The relevance of the problem of how to believe in yourself and your strengths appears when a person has already encountered a number of failures or he has to accomplish something that has extreme personal significance for him. And if an objective vision of your failures should prompt you to analyze your actions, reorient your actions or improve your skills, then if what is coming is of great importance, you will have to work exclusively with internal attitudes. First of all, a person needs to figure out why some matter has received super-importance in his system. It is unlikely that the question of how to force yourself to believe in yourself before an important interview does not arise for those who see this only as a conversation, but if you add the desire to become worthy in the eyes of your partner, to justify parental expectations, the lack of other prospects, then the importance of the interview soars significantly .
Understanding the reason for the high importance can help you separate the task itself from the expectations placed on it from above and give you the opportunity to recognize your family to earn differently. It is worth studying the issue and looking at examples of successful implementation of what you want by other people who have the same starting positions or other basic conditions - here you can learn a lot and in reality see that there is nothing transcendental in the goal, just as nothing critical happened to people during achievement.
The scale of the task, which with its weight simply crushes a person (living in a rented one-room apartment, making plans for your own built castle can seriously shake self-conceit and faith) can generate disbelief in one’s abilities. Break big tasks and long-term plans into small ones (not so destructive to the ego), develop a certain algorithm of action - this seriously calms you down, instills confidence, and adds strength. When you look at a list of several tasks, see the prescribed moves in case of a turn, then the whole event ceases to seem impossible. It is this purely practical approach that often turns out to be much more effective than various affirmations and other techniques of suggestion, since it reinforces your strength with actions, you see real changes in what is happening, although the same mechanisms for changing perception are involved, it’s just that in one case you convince yourself how cool you are, and in With your friend, you optimize the problem and reduce the scale of its impact.
How to believe in yourself when you give up
Self-confidence can slip away from time to time due to various factors: criticism from others, another failed attempt to realize what was planned, a series of bad luck, or the inflated significance of what is happening. But there are situations when you give up and everything that pops into your head concerns only how to quit everything, and not how to believe in yourself and your strength, because objectively there is no strength left. Depressive and apathetic states, moments of crisis suck all reserves from the energy reservoir, leaving no opportunity to move on. Often the problem is not solved for so long that there is no strength to continue, but there is also no resource left for care. All this concerns issues of rethinking and finding motivation. It is the presence of meaning in one’s life and a motive for every action that gives a person new opportunities, fills him with energy and turns on imagination for other ways of achieving.
You'll have to do some soul-searching to find out whether your hard work is still your true goal. All set goals must be periodically reviewed and adjusted to stay on course. Well, what's the point of investing in a relationship where they cheat on you for the purpose of further marriage? What is the point of continuing to draw up a methodology for a project that has not been launched for a year, but continues to require development from you? Why go to visit those who have long ceased to be your friends? It’s easier to choose a goal once, but only when it no longer corresponds to your changed internal attitudes, the energy will not be supplied to achieve it. Your subconscious will begin to choose erroneous strategies, trigger various somatic diseases, and in other ways prevent the fulfillment of what has ceased to be your true desire.
Try to consider your life globally and as broadly as possible, seeing all the relationships that exist at the moment, imagine the future. Such an analysis helps in understanding how much the goal that you are striving for and trying to raise your motivation from scratch will please you when it is realized. Look for the larger meaning of your life, rather than short-term stages of satisfaction, after achievement, which are covered by emptiness and hopelessness. When you focus on such a lifestyle, over time a psychological defense is activated that does not allow you to achieve what you have chosen, because after achievement there is no joy expected, emptiness and meaninglessness await, and while you are endlessly struggling in attempts to achieve, life seems to be filled with meaning. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between meanings, values and goals: the first makes you live and feel energy, the second sets the choice of paths for implementation, and the third shows the direction.
When you reconsider your life, it does not give quick results, so it would be good to have the support of loved ones at this stage. In principle, this is a great strategy when you are not coping, and sometimes it is the delegation of some responsibilities that allows you to breathe new life into a frozen event.
Eliminate all negativity from your sight, stop at least temporarily communicating with people who do not believe in you and your success. Take risks and loudly declare your desires, because perhaps realization is somewhere very close. If you are looking for a job, tell everyone, maybe even strangers, but nice people, if you are confused in finding the right product, then start looking in places and countries where you have not been before or which for some reason you were afraid to trust. Such risky experiments often give a positive result, because if you didn’t find something, didn’t receive it, didn’t finish it with where you are now, it might be worth changing the external scenery.
Exercise “Wheel of Life”
This psychological exercise will help you determine which areas of your life you need to pay attention to, because if some needs are unmet, this will greatly affect the process of achieving your goal. The harmony of each component is important, then success is guaranteed.
So, you need to draw a circle on a piece of paper and divide it into 8 parts, each of them will be responsible for a certain area: love, relaxation, self-development, health, work, money, family, friends. And rate on a 10-point scale how filled each sector of your diagram is. This is the wheel of life, which is very difficult to roll if there are major shortcomings in at least one sector. Think about how you can increase the missing percentage and what you need to do to maintain it.
How to believe in yourself and gain confidence
How a person can believe in himself and gain confidence are questions that are close, but not synonymous. Self-confidence consists of an attitude towards a possible future, a positive assessment of the possibilities in realizing your plans, while confidence adds general fulfillment to this list, since these are not theoretical concepts, but the direct practice of life (if you are full of plans and developments, but do not implement them in any way). reality, the amount of faith will only decrease).
To understand how to force yourself to believe in yourself, you need to switch the main attention to your own personality, in its unique development and originality, avoiding comparison, which burns confidence quite quickly, even though it goes in a positive direction (and then arrogance is born), even in negative (and then self-deprecation and complexes arise). Naturally, it is impossible to completely isolate yourself from the world and people, but it is quite possible to reformat the habit of comparison, you just have to look at people not with envy, but with interest. Remember those characters or people close to you with whom you compare yourself and logically highlight those characteristics that appeal to you, analyze what exactly this person does so that everything turns out this way - consider him as a teacher, you can even ask for advice or share your experience in achieving . It is better to compare yourself with yourself, your past achievements, skills or desired future achievements, i.e. not “I’m running slower than this guy,” but “I’m running slower than yesterday.” This approach helps to notice the reasons and correct what is happening.
Formulate your qualities as honestly as possible - accepting your various sides gives you confidence in managing your life, because having such information, you will remove doubts about whether you can or not, and you will definitely be able to be responsible for the result or not get down to business, identify unknown areas where you cannot predict the result. Recognizing your shortcomings allows you to take advantage of them, and in any professional community those who clearly understand the boundaries of their competence are more valued than those who grasp at everything and present themselves as omnipotent. It is important not to indulge in self-criticism; simple recognition and acceptance is enough; all shortcomings should be treated with patience. Instead of criticizing, it is better to praise yourself, even for small achievements or progress towards success, for example, for refusing a harmful lunch in favor of a balanced one.
Set only a few goals at a time - it is their implementation that will fill you with the feeling that you can cope with the next ones. A huge number of plans that are included in the diary load the nervous system. The more often and more symbolic ticks you tick about what you have achieved, the stronger your belief in your capabilities will become, which is facilitated by setting a small number of goals at a time.
Reconsider the beliefs that limit you; perhaps you immediately label something as “impossible” or “not my thing.” Question all the thoughts, statements and opinions you encounter along the way - your own assessments of the achievability of the goal, the verdict made about your abilities by other people, the assessment of experts and statistics on this issue. These are the factors that produce a logical, but not always correct analysis, since the situation can unfold in an absolutely unimaginable way, and where most took years, you may be lucky to get through in a month.
Thomas Leonard's formula for success
Thomas created personal coaching and devoted a lot of time to studying the components that accompany life effectiveness. His formula looks like this: 10% + 40% + 50% = 100%, where:
10% is our experience, skills, knowledge and skills. It’s surprising, dear reader, but it’s true that our knowledge does not play the most important role in achieving our goals, only thanks to it it is almost impossible to achieve heights.
40% is our way of thinking. As you can see, our thoughts have a greater impact on our well-being than knowledge and experience. A positive way of thinking gives energy and resources, while negative thoughts already slow you down and set you up for failure.
50% is the environment. The people we interact with on a regular basis have a huge influence on our thoughts, lifestyles, values and priorities. If there are people next to you who are focused on development and achieving their goals, this will motivate you to move forward, despite the difficulties.
How to help someone believe in themselves
Helping a person may not always be in the nature of solving his problems or directly participating in it. There is a huge range of situations when intervention in a person’s life through active actions only creates the appearance of help, but in reality causes harm. So, out of compassion, you can do your child’s homework for him, making his evening easier, but in the end he will not develop, you can take care of your loved ones, while depriving them of independence, a husband can completely take care of the family, depriving his wife of choice - the list can be endless. If you see that a person refuses to implement something because of thoughts that it is difficult or that he is unworthy, then you do not need to offer him something ready, but it is better to help him, becoming confident, to achieve everything on his own. The moment you do everything for him, you seem to confirm his lack of faith in his own strength, and then doubts take on a stable form.
To help a person believe in himself, you need to leave pity and evaluation, attempts at moralizing in the background. Focus on support, which can manifest itself in completely different ways - you can make it clear that you are always there and agree to any proposal, show the importance of someone else's opinion by asking for advice, show interest in the ideas expressed. Such methods are not aggressive, but create a background of their own need and importance, sharing the same values, which further pushes for a broader idea of what was planned. But support does not always look like passive contemplation and agreement, and if you feel that your friend has energy, then it is quite possible to act actively and with pressure, taking you to new places, introducing you to useful people, providing thrills. For many, such a shake-up is useful because it shows that the world around is alive and interesting, and if you start interacting with it, it will happily respond. In addition, if a person has any illogical beliefs about what is happening, then you minimize their influence by taking upon yourself to organize the first step, which is precisely the most scary (remember, dating and interviews are more frightening than dating and work).
When you communicate with a person who has lost faith in himself, avoid comparisons, even with the goal of supporting and showing how much better he is, because by doing so you trigger the comparison mechanism itself, which is contraindicated in this state. Try to talk about his qualities from yourself (“I like your dress”, “today we had fun”, “you painted a beautiful picture”). Your praises should not look like flattery or take on exaggerated forms, the very sensitive psyche of a person who has lost faith will quickly react to falsehood, so really say what you think, while criticism can and even should be given, the main thing is to choose the right form that helps the person use even your shortcomings.
Ways to get good results
- Setting goals. To begin with, it is important to recognize your desires, then they take shape in the form of goals, which can later be translated into reality. You can read how to do this in my article on how to set goals correctly. When you clearly understand what you want and how you will realize your dreams, then you can move on to the next point.
- Planning . Now you need to outline the implementation timeframe, possible risks, as well as ways to solve emerging difficulties that you will encounter. Write down your ideas, break the deadlines into stages, when there is structure and boundaries, then it is much clearer and easier to navigate. Planning disciplines, since self-control is a good way to obtain the necessary results. And at the same time, be sure to set aside time for relaxation and other areas of your life.
- Activity. In order to get results, you need to make efforts and be active. Otherwise, goals will remain dreams. It is important to start, take the first step, and once in motion it will be easier to maintain the process of implementing plans.
Inspiration
Inspiration is another important and powerful factor. When we fade away, lose interest in the business, then the business fades away and those around you stop believing in it along with you. How can investors believe in the success of a business if you talk about it with a dull look? How can you believe in something that the creator himself does not believe in?!
Perhaps you need a little break. Read books, watch movies, attend conferences and interact with people who inspire you.
You never know where a new brilliant idea for your business will come to you - at the next smart conference or while contemplating the sunset.
Methods
- Accumulation of effort. Slowly, step by step, even sometimes experiencing failures, but still continue moving towards your goal. This method is good because it is possible to gain satisfaction not only from what has been achieved, but also from the process itself, living the joy of every small victory. After all, as the proverb says: “Water wears away stones.”
- Jerk method . Everyone’s pace is different, and for some it may be easier to make a sudden, full-throttle breakthrough, a breakthrough forward. The results of this method are visible much faster, but there is a risk of exhaustion or emotional overstrain, so calculate your strengths and resources in advance.
Improve yourself
You wanted to get this job, this grant, do this show, this book, sell your company, sell a product, and so on. And they told you no. Take a close look at your product. Can you improve what you offer? Can you look at what you do objectively and improve it? Maybe yes. Maybe not. But think first. Find ten ways to improve what you offer the world.
I once tried to sell a company. She had few clients and poor profits. And I didn’t have a very clear idea of what made our services unique. There were about ten areas in which it was possible to improve; I gradually covered them all and successfully sold the company the next year.
Don't give up - renew yourself
I was one of those who gave up on the thirty-ninth attempt to pitch my novel to a publisher. Sometimes the odds are too clearly against you. Maybe the fortieth time I would have succeeded. I don't know. But I'm glad I gave up - I upgraded instead. Instead of focusing on literature alone, I began to consider television and the newly emerging World Wide Web as a means of creative expression.
That's how I got a job at HBO. And then I decided that my first company would specialize in content-rich websites for companies in the entertainment industry.
I haven't given up on creativity. I expanded my creativity beyond limiting myself to one area and promised myself to return to writing and eventually fiction later. Maybe I'll do it, maybe I won't. But the update definitely made me freer in my creativity, and I reached a new level both financially and creatively. Let's see if the circle closes.
Understand that this is the era of choosing yourself
During my visit to Amazon, I was amazed by what I saw: a revolution was happening. It's not about some new device. The fact is that for the first time since Gutenberg, there was a radically new way to communicate your ideas to many people at once. You can choose yourself in anything and allow yourself to succeed, improve, communicate, and reach out to everyone who needs to hear you. Don't miss this opportunity. Moreover, it may be that “rejection” that pushes you toward it, just as it did the two dozen authors I had lunch with that week.
This doesn't just apply to books. This works in everything. Can you expand the audience of your products? When dating sites appeared, there were more people who could influence your love life. YouTube came along and there were more tastemakers to influence you.
No matter how I personally feel about it, Justin Bieber, by posting his videos on YouTube (which received billions of views), did much more for his success than if he had followed the beaten path - through the same five to ten music labels that decide his fate performer. The guy is great - he chose himself and achieved his goal.
Get closer to people
Social media can be called “individual”, in contrast to “group”: the results of your activities are not distributed by some large group, but you yourself create an image for yourself on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Quora, Pinterest, blogs, Amazon, SlideShare , Scribd, reddit and so on. All these channels bring your product closer to potential customers. Every follower, fan, reader, etc. that you personally attract into your circle brings you closer to others - no matter who turns you down. You choose yourself and create your own channel of interaction with the whole world, and do not rely on the whims of a pathetic minority.
Expand the circle of those who determine your destiny
Until recently, an aspiring writer had one way - to offer his book to five to ten large publishing houses. Every year, almost twenty thousand people sent them their novels, and most were rejected. Who refused you? Trainees and junior editors, yesterday's students who barely bothered to look through your manuscript.
Nowadays, anyone can self-publish a book with the help of Amazon (or a publishing agency, as I did with Tucker Max's Lioncrest). This is how you choose yourself, and, more importantly, your fate is now decided by your readers. A multi-million-strong universe of readers will now help you make decisions: in which direction to develop, how to better control the creative process and, finally, how to rule over your entire life.
Photo: Depositphotos.
