Everybody lies. The more significant the lie, the easier it is to believe.
Lying is not as simple as telling the truth versus falsifying it. Everything is much more complicated. The matter concerns not only the distortion or non-disclosure of facts, but also the creation of a whole set of truths, which only the liar himself knows about. It turns out that some people lie for no reason at all, while many lie with good reason, some lie for a reason, and many make up a reason to lie. A lie is not always the other side of the truth. Sometimes lies are self-sufficient. If we give this issue a critical examination, it turns out that lying is a complex action, the most complex aspect of the human personality. In fact, it is more than a habit; it is almost a natural human trait.
According to Pamela Meyer, author of The Definition of Lying, we lie and are lied to 10 to 200 times a day. We lie when meeting strangers at least three times in the first 10 minutes. Starting with the banal everyday phrase “I’m fine,” we are either lying to ourselves or being lied to. However, it is important to note that lying is actually a joint action. It is not enough to simply tell a lie. It needs someone to believe in it. If you were lied to, know that you yourself created the conditions for this!
Exposing Liars
The high scientific level of “The Psychology of Lies” can be seen even when looking at the structure of the content: the architectonics of the book are built with impeccable logic. Ekman first examines the very concept of lying, then reveals the dark side of this phenomenon, he explains how a liar feels and why not every deception is successful. Next, the writer conducts a detailed analysis of the external signs of lies, from words to facial expressions (this is one of the most fascinating parts of the book). At this stage, it may seem that everything is now clear and reading everything necessary from a person’s face will not be difficult. However, there is no need to rush: Ekman prudently cools the reader's fervor by describing common mistakes in detecting lies and explains how they can be avoided. The next chapter talks about the practice and history of using the lie detector. Alas, it turns out that a lie detector can also be fooled. The following highlights a unique lie detection technique developed personally by Paul Ekman:
The lie detection technique will allow a person who suspects deception to assess how well-founded or unfounded his suspicions are. Sometimes all he manages to learn is that he cannot find out anything, as was the case with Othello. And sometimes he can identify all the mistakes and find out what is best to pay attention to, what exactly to listen to and what to look at. This technique can also be useful for the liar himself; to point out to him that this time the circumstances are against him, and not to let him go into all serious troubles, to keep him from further lies. Or, on the contrary, a liar may be inspired by the ease with which he dodges traps and focus all his attention on how to avoid them in the future.
The final chapters of the book are devoted to famous liars in politics and public life, from Richard Nixon to Mikhail Gorbachev. But after reading, you shouldn’t rush to close the book: the most interesting things are hidden in the appendix and its tables. Using a certain selection of questions in Table No. 4, you can try yourself in the role of a research psychologist or verifier (debunker of lies) and evaluate your strengths.
You don't need any special talent to master my technique. Any diligent enough reader can use the questionnaire at the end of the book to assess whether the alleged deceiver will make a mistake or not. However, in order to fully master the art of noticing signs of lies, it is not enough just to understand my technique; This art comes only with practice.
So why do people lie?
According to the principles of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), the way we imagine reality is like a map of the world in our heads, which we consider to be the real world (which is, in fact, just OUR reality, or let's call it our desired reality). We delete, distort and generalize events and episodes in such a way that these two worlds coincide (real and desired). That is, we lie not only to others, we also lie to ourselves.
There are many reasons that motivate people to lie. Lack of courage, lack of problem-solving skills and lack of ability to properly handle unexpected events cause us to avoid these events instead of facing them with courage.
If a person values honesty or adheres to religious tenets, he may try to avoid deception in such a situation, but if lying is an option to solve a problem, then undoubtedly many will prefer it as an easy way out. Thus, lying is a combination of an inability to face the results of a truthful decision and a lack of proper values (tolerance of lying).
Trying to attract attention, people also resort to deception. Some choose to lie because they lack self-confidence and lack of attention from their peers. They make up stories to make up for some of their lost attention. People also lie to gain additional incentives or benefits, such as on a resume or in interviews. Even if their intentions were good, lying in such cases is the result of a failure to accept the consequences of admitting they lack the required skills.
Psychologist Robert Feldman argues that self-esteem is one of the main reasons we lie: “We find that as soon as a person feels that his self-esteem is threatened, he immediately begins to lie at the highest level.” Many people lie simply to maintain social contacts and avoid insults or disagreements. Minor lies aimed at avoiding conflicts are probably the most common type of lie, and conflict avoidance is the main driving motive for deception. For example, someone lying about being delayed by traffic instead of admitting that they overslept, or “you look great in that dress,” both situations achieve the effect of avoiding social conflict. This is the “make life easier” type of lie.
Why do people deceive themselves? Are they deliberately deceiving themselves? No. They deliberately lie to themselves at the beginning, then begin to repeat this lie to everyone until they eventually believe it themselves! Since the brain can be programmed through repetition, people get to the point where they begin to believe their own lies after repeated repetitions of history.
Facial expressions and gestures of lying: 10 signs
Spring, time for new acquaintances. But how can you learn to understand people and understand whether they are lying? Scientists have identified a pattern: the more habitual it is for a particular person to lie, the more difficult it is to determine his deceitfulness. But nevertheless, facial expressions of lying and certain gestures of lying exist and we need to know them. This requires experience communicating with people and a high degree of observation. If, for example, a person experiences internal awkwardness because deception is unusual for him, then his insincerity can be recognized by many signs of lying.
Facial expressions of lies
1. When providing false information, a person experiences excitement to one degree or another, which can be detected in his voice, gaze, and movements. You may notice changes in a person's speech, movements and behavior. For example, when studying the facial expressions of lying and the gestures characteristic of it, it makes sense to pay attention to the following voice and speech parameters.
2. At the moment of announcing false information, a person’s intonation involuntarily changes, speeding up or slowing down, or prolongation of speech occurs. The voice may tremble. The timbre of the voice also changes, sudden hoarseness may appear or, conversely, high notes may slip through. Some people start to stutter.
3. Also, a running glance through facial expressions of a lie is clearly interpreted as a possible sign of a person’s insincerity. Of course, it can mean shyness, confusion, and something similar, but in any case, it is a clear sign that it makes sense to question the reliability of the information received. After all, when a person is ashamed, embarrassed by his lies, he almost always looks away. However, a close look at the interlocutor also allows you to recognize a lie by facial expressions. A gaze in the facial expression of a lie is nothing more than control over the reaction of the listener. How does he perceive false information, does he believe or doubt?
4. In order to recognize a lie using facial expressions, it makes sense to pay attention to the person’s smile. Many people have a slight smile on their face when they report false information. Of course, this does not apply to cheerful people who always smile and this is their style of communication. But it is precisely the inappropriate smile that should alert you. Often it is a grin that allows a person to hide his inner excitement when he tells a lie.
How to recognize a lie by facial expressions
5. A careful look at the interlocutor often helps to recognize a lie by facial expressions. Liars are characterized by a phenomenon called micro-tension of the facial muscles. Sometimes they also say: “A shadow ran across my face.” The tense facial expression lasts literally a fraction of a second, although sometimes it happens that the opponent tells a lie with a “stony face.” American researcher Robert Bunnet believes: instant tension in the facial muscles is an accurate indicator of insincerity.
6. Another indicator of the facial expression of a lie, which also allows one to recognize it, is the involuntary reaction of the skin and other parts of the face, which a person is not able to control. This may be a change in the color of the skin (the person turns red or pale), dilation of the pupils, trembling of the lips, and frequent blinking of the eyes. There may also be other individual manifestations of emotions that accompany deception, while helping the interlocutor recognize a lie by facial expressions.
Gestures of lies
7. Gestures of lies can also sow doubts about the veracity of the information provided. According to the theory of American researcher Alan Pease, attempts to mislead the interlocutor are often accompanied by the following lying gestures:
touching the face with hands;
covering the mouth;
touching the nose;
rubbing the eyes;
pulling the collar.
8. But, of course, gestures cannot be criteria for lying in themselves; they cannot be considered separately. To assess, it is necessary to compare facial expressions and lying gestures, analyze many other factors and accompanying circumstances.
How to recognize a lie by gestures
9. If you want to learn how to recognize a lie by gestures and facial expressions, then it is important to remember that each reaction is not an indicator in itself, it must be compared with other reactions. But it is even more important to have an idea of the so-called background state of a particular person. What are his voice, intonation, facial expressions, gaze, gestures like in his normal state?
10. As a rule, people who communicate a lot, soberly assess events and situations, are always attentive to others and, willy-nilly, catch the smallest details in the behavior of other people, are accurately able to recognize lies from gestures. It is extensive communication experience and the ability to analyze and compare details that helps to recognize lies from facial expressions and gestures and correctly assess the reliability of the information received.
