Surely in the life of every woman there have been situations (and there will be more than once) when an obsessive gentleman begins to actively show signs of attention. It would seem that it could be simpler than to give up, but then you think about the consequences, the possible offenses of the boyfriend. After all, despite the fact that male representatives are the personification of masculinity and strength, in their souls they are quite vulnerable. In such a situation, women have a logical question: how to tactfully refuse a man a relationship?
An important point in this problem is to stop unwanted advances in time, in order to further avoid a showdown in a tense situation. Invite a man to have a one-on-one conversation in some relaxed atmosphere. A small quiet coffee shop or a walk in the park will do.
The main thing is that there is no hint of intimacy and romance, otherwise the fan may decide that he has been invited on a date, which is the completely opposite result of the meeting. Before the meeting, you should prepare your arguments in advance. During the dialogue, you should adhere to some rules that will smooth out an unpleasant situation, minimally hurt a man’s self-esteem and save a woman’s nerves.
Tactfulness i
For most men, a woman’s refusal is a severe blow to their pride. Not everyone is ready to adequately accept the situation. Sympathy can give way to anger. It is for this reason that it is important to discuss the relationship as early as possible in order to have time to settle everything peacefully. Tactfully refusing a man is not as easy as it might seem at first glance.
Be patient. Start the conversation carefully and calmly. Don't start a long emotional monologue. Look at the man's reaction. Let him speak, answer any questions politely, but without a hint of flirting.
Useful tips and tricks
There is a universal way to refuse to date a guy. The phrases you pronounce follow the same pattern. It is called “Compliment - Program - Compliment”. This is an ideal way to refuse politely, so as not to offend your interlocutor and maintain good relations.
Example:
- Start with a compliment: “You are very nice, I enjoy spending time with you.”
- Then voice the unpleasant (program): “But I’m not in love with you/I have a boyfriend/I doubt your sincerity.”
- And end with a compliment: “I’m sure such a well-mannered and intelligent man like you will understand me and will not insist.”
If the guy is adequate, he will understand the first time and hear the necessary information. If he really needs you and is not in a relationship, he will make attempts to win your heart by proving his feelings with actions (applies to the “I doubt your sincerity” option).
Note! The PDA scheme works with normal, decent men. On manipulative, highly primative guys (used to getting everything by force, lacking intelligence and doesn’t understand the word “no”), this method does not work, alas.
How to refuse if he doesn’t understand?
How to refuse a man's offer to date if the previous method did not help? Unfortunately, there are guys who don’t get it the first time, stubborn and stubborn. You need to act decisively with such people - block them on social networks, blacklist your phone, avoid any contact. It’s great if you have a husband, boyfriend, brother or friend who can talk like a man to an obsessive admirer and firmly explain that he shouldn’t approach you.
Important! Tough male talk is a last resort. First, try to politely refuse yourself - in most cases it works.
- How to refuse if he does not take your words seriously?
Your polite but categorical refusal was made. But there are guys who perceive such female behavior as flirting, coquetry, an attempt to provoke him. What to do in this case?
Most guys will accept a correct refusal as long as you explain the reason. Don't be afraid to speak directly - it's better for both. Source: Flickr (Peter_Kremzar)
Most likely, you were not convincing enough. Then words need to be confirmed by actions. Proceed in the following order:
- Voice the refusal using the “Compliment - program - compliment” method.
- Block the guy on social networks, blacklist his phone.
- After this, he should understand that you were not flirting, but really do not intend to date him.
Then there are two options - he will retreat or take active steps to win your heart. In the second case, you can’t do without “man’s talk”.
- How to refuse correspondence?
It's better not to do this at all. A guy who has a crush on you deserves a private conversation. Don't be selfish - talk.
Hardness2
If the decision to stop a man’s advances is made definitively and irrevocably, remain calm in the conversation. It is possible that the gentleman, having heard a refusal, will not begin to press for pity. Never say what you think. It is important to remain steadfast and determined.
A man must understand that there is absolutely no interest in him, otherwise the boyfriend may decide that he has a chance to continue and will begin to show signs of attention with even greater force.
The main points of correct refusal.
- No flirting . If you decide to refuse a man, then at this moment you should not smile tenderly. Such a refusal is perceived as flirting, and can push a man to further conquer the person he likes, that is, you. Therefore, when you say “no,” your voice should sound serious and your body should not give ambiguous signals.
- Keep it short . There is no need to explain to a man for a long time why you decided to refuse. It may look like you are making excuses. In addition, the man may have additional questions for you. Therefore, your refusal should be as short as possible.
- Specific reason . If you still can’t just say “no” to a man, but want him to understand why you refuse, then you can give a reason. But you need to voice it as clearly and specifically as possible.
Honesty3
The most important rule, because we are talking not only about an honest attitude towards a man, but also towards oneself. First, understand your feelings and emotions. And only then try to convey your thoughts to the man as accessible as possible. The main thing is there is no need to make excuses, it will look ridiculous. Keep it short and on topic. The most dishonest thing in this situation is to give false hopes.
Forced failure situations
Rejection on social networks
Every year, virtual communication increasingly replaces real communication, but even in the Internet space there are situations when a woman is not interested in meeting the opposite sex. The easiest way is to ignore, but it can be painful for the other party. Of course, you can try to give a chance, but if you don’t even want to start a dialogue, then it’s better to answer as follows: “Please forgive me and understand correctly, I’m sure that you are a good guy, but unfortunately I don’t consider further continuation of communication.”
Likes a friend
It’s not worth wasting a person’s time and giving up hope if the friend doesn’t evoke romantic emotions. Not every friend will be pleased to be in the so-called friend zone, so you need to think about every remark and say directly: “I want to be friends with you. I don’t know anyone with whom it would be easy and relaxed to communicate. But, alas, we will not have a romantic relationship,” “You are a nice guy, but I prefer a certain male type.”
Romance at work
Explain without prying eyes or prying eyes that it is taboo to start relationships with colleagues in the workplace. The main thing is not to resort to rudeness or remain silent.
Unwanted acquaintance
Interesting ladies often encounter strangers in public places and transport, where they want to get to know them. For very active fans, a refusal with the message of personal busyness, haste, using a clearly defined but respectful context is suitable.
Reason for refusal4
And this is the most difficult and unpleasant point for a man. But it needs to be included in the conversation so that there is no misunderstanding. It is better for a girl to start this point with gratitude that the man chose her over other women. This will brighten up the refusal of reciprocity. It is important to make the situation more acceptable for the gentleman. Reasons like “already in a relationship”/“not ready for a relationship” are universal. They will have a lesser impact on self-esteem, offend and will not give an inferiority complex to a rejected man.
The topic of conversation is really serious, and can provoke some mistakes that are best avoided. The main mistakes made during a conversation:
Deny a guy intimacy
Every self-respecting girl must be able to refuse a guy intimacy with her and, if possible, do it delicately. Intimacy should only happen with the person you love. You should not get involved in casual relationships, like girls of easy virtue.
When you notice that a guy is openly trying to persuade you to be intimate, most likely you have gone too far with flirting towards him. You need to be more restrained in communication, but at the moment, let him politely understand that he may not count on such intimacy, since you do not feel such a desire. The main thing is that on your part, in fact, there was no such behavior because of which he decided to sleep with you.
A married man needs to refuse categorically and succinctly. Don't bother lecturing or attempting moral teaching or moral brainwashing. Mention of these qualities, as well as his family members, can provoke aggression in a man.
Share your refusal methods in various situations in the comments. Perhaps your method will help someone avoid getting into an unpleasant situation.
Pity7
Men are the stronger sex. Most people are able to cope with emotions themselves. Under no circumstances should you feel sorry for them. It’s better to encourage and support with a positive word. But there is definitely no point in showing pity. This will humiliate and destroy him. However, such a situation can play into the hands of the boyfriend.
If a persistent gentleman understands that pity is the only lever he can use to keep a woman next to him, he will use it, which will play a cruel joke on the woman.
During this difficult conversation, it is important to maintain a friendly tone and not show irritation. An adequate man will understand and accept the situation. If the situation is not accepted, and the response is anger and reproaches, rest assured that the right decision has been made and this is 100% the wrong person to enter into a relationship with. If the situation is understood and accepted adequately, a man may well become a good friend.
GuruTest
If a man is too assertive a boor, then politeness will help avoid aggression. If he is pleasant, but for some criteria does not suit him, a polite refusal will not alienate the person and will allow him not to disrupt business relations, for example, if you need to refuse the boss
Ignoring
This method is best for saying “no” to an assertive but not aggressive man. For example, if fate brought a woman together with some kind of philanderer or pick-up artist, then it will not be possible to get rid of him with the help of words. That's why.
They skillfully fend off all objections and refusals. They perceive dialogue as a concession, so they begin to impose communication even more actively. If a man cannot be stopped with a simple “no,” you just need to shut up and not say anything at all. It is advisable not to maintain eye contact and not pay any attention to it at all. Sooner or later he will feel uncomfortable, especially if someone is nearby.
This advice will come in handy when meeting people on the Internet, on dating sites, and so on. If someone is annoying, we blacklist them and forget about the problem once and for all. This is the best way.
"I'm married"
This technique works in cases where a persistent man is aggressive and dangerous. This method will also work in situations where a woman is communicating with a large group of people, and a man is trying to seem cooler than he really is. Rudeness or a simple “no” will definitely not work here: you can run into insult or provocation, and although a woman is completely within her rights, this will not help her get rid of aggression.
You can simply tell a man “I’m married.” This is best done when no one else knows that it is not true. Of course, if this is really the case, this will be an excellent way to discourage the boor from any desire to provoke the lady. There is no need to invent who exactly the husband is; no emotions should be shown. I just have a husband and that’s it. It is desirable that it be a “husband” and not a “boyfriend”: the idea that a woman is “busy” with someone else convinces such individuals faster than logic or common sense.
“You can’t handle someone like me”
There is an excellent method to cool down the ardor of a pick-up artist or an overly persistent man who has watched video lessons about how you can’t back down and need to work through objections.
If you cannot convey to him that he will not achieve any results, then you can create a situation in which he himself will no longer want to achieve his goal. For example, you can say that he will have to meet his mother, say: “Great, my mother will like you - there will be someone to help at the dacha.” It is important to scare him, confuse him and act unconventionally, because no pickup teachers teach this.
Rejection without a blow to self-esteem
Such a refusal can be adopted by a woman who does not want to hurt a man, because he is generally good, positive, kind, but is somehow not catchy. Here it is important to speak confidently, briefly and not make excuses to a man for your words.
You need to say something like: “You are very good, but with me it will definitely be difficult for you.” If there was a date or some kind of communication, you can add: “I don’t want to ruin your life, so we won’t see each other again.” The main thing is that the man does not have a desire to try again, so that he has no hope of continuing.
Maximum sincerity
A good and decent man will be most grateful for her. Very often a woman has a fear of offending a man, but there is also no desire to communicate. In this case, you just need to talk about your feelings as openly as possible.
It is important to note that the man is good, kind, but completely unsuitable in some respects. This is normal, because it doesn’t happen that absolutely everyone is perfect. After confession, psychologists also advise stopping any communication, especially if the man continues to make attempts to please or win the lady’s heart.
Refusal can also be used to seduce. We invite you to familiarize yourself with refusal methods that provoke interest. They will be useful to those who want to capture a man's heart.
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16 July 01:17
How to behave after a conversation
If you have a common circle of acquaintances, it is advisable for you to avoid communication for some time. This will give the man the opportunity to experience and rethink the refusal. Behave calmly with him, communication should be neutral, but not cold. If a young man himself avoids you or does not want to talk to you, you should not forcibly provoke him into dialogue and write messages to him; perhaps he needs some time to cope with his feelings.
There is no need to tell all your mutual friends what happened between you some time ago. You should save the young man from embarrassment and keep such information to himself. .
