Children have grown up and consider themselves wiser than their parents, grandchildren brush it off - they say, don’t teach us how to live, your views are long outdated. At work, young colleagues also listen with half an ear: “Sorry, but you don’t understand modern realities.” Even when you try to insert your “two cents” at a dacha meeting, few people pay attention to your words. It's a shame? Still would! However, resentment is a dead end. Try restructuring your speech to make it more persuasive. And then it will be easier to reach others!
Article on the topic Fathers and Sons. Overload with care is a common mistake of the older generation
It is possible and necessary
Start a conversation with a strong argument and end with an even stronger one. Then the impact on the interlocutor will be maximum, because the person remembers best the beginning and the end of the conversation. Weaker arguments are best presented in the middle of the conversation.
Speak kindly, and if you want to infect your interlocutor with your idea, then also speak emotionally. A boring monotonous speech will not arouse interest. In addition, it is useful to say “we” instead of “I” - it brings together. Let’s say, if you dream of renovating your kitchen, but your household is against it, it’s better to do without phrases like: “I want to put the kitchen in order.” Say: “Let's renovate the kitchen! Imagine how clean, bright and beautiful our place will be!”
Be respectful of other people's opinions. Even if you have a different point of view, be sure to listen to your interlocutor. Do you want to dispute? Instead of saying: “No, I completely disagree with you!” - such categoricalness will only strengthen your disagreements, say: “Yes, I agree with you in many respects, but...” (and then voice your position).
Avoid words with “not”: “Could you?”, “Isn’t it difficult for you?” It’s better to construct a phrase positively: “Can you help me?”
Do without the words “must” and “should” - they fall on the interlocutor like a concrete slab: “You must first learn your lessons, and then go for a walk,” “You need to sort out the barn, and only then think about fishing.” Such phrases are perceived as pressure, coercion. I immediately want to say something harsh in response or do the opposite. Therefore, smooth out your speech as much as possible. For example, like this: “I advise you to do your homework first, and then go for a walk.” Then your opinion will definitely be listened to!
Practice at home if you plan to speak at an important meeting or meeting. Write your speech on paper, memorize it and tell it in front of the mirror, and then in front of your family. If they find it unconvincing, you will have time to refine it.
You're a grandmother! What is the right way to sit with your grandchildren or live your own life? More details
Part 1
Chapter 1 Thinking about Speaking
Oral speech and the ability to communicate using it are amazing achievements of communication culture that distinguish people from animals. However, often we talk and people don't listen to us, so in this chapter we will outline the obstacles that get in the way of communication, as well as the principles of successful communication.
How often do you talk during the day?
Hundreds, a thousand times?
And every time you hope that people will pay attention to you, that they will hear you. Because you want to convince, influence, convey your point or tell something. But nothing will work if people don't hear you.
The ability to speak so that people will listen is a vital business skill at all stages of your career. In addition, this skill will be useful at home, in communicating with friends, in social life. Communication is probably the most important part of human life. Without communication, we become sad, angry or depressed. However, we typically take communication for granted. I speak and people listen.
But often, when you share what you think are interesting ideas at meetings, you see that no one is paying attention to what you say. And so you sit and think: “Why didn’t anyone hear me?” You know that your idea is really important and smart, but it was not perceived.
Or, for example, you need to give a presentation. You were well prepared, covered all the topics and questions, but a few minutes into your speech you realized that the audience was distracted. In the middle of the presentation, you are desperately trying to grab their attention, but you don’t know how, and so by the end of the presentation you are so exhausted that you are glad that the horror is finally over. This is followed by limp clapping - not even applause, and no questions.
And at a meeting with a potential client in the sales department, it can be even worse - as if not a single word you say makes any sense to him. He stubbornly returns to the same question, and by the end of the meeting you have no doubt that he will buy an inferior product at an inflated price from your competitor.
What's the matter?
Most likely, the idea is not yours and the topic of the presentation is not yours, and the product offered to the buyer is not at all interesting to you. You probably spoke and people just didn't listen to you.
That's what my book is all about—to show you how to speak so people will listen, whether it's speaking to a large audience at a conference or having a casual conversation with a colleague. My goal is to help you articulate your thoughts in an effective, compelling, and engaging manner.
In this book, I give a lot of advice and offer many methods, strategies and techniques, plans and tips that will help you speak in a way that people will pay attention to you and actually hear what you have to say.
And that's not all: if you follow my advice, people will not only listen - they will understand you, you will be able to convince them and motivate them to action.
Impact of speech
Spoken speech has a huge impact on human development: it can inspire great deeds and encourage horrific atrocities. Spoken language can strengthen a nation's identity, change the way an entire generation views life, and embed indelible images.
On a physical level, losing the ability to speak effectively—that is, losing your voice—can cause feelings of helplessness and worthlessness in a world where we constantly need to communicate. Anyone who has lost the ability to communicate effectively, either temporarily or permanently, is familiar with the frustration that comes with trying to reach a world built around the principle of effective oral communication.
What interferes with communication
The physical inability to speak is only one of the barriers to effective communication; there are many others.
Do you have anything to say?
• Ideas
First, to generate interest, your ideas must be new, or you must offer a new way of thinking about ideas or a more effective way of formulating them.
• Doubts
If you doubt what you want to say, in all your words people will hear only one thing - uncertainty. When considering a complex issue, you need to talk about its subtleties and pitfalls; but if you show lack of conviction in your speech, this will sharply reduce the effectiveness of your words.
How to get people's attention
• Perception
What do people hear? Do they pay attention to you and listen to your words? If so, do they hear exactly what you have to say, do they get the message, and are they willing to think about it and take action?
How to effectively formulate a thought
• Culture
Each of us brings something from our subculture into our speech. Sometimes some elements of this subculture are foreign to our listeners and can create additional barriers to communication.
• Language
Even people who speak the same language have linguistic differences, such as regional accents or dialects. Different sections of society express themselves differently, men and women also use different words and figures of speech, ethnic groups try to preserve their dialects, and young people make their own rules. In addition, each of us has our own personal communication style.
• Meaning
The meaning we extract from what we hear rarely corresponds exactly to what the person intended to say. We filter what we hear according to our experiences, prejudices, beliefs, values and cliches and create our own interpretation. So even when we hear everything a person says exactly as he says it, we cannot understand everything he meant to say exactly as it was meant.
How to get the impact and results you want
• Emotions
Your emotions influence your speech, and if you know how to control them, then they have the desired effect on the listeners, but otherwise, by revealing your moral state - fear, hostility, prejudice or inappropriate sentimentality, they destroy trust in you.
• Technologies
When speech is transmitted using communication technologies, its potential impact (both positive and negative) increases enormously. Much of modern oral culture is disseminated through audio recording and broadcast, suggesting that technology has become an important part of many performances.
• Psychology
To become a successful speaker, you need to understand the psychology of people - how they listen and perceive what you say. This knowledge can significantly improve your ability to influence and persuade, to make you remember what you say, and to motivate you to take action. Without this knowledge, your words will simply drown in emptiness.
It is surprising that we are able to communicate at all, since each person, when communicating, reveals his own habits and characteristics... Many of them blur or distort the meaning of what is said. Unfortunately, bad habits aren't easy to break, so this book is all about learning new habits so you can change old ones.
Bad habit
Show disdain for your interlocutor. They say you are too young to give me advice. By talking like this, you will push the person away from you.
Interrupt. A good speaker is, first of all, a good listener.
Clogging speech with unnecessary words . This complicates perception and distracts from the main thing. In addition, some words may discredit you to some extent. For example, by inserting the words “just”, “only” into a conversation, you put yourself in a subordinate position (“I just wanted to ask”, “I just wanted to find out”). As if you were apologizing in advance for your words. If you like words like “to be honest”, “frankly speaking”, your interlocutor may get the impression that you are being sincere only now. It turns out that the rest of the phrases were lies?
Imposing your opinion. The maximum you can do is give advice (warn, express your opinion). But you should not demand that the other person follow it unconditionally. He can listen to your opinion, but he has the right to do as he sees fit.
One Hundred Years of Solitude. How to feel needed again Read more
First reader Margarita Sukhankina:
– There are many ways to make a speech convincing. The first is to believe in what you say. The second is to be interesting. Such a person is always passionate about something: reading a book by a new author, studying music of a new genre, watching a new movie. It broadens your horizons, nourishes you, and inspires you. With such an interlocutor there is something to talk about, it is always interesting to listen to him.
Book structure
I divided my book into four parts. In the first part of Talking and Listening (chapters 1 and 2), we will think about speaking in general and talk about how we listen and, therefore, what goals you should set for yourself if you want people to listen to you.
I called the second part “Four Steps”. It includes chapters 3–6, respectively devoted to the following questions:
3 – how to find a topic for conversation;
4 – how to attract attention when you are ready to speak;
5 – how to convey your idea in an engaging and convincing way;
6 – how to achieve effective results, taking into account the psychology of memorization, influence and persuasion.
Chapters 7 – 10 form the third part, which I called “The Four Situations.” Here I will give you tips on how to speak using the knowledge gained from the previous chapters so that people will listen to you in various situations:
7 – in conversation, especially when you are pursuing a specific goal;
8 – in difficult conversations, when emotions run high and the stakes are high;
9 – at meetings – formal and informal;
10 – at public speaking – in front of large and small audiences.
The fourth part, “The Final Chord” (Chapter 11), is a brief summary of the book in twenty-five small sections.
Link of words
Let's start this game by absolutely randomly choosing any two words that come to mind. And for more complexity, you can open a magazine or book and randomly point your finger at the printed publication a couple of times.
For example, let our chosen ones be a steamer
and
iron.
The idea of the task is to come up with several sentences so that in context these words are related in meaning.
This problem can be solved like this.
The captain gave the signal to sail. The White STEAMER began to say goodbye to its pier. Plumes of smoke began to gradually melt, taking the ship further and further away from people. Like an ancient massive IRON, it floated along the smooth surface of the river, paving a smooth path to a new, hitherto unknown life.
Or.
Mom picked up the IRON, intending to iron this huge pile of laundry. And suddenly she began to think. Dima will leave soon, but she still hasn’t decided to tell him the truth about her father. And when her son - the captain of a new modern STEAMER - arrives, it will be too late.
Something like this, approximately.
You can, of course, come up with more colorful stories. But I wanted to convey to you only the meaning of the task. If you think about it a little, wow, what stories you can write).
