general, everyone relates to doubts in their own way, just like any other situation in life and to themselves. And remember the phrase - “Treat yourself and life more simply” - these are the words of one wise man.

So you need to learn to treat doubts correctly. So that they simply perform their direct function - they are allies, not enemies. And they did not block the road to your success.

And so, doubts give rise to such thoughts - “Can I?”, “Am I doing the right thing?”, “What if it doesn’t work out?”, followed by thoughts of fear, “What if I lose everything,” “What if I lose everything?” what will happen to me”, etc. Isn't it a big blow to us?

Such thoughts take away our strength, weaken us and put obstacles in the way of our goals. But it is not necessary that what we think should or should not happen. To begin with, this is just an obstacle that has arisen on the way to our desired action. And this obstacle makes you believe in the correctness of the chosen decision, as if asking us again, “Are you sure that this will be for your good?” If so, then press the “YES” button.

And here we will have three options for developing actions.

1). You gave in under the weight of doubt and missed what was probably a good opportunity to achieve something. It’s not worth writing much here. You doubt yourself too much, you allow doubts and fears to control you. If you want to achieve something, you will have to reconsider not only your attitude towards doubts, but also towards yourself. If you always doubt everything and do nothing, you will achieve nothing.

Plus, this attitude of yours can lead to the fact that you begin to doubt everything, even trifles; you should not allow yourself to think like that.

Doubts are different and everyone without exception has them. And of course, even in such a delicate situation as meeting a woman. I also always have some thoughts of doubt.

I can share. — I see a pretty girl, I want to meet her , I take a step and the thought immediately comes: “What if I don’t like me and she rejects me?”, I usually then say to myself, “Okay, I’ll try, well, I won’t die from worries, but it’s a good opportunity, cannot be missed."

I take the second step and then another thought, - “I wonder what she will tell me, - “Fuck off” or something cooler, so what to do with such thoughts? Instead of what, you go, you are afraid, and you do it. Only I direct the energy of this internal excitement not to thoughts in order to cope with them, but to actions, like fluffing my tail, etc. - In short, I didn’t write this.

The main thing is to understand and accept deep within yourself - you cannot concentrate on these thoughts and, being afraid of the fears that arise, do not act , otherwise luck will turn away.

2). Second option. You have decided to act, but doubts do not leave you; you act all the time under pressure and with caution. How does this happen in the brain?

You have made a decision, you are already taking action, but something is worrying you greatly and you realize that these are thoughts of doubt that have not gone away and are spinning in your head.

If you begin to repeatedly analyze them (conduct an internal dialogue) trying to understand the essence of what specifically bothers you, then you can attach some other unpleasant thoughts, fears, or something else. That is, screw yourself up trying to find a solution.

Now imagine that you suddenly decided to change your stereotype of thinking, rooted in your brain, and turned doubts into a kind of ally who wishes you well and only subconsciously clarifies - “YES or NO.” This is a natural, reasonable doubt.

First, by treating these thoughts this way, you will feel calmer and more sober, and most importantly, you will be able to more correctly assess any situation.

Secondly, just the fact that you considered doubts as something unpleasant already caused tension in you, spoiled your mood and took away your energy, now this will not happen.

And thirdly, you will be able to put all your strength where it is really needed.

It is important to always remember this. Any result is always the same result. To start acting, you need to break something that is interfering within yourself, and often this can only be done by being cruel . This is the only way to change yourself and your life. Act, act and act, think less and your dream will begin to acquire the boundaries of reality.

3) . The wisest course of events. When making a final decision, you need to think about and weigh everything once or twice

And when making a decision, it is important to look at any options from the optimistic side, even if you are a complete pessimist, otherwise nothing will work out .

In every business, especially in a big goal, there will always be risk, this is normal. Do you want everything to be secure? This does not happen in serious matters. While you wait for such an opportunity to present itself, it may happen that you will not need it.

The best thing you can do is wait patiently until you feel the situation, that moment when you not only understand something for yourself, but realize , feel internally that it is yours and it is necessary. And start acting, and act responsibly. Having chosen the path, do not look back at doubts and fears .

If you decide something, you need to go to the end, but at the same time you need to take responsibility for what you do. What exactly a person does does not matter, but he must know why he is doing it, and act without doubts and regrets

K. Castaneda

What you should be afraid of is the missed opportunity and the passing of years. Remember, it is optimistic people, even if they make mistakes, who achieve more in life. Look at everything a little more optimistically. Do you want to live your life without making big mistakes? - great, then don’t do anything worthwhile - let you only have one , your biggest mistake. . And time is running away from us - you won’t catch it!

“No desire is given to you separately from the power that allows you to fulfill it”

In general, in conclusion, I want to say that only fools are always sure of everything; any normal person has doubts from time to time. And you can’t be 100% sure of anything. just need to believe in yourself and listen to your heart . Good luck!

Finally, I recommend the article “ How to deal with doubts, the validity of doubts .” It will take a deeper look at the mechanisms and the very attitude towards this feeling.

Sincerely, Andrey Russkikh