What is betrayal, and is it worth forgiving? When faced with betrayal, people get lost and fall into a feeling of despair. To forgive or not - it all depends on the reason for what happened, and how much the partners value each other, it is important to understand that the relationship will never be the same.
Kinds
Let's figure out what kind of betrayal there are and what their reasons are.
One of the most popular is casual relationships, which most often occur during alcohol intoxication. This does not justify the person, but it is difficult to call such a relationship serious. In most cases, the person who cheated did not control himself and, due to alcohol, was not responsible for his actions. An example would be a case where a person entered into a casual relationship at a corporate party, where he went without his wife.
However, there are also deliberate betrayals. The partner goes to them voluntarily. Physical infidelity occurs when there is a lack of sexual satisfaction. At the same time, the partner may not experience loving feelings for the person with whom he is cheating. Relationships on the side in this case will mean that he lacks sensations. To prevent this from happening, you need to have regular sex life with your partner.
Spiritual betrayal is considered one of the most difficult. For example, you may live with one person for several years, but then fall in love with another. In this case, the relationship with the current partner will be painful and platonic.
Another type of betrayal is emotional. It occurs when a partner begins to be friends with someone, communicate closely and gradually “switch” to this person. At the same time, the person begins to belittle or insult his partner, and compare him with his new comrade. Such relationships often end in a difficult separation, and the person who cheated gets back together with this “friend.”
Women may also sometimes wonder whether kissing a girl is considered cheating. There is no consensus on this matter. But if your spouse began to show similar activity towards the opposite sex, then perhaps physical betrayal is not far away.
Treason as it is
What is cheating in a relationship? First, let’s figure out whether “treason” and “betrayal” are equal in meaning or not? The concept of betrayal means a violation of fidelity to one's partner. Many cheaters justify their actions with an overwhelming feeling of love. But, in reality, before finding a new partner, you had to break up with your current chosen one and not enter into a relationship with a new one until that moment. Under such circumstances it would not constitute treason.
Being unfaithful to your partner is the same as lying. Treason will always be a betrayal. But for each person, a different act is considered treason. For one, it will be considered sex, for another, it will be a kiss, for the third, flirting will be considered betrayal. It is best for partners, when entering into a relationship, to determine the boundaries of what is permitted in order to avoid conflicts.
Treason comes in different forms. They can be either one-time or numerous. Most often, infidelity occurs due to the desire to gain new emotions and sensations, and sometimes a person is seduced by the wealth of the new chosen one. People choose the path that will be most comfortable for them in meeting their needs. For example, men, during infidelity, stroke their pride. A traitorous man has many women and the only thing he has in common with them is sex.
Signs
Most women can understand when a man begins to cheat. This is not due to a sixth sense or anything like that, but rather to the fact that ladies are more likely to notice changes in their partner's behavior. But what should those who cannot understand whether their soulmate has someone else do?
Not all people are able to lead a dual lifestyle. That's why most cheaters give themselves away right away. They become too secretive and don’t want to talk much. At the same time, a person becomes picky about his appearance. For example, he spends more time in front of the mirror, buys himself new perfume, or updates his hairstyle.
Above we described what kinds of betrayals there are. Among them there is also a physical one, so you need to pay attention to sexual relationships. If your partner suddenly stops wanting them, then you need to think about it. Due to the fact that a person gets the necessary sensations in other relationships, he is no longer interested in spending time with you like that.
Also be careful with your phone. He can call constantly. Or the partner may begin to hide it. If this happens, try to check your suspicions. Perhaps you will stumble upon correspondence or even photos.
If you live together, then notice when and how late your partner is from work. The person will be uninterested in spending time with you, talking with you, so you will see him at home quite rarely. Finance is also one of the ways to understand that they are cheating on you. For example, if a partner begins to bring in a smaller portion of the salary, then there is a possibility of betrayal.
If you are cheated on spiritually, then your significant other will constantly swear at you, find flaws in you, notice some little things and generally treat you rudely.
All these signs indicate cheating only if they occur together. One or two points will not prove 100% that your partner is having an affair. If you have any suspicions, talk to him. Can't make up your mind? Then try to surround your chosen one with love and affection to the maximum.
What types of punishment for treason exist in different countries of the world?
Today there are many tribes in Mali whose laws differ greatly from each other. For example, in the Dogon tribe it is customary to cheat, but not with the husband’s relatives.
In Switzerland, an adulterer cannot register a new marriage for three years.
In Turkey, since 1996, not only women, but also men have been punished for betrayal. They are punishable by imprisonment for a term of not more than five years.
In Iran there is a law according to which a woman who commits treason can be killed. And this can be done not only by her husband, but also by his male relatives.
In Indonesia, you can be jailed for up to 15 years for adultery.
Papua New Guinea has the worst sanctions against unfaithful men and women. A man can even behead his wife's lover. The woman is not killed, but her finger is cut off, which her lover must eat.
In China, both women and men are punished for betrayal. According to local laws, adultery is punishable by two years' imprisonment and confiscation of half of the property.
In Vietnam, a law was introduced in 2013, according to which an unfaithful spouse pays a fine of 1 to 3 million VND.
Most countries have abandoned too harsh punishment for treason. In medieval Rus', the court punished treason with death.
In some African tribes, the wife's uterus is necessarily cut out.
Reasons for cheating
Mental and physical betrayal does not just happen. They are the result of some problems in the family. Let's look at why your partner might be cheating on you.
Every person wants to be respected and appreciated. Due to constant quarrels, feelings of warmth and love may disappear. Try to compromise more often and argue less. If you are thinking about why men cheat, then know: this reason is one of the main ones.
The lack of intimate connection can also push people to cheat. For some, a couple of times a week will be enough, for others a month, and for others every day. Be open and talk about this with your partner to find balance in your relationship.
Men and women can neglect themselves after marriage. This is mistake. Yes, they probably fell in love with you not because you are a spectacular brunette or a pumped-up blond, but your appearance plays a role. Instead of trying to find signs of cheating, try to regain your former appearance. Support him, and the love of your soulmate will return to you. This is another reason why men cheat.
Give your partner a feeling of warmth and closeness. These feelings are in most cases more significant for men than for women. Work on your relationships, try to solve all problems at once, talk and understand. Talk to your partner, tell him what kind of betrayal there are (since some people consider only an intimate relationship to be betrayal).
If your relationship is only “home-work-home”, then it can easily collapse. Even the happiest marriage can fall apart if there is nothing in the relationship but gray, uninteresting everyday days. Go to a cafe or to the cinema at least once a week. It won't hurt your finances much, but it will create new memories. This point applies more to men. Women need new experiences because they remember emotional moments more. Try to please your soulmate, and your relationship will become the same.
Why do people cheat on their partners?
Many articles from different sources say that men and women cheat for the same reasons: they crave love.
M. Gary Neuman found that 92% of men say cheating does not involve sex. The reasons why men cheated on their spouses were often emotional, such as feeling disconnected or unappreciated by their spouse.
Most people think that people cheat because the sex has gone bad in the relationship or because they've fallen out of love with their partner, but most (not all) survey respondents on these sites reported that they still loved their partner but didn't feel particularly attached.
Female infidelity
According to statistics, no matter how strange it may seem to you, cheating on the part of your spouse is 50% less likely. This is due to the fact that women invest all of themselves into the family hearth, always hoping for the best and for changes in life (or in their partner). With the advent of children, additional care is imposed on them, so there is simply no time to think about going with someone else to get the right emotions. But still, some women can deliberately commit adultery. Why is this happening?
If a spouse experiences only negative emotions in a relationship, then she may have a desire to take revenge. She is too disappointed, she wants to feel needed and stop experiencing unpleasant sensations. Girls like to feel tenderness and care, which often fades into the background in marriages. Such relationships collapse too quickly. In such cases, spiritual betrayal often occurs.
How to find the strength to forgive and when it is appropriate
Psychologists believe that betrayal only reflects the couple's long-standing problems. The partners might not have noticed the moment when the relationship changed, and by inertia they remained together, but there was no closeness between them. In psychology, there is no concept of “forgiving betrayal,” because this means that the halves play the roles of the guilty and the blaming. This is an unequal relationship, reminiscent of the relationship between a parent and a child.
In a partnership, responsibility is shared equally. We must invest equally in love, we must be responsible for problems together. There is no one to forgive, both are to blame. To save a relationship, you need to make efforts together.
READ
How to catch an unfaithful wife cheating: advice for men
They start by finding the “starting point” - the crisis moment that caused the betrayal. It is important to realize that at that moment the relationship ended. They cannot be continued; everything must be created from scratch.
Both partners must admit the fact of betrayal. The cheater must break off the connection with his lover (or mistress) and let go of all feelings for him or her. The partners do not blame each other, but acknowledge their contribution to what happened, because they did not deal with the relationship and moved away. The one who was betrayed could spend all his time on a hobby, career or child. It is important to admit wrongdoing like an adult: without accusations or offense.
You should study each other, build intimacy and fall in love in a new way. You can do this with a psychologist or on your own. It can be painful, because you need to listen, relive the betrayal again and look for common ground. If partners go through all the phases, they fall in love again. They are starting their second honeymoon. A new relationship is created with the same person. After betrayal, it is impossible to restore love, but it is quite possible to create it again.
Some couples are unable to build what they have destroyed. The problem is the unwillingness to share responsibility in half. If partners take the positions of parent and child (accuser and guilty), make excuses (blame nature, circumstances or third parties), then the relationship cannot be saved. Even if they stay together, they will be unhappy. This relationship should be broken. People will move away, and grievances will accumulate. Unreasonable conflicts will become part of everyday life. Hidden, unprocessed emotions will reveal themselves. Repressed emotional pain can turn into illness.
And the worst thing is when married couples do this for the sake of children. Kids sense the atmosphere and state of their parents well.
Should physical betrayal be forgiven?
Any betrayal is weakness. A person cannot talk to his partner to improve the relationship, or he does not have the courage to admit that there are no more feelings. This is not worth forgiving. Remember that if a person cheated once, he will do it again. Of course, this is not true in 100% of cases, but in the majority. Before you forgive and continue the relationship, think about whether you can forget about it, not think about it every day? If both partners want to restore the relationship, then there is every chance - you need to contact a specialist.
Forgiving spiritual betrayal?
If we are talking about spiritual betrayal, then it is better to let him go. Get a divorce or just end the relationship. You will not be able to return to your old relationship because your partner loves another person. If you continue, it will be excruciatingly painful for both of them. This will affect not only the relationship between you, but also the children. By the way, the foundations of character are laid in childhood, so there is no guarantee that in the future the child will not do the same with his other half.
It’s better to overcome yourself, forget the situation, forgive the person and, of course, learn from the situation. You can live without your partner. When you get back to normal, you will notice that it is not as difficult as it seemed at first. Don't live the rest of your life as if no one will love you anymore and you yourself won't be able to pay attention to another person. Be open to dating, and then you can find yourself another partner.
How to approach the situation?
If you find out that your significant other has cheated on you, then talk to her first. Don't impose your opinion. If a person believes that contact while intoxicated is not cheating, and you don’t think so, then simply leave such a relationship. Draw conclusions only after a direct conversation on this topic. Remember what cheating can be and try to prevent it. It sounds strange, but no one is immune from betrayal. If you don't work on your relationship, it's unlikely to last long.
Sometimes people cheat not because of problems in their current relationship, but because of some kind of emotional wounds. Yes, that happens too. For example, a person has many problems and feels like a failure. He can look for adventures on the side in order to somehow become better in his own eyes. This is undoubtedly the wrong approach. But it only seems so to you, not to your partner. There are also cases when a person believes that he is too independent, free and can do whatever he wants. And even change. It’s better to get out of such a relationship, and the sooner the better.
Start of a new relationship?i
Having met a new employee (a waiter in a restaurant, a pizza delivery person, a trainer in a fitness club), you immediately realize that you have found a truly kindred spirit - a person with whom you seem to have known all your life. But there is one, one might say, difficulty. You already have a beloved “other half” and you are not at all going to break off the existing relationship, destining for a new acquaintance (acquaintance) the status of a faithful friend. But, as they say, you can’t order your heart. And there, somewhere in the depths of the soul, the person himself already understands that these relationships are not entirely friendly, and to be more precise, not friendly at all - this is something much stronger and more.
At the same time, you are not ready to part with your partner and plunge headlong into a sea of new love (and maybe you think that you are not going to). A thin, almost imperceptible line keeps you from physically cheating on your loved one. It’s just that it’s very, very difficult to restrain yourself from crossing it, since the thought of sex has already settled in your head.
