How to understand in advance that a man will only hurt you

We discussed here with a friend from LiveJournal our ways of dealing with pain and disease states. I discovered so much that I decided to share. The post contains my own experience and skills of dealing with mental pain. The key word is “my own”, that is, my methods are personal, they may suit some people, but not so much for others.

So, let's go.

The first and most important thing that psychotherapy taught me about living through pain is the very idea that you can somehow settle into pain and experience this state in a special way. Second, and no less important, the pain will end. Definitely and without options.

I won’t be original and will use a hackneyed weather metaphor. In the inner world, just like in the outer world, there is different weather. Rain (in our case, pain) also happens, for sure.

But. You can get caught in a downpour, where icy hail hits, and stubbornly walk forward barefoot, no longer understanding why and where, feeling how your calves are cramping in icy water, dry, prickly bronchitis slowly flaring up in your chest, your body is exhausted by the blows of the ice, and there is only one end. - stumble over the next pothole, finally fall and die, choking in this viscous water under your feet.

A very colorful, traumatic and auto-aggressive way to live your life. Sometimes, by the way, it’s useful - with the goal of later discovering that you don’t want to do it that way anymore.

Or it can be done differently. Stop and look around - is there a place where you can hide from the hail? Can someone let you under their umbrella? Is there a store nearby with an assortment of rubber boots - albeit not too elegant and in a different size? Is it possible to drop under some roof, is there a bus stop nearby that will take you to someone’s (even if not yours) house?

Do you feel the difference? Or - automatically, senselessly wander through an atmospheric nightmare - and know that it will always be like this. Or - go into raging bad weather, look for ways to take care of yourself and remember for sure - the weather always changes, without exception, and soon the rain will end, and the wet, sticky, cold will be removed from the body, and the situation will provide an opportunity to warm up and relax.

I repeat - this is perhaps my most important and global discovery about ways to deal with oneself in difficult and painful periods of life.

And now - developed concrete practical ways to deal with pain.

Notice.

When suddenly something in the body begins to hurt that didn’t hurt before; when there is a lot of tension in the face, and it’s somehow difficult to breathe; when you find that you only have enough strength not to cry; when you don’t want anything, there is a scratching in your chest, and the world gradually takes on the color of various shades of gray - don’t continue to dwell on the remnants of stubbornness, but notice and understand - something is happening. You probably need to stand a little and take a closer look at what exactly it is. The markers here, of course, are mine; they are different for different people, and knowing your pain markers is, in my opinion, a very useful thing.

Organize support and people.

It’s better, at a minimum, to call, and at a maximum, to come in person to someone close, rather than deal with it yourself. It’s better for many reasons - it’s not so scary, and it’s not so lonely, and right next to you there is that same, warm, familiar, fluffy feeling, and there is someone to lean on.

For this, I definitely recommend that during periods of life’s difficulties, have in your head a list of people who can withstand your pain, value and respect you, and are ready to devote time to you. Friends who have similar experiences are psychologists. Just a list in my head, or better yet, on paper. I'm serious, yes. Because in moments when it’s really bad, the brain refuses, contacts fly out of the head, and the habit of being alone and/or not noticing oneself wins dry.

Therefore, at a painful moment, we pick up the phone, call our loved ones, check the situation and talk about how we are feeling. Little by little, little by little, we unwind what is bursting from within, listen to questions, answer, meet with experiences that overwhelm the soul and create pain. Let’s not delay, because psychosomatics are more difficult to treat.

Face the pain and breathe. Breathe. And breathe again - a lot.

Breathing is generally a very useful thing, thanks to it we live, if anyone doesn’t know. And it is thanks to breathing that pain can be experienced quite easily - because inhalation-exhalation, inhalation-exhalation is a very good cycle. Inhale - breathe in fresh air, gain strength - and exhale - exhale from the chest-body-eyes-soul the excess that no longer fits in the body and asks to come out with screams and tears.

In the case when it has already covered you, when it has come and taken over with pain - the sweetest thing is to breathe-scream-cry, the way you want - loudly, with force, so you get tired faster, and the strength runs out, and the crying passes, and peace comes after it .

Remember with all your might - it will end, much faster than it seems. And it will be much easier.

When I worked with pain, my own or someone else's, and when I saw other people's work, the most acute moment of pain did not even last 15 minutes. Because the body is not made of iron and cannot withstand much, it is quite difficult to cry and worry more than the given time. Therefore, remember with the remnants of your brain in its most broken state - it will be painful, unpleasant - but not for as long as it seems. If you allow the pain to be, then everything will end soon. And then there will be peace, and plenty of room for other experiences - usually much more joyful ones.

This is generally an incomprehensible and difficult thing to believe - but it is absolutely true. When you really experience the pain, everything becomes much easier. Exactly everything - mood, state, life situation (at least, a look at it). And a lot can be changed and done when you have the strength and mood - that is, when you let go of the body and let it experience what has been asking for a long time.

Walk, move, live.

Sometimes there were moments in my life when I could not cry. There were simply no tears. I also couldn’t speak or explain to anyone what was happening to me. I just felt bad. Really capslock.

And then movement saved me. Go somewhere far away (with a fully charged phone in your hands!), wash, put away, clean, play sports - do something that takes and pulls energy from the body, reduces the intensity and removes heaviness. This method does not bring any great existential discoveries. But it is almost certain that after a long, grueling physical activity you will most likely want to eat and sleep. And it’s already great when you want something. This is life.

Have a way to slow down. At least - to know that it definitely exists.

At the very beginning, when pain was something new and unfamiliar to me, and the amount of it in my body was off the charts, and supportive people did not exist in my mind as a class, there really was no way out or a stop screen in my subjective reality. Then a way out was discovered.

Since then, I have had a boundary pillar inside me - where I no longer have the strength to understand and think, but for now there remains the opportunity to follow the algorithm that was set long ago and has helped me more than once.

The glass is made of thick wood, old and very reliable, with a board firmly nailed to it with the inscription: “Take your medicine, hide in a corner and sleep.” I know for sure that this helps me relieve the most acute condition. At these moments, I don’t watch anything about people, I don’t read or hear emotional stories. I have a rest and a stop - because I have a lot.

If you know how to slow down, that's cool. Because in the most difficult, most hopeless situations, you can definitely rely on your experience of stops, after which a new day comes - and it is usually a little better than the one yesterday.

Lyudmila Marchenko.

PS:

Call those who you need at the moment. Find the strength yourself and call . Give the delusions of grandeur a rest, which believes that only you can care, and others are not worthy of it. There's also the complex of a victim who is unworthy of care. All? And call. It is part of self-responsibility to learn how to organize support for yourself. Grow up, it's fun!
Let the pain be and it will end. Courage, dear friend, and courage! Yes, this is heroism.
Erkhart Tolle in support - about physical and mental pain. For example, The Power of Now. I know people whom she helped learn to cope with regular, multi-day physical pain, those whom she helped learn to cope with panic attacks that are not regulated by any medicine, and learn to live with the loss of loved ones. And I am among them.

Breathe. Live. Be afraid and do it.

Source: samopoznanie.ru

Mental pain lasts 12 minutes, the rest is self-hypnosis. How suggestible are you?

One winter evening, a young man I didn’t know wrote to me and asked me to meet. - I know your name. Where do you live. How old are you and where do you study? Let's go for a walk. - he wrote to me on social networks. I agreed. It wasn't scary. At the age of 17, I was terribly naive, maybe because I grew up in a village where people help each other, or maybe I just didn’t understand people. I told him that I would be escorted to the meeting place, and if something happened to me, he would be the first person to be suspected. After all the stupidity that I wrote to him, we agreed to meet that same evening.

we hung out with him near the evening school, quite far from my house, so we decided not to walk for a long time - it’s cold in February after all. While he was walking me home, and on the way I asked him about what he was doing, and he himself willingly told it. It turned out that he lives not far from me, literally about five minutes on foot. He does athletics, writes lyrics, raps, and goes to clubs. An ordinary young guy enjoying life. Our walk lasted about forty minutes and we parted at an intersection, the roads of which led one to his house, the other to mine. - Till tomorrow. I will write you. - He said, smiled and walked away. I stood rooted to the spot and watched as his figure moved away, hiding behind a wall of snow. When he disappeared from sight, I inhaled the air, in which, as it seemed to me, the smell of his perfume was still in the air, and headed home. Approaching the door, I realized that he did not take my phone number, but I gave up on it, because I have him as a friend. The next day I found out that he was dating a girl, and they had a difficult relationship, that he was cheating on him, that she wanted him to come, and when he was around, she wanted him not to be there. She was also 17. When he asked me about my personal life and suggested that I already had a boyfriend, I definitely lied, saying that he guessed right. He could have become the first, but he was ashamed to admit. In the evenings we fooled around, rolled each other in the snowdrifts, walked wherever possible. About a week later I realized that I fell in love. I really wanted to kiss him and was scared that he might push me away. One evening, what I dreamed about finally happened, we kissed. After the kiss, he said that he was afraid that I would push him away. And I wanted to strangle him in my arms. My heart was racing. Many feelings during and after this kiss were unfamiliar to me. Here it is, first love. Crazy. Unrequited... I understood this when after a while he started talking about his girlfriend again. After every meeting with her, he came to me and told me how bad he felt, and I felt sorry for him and supported him. After these consolations, I myself walked home alone, asking not to be seen off. I walked and cried, realizing that I was not needed, but I was head over heels in love. But something happened and after a week of such meetings he broke up with her. A month passed with our daily evening meetings. He introduced me to his friend Lesha, who told me that he began to constantly talk about me. We started dating. I completely lost my head... But he didn’t get lost and really became the first. They say that there is no need to rush because you can get attached. It turns out they are telling the truth. I just raved about him. In the evenings I sat and waited for him to call, write, or come. Along with these expectations came the spring month of April. He met me from school, sometimes accompanied me there. At the end of April, the girlfriend he left appeared again. And I was already sure that he was mine. On May 2, I was visiting my sister, we were making barbecue, laughing, the day was sunny and bright. While we were sitting at the table, I received a text saying “we need to meet.” The smile immediately disappeared from my itza. My heart was beating fast and my palms were sweating. I got up from the table and said that I was going home. My sister probably understood and didn’t ask anything. I remember it like now: I walked towards him for twelve minutes, all this time I listened to Polina Gagarina’s song - Lullaby. When I saw him it was 16:08 on the clock. We met a little before reaching my house. He was in a white T-shirt, serious, a little scared. — Ira is pregnant. Zhenya abandoned her, I have to help her. I'll be with her. We are parting. “He said this and looked away. I was silent. It hurt, my heart was pounding against my ribs. - Sorry. - He added. There were tears in my eyes, I didn’t see anything, I only understood that if I closed my eyes for even a moment, tears would flow down my cheeks. A lump of pain stuck in my throat and prevented me from breathing calmly or making a sound. - Say something. — Anton broke the silence again. I closed my eyes and traitorous tears rolled down to my chin. Silently I walked past him. I don't know whether he stood still or followed me. I just wanted to disappear, as if it wasn’t me or I simply didn’t exist. I went to the river, which was a kilometer from the house. I didn’t care if anyone was there, if anyone saw me cry. I hit the stones on the shore and sat there until dark. All this time I watched the sun go down into the water and imagined that my pain would go away with it. After some time, about three days later, a certain Marina, twenty-two years old, wrote to me and said that Anton was visiting her. She knows what is happening to him and invited me to meet. I arrived at the appointed place. She called him and turned on the speakerphone: “Antosh, hello.” - Hello. I'm busy. “I just want to ask, will you come today?” - Yes. I'm busy now. -Are you at Lesha’s now? Well, go to another room and tell me why you want to come to me. - I can not. - Antosh, tell me what I asked you to do. - Because it’s necessary. - He answered and again repeating that he was busy, he hung up. The red-haired girl put the phone in her pocket and began to tell her what decent guys usually keep to themselves. I was ashamed and offended. Now I also hated him, but I still loved him. I began to communicate with this Marina and she told me that Anton goes to her when he leaves her, but she always said that there was nothing between them, which I found hard to believe. But after a while, gritting my teeth, I wished them happiness. Later, Anton and I began to correspond, but he did not agree to meetings. I started asking him about Marina and he started to get angry. He said that she was so bad and she annoyed him with her annoying calls. Then a feeling awoke in me that cannot be called good. I quarreled between them. I copied what Anton wrote to me about her and sent it to her. That evening, an unpleasant and pleasant surprise awaited me. Anton found me. Angry and pale, he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the bench. His scream rang in my ears. - What did you tell her?! What did you tell her?! Thoughts swirled around my head. What have I done?! Now he will hate me. And immediately a smile appeared on my face. - Nothing new. only what you yourself said about it. “I desperately wanted to hurt him back.” And I understood that now Marina would be offended by him and he would no longer be able to go to her. He let go of my hand. - Go home. There is no point in walking alone in the evenings. - He suddenly changed. He was no longer angry, but upset. And I gloated and sobbed deep in my soul... In July, our meetings resumed again. He just slept with me, got what he wanted. “Friends should help each other,” he said, “we are friends, aren’t we?” But I loved him. I was ready to lie down in the dirt so that he would come out clean. Sometimes he invited me to go for a walk with him, but every time it turned out that he was bored going to see this or that friend. He said this when we were already approaching that same friend’s house. He looked at me and said approximately how long he would be gone. And I waited. Like a faithful dog. After one such time, I decided to meet with his friend Alexey. - I feel sorry for you. He used to talk about you, now only Marina. But he doesn't say who she is. I only know the name and that there is a 3-year-old child. - Alexey said, sitting down on the bench. — He also told me what sexual adventures you had and in what places. He's a fool. What I found out gave me mixed feelings. But I forgave him again. Already hating herself for this, she stepped over herself again. When I was hospitalized with kidney inflammation, he visited me only once. Passed by. And I ran away from the hospital to see him. In mid-August he told me that he was being drafted into the army in the fall. I couldn’t imagine living without him for a year... However, a person can survive a lot. In September our meetings became more rare. One rainy day he came to my house and asked me to come out. I was sick, took pills for the temperature, dressed warmer and went out to him. He asked how I was doing. He said that he was going for a walk with Olya (his girlfriend). I remember how at that moment I wanted him to hug me. It was doubly bad because he doesn’t love me and shows it, and because I’m sick. I turned away from him when he started talking about his next trip to the gym and that he was going to go for a walk with Olga, I looked at the lantern that I had looked at in the winter, when I first met him. I looked at him every time I was afraid to meet his gaze and feel awkward, blush... I thought why I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. After all, he causes me so much pain. Tears began to gather in my eyes again. I turned to him, he looked at me with eyes full of pity and he hugged me. Not because I wanted to. Because it's a shame. On the eighteenth of October he came to me, on the nineteenth he was supposed to be taken away. He only spent a couple of hours with me. Then he silently got ready and went out into the hallway. He stood and put on his shoes, looked at me and saw that I was crying. - Another one roars. - He said sharply. Oddly enough, these words brought me to my senses. I no longer thought that I wouldn’t see him for a year. I stood there and thought, who is this “another one”? He kissed me goodbye and walked out the door, leaving me with a silent question in his eyes. On the day that Anton was drafted into the army, Marina wrote to me again and said that her boyfriend had also been drafted. AS it turned out, her boyfriend was my neighbor, Anton’s friend. We met, talked, and made peace. In vain. A week later, Anton’s mother called me and told me the address where he works. She said that he asked her about it. The address turned out to be not entirely correct. Meanwhile, Marina found out the address of the unit in which her MCH ended up; it turned out that she and Anton ended up in the same unit. After a week of trying to find out where they were, we succeeded. And now, two weeks later in total, after my love was drafted into the army. I found out his address, collected money and Marina and I went to see them. 4 hours of tiring travel there and only 15 minutes to see them, because the last bus leaves in 15 minutes. We begged the Soldiers at the checkpoint to let us in, we ran to find where they were now. And here they are! They were released to come to us. I ran up to him and hugged him. My heart froze in my chest. At that moment I thought that I was the happiest person on earth. - Why did you come? “His voice brought me back to earth. - What? - I stepped aside. It was empty inside. Hurt. It's a shame. - Why did you come? “He repeated his question, which I did not answer. I watched with tears in my eyes as Marina was hugged by her young man. - Sorry. “I finally squeezed it out and looked at the time. - Marin, it’s time for us to go back. — I silently walked to the gate. I didn’t understand why he asked his mother to give me his address, and then met me like that. A month later he wrote me a letter. Then another and another. He wrote that he loved and missed. He regrets. He asked for forgiveness. I believed and was happy. I hoped that something would work out after all. He asked me to send him my photos. And I sent them to him. And then, in December, I saw photos of him hugging Olga. Kisses. And everything ended. There was another pain that I could not endure in silence. I went again to where I had sat the day he left me. I just couldn’t get to the shore. She fell to her knees and screamed that she had strength. She roared like she had never roared before in her life. Everything inside was torn apart by unbearable pain. I didn’t care what could happen to me here in the middle of the night. Maybe at that moment I even wanted something to happen. His friend and my neighbor, with whom he was in the same unit, wrote to me that Anton was simply bragging about my photos, that he sent letters in which he “loves” not only to me. This was probably the last thing I could bear. I started to cool down. But I wished him a happy birthday. In March, he congratulated me on Women's Day. But our communication came to naught. I stopped answering him. I began to stifle in myself any manifestation of the emotions that he evoked in me. In the summer, he was sent home for a couple of days, but he still didn’t want to meet me. I found out about this when his “vacation” was already over. Later, I found myself in good company, which made me distracted and I was finally able to “bury” my feelings, but I was still afraid that when I saw him, it would all happen again. And then, a year later, he asked me to meet.

- What is pain?

- Mental or physical?

- Which one are you afraid of?

- Soulful. It kills more than just the body.

- And what else?

- Soul and feelings. How did you kill me...

Strange evening. Similar to one of those when I waited with bated breath for his call and

the words “I’m near your house”...

Source: rirl.ru

Disease history

Woman, 67 years old. She lives alone, her two adult sons live in a neighboring city. Communication is maintained mainly by telephone. The relationship is good, but they rarely see each other.

Not working, retired. A year ago I quit my job. In childhood, she developed normally, without any special features. There were no cases of psychopathology in the family. Received a higher musical education. She worked at school as a music teacher.

9 months ago, pain appeared in the lower back, which is constantly present. Such sensations do not extend beyond the lumbar region. They have a whining character. A burning sensation occurs periodically. They get worse, she says, when she gets nervous. The pain is simply unbearable. In such cases, the patient cannot remain in an upright position. It responds poorly to the action of analgesic drugs. Because of the unbearable sensations, the woman had to give up her favorite pastime - gardening.

Objectively: consciousness is clear, there are no productive symptoms in the form of delusions or hallucinations. Depressed mood, asthenic. Shows dissatisfaction with the fact that “he’s been going to doctors for six months now, but no one can make a diagnosis.” I am sure that she suffers from a spinal disease. I'm surprised it hasn't been diagnosed yet.

Instrumental examinations:

MRI, radiography, ECG without pathologies, according to age;
Ultrasound of the genitourinary system is normal;
examination of the digestive system revealed the presence of mild gastritis;
respiratory system: chronic bronchitis;
BP 140/90;
laboratory parameters are normal.

Based on the medical history, objective data, available and additional tests, the woman was diagnosed with somatoform pain disorder.

Symptoms of the disorder

The main sign of this type of pathology is pain that has a clear localization. Over time, it does not change, remaining in one part of the body, but with a thorough, multifaceted examination, morphological changes in a particular organ are not determined.

Even if a patient has a pathological process in the body, it is in no way related to the pain presented.

The pain is intense and debilitating. It is so strong that sometimes patients react to it more strongly than those people who actually have a similar pathology. Such sensations are called idiopathic algia. They appear suddenly and can persist for years.

When the pain becomes persistent, intense, and frightening, the condition is called persistent somatoform pain disorder. If symptoms persist beyond 6 months, it becomes a chronic somatoform pain disorder.

Painful sensations “interfere” in the patient’s life, introducing noticeable discord into it. For him, they are so strong and significant that they sometimes disrupt his usual existence.

Thus, a woman complained to the doctor that constant pain in the heart area had become so intrusive that it prevented her from working. She constantly experiences painful, oppressive, debilitating painful sensations and directs all her attention to them. Because of this, she even lost a very profitable deal.

The peculiarity of painful symptoms in this disorder is:

sudden onset;
increasing intensity;
permanent and pronounced character;
are not eliminated with painkillers or anti-inflammatory drugs.

Pain, as a rule, is tied to one organ and terrorizes it all the time. It is very similar to that of the real disease. Against this background, the patient has a strong belief that he has a pathology of this organ, most likely severe. This phenomenon is characterized by the term organ neurosis. According to the organ in which the pain appears, there are:

cardioneurosis – pain in the heart area;
gastric irritation syndrome;
excited bowel syndrome;
irritable bladder syndrome;
chronic pelvic pain;
fibromyalgia;
pain in the lower back;
tension headache, migraine;
atypical facial pain.

Patients are unbalanced not by the location of the concentration of pain, but by their severity and strength compared to previously suffered pain.

According to statistics, patients most often complain about the cardiovascular system, with the digestive system in second place and the respiratory system in third place.

It has been established that the pathology is more often diagnosed in women. As a rule, it occurs between the ages of 40 and 70, when the pain sensitivity threshold decreases.

How to survive the pain of betrayal?

If you had to face betrayal, you can’t sit and wait for the pain to tear everything apart from the inside. How to survive the betrayal of a boyfriend/girlfriend or the betrayal of loved ones, advice from a psychologist:

Don't pretend that nothing happened. Allow yourself to be a weak person for a little while. No one will see this, but it will make you feel better.
Change your appearance. Get a new haircut, dye your hair any color, get a manicure. For guys, the issue of a new haircut is also relevant. And for girls, the best way is shopping. Even buying one new dress will lift your spirits.
Remove, distribute, throw away anything that reminds you of the person who hurt you. Even some small insignificant things. They can provoke a new outburst of emotions and new pain when you have already cooled down.
Don't be alone. It just seems to you that you want to be alone. If you have already cried all your tears, call your friends and go for a walk, to the cinema, to a cafe. At first, the fun will seem unbearable to you; you will laugh only for show. But then artificial positive emotions will develop into real ones.
Help someone. There are so many people in the world who are much worse off than you right now. Buy a few things for the orphanage, feed homeless animals, help a grandparent you know, if you have one. You will immediately feel your importance, and your soul will become lighter.

You can include all of the above actions in your daily routine for the near future. The richer life is, the less room there will be for pain.

How to survive betrayal at 40?

It is easier to survive betrayal when you are young. But at 40, 50 years old, people think that everything is over for them. This is especially true for love and relationships. The question of how to survive the betrayal of a beloved man or woman comes from a different angle. This is the main misconception. The first thing people need to understand at the age of 40 is that their life is just in full swing. There are often situations where people find love even after 40. There is no need to give up on yourself. If you change your thinking, you will very soon notice how the world around you changes.

After 40, betrayal can also occur. But look at your age from the other side. You already have the wisdom and knowledge to emerge victorious from the situation. You have enough experience not to mess things up in the heat of the moment. You are unlikely to take actions that you will later regret because you already know how it will end.

If we go further, we can say for sure that in many areas your age is a plus. People after 40 and 50 depend much less on other people's opinions. You can do whatever you want: fulfill an old dream, go traveling, remember old hobbies. If you've been wanting to do something for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity.

There is also a special product for women. If you have lost yourself in everyday life, have forgotten what it means to take care of yourself, wear beautiful clothes, do your hair, nothing prevents you from remembering this. Throw away your old gray sweaters and hoodies. Buy a bright dress, new cosmetics. After this, life will definitely sparkle with new colors.

How to regain your confidence?

Betrayal often hits self-esteem. Advice from psychologists on how to regain a sense of confidence:

Take care of yourself. Don't let emotions rule for long. Take care, look after yourself. Review your diet and exercise.
The person who betrayed you can cause even more harm. Try to take safety precautions.
One of the best means of healing is communication and meeting with friends.

Don't blame yourself for what happened. No words or actions are a reason for betrayal. It’s better to listen to the audio trance of the famous specialist in working with fears and phobias, Nikita Valerievich Baturin:

How does the disorder affect the patient’s psyche?

Pain is the main, but not the only symptom of SBS. Its presence cannot but affect the mental and emotional background of the patient.

Prolonged, debilitating pain leads to increased irritability and overexertion. The mood becomes unstable, outbursts of anger occur or apathy develops. The man is exhausted. He cannot concentrate on the desired object, and his memory also suffers.

Common symptoms of SBD include anergy, a lack of vitality, and anhedonia, a loss of the ability to experience pleasure. Against the background of psycho-emotional stress, sleep also suffers, of course. There are problems with falling asleep, a frequent companion of such patients is insomnia. The disorder also affects the sexual sphere: sexual desire decreases. Subsequently, reduced libido can develop into impotence.

Patients may also experience weight loss.

Often such patients are accompanied by phobias associated with neurosis of a particular organ. For example, cardialgia with associated shortness of breath and a feeling of suffocation provoke the formation of fear of death or heart attack.

Pathological sensations in the stomach area lead to the development of cancerophobia. Changes in the intestines cause dysmorphomania such as fear of gas incontinence, and problems with the bladder can lead to fear of urinary incontinence. Such patients always strive to be in places where they can use the toilet, and are very worried if they move away from them.

The feeling of chronic pain leads the patient to mental imbalance, depriving him of the opportunity to function in society as a full-fledged person and enjoy life.

To summarize, we can highlight the following distinctive features of somatoform pain disorder:

the presence of severe, excruciating constant pain;
lack of objective indicators of organ pathology (tests are normal);
complete confidence of the patient in the presence of an organic disease;
exaggeration of disease symptoms;
confusing presentation of medical history;
absence of endogenous mental disorders and organic lesions of the nervous system.

What causes SBR

In support of patients with somatoform pain disorder, I would like to say that they are by no means malingerers. Their illness has a well-founded reason, only it is psychological in nature. First of all, it is chronic stress. It’s just that in each patient it manifests itself in its own form. For some it may be overwork and lack of sleep, for others it may be negative emotions.

Constant stress leads to an imbalance in the functioning of the hypothalamic-pituitary system, which regulates the production of cortisol. Under the influence of a stressor, its synthesis increases, which increases our threshold of sensitivity, and we can adequately withstand the stressor.

Constant stress causes an increase in cortisol production. At one “wonderful” moment, the system is depleted, and its level comes to naught. The pain sensitivity threshold decreases, resulting in a person having a hypertrophied sensation of pain.

It should be noted that people who are incapable of giving proper outlet to their emotions, who are restrained and secretive are especially predisposed to the development of SBD. By accumulating negative experiences, they also contribute to increased stress concentration.

SBD can develop as an unconscious defensive reaction to receive love or avoid punishment. In this case, pain acts as a method of manipulation. For example, a child was raised in a family where he experienced attention deficit due to the illness of his second child. From childhood, he subconsciously learned that if a person is sick, then they pay him a lot of attention, they allow him a lot and forgive him a lot. It is quite possible that in adulthood he may subconsciously use such an attitude, which is expressed in a pain disorder.

This state should not be confused with intentional, conscious manipulations against the background of pretense. This pathology develops against the will of the patient, based on his subconscious attitudes.

In mature people, the disorder often arises due to loneliness, a subjective feeling of uselessness and the fear of remaining useless to anyone. In the example of our medical history, most likely, this is what led to the formation of signs of SBR.

Thus, the cause of somatoform pain disorder is chronic stress or psychological trauma received in childhood. However, patients completely deny the presence of psychological and social causes of pathology.

The most important thing3

There is no need to rush during spanking. The process is thoughtful and leisurely. You need to feel it to understand the beauty of “punishment”.

To begin with, the Saba needs to be warmed up with light spankings and pinching, otherwise there is a risk of leaving “bad” marks on the partner. And bruises and bruises look very ugly.

You need to get used to punches gradually, each time increasing the force of the blow. We must not forget about maintaining arousal. Otherwise, the spanking will become real and will bring nothing but pain.