This article will tell you how to move on after your wife cheated on you.

How to deal with feelings?
Is it worth saving the family?
Relationships after cheating
After cheating, what should a man do?
If you decide to break up...
Let's start a new life
Bottom line

If a man finds out about his wife's infidelity, no one will envy him. Psychologists also cannot say that the feelings and experiences that overtake a man in such a situation will pass painlessly for him. If his wife’s betrayal is discovered, the man inevitably faces a choice: leave or stay? The men's magazine masculino.ru will look in more detail at how to live on after your wife's betrayal.

Cheating is one of the painful situations that a person can face. It is impossible to reliably say who suffers more, a man or a woman, when a loved one betrays him. We can say that everyone’s soul hurts when they find out that their significant other is cheating. Moreover, it adds even more to the understanding of the fact that betrayal did not happen just once and out of stupidity, but happens constantly, when sober.

A wife cheating is a severe blow to a man’s self-esteem and entire worldview. If before this he loved and trusted his wife, then we can say that after her betrayal he will no longer be able to experience such feelings. Cheating is an indicator that the other half is already dissatisfied with their partner. This means that the man is bad in some way, does not measure up, does not satisfy. The worst news may be that the husband is simply bad in bed, because this also affects his masculine pride.

Cheating on his wife causes many internal experiences that instantly overwhelm a man. However, this does not relieve him of the need to make a decision: to leave his wife in order to start a new life, or to remain in the family, while forgiving the cheater? Psychologists give the most important recommendation - when making a decision, think exclusively with your own head. It’s not your mothers or friends who should advise you on what to do in this situation, but you personally should understand your desires and readiness for how to live further.

How to deal with feelings?

The first thing a man will face after learning that his wife is cheating is his personal experiences. Feelings will overwhelm him so much that he will not be able to think about anything else, work or concentrate. This is a completely normal phenomenon, since this event is significant for a man. How to deal with your own feelings?

You should not fence yourself off from them. Of course, your feelings are unlikely to be full of love and desire to bring good to all people. However, suppressed aggression and hatred will not bring any benefit. It is better if a man can completely isolate himself from people for a couple of days, be alone and even move away from home in order to allow himself to worry, be with his thoughts and desires, and express all his aggression without harm to others.

You can take a two-day vacation to go to the sea or somewhere in nature, so that, if necessary, you can allow yourself to destroy, beat, and vent all your aggression. What else needs to be done during this time? Not only to throw out the emotions that have overwhelmed you, but also to come to your senses, hear your own desires and, based on them, decide what to do next with the relationship.

You should make a decision solely based on your own desires, and not the attitude of “What will other people think?” You live your life, not other people. Allow yourself to live the way you want and make other people respect your choices.

Do not take revenge on your lover or your wife. The lover is not to blame for anything. He might not know about your existence. He could simply not resist a beautiful woman. By and large, the situation was created by your wife, who, if she did not want to cheat on you, would not have slept with another man. The lover does not need to take revenge, since you could have been in his place.

As for your wife, you don’t need to waste your energy on her either. Your task is to decide: stay with her or break up? Don't waste your energy on anything else. Either you will stay with your wife, which will require forgiveness from you, not revenge. Or you will separate from your wife, which will require you to concentrate on other people in order to safely forget your wife.

A man can be understood, especially his feelings. It turns out that more than 15% of all marriages occur on the initiative of men, because their wives cheated on them. Can you imagine how many men have gone through the same thing that you are going through? Understand that you are not the only person on the planet who has gone through infidelity and solved this problem. You will have to spend some time on this; you will not eliminate all the unpleasant moments in one day. However, remember that it will soon become easier for you, no matter how you decide to live.

How to get your wife's forgiveness?

Whatever one may say, one of the important components of marriage is fidelity. If you think that after your wife finds you with your mistress, she will forget about everything in a couple of hours, you are sorely mistaken. Such resentment will sit deep in her heart. To prevent your marriage from collapsing due to this misunderstanding, you must make an effort and earn the forgiveness of your other half. In addition to logical male actions in this case, that is, flowers, gifts and other courtship, adhere to the following rules of communication:

Don't deny your guilt . When a wife catches her husband with his mistress, it is hardly worth denying the obvious. What happened happened. And your goal is not to anger your spouse even more. Tell her that you understand the baseness of your act and do not deny that you are one hundred percent to blame. A sincere confession makes punishment easier. Your other half should see sincere repentance and take pity. So put on your signature expression, like the cat from Shrek, and don't change it until you feel forgiven.
Don't justify the action. You cheated, and this is regarded by most women as betrayal. Therefore, it is unlikely that any excuses, even very weighty ones, will save you from your spouse’s wrath. It is better not to irritate her at the moment with dubious arguments. Even if she somehow provoked your action (for example, she nagged you day and night or flirted with other men), she will understand this much later, when you have already achieved forgiveness and all passions have subsided.
Take your time to receive forgiveness . Give your wife time to be offended. She needs time to rethink everything and forgive you. Don't demand the impossible, just wait and keep moving in the right direction. Repentance should be clearly visible in your actions and facial expressions. Let your spouse feel that you care: look after her and take care, do not ask for reciprocal steps. Gradually, things will go smoothly, and you will feel whether you have achieved the forgiveness of your other half or not.
Accept your wife's decision if she has never been able to forgive you. Not all women can forgive betrayal. If your wife does not adequately perceive attempts to get closer, and you have definitely tried everything you can, it’s time to come to terms with her decision. As sad as it may sound, you made a fatal mistake that ultimately destroyed the marriage. Try to maintain a friendly relationship with your wife. It is possible that more time will pass, and she will still be able to forgive you and want to reunite.

When a wife catches her husband with his mistress, getting her forgiveness becomes a huge challenge for an unfaithful man. If you find yourself in a situation like this, know that you need to be patient and determined. Remember how you won the heart of your lady when you first met. It’s worth acting in the same way now, only at the same time repenting of your sins and begging for mercy.

Is it worth saving the family?

A man inevitably faces a dilemma: should he save his family or should he divorce his wife? Each man will still have to make a decision on his own. Let's just turn to practice.

About 80% of families survive a woman’s infidelity, but within 5 years they still break up. At first, the family is preserved only because there are already common children. However, husbands soon realize that they cannot forgive, touch, trust, or generally see the women who deceived them.

For what reasons does preserving a family not lead to its longevity?

The wife continues to cheat because she sees that her husband will forgive her.
The wife refuses to have new children with her husband, which further strengthens his doubts.
The wife becomes pregnant from her lover.
The child of the spouses will take the position of the father, which helps the husband to divorce his wife.
The opinion of the man’s relatives and friends, who will begin to accuse him of being soft.
Increasing frequency of family scandals, husband's passion for alcohol, inability to forget about the past and the emergence of new reproaches.
A decrease in the husband’s material income or an improvement in the wife’s financial position.
The betrayal of her husband, who also wanted to take a walk to the left.

If a man decides to save his family, then this is not about resigning himself to his wife’s infidelities, but to the upcoming work that both spouses must carry out. If the wife does not apologize, does not repent, does not try to return to the family, then the man should not save the family either. You shouldn’t humiliate yourself and lose even more self-respect.

Rehabilitation of a drinking woman

Considering the fact that the causes of female alcoholism are often psychological, a very important stage in a woman’s full recovery is psychological rehabilitation. This process takes a lot of time and will require a lot of effort, but in the process of rehabilitation, new value systems are formed in a woman’s life.

Thus, a person himself comes to the desire to start a new life and return to society. At the same time, specialists influence the human psyche through feelings of guilt, as well as through other feelings and emotions. In terms of time, socialization and rehabilitation take a different period for each woman, and this is an individual issue - it depends on certain characteristics of the body and psyche.

If a woman refuses treatment, then the intervention method helps - when the advice of a psychologist in a clinic or at home is aimed at convincing a person to make a decision about treatment in a hospital. Our rehabilitation center provides high-quality coding followed by full rehabilitation of women who abuse alcohol. Don't leave your loved ones in trouble! Call for a consultation now, and have specialists come to your home, or arrange a consultation in a clinic.

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Relationships after cheating

If a man decides to stay in the family, then he should not expect that he can instantly forgive his wife. He will continue to suspect her for a long time, not trust her, and hate her for what she has done. However, if both spouses decide to live together after cheating, then certain adjustments should be made to their relationship:

Never remember the past.
Solve all problems that arise in the family. Everyone expresses their opinion, has the right to express their attitude to what their partner says or does, and remain heard.
Add more humor, positivity, romance, understanding and support to your relationship. Try to smooth out conflicts and improve the lives of all family members.

A man should not expect to forgive his wife quickly. This will take a lot of time. However, you should remain honest all this time. If you have not yet forgiven your wife, then tell her so directly. However, do not say this so that she will atone for your sins. Just state the fact, but do not expect anything from your wife, but simply say that time must pass.

After cheating, what should a man do?

Don't show your wife's importance to you. Let her show her attitude towards you. If she wants to be with you, then let her come to you to make peace and ask you to stay with her. If she doesn't, then maybe it's time to break up.
Be categorical. If the argument has reached a dead end, you have stopped hearing each other, then you need to get up and leave, and not continue the conflict.
You can make your wife jealous. However, this advice should not always be used. If a woman, after being jealous of you, becomes inflamed with the desire to be with you again, then you can act accordingly. However, if jealousy will lead to exactly the opposite result, then it should not be caused.

If you decide to separate from your wife, then remain consistent with your opinion, no matter what your wife says or does. And she will try to get you back, because she sees that you have decided to break up with her.

Wife doesn't want to discuss relationship problems

Asked by: Dmitry
Category of question: Family

Dmitry, read about how conflicts begin here: https://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/kak-nachinayutsya-konflikty

Read about how to negotiate constructively here: https://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/tekhnika-konstruktivnykh-peregovorov

Read about how to build happy partnerships here: https://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership

Sincerely, Svetlana Kiselevskaya, psychologist, master's degree.

Good answer 5 Bad answer 1

If there is mutual love, sit down with your man and agree on all the issues of this agreement (see HERE). The questions themselves will tell you how a harmonious relationship in a couple should be built. And agreement on all issues will remove all dissatisfaction.

A family psychologist can help your couple.

Ovsyanik Lyudmila Mikhailovna, psychologist Minsk

Good answer 5 Bad answer 1

Hello Dmitry. Take your wife and come to family counseling. It seems that both you and your wife have accumulated a lot of complaints against each other, but it is very difficult to hear each other and take the place of the other person. Your wife behaves this way because there are some needs that she cannot satisfy in a relationship with you. Good luck to you. And come. We will sort it out and save your marriage.

Anushkina Olga Vladimirovna, psychologist, Minsk

Good answer 4 Bad answer 0

Psychologist Minsk Was on the site: Yesterday

Replies on the site: 893 Conducts trainings: 2 Publications: 8

This problem appeared a long time ago, almost immediately after the wedding, but recently it has been getting worse.

Dmitry, it would be good for you to find out for a clearer understanding of what is happening, what makes you endure for so long this attitude of your wife towards you, as a function to ensure her material stability, but not as a breadwinner who must be respected, nor as a husband, who must be revered, not as a beloved man, whom one must take care of, first of all, mentally. The answer “because I love” is not accepted. Undoubtedly, you love her, but then who told you that to love means to neglect yourself, your spiritual resources, your dignity? I’m glad for you that you were still able to take care of yourself by seeking advice from psychologists.

She spends her salary on herself, mine on us - I don’t say a word to her.

She doesn’t want to help run a family business, she says it’s my part, but at the same time she wants to control it 100 percent.

To behave this way means to influence something, but at the same time not be responsible for anything. In the person of your business, she most likely controls her own material well-being and stability. Small children might do this out of fear of life, from a feeling of helplessness. This control is the manipulation of you with the help of which she gets what she wants from you.

I try not to pay attention to her visits and pretend that everything is ok.

It’s just that you should find out what they are forcing you to “pretend”, that is, to succumb to your wife’s manipulation, and not to confront this dishonest way of relationships. It is possible that you have a strong mindset that saying “No” is bad, perhaps you are afraid to face the feelings that appear when you do not meet someone’s expectations, or maybe you are simply avoiding feelings of guilt and instead of stopping your wife from her claims, you stop yourself, your indignation (anger).

Lately this has started to bother me and I am no longer silent, but answer what I think about it. I'm tired of the constant quarrels. I also don’t have the strength to listen to how bad I am and how I find fault with everything. .

For you, we can only be glad that you still have a protective feeling of disgust (this is when you have eaten something). And it’s not surprising that the first thing your wife resorts to is accusing you of being “bad.” This is exactly what you react to too sensitively, I would say vulnerable. Are you sure that this is so? Hold on, Dmitry, don’t give in to this provocation! Even if it’s bad, her attitude towards you is really more like the attitude of a capricious daughter towards her parent, from whom the “orphan” is twisting ropes. Whether your wife wants to know it or not, it's obviously true.

I have thought about divorce more than once.. But I love her and am not ready to take the extreme step.

But you have already thought about the extreme step.

If you start with a family psychologist, then for starters it would be a good idea for both of you to clarify that in your relationship the form and essence of the child-parent relationship prevails, instead of the marital, male-female relationship. This in itself is not scary. It’s scary that there are only them, as if there is no other choice. And it’s also scary that your wife can’t admit this yet, and until she admits it, there won’t be an impetus for growth either.

It would be important to find out why your wife so persistently drags you into such relationships, and you allow yourself to be drawn into them. And most likely, these phenomena of your psyche are already for individual psychotherapy, primarily yours, because it was you who asked the question, which means the motivation You are already strong enough to cope with change.

When you, in contact with a therapist, change internally yourself, and change the form of contact in the family, then family members also have to change.

Stankevich Anzhelika Vyacheslavovna, psychologist Minsk

Source: Wife doesn’t want to discuss relationship problems Good evening! I am 28 and my wife is 24. Married for 2 years, no children, she doesn’t want them. The problem appeared a long time ago, almost immediately after the wedding, but recently it has been getting worse. The spouse does not want to solve the problems arising in https://www.all-psy.com/konsultacii/otvet/189192/

If you decide to break up...

Your wife cheated, after which you decided to leave. Now begins a new life that you should stick to if you want to forget everything and start a new love relationship with a woman who will interest you. To do this, do:

Work or hobbies. Immerse yourself in something completely with your head.
Shaping your environment. If you need to break up with some people, break up with them. If you need to connect with someone, do it. Don't avoid meeting new people with both men and women. All this will allow you to enter a new life.
With your feelings. At first, don’t block anything in yourself. If you remember your ex, get angry, worry, then allow yourself these feelings. Over time, you will become tired and begin to feel different emotions.
With money. A man's self-confidence increases if he has finances that he can spend on whatever he wants. This can be done while you are single and while you are just changing your life.

Treatment of addiction in women

The drinking wife needs a more careful approach during treatment, as well as appropriate treatment after treatment. With the right approach, it is possible to restore a person’s psyche and health! The peculiarity of treatment for women is that each requires an individual approach and high-quality help from a psychologist.

Treatment methods

Treatment methods are generally similar to those offered for men. In particular, there are three main areas of work to get rid of addiction for the fair sex:

Medication technique. Thus, coding is carried out only in hospital settings, since serious and quite strong drugs of the medical spectrum are used. The technique involves using disulfiram to induce physical aversion to alcohol.
Hardware methods. This option is used using modern equipment. This includes the most popular laser systems for restoring the functioning of the human brain. In this way, it is possible to balance the work of different parts of the brain, and this creates fertile ground for further rehabilitation
Psychotherapeutic methods. This includes hypnosis methods, as well as rehabilitation and advice from a psychologist for the socialization of a woman after treatment. This is very important, and this step is required even when choosing other coding techniques. It forms psychological attitudes in a person in order to successfully abstain from drinking alcohol in the future.

Many are attracted by such coding as various drops or tablets that can be taken at home or added to food and drinks. However, it should be noted that such methods are rarely effective, and can lead to dangerous complications and consequences if a person has contraindications. The disadvantage of home treatment is that the drinking wife is out of sight of doctors. Because of this, it is sometimes impossible to provide the necessary professional assistance in a timely manner when a woman is experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

Let's start a new life

Men don't have much patience. I want to immediately forget about my ex-wife and her betrayal as soon as the man broke up with her and started a new life. However, not everything is so smooth. You will have to live with your negative experiences and feelings for some time. However, you can help them pass as quickly as possible.

Write a letter to your wife. Express in it everything you think about her, how you remember her, what worries you. Write everything that comes to mind. Don't limit yourself in expressions and emotions. Then burn the letter. You can also write letters in the following days, setting out in them everything that you would like to say to your ex-wife. Do this until your emotions let you go.

Your task in your new life should be to let go of all grievances and complaints against your wife. You should generally forgive your wife so that any memories of her do not bother you. Forgiveness does not mean wanting to return to your wife. To forgive means to stop blaming her for anything and generally being interested in her personality.