A child is the same person, and therefore communicating with him is very important for parents. Conversations should begin with the child from the moment he is in the mother’s womb. This allows you to establish close contact with the baby. The child recognizes the mother by her voice. He clearly senses her condition. Parents often have a question: how should you talk to a newborn? It is important to understand that an infant also needs verbal communication.
What to talk about with an infant? It's not that important. If you perform some action, then the child already sees it all, it settles in his memory. Try to tell him exactly what you are doing. Perhaps the child will not understand everything, and in general it is impossible to immediately explain all the actions to the child. Very often parents have a question: is it worth coddling with their child? We will discuss this issue further.
The importance of conversations with your baby
You can talk to your child as much as you want. It will always be useful for him to listen to different fairy tales or songs. Moreover, both mom and dad, various friends, relatives, acquaintances, etc. can tell all this. There are studies by doctors that a child who is read various fairy tales ultimately becomes healthier and has better immunity.
Benefits of constant communication with your baby:
- The child learns to hear the voice of a loved one. As a result, he is less capricious.
- Children are constantly learning something new, their vocabulary is expanding.
- The child begins to memorize words, his memory is formed and develops.
- Problems with pronunciation occur much less frequently.
- The child feels the emotional state of the mother, and then he himself also calms down.
It is important to always communicate with your baby. If a child gets worried while his parents are away from the room, you can simply respond to his calls and talk to him.
Technology "Developmental communication" consultation on the topic
The “Developmental Communication” technology plays a leading role in the development of self-regulation of children’s behavior, since it allows, if not completely, then to a greater extent, the child himself to solve his problems, to find solutions to conflict situations that constantly arise in the communication of children of all age groups.
Conflicts are an integral part of human life. How we learn to resolve them in childhood determines our behavior strategies in adulthood. Either we strive to avoid difficulties, look for easier, workarounds, remain silent and restrain our rage, or we face the problem head-on, look for a reasonable solution, increase our self-esteem and gain respect in the team. These are examples of two opposing strategies - avoidance and compromise. There are others: for example, competition, accommodation or cooperation.
But only one of them, namely the search for compromise, is the most effective strategy for behavior in conflict.
Does it make sense to teach preschool children how to independently resolve conflicts, or is the intervention of a teacher or parents sufficient at this stage of development?
The following facts speak in favor of training.
Firstly, children’s independent resolution of conflicts significantly relieves the adult, who in this case does not need to play the role of a judge, but rather takes a more comfortable position as an assistant.
Secondly, when children master the technology of conflict resolution, responsibility for what is happening and what happened falls on the children themselves, which in turn leads to greater independence of each individual child, and therefore to the development of self-regulation of behavior.
Thirdly, new skills of constructive behavior reduce the degree of conflict in the group as a whole.
Fourthly, teaching this skill increases children’s self-esteem, which allows them to feel more confident in communicating with peers and in life, which means the child’s level of emotional security increases.
Remarkable psychologists A. Faber and E. Mazlish in their book “How to talk so that children listen, and how to listen so that children talk” offer the following solution to the conflict.
Step 1
Describe what you see. Or ask the children themselves to tell what is happening between them. For example: “I see two boys who cannot share the ball.”
Step 2
Describe the feelings you think the child is experiencing.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake; children will easily correct you if you say something incorrectly.
Step 3
Accept the child’s feelings, sympathize with one and “moo” with the other.
You can say: “Yes, I understand you well!” It’s very unpleasant when you’re playing and suddenly your toy is taken away...”
Step 4
Ask the children to voice their positions to each other.
For example, suggest saying to one of them: “Artyom, I don’t like that you take the ball away from me when I’m playing with it.” Repeat the children’s statements and check whether the parties heard each other. At this stage, it is important not to offer your own solution.
Step 5
If this was not enough and the children cannot agree on their own,
Remind the rules that exist in a group, kindergarten or society as a whole.
For example: “Do you guys know that in kindergarten we have a rule not to offend each other, not to throw things, toys, snow, sand at each other, not to tear toys out of hands, but to ask permission?”
Step 6
Leave the children alone, giving them the task of discussing the problem with each other and working together to find a solution that suits both of them.
The key words are “together” and “satisfactory for both.” You can add that when the guys find such a solution, they can come up to you and tell you what they did; The “peace rug” will help them with this.
Of course, turning to the “rules of life in a group”, to the help of the “peace rug” is possible only with the successful introduction of the “Developmental Communication” technology into the lives of children at the beginning of the school year in each age group.
How to introduce “rules of life in a group?”
- If any situation involving a violation of the rules occurred in the group, then immediately or after some time, but no later than a day after the violation, the incident should be discussed. Ask what other children who were not involved in the violation think about it, whether they would like to get into such a situation.
- Draw the attention of the initiator of the violation to the reactions and feelings of other children.
- Invite the children to introduce a rule and make it the rule of the week, that is, remind the children about it from time to time. Hang it in a visible place, for example, in a corner called “Our Group Rules.”
No more than one rule per week and no more than eight rules per year should be introduced (five rules in junior groups)
- Ask the children: “Guys, what should we do next time if someone breaks our rule? Write down the answers demonstratively, discuss them, reject obviously unacceptable options and leave constructive solutions. Make your own proposal, for example, install a “thinking chair” on which a child who has broken a rule must sit for three minutes (for kids) and five minutes (for older children). Come up with as many options as possible that will help him not break this rule. Time is recorded using an hourglass within the visibility of the teacher and the child. After the time has passed, the teacher asks you to come up and discuss with him what the child has decided for himself.
The main thing when mastering the “Developmental Communication” technology is to observe the following principles:
- Accept all the child's feelings.
- Clarify these feelings so that the child understands them.
- Do not accept individual actions of the child that lead to a violation of the emotional and physical well-being of children and adults (for example: “I can’t allow you to do this because we have a rule...”)
- Tell your child about your feelings using the “I-message”
- Introduce rules for living in a group, developed together with the children. Constantly contact them in an impersonal manner when resolving conflict situations. For example: “We have a rule: whoever takes the toy first plays with it as much as he wants.
- Praise the child for the work done through its description:
“The house turned out beautiful,” “What order in the dollhouse!”
- Do not give your child ready-made recipes, but say: “What do you think?...”
- Constantly support the child’s positive initiative.
- Try to provide the child with the opportunity to choose at any time.
Features of verbal contact with a child
From the moment of birth, a child still does not know anything, and therefore everything needs to be shown and explained to him. How to talk to your baby? It's simple. You need to constantly communicate with him when he is awake. You can share your reasoning and conclusions with your newborn and rejoice with him. Even if the baby is naughty, you should be calm. As a result, the child will quickly calm down on his own. Otherwise, you will scare him, and as a result the child will scream even louder.
All conversations with the baby should be conducted in a calm manner. A baby up to one year old already understands the intonation of speeches. He knows how to analyze a situation, and therefore he will be able to quickly understand what the word “no” means.
If you are overstressed, it is better to refuse to communicate with your baby. You will need to wait it out and return to a calm state. In the presence of a child, you should not quarrel with other people. This could cause irreparable damage to his psyche. Behavioral models are ingrained in a child from infancy.
Under no circumstances should you yell at your child. It won't bear any fruit. Every day before you go to bed, teach yourself to read fairy tales or poems to your child. You can also sing a lullaby for your baby. It is necessary to communicate with your child frequently. This will help your baby settle into sleep faster. The baby's health also depends on sleep. Parents will be able to sleep better and experience less stress.
Dialogue with the child should be conducted on equal terms. Tell your child that he is important to you, that you love him, that he is the most dear person to you. If your child has achieved some results in learning, always praise him. You should not tell your child that he is incompetent, otherwise the child may develop the first grievances. In the future, they will only prevent him from pursuing his dreams and achievements.
How to find a common language with your child: features of communication between parents and children
When communicating with children, you must adhere to the following principles:
- Positive. You can't do without criticism. But it’s worth learning how to do this without getting personal and comparing with other children. We criticize the action, not the person. We choose words to convey information in a positive way.
- We create a situation of choice. It’s so simple that it’s even strange to see ultimatum statements from adults everywhere. It is enough to offer several options that are convenient for everyone to defuse the conflict. Sometimes this can be done in a pair of “convenient and inconvenient” options, then the choice will always be in favor of the convenient one.
- We value the child's deeds. Endless games, chatting on the phone, hanging out on social networks are truly important for children. Don't devalue their hobbies! It is necessary to seek compromises or find alternatives. If we are talking about computer addiction, then an interesting solution to the problem has already been discussed. But in general, we remember that everyone should have personal space, and you need to be able to appreciate it. If you want to distract your child from his activities - ask!
- Rules are not always important. Adults are used to living by rules. At least in reality, at least in board games. Playful communication with a child implies mobility. Use creativity, initiative, or at least do not reject your child’s ideas. Let the rules change in the games - new plots, characters, actions appear: it’s interesting, and perfectly unites the players. If you don’t like the rules, you can always return to the canonical instructions.
- Help is not always useful. You can't do everything for your child. He must have his own mistakes, his own experience. Otherwise, you will never achieve independence... But you can slightly correct reality. If, for example, slowness is the reason for constant lateness, it is worth starting to get up earlier or plan the day taking into account the characteristics of the baby.
- We include the child in family affairs - we consult and listen. The opinion of all household members is equally important. And just because someone is older does not make him the center of the local universe. You need and can consult with your child, look for solutions that are convenient for everyone, and discuss problems. Of course, you shouldn’t dump all the troubles and difficulties on the baby’s head, but in doses and according to age, it is necessary and possible.
- We worry and empathize. Often talking about the baby’s problems causes a negative or aggressive reaction in adults. Or laughter. Both are unacceptable. The child is worried and there is no point in devaluing his problems. It is necessary to show that any feelings of the baby are important - listen, support, talk through the situation and find a way out. This is the basis for quality communication between a child and his mother, the key to friendship and understanding in the family.
- Hypothetical situations as a key to solving problems . Invented situations, as well as discussing the plots of books or films, are a great way to communicate. This way you can cultivate emotions, push people to realize certain points, express dissatisfaction, and look for solutions. It is important to keep the situation “hypothetical” until the end, especially if there is a real problem taken as a basis. The child will draw his own conclusions.
- Humor is always and everywhere. Laughter is the key to a good atmosphere in the house. The ability to hear and understand jokes, to make fun of situations and oneself will always come in handy. You should not use sarcasm, ideas of cynical and black humor - this offends children and is only suitable for adult communication.
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