Why do teenagers find it difficult to show love and respect to their parents?
Changes in the child's personality.
Each age has its own requirements and standards of behavior, and a teenage child cannot be the same as in childhood, but also cannot understand how to behave. Yes, a teenage child is faced with many changes at once, for which he was perhaps not even ready and did not know about their existence. Perhaps, to some extent, this is an omission of the parents. After all, it is the parents who must prepare their child for changes in character, behavior, mood changes and give him guidance on how to behave. As noted in one article, it is the parents who must give their child sex education and instill moral standards. They are the ones who must show the child what awaits him in this teenage period. If this was not the case, then there will be more problems. After all, explaining to a teenager what is happening to him when he is already in the process of changes and is not easy for him. Of course, parents also do a lot to raise their child, but everything needs to be done on time if possible. The child begins to form his own opinion on various issues, begins to voice it and defend it. If earlier he did not question the authority of his parents and trusted them 100%, now he analyzes and criticizes everything. The child begins to strive for independence and breaks the boundaries previously set for him in order to establish his own. He believes that his parents are too strict and chooses his own line of behavior. Of course, what you invested in a small child will remain in him, but the teenager begins to analyze what is happening on his own and this is normal. Therefore, if it seems to you that your child does not show you love and respect, then this may not be the case at all.
Parents are not flexible.
Some parents themselves treat their already grown child incorrectly. Their strong parental instinct does not allow them to loosen their control even a little, and this of course creates problems.
Parents, out of habit, treat a teenager like a small child, without even noticing it. They think. That their child is still too inexperienced and that the world is fraught with too many dangers and they continue to protect their child from everything.
Media and others.
Unfortunately, many popular television series do not show respect for parents. Such series are full of sarcasm and protests to parental authority: parents are given nicknames, their requirements are violated and they speak rudely. For example, teenagers often behave disrespectfully towards teachers at school and build some kind of trap against them. It’s all presented in an interesting and exciting way, and most importantly, harmless, so the teenager just wants to get the same emotions as on the TV screen. It is also clear that parents themselves can encourage their children to continue in the same spirit, for example, if they do not punish them for misdeeds and pretend that nothing happened. At school and on the street, moral standards have also become unfashionable and those who try to do the right thing look like black sheep. Teenagers have a very strong desire to be recognized and accepted into a certain social circle, and they will do their best to adapt to their peers. Unfortunately, this is also where parents may lose sight of the importance of positive communication. Some parents are not interested in their children's friends and do not explain the danger of poor communication, and the child's psyche, which is very malleable, simply ends up under bad influence without much difficulty. So, as you can see, there are serious negative factors that can destroy love and respect for parents. Unfortunately, it is not fashionable to show love and respect to parents. Therefore, the question arises: how to preserve these family values? What can both parents and children do?
Relationships between adult children and parents
In the society of any organisms, childhood and adult life are noticeably different. And when an individual grows up, it leaves its parents or is kicked out by force.
It's pretty much the same with people. The older the child, the less attached he becomes to his parents. And nothing can be done about it. After all, sooner or later everyone has to build their personal life.
And if parents do not put up with this and try to force the child to live by their own rules, then such a child begins to respond with aggression. After all, his freedom is limited.
Therefore, to maintain normal relationships, you should treat children with tolerance. And most people don't do this.
What can you do to show love and respect in your family?
To parents.
1.1. Change.
Change, that is, grow with your child. If you continue to treat him like he is small, he will find a way to prove that he is no longer like that and this will not be the best option. If your child has always been obedient before, then most likely you have invested a lot of good things in him and you can trust him more than the one who may not have obeyed you in childhood, do you agree?
Therefore, reconsider your requirements.
For example, if your daughter always used to be in the kitchen with you and enjoyed your company, now she may have some hobbies besides that. It is so? Don't limit your child's choice of hobbies without taking into account their tastes. If a child’s hobby does not cause harm—physically or emotionally—to him and others, then discuss how he can implement it. Maybe you wanted your child to follow a certain path, but he chooses another. This is a difficult emotional situation in the family, but parents should be understanding of the teenager's tastes and take them into account. If before the child dressed according to what you told him, now try to look for a compromise in tastes and not make it a daily battle.
1.2. Remember yourself.
This is a good sobering moment. Children sometimes look like their parents from childhood. If one of the parents was disobedient, then maybe this will affect the child. But this is only one moment. Remember yourself in the sense that you remember your feelings and experiences at this age. Remember how difficult it was for you to build relationships with peers, that you were only thinking about how someone would like them and not laugh at you. Your teenage child feels exactly the same way. Remember how you would like your parents to talk to you at that time? You would like them to have conversations with you on topics that interest you and be patient, etc. You will try to give this to your child. Put yourself in your child's shoes, also keeping in mind that peer pressure is stronger and more negative now than when you were growing up. If previously you grew up among your peers, who for the most part obeyed their parents, now your child is growing up in a different environment.
Think about how you yourself can behave correctly in order to build bridges to your child’s heart, not walls.
1.3. Be an example.
If you see your own shortcomings or even have bad habits, then start with yourself. If a small child did not analyze you as a role model and simply obeyed you without question, then a teenager will not do the same. The teenager will not listen to you in what you yourself violate. If you have a bad habit, for example, smoking, then how will your child listen to your advice “Don’t smoke!”? Of course, families are different, but why confuse your child with your own example?! This principle applies to many other situations. You may not be able to change your childhood, but you can change your child's future by setting a good example for him.
1.4. The context of the conversation.
Previously, when the child was small, you could read your instructions to him in an edifying tone and without accepting any “buts”. But now everything is different. Therefore, change the approach in conversation - talk to your child as to a friend. It is a friendly attitude and advice that he will perceive better and will follow it much faster than your orders. Of course, you are parents and up to a certain age you have the power to set rules in your home, but first, why not voice them in a friendly, calm manner and maybe you will see that your child is not at all against your wishes. For example, you want your teenage child to return home earlier than he wants. Often times conversations simply reach a dead end or develop into quarrels. So when you are in a good mood, your child will be too. Sit down and discuss this issue. How and what to say? Don’t say that he doesn’t understand anything yet and that any adult will deceive him, tie him up and steal him. You may be right, but you won’t be able to prove it.
Try appealing to the good feelings your child has for you.
He doesn't want to upset you or upset you and doesn't want you to cry. Therefore, talk about your feelings and experiences that arise when he is not home for a long time in the evening. Of course, we can and should talk about the danger that is always real. Try to combine these two aspects - danger and your feelings and you will see that your child is not a rebel, but a completely understanding person with whom you can already come to an agreement like an adult. If a child violates your simple rules, this is another topic that will be discussed a little later.
Parental repression
Our findings about bad companies, suspicious acquaintances, the negative influence of the Internet and the like lead us to the idea of eliminating this very influence. While we want only the best for our child, we often make things worse.
The sound engineer will endure isolation, even complete isolation, completely painlessly. However! This state of affairs will give him an absolutely justified reason to withdraw even more into himself, to immerse himself in his thoughts, to establish himself in his own strangeness / exclusivity / genius / alienness to this world / incomprehensibility and rejection - any of the options is bad.
Why?
The deeper and longer a sound person is in himself, the less desire he has to get out of there. Such self-absorption does not give the sound teenager any fulfillment. He feels good there not because that’s how he thinks or develops, but because in this way he escapes from an even more painful reality. It's a kind of escape. From myself and from life. After all, it’s hard, unpleasant, painful, the landscape is oppressive. It’s not particularly good in myself either, but in reality it still hurts more.
If the little sound artist does not know any other alternative, he will run to where it hurts less.
This is the solution! Here is the answer to all parental torment.
Give! Give him this alternative! Show him another scenario, another, more effective way to fulfill the needs of the sound vector, let him try real pleasure from satisfying his properties.
Even if you don’t have a sound vector yourself, systems thinking is now available to you, giving you the opportunity to deeply understand the needs and desires of a sound designer. This very understanding is felt subconsciously by your sound player. The previous mixture of misunderstanding, fear for the child, disappointment in him, in oneself, despair and resentment is replaced by a complete understanding of what is happening.
He feels that now you are on the same wavelength with him, you are able to speak the same language with him and be understood by each other. You feel his suffering as if it were your own, which means you can really share it with him. Next to you, he feels better than alone, in that strange company or virtual game. Now he is better HERE than THERE. Now your words are not an empty sound, pulling you out of the calm swamp of your comfort zone, but something that makes sense...
Something that for the first time answers his inner unasked question, a hint that it is here, in the real life around him, that there are answers. After all, only here can he get what he is looking for deep within himself, from which he runs into the virtual world, from which he suffers and considers himself strange, does not like noisy fun and endless communication, strives for solitude and is constantly trying to understand himself.
Transition is not easy!
The most difficult period is from 13 to 17 years. Remember how you behaved during this period. Many parents, indulging in memories of their adolescence, involuntarily exclaim: “ God, I was simply unbearable!”
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Hold on to this thought. It's much more difficult for your teenager than it is for you: no one manages to jump from carefree childhood into adulthood without getting a few bruises in the process. But puberty also has a good side - only at this time do you have the opportunity to lay the foundation for a future relationship with your child, making it as trusting and close as possible.
