How to develop willpower: ways to educate and increase self-discipline

It is generally accepted that weak character is a negative quality. “Mumble”, “rag” - these unflattering popular definitions often go to weak-willed people.

But the most unpleasant thing is that they themselves suffer because of the softness of their character. Therefore, today’s article on the website sympaty.net is dedicated to those people who would like to somehow correct their own weak character.

What does it take to develop a strong character, a strong personality?

1. As unpleasant as it may be to say, you will first have to start “studying the microcircuit”. That is, find out how things are:

- with the conditionally “ childish ” part - do you easily and accurately satisfy your desires and needs?

— with the conditionally “ parental ” part — what exactly do you think about yourself? What do you think you are like? How much do you think this coincides with the assessments of others?

2. After this, you will have to “ring” another “chain” - namely, the choice function, the Ego function.

Very often one of two options happens here:

— She “dies” under the unbearable weight of the “upper floor”, flattened and mutilated:

moral values
family settings
ideas about “what an ideal person should be”
self-flagellation, self-criticism - they say, “I should have achieved this, that, be this, that, by the age of 20, but it didn’t come true - that means I’m a rag!”

— She “drowns” in childhood impulses, desires, needs.

A sudden outburst of feelings, the feeling “I’m carried away and I can’t help it,” sudden falling in love, catastrophic changes in place of work, study, new and new hobbies, diets and exacerbations of “eating”, shopping to the last penny can indicate that that instead of the selection function comes the unclouded children's Id.

Where do I want to go?

Where am I going?

I am a free crow!

This does not happen from lack of will or “to the end of obsolescence”, but only from the fact that from the very beginning the quiet requests of the “inner child”, our needs, are pointedly ignored. And only when they not only ripen, but when “the fuses burn out”, desires break free. Either a riot or a tragedy is unfolding. But you can “have time to pick up in the wild” what was forbidden in everyday life.

- Weakness of ego function.

Sometimes this option also happens when it seems that authorities and moral principles do not dominate, and more or less everything is in order with the satisfaction of needs. But there is still no “willpower”. Then we can talk about the weakness of the ego function. Just an untrained muscle.

If you didn’t have to work especially hard to achieve something, if it was always enough “we’ll live anyway”, “we’ll have enough for our lifetime,” then indeed, it may turn out that there’s nothing to choose from.

Moreover, when there is no introspection, periodic return of “what am I?”, “why did I do this?”, “and who am I after this?” - then the ego function does not develop - there is no need.

The structure of self-awareness

What is included in the structure of self-awareness? The structure of a person’s self-awareness includes the following elements:

Cognitive component or self-understanding. This is a person’s knowledge of himself and the development of self-images. Usually there are four: the real self (what a person is), the ideal self (what he would like and could be), the fantastic self (what he dreams of being if he had no limitations) and the mirror self (how a person is seen those around him in his opinion).
Emotional-evaluative component or self-attitude. Acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself, confidence or uncertainty, a sense of self-worth or devaluation of oneself - all this and the like are included in this element. In general, this is a person’s emotional and evaluative attitude towards himself: self-esteem, self-respect, self-acceptance. It is formed on the basis of social norms, stereotypes, and standards. And also based on a person’s comparison of himself with other people.
Behavioral component or self-regulation. This is the desire to fit into society, to be accepted and understood, to meet its norms, to become a respected person and a valuable unit.
Self-actualization. This component ensures the realization and self-development of a person. Signs of healthy self-actualization of the individual: life “here and now”, doing what you love, continuous self-development, openness to new things, honesty with yourself and others, a responsible and conscious attitude towards life, self-confidence.
Level of aspiration. This is the desire to conquer goals that are a little further than the zone of current development, that is, a little more complicated than what a person has already conquered.

According to other sources, the main components of self-awareness look like this:

Self-knowledge (intellectual aspect). Formed through self-observation and self-assessment.
Self-control (self-regulation). Driven by self-esteem. The more stable and adequate the self-esteem, the higher the level of self-control.
Self improvement. Working with self-images.

The formation of a substructure is associated with the level of development of self-awareness. Let's analyze the structure through the diagram:

Note! Self-knowledge is one of the stages in the development of consciousness. And consciousness is a person’s ability to subjectively experience and interpret events in the external and internal world.

What to do with yourself to become a strong person?

Exercises to develop willpower and character in an adult are quite simple. Here is a collection of recommendations, and you can choose what you like best.

Having taken responsibility, carry it to the end.

- Read the book “from cover to cover”, from the first to the last page, with an effort of will, finish reading it, once you’ve started it, don’t give it up.

— Make an action plan based on your desires, and implement it for at least 3 weeks. Don't take on too much - take at least 1-2 daily actions.

- Keep the promises you make to your friends, even casually. If you “feel bad, but agreed” - do it to remember this feeling. It is YOUR strength, YOUR time went to satisfy their desires and needs. This way you will be able to value yourself more - and through this - and use your “willpower”.

Slowdown.

The ego function is a tricky thing. It takes time (fortunately, not much with training) so that a person can make a more or less informed choice. This means you will need to learn to slow down.

- Wash your hair slowly.

- Go to the toilet with feeling.

- Take on the project with attention, write it down point by point, mark each of them.

— Try to concentrate in everyday activities on bodily sensations (tactile, sound, visual, taste, smell).

— Try for at least 15 minutes a day, while walking, to notice where you place your foot.

— Take a break from your current activity three times a day and monitor exactly HOW you breathe.

To have a break.

time gap between desire (impulse) and action (realization) It is he who works 100% to train the ego function and cultivate willpower in an adult. You can raise a strong personality only by adding and multiplying -

your actions
your responsibility for them,
your decisions.

Take a break. Before you start doing something, determine why you need it. When you finish doing it, name what you were like in this situation. What experience have you learned?

“I was a passenger” will be enough if you were traveling on public transport.

“I looked at the advertisements and had a good rest” if you were there, but studied the advertisements.

“I wrote down the telephone number of the English courses and plan to clarify the conditions” - if there were any, they studied and wrote them down.

How many different “I”s can find themselves in the same situation!

Ego as self-esteem.

Organizational conclusions are the best thing the Ego function can do for you. You will be able to use your own experience, instead of “driving past the station, my hat flew off” - that is, it is not clear who is the object, the subject , who acted, why he acted.

After learning to pause (and discover your motives), you will be able to add up your “good deeds”, your actions, your achievements, even the smallest ones, so that you can rely on them in the future.

What is self-awareness

What does self-awareness mean? This can be literally translated as “knowing oneself” or “knowing oneself.” The term comes from philosophy. It is no longer possible to say exactly who introduced this concept, but in psychology it is associated with the name of L.S. Vygotsky. This is what the author calls knowledge about himself: “a person’s awareness of himself as an individual, the focus of a person’s consciousness on himself: on his own body, needs, feelings, behavior.”

Let’s explain the concept of self-awareness in simple words, give a definition from psychology, and outline the main characteristics. In psychology, a person’s knowledge of himself is the subject’s awareness of himself as a separate unit, personality, participant in society and understanding of his place in the world.

What parts does a person's knowledge of himself consist of? From a person’s awareness and assessment of his thoughts, behavior, desires. It is connected with many other “itself”:

self-esteem;
self-esteem;
self-worth;
self-help;
introspection;
self-realization, etc.

Self-knowledge is based on a person’s acceptance of himself and awareness of his uniqueness. The search for purpose and self-determination in life, the individual’s beliefs and values, and worldview depend on this, in turn. Knowledge about oneself helps a person assess the prospects for further development in life.

Definitions of self-awareness from other sciences are practically the same:

In social science, the definition is: “this is a person’s awareness of his actions, feelings, thoughts, motives of behavior, interests, and his position in society. And also this awareness of oneself as an individual capable of making decisions and being responsible for them.”
In philosophy, the definition is formulated as follows: “this is a person’s awareness, assessment of his knowledge, moral character and interests, ideals and motives of behavior, a holistic assessment of himself as a feeling and thinking being, as the author of activity. This is the self-consciousness of the soul.

Let's look at the features of knowing about ourselves. A person’s perception of himself influences how the subject’s relationship with society develops. But at the same time, society influences the formation of an individual’s self-awareness.

So, how does the social conditioning of self-awareness manifest itself? Let's look at it with an example. Until the age of 6-7 years, a child has not yet developed critical thinking, so instead of self-esteem, he is guided by the assessment of adults. From their words, the child determines what he is like. If parents convince him that he is bad and unworthy, then the child grows up with such an attitude. In the future, when building relationships with society, he adheres to precisely this belief, and therefore he comes across bad people, manipulators, tyrants.

An example of self-awareness from life: a person understands that he lacks perseverance and motivation to move up the career ladder. He begins to analyze why he lacks motivation and compares his actions with the behavior patterns of successful people. As a result, he draws up a plan to develop the necessary qualities in himself and soon achieves success.

Interesting! Sometimes self-knowledge is called a person’s ability to separate and distinguish himself from everything that surrounds him.

How self-awareness is formed

The problem of self-awareness is complex. In psychology, it is considered from different angles. For example, they study the development of knowledge about oneself in accordance with age-related changes in a person.

How self-awareness is formed as a person grows up (stages of development of knowledge about oneself):

From 0 to 1 year. A rudimentary knowledge of oneself arises. The child understands that he exists. The first level of development of self-awareness is characterized by awareness of biological needs: food, water, care.
From 2 to 3 years. Allopsychic knowledge about oneself. The child begins to see himself as an independent person, to separate his actions from the actions of other people.
From 4 to 7 years. Self-psychic knowledge about oneself is formed, that is, the child can already evaluate, understand and recognize his physical states, emotions, and feelings.
From 8 to 17 years. The formation of self-awareness ends. The young man develops a stable system of ideas about himself.

In the future, knowledge about oneself is not formed, but modified. Thus, a person’s self-awareness mainly develops by the age of 17.

What influences the formation of self-awareness? The formation of knowledge about oneself is influenced by the significant environment, society as a whole, the assessment of the subject by other people, status in the peer group, a person’s assessment of himself, the ratio of the images of the real self and the ideal self.

Here are the prerequisites for the formation of self-awareness:

a person’s awareness of his similarity with other people;
consciousness of one's Self as an active principle;
a person’s consciousness of his mental properties and qualities;
formation of a system of social and moral attitudes.

L.S. Vygotsky believed that the development of the structure of self-consciousness occurs according to a pattern close to the development of higher mental functions.

Functions of self-awareness

What functions and roles does a person’s knowledge about himself perform? In psychology, it is customary to distinguish the following functions of self-awareness:

Function of development and self-improvement. The need for self-realization pushes the individual onto the path of positive changes, the transformation of the ideal self into the real self.
Existential function. Self-awareness helps a person find meaning and purpose in life.
Regulatory function. On the basis of his self-awareness, a person builds relationships with society, regulates and organizes his behavior and activities.
Integrative function. A person seeks a balance between personal and social, internal and external world.
Protective function. Despite the desire for positive changes, a person at the same time struggles to maintain his usual self-image. In life, this looks, for example, like defending personal boundaries.

How to increase willpower: 5 films worth watching

Motivational films are the best way to force yourself to act. Films in which the main character strives for a goal, goes through difficulties, overcomes everything, makes his dream come true, makes him get off the couch and take care of himself and life.

All the best in art is time-tested, so the selected films have already passed the test of generations.

Catch Me If You Can is Steven Spielberg's best film released in 2002. Starring a young Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks. A 17-year-old boy decides to run away from home after his parents divorce. The main goal of the young man is to improve his father’s financial condition by any effort. To achieve it, the young man resorts to serious financial fraud, but gets away with any situation. The idea of the whole film is a parable where mice that fall into milk either drown and die, or whip up butter with their paws.

What is willpower and why is it needed?

Famous psychologists understand willpower as the ability of the mind to resist natural desires. The goal of “quitting smoking” is set by the brain, which understands that nicotine is harmful to health.

It is human nature that resists the goal: it is sure that one cigarette will not do anything.

Without the power of the mind, people lose freedom, control over the body and physical desires. They become slaves to their own body, unable to resist it.

Understanding the complexity of the situation, a weak-willed person does not change it , but continues to aggravate the problems through his own inaction, inhibiting his own development.

Self-esteem in psychology

Almost his entire life is based on a person’s self-esteem. No other topic in the science of psychology is as important and fundamental. Self-esteem stems from self-awareness.

Self-esteem is the assessment of oneself. Accordingly, everything depends on how a person perceives HIMSELF, how he managed to know himself.

When a person has low self-esteem, he cannot adequately evaluate himself and his abilities. As soon as they make a comment to him about his appearance or the work done, he will immediately take it personally as a negative assessment.

It's all about a person's inability to sensibly evaluate himself. Regardless of age, he is used to relying on other people's opinions. Since childhood, he has been asking: did I do the right thing? Does my hair look good? Is that what I said or not?

And if he has completed the work, then he will certainly need someone “superior” to definitely confirm that everything is fine.

He always needs confirmation of the correctness of his action.

The reason for this behavior is lack of self-confidence. Lack of personal experience, internal base, foundation. Such an internal basis is formed in a person when he has the experience of success. When he trusted himself, and everything worked out for him. When a person listened to his voice, to his own opinion, and the deal was a success! When he became pleased with his hairstyle in the mirror, for some reason his colleagues noticed it and complimented him!