What are secondary benefits?
Secondary benefits in psychology are factors that encourage a person to remain in a problematic state for as long as possible. We can say that this is a search for good where it should not be.
Also, secondary benefit is the benefits that the patient receives from his illness. They do not lead to the appearance of new symptoms, but perpetuate it and interfere with treatment.
In life, secondary benefit looks something like this. A person constantly talks about how much he wants something, dreams about something. Let's say he's tired of work. And all the talk boils down to the intention to change it. But time passes, and changes never occur. The person makes no attempt to find another job. He finds a bunch of excuses, saying that he doesn’t have time to compile and send out a resume, there is no suitable position, one of his relatives is sick, etc.
Why is this happening? Because the individual sees a certain benefit in his position. Sometimes he doesn't even realize it. And if you say your opinion about the situation, the person gets irritated.
A good example
What a secondary benefit is can be considered using the example of single people. What good do they find in their situation?
- Sympathy and pity from the people around you. Loneliness makes it possible to receive them to the fullest. People who do not have a family are always welcome guests with family friends and girlfriends. In addition, looking at them, family acquaintances will think with sympathy about how lucky they are.
- Availability of free time. This is perhaps a good advantage. There is an opportunity to do what you want without taking into account the opinions and interests of another person.
- The opportunity to be yourself. Not everything is so simple here. On the one hand, this is good. There is no need to adapt to anyone. On the other hand, this sounds like an excuse for why a person is in no hurry to change, engage in self-development, and realize his potential.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
Psychologist and physician Stephanie and Carl Simonton name five main “meanings” of illness:
1. Allows you to “get away” from an uncomfortable situation and solve a complex problem.
2. Provides an opportunity to receive care, love, and attention from others.
3. Creates conditions for the reorientation of mental energy necessary to resolve the problem.
4. Provides an incentive to re-evaluate oneself as an individual and change habitual patterns of behavior.
5. Reduces or completely eliminates the need to meet the requirements set by yourself and the people around you.
How are secondary benefits formed?
Secondary benefits appear and are consolidated in childhood. Let's look at examples.
Imagine a child suffering from bronchial asthma. The first serious attack happened at a time when his mom and dad were arguing a lot. Noticing that their beloved child was not feeling well, they instantly calmed down and rushed to his aid. A logical connection is formed in the child’s subconscious between his illness and good family relationships. This is called secondary benefit.
The second example also concerns children. Have you noticed how they love to get sick, invent illnesses, just to stay at home and get an extra dose of parental attention and love? During these periods, you will play with him, and allow him to watch his favorite cartoon, and buy the toy that he has been asking for so long. And everything is just so that the little patient recovers faster.
What if you behave this way when the child is healthy? What if you paid more attention to it every day, regardless of your health status? Secondary benefits fade into the background. There is no point in being sick if mom and dad are already ready to go for a walk, play or read before bed.
HONEST BLACKMAIL
Freud, who closely studied the causes of “hysteria,” believed that this disorder brings two types of benefits to the “sick”. “Primary” helps resolve the conflict between desire and prohibition, and “secondary” is associated with care and interest on the part of others.
If you don’t delve into the psychoanalytic subtleties, there are several benefits. In the “standard” version, the patient at least receives attention and care from those people who, when he was healthy, simply did not pay enough attention to him. These are, as a rule, relatives, loved ones, loved ones. One old woman honestly admitted to a psychotherapist that she was ready to die from a serious illness discovered in her, just to have the opportunity to regularly see her son, who, having got married, “completely forgot about her.” This is “honest blackmail”.
A common case is also when an illness protects a person from something more terrible for him than himself - dismissal, the departure of a spouse and other life changes. Just remember the man’s explanation of why he will never leave his unloved wife and go to his mistress. Let me remind you that in the classic version the wife must be “seriously ill.”
Secondary gain and victim status
The state of the victim, according to psychologists, is the most “advantageous”. What benefits does it provide?
- No one will demand that the victim be responsible. What demands could there be on a person who is already in a terrible state?
- Usually the victim feels much better than others. She easily justifies all her failures by the absence of those negative qualities that others have. It looks something like this: “I’m not so unprincipled, that’s why I’m still lonely,” “I don’t have the same dexterity and craftiness as others, so I don’t always cope with the job.”
- The victim enjoys the approval of others. And this is not surprising, because she so courageously supports a man who causes her nothing but trouble. This could be a husband who abuses alcohol, a girlfriend who ruins her life with her behavior, etc.
Victim
My name is Victim. I am virtuous, respectable, people recognize me and ask for help. I don’t refuse anyone, because the most important thing for me is to be appreciated and appreciated...
Sometimes, forgive me, it seems to me that I am a saint. Not everyone, of course, understands what I am like! But nothing depends on me! I see the vices, shortcomings, mistakes of those around me... I love my loved ones, my children so much, I give them 5 hours of time a day (even more, yesterday - 5 hours and 15 minutes) - and this, imagine, is at the expense of my health, because of this I didn’t go to the sauna...
God, how much strength and life I have given to people... And all this - for the sake of children, husband (wife), employees...
It seems?
How to discover secondary benefits
So, in every problem or difficult life situation you can find a secondary benefit. But we don’t always want to accept this information. But in reality it is so. Difficult, exhausting relationships, lack of money, lack of development and career growth - all these circumstances become convenient for us over time. We are beginning to take advantage of them, even though they are dubious.
Secondary benefits will exist until you see them. How to find them? There are several ways.
Descartes square
Gives you the opportunity to look at the situation from all sides. By filling it out, you will understand what is missing in order to get what you want.
So, divide a blank sheet of paper into 4 parts. Fill them out:
- What benefits do I get from this situation?
- What will happen if everything remains as it is?
- What benefits will I lose if I do achieve my goal?
- What will be bad if the goal remains the goal?
You need to answer questions as honestly as possible.
Conversation with the subconscious
Take a piece of paper or a notepad and a pen. Try to be alone. Calm down, don't think about anything. Focus on your breathing. Now think about why you can't get what you want? What's good about your position? Be as sincere as possible. Find at least 10 factors that are holding you back from moving forward.
Drawing
Here you also need to relax and calm down. You will need paper and colored pencils. The questions are the same. You just need to answer them with drawings. There is no need to try to give them any shape. Trust your subconscious.
When you finish drawing, use words to describe what you drew on another sheet of paper. And then connect the words into a logical chain.
“I’M AFRAID OF ANOTHER LIFE!”
There is a fairly popular point of view that behind almost all diseases there are hidden some psychological problems that gave rise to them. One can, of course, agree that “all diseases are caused by nerves.” But practice shows that not all such “pranks” of the unconscious can be reversed without serious medical intervention.
But cases when a completely healthy person demonstrates all the symptoms of a disease, although doctors do not find any “objective” reasons for its occurrence in him, are precisely about the second type of “benefits”, which are useless to fight with medications, without the intervention of a competent psychologist or psychotherapist. Because behind the medical picture there is a psychological problem hiding.
One client developed various phobias over the course of several years, ranging from claustrophobia and cardiophobia (fear of dying from heart problems) to fear of eating unfamiliar (and later familiar) food for fear of a fatal allergic reaction. At the same time, she had an absolutely healthy heart and never had any allergies. Needless to say, in the process of working with a psychologist, in addition to the underlying reasons that gave rise to such problems in the light of day, a rather traditional “secondary benefit” also “came out.” The client herself, at the moment of “insight,” formulated it this way: “You know, I just realized something... It just dawned on me - I’m afraid of a different, good life!”
That is, a person has acquired so many medical problems and limitations in order to never again encounter his main problem - the lack of fulfillment of himself as an individual. And really, why try to achieve something if, firstly, “I have constant depression,” that is, “I’m not interested in anything,” and secondly, “if something interested me, it was only before moment when something seriously needs to change”? She even found love for herself such that in her presence all phobic symptoms blossomed in full color!
What to do with the benefits
There are few options. First, you will have to make a conscious decision to give up secondary benefits. How to do it? Write them down on a piece of paper. Next to each item, indicate alternatives (at least 3) that will contribute to achieving your goal.
Let's return to the example of loneliness. Let's say personal time is important to you. But you think he will be missed in the relationship. Let's look for alternatives:
- Learn to negotiate. This way you can tell your partner why and why you need free time.
- Find someone with the same needs as you. Ask what they want from the relationship and tell them what you want.
- Set your priorities according to your desires. If your partner works in an office, find a remote job. This will give you time to be alone.
The second option is to temporarily move the goal away. This can be done if the advantages in your position are much greater than the disadvantages. Leave everything as is for about a year. During this time, perhaps you will reassess your values and look at the goal with different eyes.
"CODEPENDENT" RESCUERS
If the “benefit from illness” is tightly tied to the presence of a physical disease, then the abundance of secondary benefits from “social” diseases requires special attention.
So, let's start with perhaps the most common one - saving the lost and lost. Who do you think suffers first in the recovery of drug addicts and alcoholics? Of course, their closest relatives, especially those who fought for this very recovery for many years and found the meaning of life in it - what could be more meaningful and important than saving a person? Often it is the “codependent” rescuers who are most unconsciously opposed to changing the behavior of the person being rescued. If they recover, they will simply have nothing to do and will have to face themselves!
On the other hand, the status of a socially disadvantaged “element” brings many benefits to its owner. Of course, you don’t need to move anywhere (except from one garbage can to another!), you don’t need to learn and develop. And if it seems to you that someone’s life is bad, it’s not a fact that he will agree to improvements. My colleagues who work with street children state that after six months of a child being “on the street,” his return to a “normal” life can take from one to two years. If a child has lived on the street for more than two years, he practically does not respond to any pedagogical influences. It turns out that the absence of any kind of coercion, specific survival skills and the opportunity to live “as you want,” despite all the obvious disadvantages and risks, have their attractive side. It’s not for nothing that Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, even in the most “prosperous” conditions, lived under the slogan “I’ll probably run away again.” And he ran away.
Rescuer, he is also a defender, he is also a lawyer
My name is Rescuer. It’s so hard for people around me, but I’m better than others, and therefore I simply have to take care of the “little brothers” - they’re small, weak... They don’t go to trainings, they don’t read development magazines... Poor things, only about money and money, about material and material... Yes, sometimes I don’t defend for free, but I have high goals, I’m complacent, I can pity and reassure. Not everyone knows how to do this, because this is also a skill - helping the weaker.
This role is also “tasty”, like the role of the Victim, the only difference is that here there is a higher position, like “A soldier will not harm a child!” But believe me, this is temporary...
Why?
