What do you call a person who likes to hurt other people?

In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “What is the name of a person who likes to hurt other people?”

We often meet people who complain about their hard life, but do nothing to change it. They love to cry, using those around them as a vest. Such people constantly have problems, they are always unhappy. It may even seem that they enjoy constant troubles, because they always find excuses for practical advice on overcoming difficulties. And there are those who seem to enjoy not only moral suffering, but also physical suffering. Sometimes they injure themselves, provoke other people to do this, or even ask directly to hurt them. What do you call people who love pain? Where do these tendencies come from?

Valery, 33 years old, IT specialist*

“I cut myself because it makes it easier for me to cope with emotional pain.” Doing this, I feel hatred, anger, anxiety, but I get some kind of pleasure. The psychiatrist diagnosed depression. I am being treated, but sometimes I have a breakdown. And then I try to make myself feel bad. Friends who always support you at the moment of breakdown help you cope with pain and not kill yourself. I started to abuse myself after my girlfriend betrayed me. I met her for many years and helped her financially and morally. Then I found out that my father had taken out a huge amount of loans and could not pay it off. Because of this, I had to find a job with a high income in Moscow.

The move was not easy; for the first months I lived in a hostel in the same room with homeless people, where rats were running around. My health deteriorated and I started coughing blood. While I was helping my parents with their debts, I knew what to live for. Now that all the loans have been repaid, I no longer see any point in existing. All the women I loved betrayed me. And I wanted a strong family and children.

I have already established myself in the profession and receive a good salary, but failures in love do not let me go. If I start to remember how my exes treated me, I want to disappear. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this attitude. I don't want to live without love. I realized that all women are greedy individuals who are driven by appearance or money. After I immerse myself in these memories, my soul becomes heavy. I hurt myself out of hopelessness and the desire to quickly experience these emotions.

— There are many reasons why people engage in self-harm: anxiety, depression, emotional trauma, eating disorders. When people harm themselves, they mainly pursue two goals. The first is to punish yourself for imaginary shortcomings, the second is to experience an internally strong stressful event. In the second case, the cut is carefully processed and treated. By healing the physical wound, the illusion of “healing” of the emotional trauma is created. Often people feel frozen or frozen before self-harm. In the process, they seem to “wake up” from physical pain and feel a whole range of emotions: fear, anger, resentment, guilt, sadness, says psychologist and psychological employee Natalia Chermoshanskaya .

Self-harm: how to fight yourself and help your loved ones.

Inna Gentle

Dec 19, 2017·8 min read

Sources: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm and links in addition to the article

How to improve your condition without causing physical pain

Self-harm can be a way to solve problems. It helps you express feelings that are difficult to describe, step back from your life, and release emotional pain. After physical pain, a person feels better - at least for a while. But then the mental pain returns, and with it the desire to cause physical pain to oneself. In this struggle, the main thing to remember is that you always deserve the best.

What should I know about self-harm?

Self-harm is a way to express emotions and cope with severe stress. It sounds counterintuitive, but pain can actually bring relief. The person feels as if they have no choice, and causing pain may seem like the only way to deal with sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and anger.

The problem is that the relief from self-harm is short-term. It's like a band-aid on a wound that urgently needs to be stitched up: it can stop the bleeding, but it won't heal the wounds. In addition, self-harm creates its own problems.

If you like self-harm, you may be trying to hide it. Perhaps you feel guilty or think that no one will understand you. But hiding your essence comes with added pressure. Secrets and guilt affect relationships with family and distort self-perception. Secrets inevitably isolate a person from others.

Misconceptions and facts about self-harm

The topic of self-harm is taboo, and there are many myths around it. Don't let these misconceptions stop you from getting or giving help.

Myth: People who self-harm are trying to get attention.

Fact: as a rule, people do not advertise the fact of self-harm and, moreover, do not try to manipulate others. On the contrary, shame and fear prevent you from seeking help.

Myth: People who self-harm are dangerous

Fact: Many people who engage in self-harming suffer from depression, anxiety, or trauma, but this does not make them dangerous. Self-harm is a way to cope with pain. Stigmatization and labeling only make things worse.

Myth: Self-harm is a manifestation of the desire to die.

Fact: People who practice self-harm generally do not want to die. This is not a suicide attempt, but a way to cope with stress. However, of course, in the long term these people are at risk, and that is why it is important to provide help in a timely manner.

Myth: Small wounds are not a big deal.

Fact: The depth of the wounds inflicted has nothing to do with the strength and intensity of the experience. Minor damage is still a significant cause for concern.

Self-harm signals.

Self-harm is any intentional harm to oneself, including:

• cuts and deep scratches.
• burns
• blows (to oneself and objects)
• sticking things to the skin.
• conscious slowdown of wound healing.
• ingestion of toxic substances
• overeating and undereating
• hair pulling
• bites

This list also includes less obvious ways to harm yourself: binge drinking, dangerous driving, etc.

Signs that loved ones should pay attention to.

Self-harm is difficult to track, because physical wounds can be easily hidden with clothes, and internal anxiety can be hidden behind a smile. However, there are clear signs of concern:

· Wounds and scars of unknown origin.

· Traces of blood on clothes.

· Sharp objects in personal belongings.

· Regular “accidents” attributed to clumsiness.

· Detachment and irritability.

Why does self-harm help in any way?

It is important to recognize that self-harm really helps - otherwise no one would do it. How exactly?

• This allows you to express emotions and relieve some internal pressure.
• Allows you to feel control, free yourself from guilt, or, on the contrary, punish yourself for mistakes.
• Distracts from intense emotions or difficult life situations.
• Allows you to feel at least something and removes this endless painful muteness.

In your own words

It helps release that emotional pain that I can't express in words. It's like an exclamation point for an endless internal monologue.

This is a way to control my body - there is no control in the rest of my life.

Usually I feel like I'm in a black hole, but here I feel at least pain - it's better than nothing.

I feel relief from every cut. The anxiety subsides. Emotional pain gradually turns into physical pain.

It is very important to understand the reasons for self-harm in order to help yourself in a timely manner.

So what's the problem then?

The relief that self-harm brings comes at a price. In the long run, this behavior creates huge problems, so the relief it brings is not worth it:

• The relief is short-lived and soon gives way to shame and guilt. In addition, self-harm delays the search for more effective strategies.
• Hiding self-harm is difficult. Any secrets are alienated from others, which can negatively affect relationships with loved ones.
• It is possible to cause severe damage even without intending to do so. The depth of the cut and the consequences of infection are extremely easy to underestimate.
• Self-harm is a signal that you are at risk. If you don't look for other ways to cope with emotional pain, your risk of developing depression and other addictions increases.
• Self-harm itself is addictive and becomes an addiction . Initially, self-harm may be impulsive, but the deceptive sense of control leads to the fact that self-harm develops into compulsive behavior (automatic, anxiety-relieving), which is more difficult to stop.

In short, self-harm will do nothing to help you solve the initial problems that cause this behavior. There are many other more effective ways.

Tip 1: Find someone you can open up to.

If you are ready to get help and stop practicing self-harm, first open up to another person. Talking about something you've hidden for so long can be scary, but sharing your pain with someone can be a huge relief.

Deciding who exactly to tell can be difficult. Choose someone who will not gossip or try to take control of your treatment. Ask yourself from whom you receive the most and unconditional support. It could be a relative, a friend, a teacher - anyone who will accept you and will not blame you. Proximity of communication has no role here.

Later, you may want to open up to your close circle of friends and family. But sometimes it’s easier to tell a person who simply commands your respect and is at some distance from the situation.

How to talk about self-harm:

A. Focus on your emotions.

Instead of going into great detail about exactly how you do it, focus on your emotions and situations that trigger the desire to hurt yourself physically. This will help the person you decide to share with better understand the sources of pain. It also allows your confidant to understand why you decided to open up to him. Do you need help or advice? You just don't want to hide anymore?

B. Report in the form that is convenient for you.

If personal face-to-face conversations are causing you anxiety, consider starting the conversation online or in the form of a letter - but having the conversation in real life is also important! If you are not ready to talk about any details, there is no need. You are not obligated to show wounds or answer uncomfortable or unpleasant questions.

B. Give the person time to think.

It's difficult to open up. But don’t forget that for the person to whom you told your secret, this is also quite difficult. Sometimes you may not like the response. Remember that neither the shock, nor the anger, nor the fear of another person should frighten you. Perhaps you should show this article before the conversation - the better a person understands the nature of self-harm, the more likely you are to get support.

Conversations about self-harm are extremely emotional and can cause additional stress. Don't give up hope if the conversation makes you feel worse for a short time. Changing habits is very frustrating, but once you get past those initial hurdles, you'll feel better.

Tip 2. Look for reasons.

Understanding why you do it is the first step to recovery. By understanding the basic function of self-harm, you can find a safer and less destructive way to satisfy these self-harm-provoking needs.

A. Identify triggers

As a rule, self-harm is a reaction to emotional pain. What exactly are the feelings that trigger you? Sadness? Anger? Shame? Loneliness? Guilt? Feeling empty?

Awareness will help you find healthier alternatives to self-harm.

B. Don’t live in isolation from emotions.

If you're having trouble identifying what your triggers are, it may be worth working on your mind-emotion connection. Emotional awareness is the ability to identify an emotion and its cause, the ability to identify, express an emotion outwardly and understand the connection between a feeling and events and actions. Emotions are an important signal coming from the body, but it does not necessarily have to result in self-harm.

The thought of paying attention to your emotions, rather than numbing them or finding destructive ways to get rid of them, sounds scary. But the point is that emotions are fleeting if you let them go on their own and don’t get hung up on the situation. There is no need to fight them, condemn them, scold yourself because of the feelings you experience. Emotions replace each other very quickly, and only obsession delays them.

Tip 3. Find techniques that will help you cope with the situation differently.

Self-harm is a way to cope with emotions and survive difficult situations. So, if you decide to stop, you need to look for new ways and techniques.

If you are trying to cope with pain and strong emotions through self-harm

• Draw on a large piece of paper with red ink or paint.
• Keep a diary of emotions.
• Write a song or poem about your emotions.
• Write down bad thoughts on paper and tear up the sheets.
• Listen to music that reflects your emotions.

To calm down and relieve sharp pain

• Take a bath or hot shower, hug a pet, wrap yourself in a blanket—physical comfort is essential
• Massage your neck, palms, feet
• Listen to calm music

If you feel empty and disconnected from the world

• Talk to a friend (about anything)
• Take a cold shower
• Apply a piece of ice wrapped in a cloth to your arm or leg
• Eat something with a strong taste - mint, chili or grapefruit flavors are suitable.
• Visit a self-help site, chat room, or forum

To relieve tension and release anger

• Exhausting active cardio exercise - running, dancing, jumping rope, boxing
• Hit the pillow/mattress or scream into the pillow.
• Try stress balls
• Tear something.
• Make some noise: playing an instrument, knocking a ladle on a pan - everything will do.

Professional help is extremely important.

Seriously consider seeing a therapist. It will help you find more individual methods and more accurately determine the causes of self-harm.

Remember that self-harm does not exist in isolation from real life. This is an external expression of internal pain, which may have underlying causes.

Self-harm can be the result of unprocessed emotions associated with violence, flashbacks, body hatred, or other traumatic memories. You may not even see the connection between these events, but there is one.

How to find a specialist.

Finding the right therapist can take some time. It is very important to find a doctor who specializes in both self-harm and trauma. But at the same time, the relationship between the doctor and the patient is also extremely important - trust your intuition. If you do not feel safe, respected or understood, then immediately seek another professional.

Trust must be established between the patient and the doctor: the therapist accepts self-harm without judgment and should not put pressure on the recovery period. It should be easy to discuss even the most intimate issues with him.

- BBC project What happens when people learn you've self-harmed? Rebecca's Story

Find a way to deal with your own emotions.

Perhaps news of self-harm from a loved one will cause shock, embarrassment or even disgust, and this in turn provokes feelings of guilt. Admitting your feelings to yourself is the first step to helping your loved one.

Find out more about the problem.

The best way to overcome disgust is to learn more. Understanding the reasons for behavior will help you see the world through the eyes of your loved one.

Don't judge.

Refrain from criticism - this will only make the situation worse. The first two points will help you cope with this task. Remember that a person practicing self-harm experiences terrible loneliness, as if in isolation - do not aggravate this with reproach.

Offer support rather than issue ultimatums.

The desire to help is very natural, but threats, punishments and ultimatums will not bring any help. Express your concerns and let the person know that you are there and ready to help whenever he or she is ready to talk.

Encourage the desire to talk about your problems.

Encourage the other to express their feelings, even if it is uncomfortable. If the person has not yet talked about self-harm, carefully ask: “I noticed wounds and want to understand what you are going through now, what you are experiencing.”

If the person doing self-harm is a relative, be prepared to discuss family problems. This is not a reason to exchange accusations, but a way to improve family relationships and find a more effective form of communication.

What to do if a friend does not talk about problems and refuses to accept help?

In general, it is difficult to help a person in such a state - some people are simply not ready yet, and this is no one’s fault. Everyone reacts differently to offered help, but this is not a reason to be afraid to at least try. Sometimes all it takes is genuine concern. Trying to bring your friend into contact and having a sincere conversation is the first step towards treatment.

Sometimes attempts to help provoke anger and accusations that you are not able to understand someone else's pain. Or the friend is simply not ready. In such situations, feelings of helplessness, anxiety and sadness are quite natural. But don’t put the entire burden of responsibility on yourself and don’t let the situation throw you out of your emotional balance.

Tatyana, 20 years old, student of the National Research University "BelSU"

“I hurt myself not only through cuts.” Ever since I was four years old, when my mother was dissatisfied with my behavior and was offended, I would go into a dark room to bite my hands. She did this because she upset the most important person in her life. I believed that it was necessary to punish myself for such an act. By inflicting injuries she “atoned for sins” before herself, this made it easier. My mother was afraid that the teeth marks might remain forever. But that was never important to me.

To this day, the only serious scars that remain are the stripes on his arm from the blade. I’m not ashamed of them and I don’t hide them. Over time, another feeling of guilt was added - a feeling of self-hatred. I quite seriously believed that it would be better to die and not poison the lives of others. When I was in high school, I sat and cried every night for 5–7 hours. It was so bad that I had to cover my mouth with my hands so as not to wake up my family by crying. Sometimes such tantrums were accompanied by self-harm. My parents said that I simply had nothing to do. I didn’t care about their opinion, so I continued to do it. During a panic attack, it is easier to get scared and turn your attention to the blood.

Now nothing much has changed, I’m trying to control myself and not cut myself. But I don’t quite understand why this needs to be stopped. If I don’t want to leave scars on my body, then I beat myself, starve, swallow unknown pills, break off my nails, pull out my hair, bang my head against the wall.

— Before talking about how terrible self-harm is, it is important to determine the types of this phenomenon. The first is self-harm as demonstrative blackmail behavior. In this case, the person does not wish himself to die, but inflicts damage for the purpose of manipulation. The second is that a person suffers from ideas of self-blame and self-deprecation. In this case, the damage is inflicted to punish oneself. This can be dangerous because this type is a manifestation of auto-aggression (the highest degree of auto-aggression is suicide). Third, a person injures himself under the influence of pathological experiences (imperative hallucinations that order cutting). In this case, the patient poses a danger to himself. Treatment also depends on the cause. With the first option, sessions with a psychologist may be sufficient. In the second case, the prescription of tranquilizers/antidepressants and psychotherapy. In the third case, hospitalization and inpatient treatment with antipsychotics are necessary, explains private psychiatrist Yuri Vasnetsov .

Do you know what madness is? Iconic video game quotes

Be careful, there may be spoilers.

Video game characters have given the world many catchphrases, remarks and monologues, which have been stolen into quotes and jokes. And sometimes one good line can succinctly explain the whole meaning of what is happening in the game. In this collection we will talk about some of them.

Witcher III Wild Hunt

“Move, Roach!”

Photo: © CD PROJEKT SA

Throughout his adventures, the witcher Geralt changed more than one horse and each, regardless of gender, became a Roach. Geralt calls his horse with a whistle, and it instantly appears next to him, even if it remains in another city. And when sitting in the saddle, the witcher always says: “Move, Roach!”

Watch on YouTube

Teleportations from one location to another and the gray-headed witcher’s love for the name Roach gave rise to a bunch of funny pictures with this quote among fans.

Hotline Miami

“Do you like hurting others?”

As the story progresses, a mysterious man in a rooster mask named Richard comes to the heroes in dreams or delirium and, at first glance, talks incoherent nonsense. In fact, Richard's speeches are directly related to the plot.

Watch on YouTube

In one of his monologues, the rooster asks: “Do you like hurting people?” Due to the overall atmosphere of the game and Richard's charismatic mystique, the quote joined the list of catchphrases from Hotline Miami that players remember years after its release.

Metal Gear Solid

"Snake! Snake? Snaaaaaaake!”

In the spy action film from Hideo Kojima, the main character communicates with his assistant via walkie-talkie. If a character dies, then on the end-of-game screen, an ally on the radio very emotionally shouts his name.

Watch on YouTube

The players liked his intonation so much that they began to make various funny videos with this cry.

Mafia: The City of Lost Heaven

Monologue by Thomas Angelo

The first "Mafia" is inspired by the legendary gangster films "The Godfather" and "Goodfellas". The project from the 2K Czech studio gives players colorful, memorable characters, an interesting story and well-written dialogues.

Watch on YouTube

The final speech of the protagonist, Thomas Angelo, is especially memorable: “You know, I think that in everything you need to know when to stop. Yes, measure, that's a good word. Anyone who wants too much risks losing absolutely everything. True, those who want too little from life may get nothing at all...” It beautifully sums up the entire path the character has traveled.

Far Cry 3

“Have I already told you what insanity is?”

The villain of the third part of Far Cry turned out to be very charismatic and immediately fell in love with the players. In one scene, Vaas Montenegro talks with the bound main character, talking in his signature manner about madness.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAg5HjLlSHi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

“Have I already told you what insanity is? Insanity is the exact repetition of the same action over and over again in the hope of change. This. Eat. Madness". After the game's release, the quote was found all over the Internet and even now it is used as a joke or reference.

Bioshock

"Be kind"

Bioshock is a game with philosophical overtones. In the end, it turns out that the protagonist is the son of another important plot character, Andrew Ryan, a utopian who built the underwater city of Rapture.

Watch on YouTube

The phrase “be kind” controls the hero, depriving him of free will. Ryan's last words convey the main idea of ​​the whole story: "Man chooses, slave obeys."

Fallout

"War. War never changes"

Quote from the introductory video for the Fallout games. It implies that the methods and methods of waging war can change, but not its very essence. War always brings death and destruction.

Watch on YouTube

"War. War never changes" is one of the most famous expressions from video games. It seems to tell the user: even after the nuclear apocalypse, everything remains the same.

Sofia, 22 years old, salesperson in a shopping center

“I’ve been self-harming for a long time.” I didn’t feel anything at all during that period. Selfharm helped me feel alive. Stress, loneliness, misunderstanding, coldness of parents, lack of self-acceptance - all this pushed me into a black hole of despair and cuts. I did this at night in my room or in the bathroom. She saved herself from sidelong glances by wearing long sleeves. Mom pressed on the feeling of guilt and did not even think about taking me to a psychologist. At that time, my aunt was also pushing it. She said that no one would hire me for such an abnormal person. In general, I had to save myself on my own. I don’t even know how I got out of this hell. She hurt herself out of fear of her mother, of society, of herself. And now I live in a cesspool of fears. All the scars healed quickly. Now I can only hit myself hard on my legs until I bruise or bruise, but I don’t want to cut myself anymore.

— Selfharm is an indicator of unresolved problems, powerlessness in front of them. The safest and most useful activity in case of self-harm is working with a psychologist. It will help you understand exactly your reason for self-harm and choose an alternative. There are a lot of options: sports, walks, travel, communication with loved ones, hobbies. Prevention of harm is taking care of psychological health from childhood, as well as the opportunity to talk about the desire to harm oneself and not be judged for it. Self-harm is really a problem, but it can be solved with the help of specialists, says psychologist Natalia Chermoshanskaya.

How to communicate with a masochist

A masochist can cause pity or aggression in others. He often complains, feels sorry for himself, but does nothing to correct the situation. It is important for him to receive support and attention.

A negative reaction to a masochist is also not scary, because this way he can revel even more in the injustice of the world and his own suffering.

It is better to be neutral or friendly towards a masochist. Any strong reaction - positive or negative - is equally beneficial for the masochist. He will either continue to use you as a vest, or he will complain about you to others.

So, a person who loves pain is called a masochist. Such people often provoke others into aggression or pity. They do not derive pleasure from the pain itself, but use it to maintain their self-esteem or reduce feelings of guilt. If a person begins to cause physical harm to himself, we can talk about mental pathology. Such a person needs the help of a specialist.

• September 9, 2018
• Mental disorders
• Nesteruk Olga

People always become exactly the way their parents raised them. Every parent thinks that they have done everything for the happy future of their child. However, where do people who love pain come from? Why do they derive true pleasure from receiving pain? This is extremely surprising, because by their nature, all living beings dream of well-being, peace and happiness.

Where do people involved in self-harming get help?

According to the Belgorod Department of Health and Social Protection of the Population, the region does not keep records of patients suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (which includes the desire to hurt oneself - approx. F.). But they are provided with outpatient psychotherapeutic care in the dispensary departments of the Belgorod Clinical Psychoneurological Hospital, the Gubkin Central District Hospital, at the Stary Oskol Center for Specialized Medical Care of Psychiatry and Psychiatry-Narcology, and at the Shebekino Central District Hospital. They are also provided with psychiatric care in the listed institutions, with the exception of the Shebekino Hospital, but additionally psychiatrists from central regional hospitals communicate with them. They can also be admitted to a day hospital or inpatient treatment in the department of borderline mental disorders of the Belgorod Regional Clinical Psychoneurological Hospital.

Materials from the publication in the magazine “Lotman” were used.

Why do some people love pain?

To a person who loves pain, it gives something. What exactly? The main thing it gives unhappy people is attention to themselves. She also carries compassion. People around us are used to feeling sorry for suffering people, which is why some people get used to experiencing pain. It is in this case that they receive maximum self-compassion, understanding and attention. People who love pain love it because at certain periods of life it can be fashionable. For example, some groups of teenagers themselves promote suffering among people. In their opinion, you should look like a martyr, behave in a similar miserable way, shed tears and blame the entire world around you for your troubles. Therefore, there are people who like to suffer and blame others, not wanting to notice their own mistakes.