How to get rid of negative emotions? 7 self-help techniques
To tell the truth, I’m not so much for getting rid of negative emotions, but for living through difficult feelings. Eco-friendly and safe for yourself and others.
I think it is our responsibility to be in touch with ourselves and our emotions; to realize what I feel, what is happening to me. And when you encounter something inside yourself that requires a way out, live it. Perhaps it's not like "boys cry" and "girls don't get angry." But it looks more like a mature approach to managing your own wealth.
A mature approach from someone who understands that my anger is NOT the responsibility of the offender. The saleswoman who was rude or the boss who bullied her, as well as parents, relatives, loved ones, husband and children. Although sometimes they infuriate you so much that you have no strength. People behave the way they do. Alas. I feel the way I feel. It is my responsibility to realize this and somehow express and live it. We'll figure it out further.
It is very important to keep your psycho-emotional state clean, just as we keep our house, car, and clothes. The body when I wash my hair and brush my teeth in the morning. It's the same with mental hygiene. You can carry out general cleaning yourself, or you can hire a cleaning service that will help remove emotional waste.
You know, there is a wonderful metaphor “Condensed milk on the ceiling.” From those distant times when they didn’t buy it in plastic, but boiled it on the stove in cans. What happened to it if you left it too long, remember? Something similar happens to us if we accumulate and hold back emotions for a long time. Sooner or later, this “condensed milk” spills out on others. And where it would be possible to simply reduce the degree of tension, it eventually covers everyone. It doesn't depend on the sphere. It can explode anywhere.
How to get rid of negative emotions? Allow emotions to be!
First, stop judging yourself for it. Give up self-flagellation: it’s impossible, it’s not good, it’s ugly... Rationalize less, feel more. Woe from the mind happens when we turn on our rationality and begin to logically explain why other people behave the way they do. Just think he’s being rude, but overall, he’s a good person... Come on, he/she wants the best...
We can explain anything, but what is important here is to feel. Just let the negative emotions be. Don’t try to understand why this happened, but feel what’s happening to me now? Perhaps I’m somehow “not feeling very well” right now. What exactly is happening to me? I am angry? Am I angry? I'm upset? Offended? Discouraged or confused?
Yes, it may be irrational, illogical and not very inappropriate. There may not be time or circumstances for this here and now. And yet it is there. It is important to accept this and allow it to be within yourself. To experience the negative emotions that I experience... To feel what I feel. And this is the very first step towards understanding what is happening to me and accepting emotions that can then be worked with.
Get rid of negative emotions. Conversation with an empty chair
Talking to an empty chair helps to express everything that is boiling, without denying yourself anything. For this we need: an empty room, an empty chair in which we imagine the offender, and a willingness to speak without censorship. There are no rules. But, of course, it’s better to talk less about the cause-and-effect relationships of what happened and more about emotions. From the outside it may look stupid. Well, let. The main thing is that it becomes easier?
An empty chair can also be used with a psychologist. When someone is nearby, even silently, it is supportive. Especially if there are old experiences that at one time did not find an addressee and are not easy to get to. This is one of my favorite techniques for getting rid of negative emotions when, for example, you need to let off steam before a difficult conversation. And having spoken out, start having a constructive conversation with your offender.
Get rid of negative emotions. Pillow
If anger or anger is very overwhelming, you can experience their negative emotions through the body. To do this, you are left alone with yourself. Take a firmer pillow. Preferably not the one you sleep on. And you begin to be her on the corner of the bed, armchair, sofa or chair. A thick soundproof wall is also suitable. Dynamic music in the style of Rammstein is welcome. We beat him until he gets better.
If there are households in the apartment, an alternative to a pillow is a “sausage”. A wet bath towel that you can wring out in the privacy of your bathroom and completely surrender to your emotions.
You can teach the “pillow” technique to your children. Pounding the pillows with them in a playful manner and reflecting what is happening to them now, “What’s wrong with you now? Are you angry at someone? Let’s beat the pillow now, imagining this scoundrel.” This is something that many did not have as children, but something that we can do for ourselves and our children now. The truth is only when we ourselves have permission to do so.
How can a woman stop being an “emotional chameleon”?
There are women who build their relationships with men on the principle “you are more important, and I will wait and understand everything.” Such women are called “emotional chameleons.” They put themselves second to the man they love and choose what he chooses. This is how most of their life goes.
Don’t think that I’m now trying to fight “feministically” for women’s rights; I rather want to draw your attention to how we, with our own hands, can lose our own lives and become “in color” to another person. Men, just like women, are prone to “chameleonism”. Out of great love for their partner, they manage to limit their lives so much that they fall into depression, drunkenness, and age-related crises can completely knock them down.
Tell me, has it ever happened to you that you stop doing what you love for the sake of your husband, in the hope of his favor, or simply because he doesn’t like it? Do you know that you stop meeting those you are interested in, stop inviting your friends to your house and organizing meetings? Have you ever given up on your dreams in order to realize it? If you answered “yes,” like I did many years ago, then, without noticing it, you have turned into a “blank sheet” on which you can write whatever you want.
You became comfortable and started to "miss" your life.
Of course, we can leave everything as it is and assure ourselves that “the most important thing is the weather in the house,” making certain concessions. And this is also an option. And this is also our choice. And I respect him. But if we want to change this, I suggest we work on lists.
When you sacrifice yourself, you begin to love yourself less.
Lists are a resource!
My experience in counseling is that without analyzing your own behavior, change is almost impossible (which is why I created the Awareness Iceberg). Now he will help us understand what makes us be “chameleons”. Answer the questions:
- Do I admire my role as the “understanding and comfortable wife”? Let me point out right away that this is a provocation, but the answer to it gives 70% of the result.
- How often do I advertise my “concessions” to raise my profile?
- How often do I choose to live my “partner’s life” instead of pursuing my own dreams?
Having received some truthful information about yourself and perhaps being surprised, I offer you 3 lists that will help you become the mistress of your life and help you write your story on your “white” sheet of paper. So!
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- List 1 . Determine what you would do if your relationship suddenly disappeared? What would you do that you simply couldn’t do before? Write a list of what you sacrifice and don't do for your love relationship. Determined. Now go ahead and do it! Your life is too short to sacrifice!
- List 2: Make a list of people, activities, and beliefs that are very important to you. Compiled. Now call, meet, chat and recharge your batteries! You deserve it!
- List 3. Remember your dreams. We remembered. Write. Let's start implementing it!
Some time ago, thanks to these lists, I wrote my master's thesis and galloped across Europe. These were wonderful moments of my life. They were MINE. I wish the same for you - to be faithful to your lists.
The power of thought
Thus, a certain pattern of emotions arises: event – thought – emotions. Managing your emotions can occur at any stage of this chain. You can avoid an event that provokes certain thoughts and, accordingly, emotions. However, what often happens is that a certain event simply cannot be avoided, and then you should work either with the thoughts that this event led to, or with the emotions that have arisen. You need to clearly understand (formulate) the main idea and analyze it.
Sometimes it happens that the thought that provokes negative emotions is illogical. For example, self-doubt, the conviction that nothing will work out, although there are no real reasons for this. In this case, you need to analyze the origin of the thoughts and try to eliminate them (take control), you can try to replace the negative attitude (thoughts) with a positive one, with corresponding thoughts.
How emotions appear
First, we need to consider the pattern of manifestation of emotions. A certain event provokes the appearance of certain emotions. For example, receiving money brings joy, rain outside the window causes sadness, and the process of shopping brings pleasure to many. As a rule, this is exactly what happens, a certain event in life or situation causes certain emotions.
However, do not forget that all people are different, and the emotions that arise as a reaction to a certain event can be completely different. For example, in response to rudeness or rudeness, someone may respond in kind, someone will simply ignore it, and someone will treat it with humor. Because a person’s response directly depends on his mood at the moment, on what worries him, what he is thinking about, on instant thoughts flying through his head, to which he may not even pay much attention.
How to make friends with your feelings?
Everyone knows what to do with boots, or a dress, or furniture - their function is to protect our body, create comfort, make life convenient.
And besides the material component, there is also an intangible component in life that cannot be bought in a store and put in a bag. These are our feelings. Despite the fact that feelings are not material, they permeate our whole life. Ordinary life situations evoke a variety of emotions in us - mild anxiety can turn into panic, and fleeting interest can give way to intense joy or rejection.
Feelings can be the source of suffering and the greatest reward; they accompany us in the best and worst moments of life; unexpressed feelings are the beginning of insincerity in relationships, the source of bodily ailments. Negative feelings are an indicator of a problem and a signal that it is time to change something and take action, and this is an opportunity to make a good decision.
What do we do with our feelings?
People are not always aware of their feelings and often do not know how to express them. Negative feelings indicate unnoticed and unsatisfied needs, unexpressed feelings accumulate, intensify and burst out of place... or undermine us from the inside, manifesting themselves in the form of diseases... expressed in an inadequate aggressive form are destructive...
When feelings become a source of problems:
- The feeling is not understood and reacts violently to the external environment as a flash of anger, aggression, tears, screaming, reproaches, accusations, insults - as a result, the boundaries of another person are violated, in response there is a similar aggression, a hail of reproaches, accusations.
"Why do you…?! How long can I tell you that...?! I asked you...! And just keep quiet...! I just wanted to explain to him...” We talked, they say... the relationship deteriorated for a long time, if not forever...
- The feeling is not reacted to the world around us - it is not brought out, and then it becomes unbearable, it goes inside - as a result, the person plunges into a passive depressed state, depression and a feeling of powerlessness appear.
- The feeling appeared, but it was not detected, named or responded to, and it went into psychosomatics - an accumulation of painful conditions in the body occurs.
Dividing feelings into “good” and “bad” leads to the denial of the so-called “bad” feelings.
“It’s not decent to be angry, and I won’t feel anger, but will only feel joy, a good mother never gets angry, she’s always kind, so I can’t be angry, I didn’t scream, I just said it, and for some reason he slammed the door and doesn't talk to me..."
“But you don’t feel joy?”
“Well, I calmly told him why he slams the door?!”
How to make friends with your feelings?
In order for feelings to be beneficial and “work” for us, we need to make friends with them. To do this, the feeling must be detected, named and responded to, but in an environmentally friendly way.
A person who is in contact with his feelings, knows how to manage them, knows how to talk about them, he recognizes any of his feelings as part of himself, and does not divide them into “bad” and “good”, knows how to express them in an environmentally friendly way and other forms.
How can a therapist help?
- Detect the feeling as a bodily signal.
- Investigate the cause of the feeling - why it arose.
- Determine the need that is behind this feeling.
- Name the feeling, help respond to it.
- Find ways to satisfy the need.
- Teach a person to communicate a feeling.
The purpose of the exercise is to teach the client to detect and express a feeling , be able to find its benefit and, as a result , gain peace of mind and confidence .
The client’s result is the appropriation of his feelings and the ability to express them in an environmentally friendly way, gaining calm and confidence.
