Useful tips
People with cold hearts are those who cannot be reached emotionally. They are not affectionate and do not exude warmth.
In this article, we will give you some tips on how to recognize a person with a cold heart.
“...I call people with a cold heart people who are withdrawn, depressed and far from deep feelings and experiences. From those who are abstracted even from themselves, you should not expect reciprocity - they will not be able to give you what they are not able to experience on their own,” says psychologist and author Leon F. Seltzer.
Cold-blooded man
Attachment to a cold-blooded person can bring pain and suffering to someone who is not ready for emotional distance. People with cold hearts have special habits that help determine whether you really are someone you shouldn't get attached to.
They don't ask anything about you
Most often, indifferent people do not show interest in their interlocutor and do not hide it. Regardless of whether you are in a platonic relationship with such a person or a romantic one, they will not be interested in how your day went or how you are feeling.
If such a person still tries to find out some information from you, this means that he needs it purely for personal purposes.
They are far away
These people may be far from you not only physically, but also emotionally. Often, when talking with such a person, you get the impression that in his thoughts he is very far away, although in fact he is standing in front of you.
They are very restrained in showing emotions. Cold-blooded people rarely reveal secrets and allow themselves to show their vulnerabilities. They just prefer to keep their distance.
How to stop being an insensitive vegetable?
Good afternoon. My problem is this: I am 19 years old and for the last 1.5 years I have practically not felt any emotions, either positive or negative. I am in some kind of amorphous state, I simply exist as a shell. I have completely stopped being attracted to anything, and if there are any urges to do something interesting, then I cannot go and force myself to do it, although I want to.
It all started, probably, under the influence of stress before passing the Unified State Exam, at the same moment a very close friend betrayed me and I no longer communicate with her, moving to another city to study. After moving, I began to see my remaining friends very rarely due to their constant employment. At first, I tried to meet with them as often as possible, but we saw each other approximately once every 2 weeks. I missed them a lot, but then it passed and now I’m not so eager to meet with them and I don’t miss them at all, although we still rarely see each other. And yes, I feel that we’ve all moved away (this applies to all members of the company) . What to do with friends in such a situation? I had repeatedly said before that I was offended because of the rare meetings, but nothing intelligible came in response. I understand that everyone has their own business, but you can still find a couple of hours a week for friends.
I am also very concerned about an incident that happened when I was about 11. My brother and I were visiting our grandparents. We had a cousin with us, who was 5 years old at that time. Her brother accidentally hit her in the face with a small pillow, not too much, it didn’t hurt her. Grandfather saw this and began to swear at his brother. I stood up and said that he didn’t do it on purpose, and my grandfather began to shout at me. Then he, my grandmother and my sister went outside (a private house), sat under the window of the room where my brother and I were and began to discuss me. They didn't know that everything in the room could be heard clearly. From them came the fatal phrase for me that they didn’t love me. I was in a lot of pain, I cried all day, and after this incident I rarely visited them, I never called them myself. At night I often cry, remembering their words. I can't forgive them for this. My grandfather died, and now I don’t communicate much with my grandmother because of this incident, but I think this needs to be corrected. Where do you recommend starting?
It is worth mentioning that I have low self-esteem and I am very complex. I feel like a failure, I think I'm losing friends. I have achieved nothing in this life. I don’t know what to do next.
How can I stop living for the sake of existence and start enjoying life?
How to stop being a vegetable? (2 answers)
How to become cold-blooded
They are great at manipulating people
Those with a cool heart love to manipulate. The thing is that they very weakly, and often do not feel any pity or compassion towards others.
They can learn useful information about their “victims” and then use it against them. If you notice that there is a cold-blooded person in your environment, know that he definitely has a couple of skeletons in his closet and a list of those who were not lucky enough to catch his eye.
They
Look Down
on People “Cool-blooded people have a constant need to talk about themselves in the most flattering way possible and often remind others of their enviable, superior qualities,” says Professor Preston Nee.
You should constantly monitor how they treat people whom they consider “below” them. For example, to service industry workers or the homeless. People with cold hearts have too little empathy to be treated as people worthy of respect.
How to solve a problem
An example of working through excessive anxiety:
Let's say you need to speak in front of a large number of people. And even thinking about such a performance makes you break out in a cold sweat. You start to shake. That is, that conditioned reflex is triggered in you, which was developed in deep childhood, when you were a very small child. When you accidentally find yourself in some place where there are many adults, and you are left alone. And it was quite normal for a child to be very scared at that moment. And this situation is imprinted in your brain as extremely dangerous.
And now, when you have become an adult, in a similar situation, the brain is trying to protect you from such danger. It includes trembling knees and cold sweat. So that you quickly leave this place where there are a lot of people. He doesn't understand that you are already an adult, and this is not dangerous for you. It is this automatic reaction of the body that needs to be canceled. You need to remember that situation, the situation in childhood, which caused such a reaction in the body. The reaction is to shrink. And cancel it.
How to do it?
Below is a technique that not only gives understanding, but also allows you to solve such problems. The book explains in detail how it works. It gives instructions on how to change the body's reaction to a stressful situation. How to send a different signal through neurons in order to react to stress not like a child, but like an adult. And this neural pattern is transformed. The conditioned reflex will stop working as the neural connections change.
You will no longer react to stress like a child! You won't shrink and shake! You will react like an adult, like a leader.
Your behavior will change. Your gait. Your opinion. Your voice. You will become a confident, strong leader!
Cold heart
Something is always missing
It is difficult to find a common language with people who have a cold heart. When they are around or interact with you, there may be an uneasy feeling that something is missing in your relationship.
Regardless of whether your relationship is platonic, romantic, or even family, you will have many difficulties with such people because they have no attachments. The most common missing link is emotional connection.
How to become tougher? How to learn to say no?
Hello. Tell me how to become tougher, learn to say no to people, put insolent people in their place. I am by nature soft, sentimental, impressionable and compassionate. And this gets in the way. Many people consider this to be weakness and sit on their heads. I myself allow what happens next It’s backfired on me. I’ll give examples. I was selling furniture, made a good discount, but anyway, before buying, buyers began to put pressure on their problems and I gave in, but I was left at a big disadvantage, even below the price that I bought myself. At work, too, the girl from the reception whose duties include delivering letters to offices, sat on her head, and also snaps. And again it’s my fault, every morning I said let me pick up my letters on the way. My office is two floors above, and I took columns around the office. That’s what I wanted make her work easier, but what she got was that she started tugging at me so that I would come down even in the middle of the working day. But this is not my duty. I gently told her that I couldn’t come down and was busy, so she began to bring all the letters without sorting them for the entire department and throw them to me on the table, and there are my papers. And in terms of work, if I am scolded for mistakes that are not my own, I also remain silent, I simply silently correct other people’s mistakes. I am angry with myself, but doing everything automatically and they blame someone else’s work on me too. A year ago, a drug addict robbed me , so I forgave him at the trial, the man thought, the money was not returned to me naturally, I thought okay, God is his judge, and the investigator also gave him my number, and he called me, as they say, he knocked out his skis, and this is scary, she gave him got acquainted with the testimony, read the file, and there the real address and telephone number are indicated, she also allowed me to write off the number, I told her why you were doing this, so again I ran into rudeness. I started repairs, the repairmen do a bad job, they are slow, they suck, but they have already pulled it out the whole amount is forwarded from me. again it’s my own fault. You can’t do that. Now there’s no point in working for them, they can leave like that and I’ll lose it. But they whined, they knocked the car, then the loan was overdue and I regret it, then pitiful stories about how it’s hard to live. Although it’s hard for me It’s not any easier. So the last straw was a call from me after cutting through 3 nights - just give me money urgently to help out again, they say I hit the car. I hung up, this is nonsense. I also started weeding out my friends, because I noticed a consumerist attitude. But how can that be? How can I ask myself? My kindness they accept weakness and ride on me. How can I learn to defend my interests? and not be afraid to offend others? Trying to think about the comfort of others and feeling sorry for people, I do things to my detriment. Even when I refuse, I feel awkward. And I myself noticed that the manner of speaking was introduced by the one asking, when asking questions, I give a choice, for example, is it impossible to do this or that? Although others in the same cases say, do it this way. Tell me the methods and so on all the time. It all turns out automatically, then I get angry with myself, that is, I get negativity from people And I’m also punishing myself. It turns out that I’m completely unadapted to modern realities, and the times are such that you have to be tough. Thanks in advance.
How to learn to say: no? (2 answers)
Selfishness
They are self-obsessed
Me, me, me. People with a cold heart are almost always selfish and focused only on what concerns them in one way or another.
“Subconsciously, such people view others only as complements to themselves and as helpers to satisfy their needs. They always put their own needs above everything else...” says Dr. Seltzer.
They are incredibly self-centered. If you did something better than them, they will still claim that in fact it is not so.
They don't have close friends
“For emotionally unavailable people, relationships and connecting with others are just a way to keep themselves busy until something more interesting comes into their lives,” says author and relationship expert Sarah R. Kline.
They often speak very unflatteringly about their former partners. A number of failed relationships can be found in their past. One gets the impression that they are simply not able to get along with one person for a long time.
Cold-blooded people are also quite emotionally distant even from their family. They find it difficult to find a common language with people, but at the same time they easily part and let go without regret.
How to become a tough parent
Many parents raising disobedient children also often ask the question “How to become tougher?” They feel like they have spoiled their kids too much and want to get back on the right path.
But there is a danger : you can confuse toughness and cruelty . And then, instead of a “silk” child, you will get an offended and vindictive one.
Motivate yourself to be tough when it matters. Convince yourself that your inflexibility and your definition of clear boundaries of behavior are important for the child himself. Punishments must be moderate and adequate.
Play the role of a policeman in the house who will speak politely and assign a fine for a crime, and not a tyrant and despot who will deprive all cartoons for a week.
How to determine the line between harshness and cruelty? Catch yourself in the moment when you punish another: how do you feel? Joy, satisfaction? Or do you want to hug a person and calm them down, but don’t give yourself the freedom?
Truly tough people always control themselves well , do not tantrum, do not scream, and never enjoy their harshness. This is a necessary measure.
