“My sister wants nothing to do with me.”
Katya's older sister (name changed) does not allow her to enter her room, practically does not speak to her, and calls her unpleasant names. Katya really wants to be friends with her sister, exchange things with her, learn how to do manicure and makeup from her. And.. even walk together.
This behavior of the older sister may be associated with resentment, for example, from early childhood, when Katya may have taken her sister’s things without asking, lost them or damaged them, or maybe Katya “surrendered” her sister to her parents, and she was punished. Remember if you did something similar, and if so, then this is a reason to think about why you are being “ignored” now. Maybe Katya didn’t do any of this, and her sister simply couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she has a younger sister, and that her parents’ attention and love are forever divided between her two daughters.
Conclusion: there can be many reasons, and it does not necessarily have to do with past grievances. Siblings get older and need more freedom and personal space to feel mature and independent. You don’t need to think that they neglect you: just as adults, they don’t know what common interests and activities you might have.
The desire to come to the rescue
Perhaps only your sister will agree to participate in your machinations, such as, for example, running away to a disco. She can make sure that parents do not discover the disappearance, and then open the door or window late at night. However, in any situation, your sister will be able to use this against you, resorting to the art of blackmail.
If the sister is the eldest, then you can learn a lot from her. She can introduce her to her friends, show her new places, teach her little sister something new. But all this also has a downside. By following your sister, you can forever remain in her shadow. It hurts as a teenager when you realize that if it weren't for your sister, you would never have gotten to that party. This is also worrying at a more mature age, when parents do not stop setting their sister as an example.
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There are many cases where sisters stole each other's boyfriends. This is also a kind of paradox. If your sister has a boyfriend, then you will certainly know him. Surely you will be good friends. If a guy has serious plans for a girl, then he will definitely resort to the help of his beloved sister. He needs to know what places his girlfriend likes, what flowers, what pleases her most. And who, if not a sister, is able to answer such questions most fully?
However, sometimes such relationships go much further than ordinary friendship. A guy might find something special in his girlfriend's sister. Such situations rarely end well.
Girlfriends chatterboxes
If you have a sister, especially if she is close in age, then you probably tell her a lot. She also opens up to you. You tell her about your first love, your first failure, but suddenly... she blabbed about it in front of her parents! Nevertheless, you cannot be offended by your sister for a long time, because you need to somehow live with her in the same house or even in a common room.
Sisters can be similar in character to each other, and if they are also twins, then it is generally difficult to distinguish them. The two sisters often hang out together, which is why people may consider them identical. For example, teachers at school constantly compare younger sisters with older ones and demand similar knowledge from them. This is wrong, because each of them has individuality.
If you have a sister, you can always ask her for advice. But she is part of your family, so you will always be in your sister’s line of sight. This is why her advice can sometimes become boring.
A few paradoxes
There are two ways to look at every situation. There are many pros and cons to having a sister. The paradox is that advantages easily and simply turn into disadvantages. For example, you have access to your sister's closet. It’s great, because at any moment you can have a new thing! But similarly, at any moment you yourself can lose something in your wardrobe. After all, your sister can also borrow your clothes, and it’s not a fact that she will return them soon.
Is one better than the other?
Is it possible to hate your sister because she is prettier, smarter and more popular? This is also a controversial issue. Since you have a sister, you have access to her wardrobe and makeup bag, but what if you both need to go to the same party? There is not enough space in the bathroom, there is only one mirror in the room... A quarrel in such a situation is not far off.
As a child and teenager, a girl always dreams of living with her girlfriend. If you have a sister, then such a problem does not exist: there is always someone to talk to before bed, watch TV or play. But I like it until each of the girls needs their own personal space.
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Parents prefer to dress their twins in identical outfits. It's adorable: two little girls in exactly the same dresses. But if girls are going through adolescence - the period when each of them is developing as an individual, then the habit of wearing the same things can be terribly annoying.
"My brother doesn't let me breathe"
Kirill (name changed) is 11 years old, and he has a 16-year-old brother, Sasha, who took his brother from the garden when he was little, prepared food for him - in a word, took care of him. When Kirill went to school, Sasha began to supervise his studies and sometimes help with his homework.
It would seem that everything is fine, what can you complain about? First of all, Kirill is angry and offended that Sasha takes his phone from him and does not give it back until he has done all his homework. Kirill cannot cope with his brother and return his thing, because Sasha is much stronger. The older brother talks to Kirill in an edifying tone, commands and behaves even more strictly than his parents. Kirill is very offended; he cannot understand why his brother behaves this way and recognize his right to control and limit.
Many younger ones feel that it is unfair and dishonest for older siblings to act like adults. But why do they do this? Let's try to figure it out.
Once upon a time, your parents entrusted their eldest child to look after you. Don’t think that he took the initiative; most likely, your older brother or sister was entrusted with responsibility for your behavior and safety by your parents. It is unlikely that he experienced the joy of this important task. It may have happened that he was scolded or punished if you made a mistake or spoiled something. And even if you have matured, no one has removed this responsibility from your brother or sister, and out of old habit they continue to control you, perhaps going too far in places.
Conclusion: don’t get angry and think that older brothers and sisters are doing something to spite you, it’s just their household duties.
Psychologists from the Children's Helpline suggested that Kirill reconsider his relationship with his older brother, and you can follow his example.
How to reconsider your relationship with your older brother or sister?
- First of all , make sure that your older brother or sister does not get hurt by your parents because of you. If it hits, then the elder will resort to any methods, even rude ones, in order to achieve results from you. Believe me, his brother takes away Kirill’s phone not out of malice or a desire to show himself as the boss, but because it is an effective way to force him to do his homework.
- Admit your guilt. If your brother or sister is scolded because you didn’t do something or ruined something, then admit that you are to blame: “I was distracted instead of doing my homework, he tried to persuade me, but I didn’t listen.” Your recognition is very important, because injustice only aggravates hostility.
- Talk to your parents about greater trust and freedom, without complaining to anyone, agree on how specifically you can express yourself and show that you have already grown up. About how to do this - https://telefon-doveria.ru/kak-pokazat-starshim-chto-ty-uzhe-vzrosly-j/. Ask your parents to only hold you accountable for pranks and misdeeds. Let them assign you a probationary period to demonstrate independence, and based on its results, they will introduce new rules for communicating with your older brother/sister.
- Give thanks. Tell your older brother or sister that what they do for you is very valuable and important to you. Remember how they read books to you before bed, rode your bike, defended you at school or in front of your parents.
- Apologize. It will be great if you can muster up the courage and ask for forgiveness for your whims, rude words and disrespect. Think about situations where your brother or sister was punished because of you, and express your regret. “I know you were scolded then because I ran away from you in the store.” Gratitude and admitting your mistakes are the main key to improving relationships: such words will certainly endear you to your elders.
- Get your brother's/sister's opinion. Be sure to ask what your sibling thinks about you growing up and less control, and ask for support and the ability to seek advice: “I hope you will understand and not control me, but I would really like you to help me with lessons sometimes, because you understand mathematics better, without you it will be difficult for me.” By asking for independence and support, you confirm the authority of your elder, which will have a beneficial effect on your future relationships.
