Ever since people knew love, when they meet a loved one, they dream of one thing - for their feelings to burn with a bright flame forever. But alas, alas... Sadly, most couples in love fail to save them. Time passes, and a man and woman who once loved each other so dearly often become almost enemies. Why is this happening? Why does love pass? What kills her - everyday life, betrayal, resentment, boredom? Let's try to find answers to these questions.
Reasons for the disappearance of love. The desire to rehabilitate a loved one
Yes, we all really want a loved one to always be nearby. And always, initially in a relationship, everything seems to indicate that this will happen. However, after a few months or years the situation changes. Coldness appears in the eyes that were once glowing with feelings. The tenderness in the voice turns into irritation. Understanding turns into alienation. The relationship is falling apart. And this, unfortunately, happens all the time.
In principle, we ourselves are to blame for why love passes. More precisely, our inability to preserve it and ignorance of how to preserve it. After all, how do we usually approach relationships with a loved one? For the most part, we strive to improve it, and begin to re-educate our adult partner. This is absolutely pointless. Before us is an accomplished personality, the most basic character traits of which were laid down in early childhood. And all our attempts to change them are nothing more than moral violence against this person. It is quite natural that it causes resistance and aggressive rebuff. What kind of positive development of relations can we talk about then?
No, if we are struggling with some bad habits of our spouse, this is normal. But people often declare war on each other’s rather acceptable qualities! They can quarrel to pieces because one is slower than the other, someone has the peculiarity of reading at the table, eating quickly or not very carefully, and so on. Frequent quibbles over things that are, in general, of no particular importance give rise to mutual irritation. And it may well give way to hatred. That's all. And the desire to be close goes away. Here it is, the real embodiment of the expression: “from love to hate there is one step.”
But everything could be different if both men and women cut themselves to pieces - remaking each other means killing love. Because the very desire to re-educate your partner implies that he is not perceived as the only, unique and worthy person. And that means they don’t really like it. Since love is the complete acceptance of the personality of the loved one, with all its shortcomings and roughnesses. If he reciprocates, then he will change something in himself. And if not... Nothing can be done. To “no” there is no trial.
Of course, the desire to re-educate your soul mate is not the only reason why love passes. There are many couples in which no one is obsessed with putting things in order in the other’s personal area. But, despite this, feelings in them often fade away over time, giving way to indifference or hostility. What's the matter?
When the masks fall off.
But the role, the game, does not last forever. The time comes and the person takes off the mask, deciding to take a break from the role. So what happens next? The scales fall from my eyes. We begin to notice that our ideal lover is not at all as ideal as he seemed to us. We feel disappointed. We feel deceived! After all, we started a relationship with one person, and now we have a completely different person in front of us. And it doesn’t matter that we invented the first one ourselves and it existed only in our dreams - we demand that our lost dreams be returned to us, because reality seems to us much more insipid and ordinary... Love passes before it even begins.
Reasons for the disappearance of love. Lies when dating
It must be said that we usually diligently sow the seeds of the future collapse of a relationship in the very first hours of meeting our loved one, telling him something about ourselves. At the initial stage of a relationship, you really want to please a person, so your own portrait is embellished, at least a little. We involuntarily begin to play some role, without fully revealing or even hiding our true face. And in the end, we make a person fall in love with the created image, and not with ourselves. And we ourselves fall in love with exactly the same image.
What happens next? And then, when the relationship becomes serious and marriage occurs, all our original roles create serious problems. Family is perhaps the only place where a person can become himself. We get tired of the endless change of images at work and in society and come home with one desire - to finally take off our rather boring disguise. And our significant other has the opportunity to see us without embellishment. Such a change may well shock someone in love with the image of a person. He begins to understand that next to him is not the one to whom he had such an uncontrollable attraction before. And, naturally, he feels deceived. What kind of sincere feelings can we talk about in this case?
No, of course, it is not at all necessary for spouses to completely liberate themselves within the walls of their home and demonstrate themselves to each other in all their glory. Please, let's continue to play the same roles, who won't?! A wonderful way to preserve love! Yeah. Not so. Sooner or later we will get tired of such endless theater and want to take a break from it. Mutual fatigue from each other is very dangerous for relationships. At best, it will promote a desire to be apart. At worst, break up completely. And such fatigue, unfortunately, appears in many married couples.
However, it is by no means a mandatory phenomenon in marriage. Constant communication between truly close people does not mean that they necessarily bore each other. After all, we don’t get tired of our mother or father if we are spiritually close to them! So why should this appear in the relationship of spouses? In fact, everything should be the other way around, since husband and wife are like one Satan. That is one whole. And the whole doesn’t want to tear any part away from itself, even for a short time.
That's how it is. It’s just impossible to become “one whole” when people are afraid to open up completely to each other. Falling in love with an image and loving the true essence of a person are not at all the same thing. The first implies superficial infatuation, the second - real intimacy that promotes unity. Therefore, you need to open up little by little to the one you love, giving him the opportunity to truly get to know us. Are we afraid that the person won't like it? Well, that means this is a stranger to us. And it’s not worth talking about immortal feelings with him. Sooner or later they will disappear like smoke.
What other reasons are there why love passes in life?
Why do feelings cool down?
When a guy and a girl just start dating, it seems to them that love lasts forever. Gradually, the partners grow cold towards each other, and sometimes experience disappointment. To understand why love passes, you need to study the possible reasons for the development of such a situation.
How long a marriage or affair will last depends on many factors. The potential danger to romantic relationships is sometimes obvious. Taking timely measures will help avoid a breakup.
Eats up everyday life
Fairytale love stories always end with a phrase about the long and happy life of the heroes together. But beautiful fictional stories always miss the routine - going to the store, getting the child ready for school or kindergarten, housekeeping. Continuous everyday life without glimpses of romance makes life dull and gray. Love leaves, routine eats it up.
This is especially true for married couples who develop a sense of accomplishment after the wedding. The spouses relax, because the partner is not going anywhere anyway. Interests narrow, a kind of tiny world arises: kitchen, watching TV, children, renovations. The husband and wife stop developing as individuals. All this is complemented by the lack of individual space, division of responsibilities, ignoring each other’s merits and achievements.
Views diverge
Many marriages are destroyed due to divergence of personal interests and opinions on certain issues. For this reason, quarrels and even violence in families may occur. It seems that it is better not to associate yourself romantically or in marriage with a person who has different beliefs.
But different positions are not a reason for separation. In some cases, this even works as a plus, adding dynamics to the relationship. The main thing is that disputes do not go beyond lively discussions.
Differences of opinion do not make people enemies. However, often one-sided and narrow thinking makes people divide the world into right and left, black and white, and be prejudiced against certain groups. But if partners show tolerance and objectivity, their union has a chance of further development.
READ A manipulator: signs of a tyrant, reasons for behavior and ways to protect against emotional pressure
Someone new appears
If there is no genuine intimacy, the marriage is forced, then one or both partners will sooner or later have an affair. In this case, betrayal does not cause mental trauma. Both will pretend that they know nothing, and at the first opportunity they will separate, like ships at sea.
But often the situation is different: the third wheel (lover or mistress) can quickly destroy even the strongest relationships. This is painful, especially when the cheater was caught red-handed. To forgive betrayal, you need enormous mental strength. Not everyone has such resources, so in most cases, couples break up when they cheat.
Relationships don't develop
Every couple goes through a period of stagnation. Stability in love often degenerates into stagnation. Partners are burdened by each other’s company and try to attract friends and acquaintances to their company in order to diversify their communication.
They are no longer comfortable being alone with each other, enjoying every glance, word, gesture of their partner, as when they are in love. If a dose of romance is not urgently introduced into such relationships, they will quickly fade away.
Reasons for the disappearance of love. Boredom and monotony
Boredom in a relationship is perhaps one of the most formidable enemies of love. Initially, they are fueled by a sense of novelty and interest in their partner, as in something unknown and very interesting. We look forward to every meeting with our loved one with delight, and every moment of communication with them is very valuable and incredibly meaningful. And then everything becomes familiar and begins to develop in accordance with traditional rules. We're getting bored. After all, the novel promised to be very unusual, and it is similar to hundreds of other such novels! Relationships develop according to the same scenario. Predictability is starting to become boring. Feelings fade.
In fact, this is not at all a natural way to develop relationships. In order for the love that arose at the beginning to strengthen and turn into almost immortal love, you would need to try to write your own script for communicating with your loved one. Only independent creativity contributes to the progress of relationships and fuels the interest of lovers in each other. And since there is interest, it means there is no place for boredom. It is enough just to move away from stereotypes and create your own individual project for building a family. In such marriages, a soil is formed that is very favorable for the growth and flourishing of long and lasting love.
What other common reasons why love dies?
How to understand that love has passed
Feelings are often taken for granted. But love forever without effort is a fabulous phenomenon. The euphoria of falling in love quickly passes and is replaced by subsequent stages, interspersed with moments of crisis. Relationships during the transition from one stage to another are vulnerable and can end if there is a lack of necessary resources (patience, respect, mutual understanding, etc.). To have enough of them, you need to make an effort. Whether love has passed will be shown by the signs below.
No attraction
Partners don't want each other. In the initial stages of romantic communication, a man and a woman experience sexual interest in each other. Later it may weaken, which often indicates problems in the relationship, as well as sex out of obligation, out of a sense of duty. At the same time, everyone cares exclusively about their own satisfaction.
READ How to get love back: from psychological techniques to magical rituals
But a sudden decrease in the libido of one of the partners does not always indicate a lack of love. Perhaps the reason is health problems, troubles at work, a quarrel with your best friend. There is no need to rush to conclusions. You need to find out the source of the problem and provide support to your partner. But with a constant lack of desire, there is no doubt that there is no love and passion in the couple. Perhaps a partner has appeared on the side.
Irritation
A person in love is touched by the habits, manners, facial expressions and features of the chosen one’s appearance. When love dies, the situation changes. Everything that previously seemed like the advantages of a loved one now becomes terrible shortcomings.
Eye color, voice, mole on the chin - all details are exaggerated, which creates a repulsive image. Thus, in Leo Tolstoy’s famous novel “Anna Karenina,” the main character was irritated by her husband’s ears.
Most often, a partner's disadvantages arise from former advantages. At the same time, the couple is not shy about showing their irritation in front of other people. The desire to hurt and humiliate a partner is another sign of lost love. The partner himself, as well as his friends, colleagues, and parents, cause irritation.
Indifference
If your partner suddenly becomes quiet and serene, and previously made scenes and made peace on various occasions, then something is wrong. Excessive calmness and indifference to a future together speaks of fading feelings.
He doesn’t care how warmly his lover is dressed, whether he ate in the morning, or took medicine: the person is simply excluded from the zone of care. The couple (or one of the partners) no longer makes common plans, preferring to dream of a separate future. Lack of caring and shared goals is the clear end of love.
Reasons for the disappearance of love. Inability to quarrel and sort things out
Many of us are convinced that civilized people who love each other should neither quarrel nor sort things out at all. Just coo and live in perfect harmony. Oh, how mistaken we are! Negative emotions are inseparable from human essence. And most of them are caused by those closest to us. Because it is with them that we live side by side and constantly communicate. It is impossible to forever feel only delight in relation to even a loved one. After all, we are not all angels.
Your loved one has done something wrong, offended you in passing once or twice, and irritation begins to accumulate. It accumulates and accumulates, and then results in a conflict, which is sometimes similar to almost a destructive earthquake. Quarrel after quarrel, and that’s it... No love. In its place came hostility and hatred.
What to do in this case? Do not accumulate dissatisfaction, but also do not immediately throw it out on the head of your other half, without being shy in expressions. It is better to calm down first and master the genie of anger that is trying to escape from the bottle. And only then soberly determine what was the reason for indignation and how to eliminate this reason. And then calmly discuss this issue with your loved one and try to come to some kind of agreement with him.
Yes, maintaining love is not at all easy. This requires a lot of effort and constant work on mistakes. But happiness is worth it! What else are we striving for in life if not for him?
Journey to “another world”.
Many people confuse falling in love with love. Expecting that the idyll will last forever, it is easy to be disappointed and decide that love has left when its time is just coming. In my opinion, love begins after we recognize a person as real , when we begin to see his shortcomings, but continue to appreciate his world, his difference from us, his uniqueness and uniqueness. Then the relationship becomes a journey into each other's worlds, full of adventures and discoveries, a lifelong journey.
Post Views: 632
