Option 1.
“How good it is to be able to forgive,” I would like to say, paraphrasing a line from a famous poem about reading. Has anyone ever thought about why it is important to be able to forgive? In my opinion, this skill is very important and necessary. It frees the heart from anger, hatred, thirst for revenge for pure and sincere feelings: generosity, kindness, joy. Many examples to confirm this idea can be found in works of fiction.
In the novel by A.S. Pushkin’s “Dubrovsky” tells the story of a quarrel between two old friends: Kirila Petrovich Troekurov and Andrei Gavrilovich Dubrovsky. It led to Troyekurov, an influential gentleman, suing the estate from Dubrovsky, who had neither connections nor sufficient wealth. The court decided to transfer the estate to Kirila Petrovich, and Dubrovsky, unable to bear this injustice, died. His son Vladimir, left without a father and without a home, decided to take revenge on his offender and, under the name of Deforge, a French tutor, entered Troekurov’s house, where he was considering how to take revenge on the man who brought his father to the grave, and even deprived him of a modest corner, left with nothing. While he was hatching his plan for revenge, incredible changes happened. Vladimir fell in love with Troekurov’s daughter Marya Kirilovna, and the girl reciprocated his feelings. For her sake, the younger Dubrovsky abandons his plan and forgives the enemy with all his heart. Instead of black hatred and revenge, his soul is filled with a tender feeling of love for a quiet and modest girl. Dubrovsky understands that if he harms his beloved’s father, she will have to experience the same feelings that he felt when he lost his father. He could not act so cruelly with her. Love teaches a person an important skill - to forgive, which, freeing the soul from hatred, allows a person to live in joy and harmony with himself.
The ability to forgive reconciles people, helps them understand each other, and alleviate suffering. You can come to such conclusions by reading the poem “Who Lives Well in Rus'” by N.A. Nekrasova. In search of a happy person, wanderers came to Matryona Timofeevna Korchagina, popularly nicknamed the Governor. She talks about her difficult life. As a girl, she lived happily with her parents, and after marriage she went “from girlhood to hell.” Her husband’s family didn’t like her, they tried to offend her, offend her, offend her, and there was no one to protect her, since her husband spends a lot of time working. The birth of her first child, Demushka’s son, was a great joy for her. During field work, Matryona Timofeevna was forced to leave him with his old grandfather Savely, who once did not keep track of the boy, and he was eaten by pigs. This event was a terrible grief for the mother; even decades later, it is not easy for her to talk about those terrible days to strangers. Savely could not look the woman in the eye and went to the Sand Monastery, but a few years later, when they met again at the boy’s grave, Matryona Timofeevna forgave Savely and took him to live with her. Her image combines such qualities as hard work, determination, courage, loyalty, honesty, sacrifice and the ability to forgive, so she could not do otherwise. By forgiving Demushka’s death, she relieved the old man’s soul and herself, too, and this was very important for both of them. Matryona Timofeevna was able to understand how important her forgiveness is not only for the old man, but also for herself.
Having analyzed the works of Russian literature, we come to the conclusion that a person needs to be able to forgive, so as not to accumulate negative feelings in his soul, not to poison his soul with them, but to live in joy and harmony with himself and with the whole world.
Practice forgiveness. Why and how to forgive?
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In this article we will look at the topic of grievances and forgiveness from the point of view of psychology, esotericism and religion, study the theory, deal with questions like “why forgive” and “how can you forgive a person for...”, watch a video and master the simple and effective practice of forgiveness, which gives simply amazing results.
Why do you need to forgive people?
A typical question that arises in the average person when confronted with the statement that others need to be forgiven is: “Why should I (or should) forgive him?” And the answer to this question is simple: you do not “should” (are not obligated) to forgive the offender, but it is in your interests. Religions teach to forgive other people (remember at least the prayer “... and forgive us our debts, just as we forgive our debtors”), they advise us to love our neighbor, and this is all correct, although it is not always clear why or why we should forgive and how exactly you can forgive and love.
Religions do not provide a clear and easy-to-implement practice of forgiveness, so psychology comes to the rescue. First, we need to understand that if we do not forgive others, keep and cherish grievances, stress ourselves out and strengthen hostile feelings, this turns primarily against ourselves.
Negative emotions as a mechanism of self-destruction.
Resentment, anger, hatred and, in general, any claims against another person or people are negative emotions that we carry within ourselves. Modern scientists have proven that such negative emotions bring us not only internal discomfort, but also physically destroy our body, and they also create a negative future, attracting a lot of troubles into our lives, since like attracts like.
Until we see this mechanism of self-destruction, we will not be able to understand the need to practice forgiveness. Much has been said and much has been written about this mechanism of self-destruction. For example, you can read the articles “Psychological Causes of Diseases”, “How Emotions Affect Our Health”, “Causes of Problems, Suffering and Depression”, etc. By seeing the consequences of not forgiving others, we take the first step toward freeing ourselves from the trap of negative emotions by becoming aware of the need for change.
The second step is to understand and understand how to quickly and effectively change the current situation, and the third is to begin the practice of forgiveness. In this way, we can change our future destiny, free ourselves from the heaviness and harmful influence of negative emotions and bring more harmony and joy into our lives.
How to forgive and let someone go?
To forgive a person for anything, you need to understand that “nothing in my life is accidental,” including the actions of other people that cause me to feel resentment, injustice and other negative emotions. The article “Nothing is by chance, or Why do troubles happen to me,” as well as any other materials that explain the law of karma or, as it is also called, the boomerang law: “what we emit, is what we receive,” will help you gain this understanding.
When we see that another person, having committed a “bad” act towards us, has only returned to us what we once did towards others, it becomes very easy to forgive him, even without the practice of forgiveness. In this case, the problem of forgiveness disappears by itself. But it is not always possible to see the “sins” of others against us “like the return of a boomerang,” because often we do not remember not only past lives, but even our bad deeds in the current life. In this case, the practice of forgiveness, which is explained and carried out in the attached video, can help.
By forgiving and letting go of a person who has offended us, set us up, cheated on us, caused pain or trouble, we are freed from negative connections with him. “Letting go” does not necessarily mean “letting go”, it is an internal letting go, which is discussed in more detail in the practice of forgiveness (see video).
Theory and practice of forgiveness.
Having dealt with the theories of forgiveness, we begin a simple practice in which we will work with a specific person against whom we harbor a grudge, against whom we have complaints or experience negative emotions. In this video, Oleg Gadetsky, a famous psychologist, will give us all the theory we need to understand and conduct a session of forgiveness practice for us.
Video excerpt from Oleg Gadetsky’s training seminar “Laws of Fate”
Option 2.
“Why is it important to be able to forgive?” We ask ourselves this difficult question every time when we face the choice of taking revenge or forgetting about an insult, when we reflect on the meaning of life or look into our soul, as if we are conducting an audit of human qualities there. Many classics of Russian and foreign literature believe that the ability to forgive is very important and necessary for a person. It is typical for people who are generous, strong, and want to live in peace and harmony.
Work by A.P. Platonov’s “Yushka” is familiar to many readers. The main character of the work is a simple, kind, defenseless person. He was short, thin, poor. Yushka was forty years old, but he looked older, as he suffered from consumption, which made him physically weak. He saw poorly, his eyes were always wet, as if there were undried tears in them. Yushka always wore the same clothes, which had become very worn out over the years, but the owner did not pay any attention to this. Everyone in the city knew this kind, modest man, and all the residents, from children to the elderly, tried to offend him, mock him, and take out their anger on the unrequited man. The kids threw stones and earth at him, and the adults insulted him with rude words or raised their hands. But Yushka always endured, he never answered anyone rudely or with anger. He knew how to forgive people's misunderstanding, inhumanity, and cruelty. His soul remained pure, like the water of a spring, as if he had long known a simple truth: a person’s soul and thoughts should be purer than his face and body. The ability to treat people kindly and forgive them endowed the hero with inner vision and enormous strength. He saw and noticed what others did not notice and could endure various everyday hardships and hardships.
But life examples and literary works suggest that there are people who do not know how to forgive or understand another, even a loved one. Often this misunderstanding and inability to forgive leads to tragedy. The heroine of the novel “Lord Golovlevs” M.E. Saltykova-Shchedrina is familiar to many readers. Arina Petrovna is a powerful, calculating, greedy woman. She has four children, but she does not feel any special maternal feelings for them, just as she does not feel love for her husband. She considers her household members a burden and does not trust any of them. The author does not endow her heroine with any positive traits: she is a stingy, quarrelsome, stern lady who does not know how to understand those who are next to her. She demands complete obedience from children, and evilly curses those who dare to act in their own way. Arina Petrovna does not know how to listen, understand and forgive. She does not forgive her son Stepan because he squandered his capital, became a beggar, and then returned to his mother in Golovlevo. She curses her daughter Anna, for whom she had great hopes, but she ran away from her mother’s care with a cornet, who abandoned her after some time with her little twin daughters. She never once listened to either her sons or her daughter, did not try to understand them, much less forgive them. This led to tragedy: sons Stepan and Pavel and daughter Anna die one after another. Deceived by her son Judushka, Arina Petrovna is left alone and dies. The inability to find a compromise, sympathize, give the warmth of your soul, forgive does not allow you to live in peace, it poisons a person’s life.
Thus, works of fiction allow us to conclude that the ability to forgive is very important for everyone, since it cleanses a person’s soul, makes him nobler, purer and higher than others, and also gives him enormous strength, thanks to which he can endure all everyday problems. hardships.
Is it necessary to forgive people who themselves came for forgiveness?
The question is complex. Let’s imagine that a person from the past came to us, who once refused to support us, behaved selfishly, took away our resources, and deprived us of our “skin.” Now he has rethought a lot and seems to have changed. He came with repentance, counting on our wisdom and big hearts, that we would hug him, shed a stingy tear and forgive past sins. The truth is that this behavior is similar to passing the buck. Like, why remember the bad, it was a long time ago. Well, a man made a mistake, no matter who he is! It was not his fault that he lacked brains or was misled by demons. He came to repent, and we must forgive him - a good way to avoid responsibility. Let's reveal a little secret: those who truly repent do not need our forgiveness. He respects our feelings from the very beginning. A person who truly understands everything will not press for pity, beg, or demand mercy. He will simply repent and accept any of our decisions.
No matter what they write in books, remember, you don’t owe anyone anything. Yes, forgiveness eases the pain and gets rid of the burden of the past. We have to accept the imperfection of this world, come to terms with the fact that the offenders will never take responsibility for what they did. We can let them go and move on, being responsible only for ourselves and our own mistakes. But we can not do this. If it’s still difficult for you, you’re seething, everything inside of you hurts and demands retribution, then there’s no need to break yourself. You have a choice: to forgive or not to forgive. Respect it, this is the main principle of forgiveness and a good lesson on the path to inner healing.
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Stages of the long journey
The path to forgiveness is often long and difficult. But to successfully reach the finish line, be prepared to overcome possible psychological barriers.
Opening. Often at this stage, a person comes to the conclusion that resentment can radically change his life for the worse, and begins to doubt the existence of justice.
What to do? It is necessary to give vent to all your feelings - anger, anger, shame, despair.
Decision-making. The offended person realizes: anger at the whole world and at others does not help get rid of the pain. What to do? It is necessary to understand that forgiveness can help you take the path of healing and move forward: from anger to pain, from pain to powerlessness, from powerlessness to hope, and from hope to liberation and new life.
Action. At this stage, the victim reconsiders his views on the situation as a whole, strives to understand the reasons that motivated his offender. Maybe he even begins to sympathize with him, putting himself in his place.
What to do? Here it is important not to overdo it and not to look for excuses for the offender. Especially when it comes to violence.
Result . By completing this process, a person decides to move on with his life. Often the insult he experiences prompts him to look for new meanings and set new goals for himself. The need to be angry disappears, loyalty to the offender appears. We can consider that the forgiveness process has been successfully completed.
Nothing is forgotten
The ability to forgive is an important and necessary human property. And, it would seem, at a certain point in life, everyone is capable of mastering this skill. But forgiveness is different from forgiveness. It’s one thing to forgive a person who stepped on your foot in public transport. He is guilty, but it is clear that he did not do his act on purpose. And it’s quite another thing to forgive for betrayal, unfounded reproaches and claims, rude words and actions. Especially if the offense was caused by loved ones.
And although the strength of the experience is different for everyone and depends on the level of vulnerability, which is largely determined by physiology, temperament, character traits, and upbringing, psychologists assure: forgiveness is a very difficult and lengthy process. Often, in order to quickly free yourself from oppressive thoughts and experiences, you want to forget the offense or try to forgive the one who inflicted it as soon as possible. But this helps little and does not bring relief.
“It is impossible to completely forget the insult inflicted on us,” says psychologist Zhanna Lurie . – It’s like a splinter that remains inside: the “skin” is overgrown, and inside there is an inflammatory process. And if it is not stopped in time, it will progress. And then the pain and consequences of this event will be much more severe.
Personal opinion
Lyudmila Chursina:
“I inherited my explosive character from my father. He was a professional soldier. As you know, the army does not soften men's hearts. You were offended by a senior in rank - you also have to take it out on someone, you go home with this mood... And I’ve been trying to fight this fatherly trait in myself all my life. I understand that it is very easy to free yourself from the burden of negativity by undeservedly offending or offending someone. But this is wrong and unacceptable. You need to learn to let go of resentment, and not take it out on others.
