Find the positives
A woman is designed in such a way that, in most cases, family and care for her are a priority. This situation has developed in the course of evolution and even during the heyday of equality does not recede into the background. But while the separation lasts, there is an opportunity to take time for yourself: take a break from washing and cooking, treat yourself to pleasant little things, and take care of your beauty. Free time in itself is a great gift, you need to try to use it to the fullest.
Often, melancholy is aggravated by the lack of usual activities: no need to cook for the whole family, no need to look after the children, etc. In place of daily activities, emptiness appears, and with it comes boredom and sadness. This is not a very good sign, meaning that a person lives mainly for others. A harmonious personality practically never gets bored; she does not feel discomfort alone with herself. This is worth striving for by developing your own interests and hobbies. During the period of separation there are just enough opportunities for this.
Changing activities and meeting friends
Work, mental and physical, has always been and continues to be an excellent cure for melancholy. You can do anything - from large-scale general cleaning of the house to learning some new skills that you didn’t have enough time for before. In the case when most of the day is occupied with hired work, it is worth delving into it completely, and if possible, engage in advanced training. Housewives can be distracted by sports, reading, culinary experiments, walks or trips to some interesting places or excursions.
It will make it easier to be away from loved ones and communicate with friends, preferably in person. Moreover, at such moments, the optimal solution would be to relax with a large group. In one-on-one conversations, it’s quite easy to slip into complaints about loneliness and return to a melancholy state, but in company it’s almost guaranteed to be fun. New impressions, sensations, experiences will make life brighter and help brighten up moments of separation, overshadowing sadness with unusual impressions.
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Partings, like meetings, are inevitable in life. It is normal to experience sadness, pain and disappointment from parting with people near and dear to your heart.
If you succumb to these destructive emotions and thoughts, then over time this condition can cause psychological disorders. It is important to learn how to deal with boredom. No one will give a definite answer on how to stop missing someone.
Is it healthy to be bored?
“I’ve met a lot of people who are capable of driving boredom, but Sandi Mann practices this craft professionally,” wrote BBC journalist David Robson in his article “Green Melancholy... The harms and benefits of boredom.”
We are talking about research by a British psychologist, author of the book “Hacking Psychology,” Sandi Mann from the University of Central Lancashire (UK). She gave all the volunteers who came to her laboratory monotonous work, for example asking them to copy down a long list of telephone numbers. As a rule, the experiment participants coped well with the tasks, but they did it reluctantly, constantly fidgeting in their chairs, yawning and glancing at their watches.
Is there any benefit from this suffering?
Let us note that the participants in the experiment were not bored in vain. Over the course of many years of research and observation, Mann found that boredom can be both a dangerous and harmful state of mind that has a negative impact on human health, and a driver of progress.
Before giving volunteers a task, Mann asked them to take a test that included questions about lateral thinking. After completing the work, volunteers were asked to answer the same questions again. Surprisingly, the participants' performance improved. The psychologist suggests that the routine helped thoughts flow in a voluntary direction, which contributed to the development of associative and creative thinking.
“If there are no external stimuli, we look for internal ones - we start thinking about different things,” Mann explains the results of the experiment. - It develops imagination. We go beyond the usual boundaries and think outside the box,” she concludes.
Research by other scientists only confirms Mann's conclusions.
In particular, professor of psychology from the University of Pennsylvania (USA) Angela Duckworth believes that boredom, like other emotions, emerged as a result of human evolutionary development with a specific purpose. For example, fear and anxiety were necessary for survival, and boredom was necessary for the development of mental thinking. Without it, Duckworth believes, we would repeat the same actions over and over again. And boredom makes us move on, strive for something interesting, learn something new.
What ways will help?
In such situations, psychologists give the following recommendations:
- Any activity can save you from constant longing for a person, the main thing is that it is interesting. If you have a hobby, now is the time to actively engage in it. If you don’t know what to do with your free time, start experimenting and maybe you’ll find something you like.
- If sadness takes you by surprise, try to distract yourself from these thoughts. A good option is to read a book. If you are at work, clean up your workspace and write a to-do list for the near future.
- Some people need to immerse themselves in work and always be on the job. This is an effective way to get over a breakup and not get caught up in negative emotions.
- Another effective piece of advice is to not avoid communicating with other people; on the contrary, try to be around positive people more often.
The cure for boredom
According to scientists, boredom is associated with mind wandering - when people are bored, they become immersed in their thoughts, which makes them feel even more bored. For the same reason, we begin to feel sad when we are alone, alone with our own thoughts. Experts believe that keeping yourself busy is the best way to get rid of boredom.
“By nature, it is important for a person to feel that he has an influence on the world, and that the environment suits him. This is as important as light, fresh air and food,” Eastwood says.
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I suspect that we are always bored because we are lonely and have nothing to fill our lives with. This is what makes the person on whom we project our restlessness important to us: supposedly, if he were nearby, then everything would be different... The real, non-projective importance of a person in our life is definitely not determined by the level of boredom or longing for him.
I travel a lot for work and study. My loved ones stay at home. But I rarely miss them, and precisely when there are pauses in interesting work or study: I am not busy, boredom arises, a nagging feeling of wasted time - and this boredom is experienced as a “beautiful”, “good” longing for those whom no nearby. This is also socially approved, like a sign of seriousness and devotion. But no. Boredom and melancholy are a sign of boredom and loss, restlessness, and nothing more.
You might miss your people—there are a lot of acquaintances, but not many people you want to be close to.
And when I arrive, I observe the reaction of my twins, who do not know how to do it correctly. Mila says to me: “Dad, I didn’t miss you!” And I praise her: it’s not that I’m “not important” to her. This is about the fact that her life is full, there are other beloved close people nearby, and she and her sister, at 5-6 years old, are up to their ears in figure-gymnastics-swimming-piano... I am important to them. There is no time and no reason to be bored. Happy and joyful together.
Masha Martynova, HR Manager
I'm not sure that people only get bored when they're bored. And with a very full life, you can think about a person constantly. Is this a sign that the person is truly important? In my opinion - yes.
I also like Beigbeder’s: “Here’s the simplest test for falling in love: if, after spending four or five hours without your lover, you begin to miss her, then you are not in love - otherwise ten minutes of separation would be enough for your life to become absolutely unbearable "
Mikhail Frolov, marketer
You may miss your people—there are many acquaintances, but not many people you want to be close to. I want to be not in a crowd of people or friends, but next to my person, to be with him all my life, sharing emotions, keeping him close.
To figure out who this is for you, think about who you would take with you on a multi-year trip around the world. It’s even easier for adults to understand this. The main thing is not to regret later that you did not spend your best years and time on a person if he is no longer with you. It will simply be your memory.
Anastasia Bodenchuk, philologist
My opinion is the opposite of the psychologist’s: if I miss a person, it means I miss him. I'm used to trusting my feelings. Is this wrong?
Many representatives of the stronger sex claim that they are not bored at all. Like, real men are males, they don’t know how to get bored and indulge in all sorts of sweet suffering. There are always many bright females around them, and the man has no time to think and get bored about just one. But believe me, this is not so. Even though the stronger sex will not cry at the window and complain to their friends about painfully missing their beloved, but they also know how to be sensual, love and miss.
Therefore, if in response to your innocent question: “Do you miss me?”, the man will frown sternly and answer: “Me? Yes, what are you doing! Rest assured: he misses you, he just doesn’t want to admit it.
Remember this and do not judge your young man harshly.
Frequently asked questions and answers
- How to make a guy miss you?
1) You need to disappear from his life for a while. If you are constantly close to him, then it is natural that he will not miss you. In addition, it is not at all easy to voluntarily leave a loved one. But this is the only way you will give him time and space to understand, as well as the opportunity to realize how much he needs you in your absence. 2) You can be very busy for a while or just pretend to be, even if in fact you are not. The next time, talking with your partner, when he asks a question about what you are doing, you don’t need to give a definite answer, you can just laugh it off. This way you will show that you are a cheerful and easy-going person, but at the same time you will make the person agonize over the question of what you are actually doing in your absence. 3) If you do not live together, then you can make a man miss you by forgetting some of your things in his house. When he comes across her in his apartment, he, of course, will immediately remember you. The main thing is that you do not urgently need the forgotten item. 4) The most effective way is to become the life of the party, so that he always feels at ease and comfortable next to you. If you spend time with your partner, then you should not quarrel over trifles. And then, in any case, during separation, he will miss you and wait for your return.
How to make a guy miss you from a distance?
Constantly tell him how dear he is to you, how much you miss him, how much you look forward to meeting him. This will not be perceived as pressure, it is an expression of your feelings. And, believe me, he will miss you from the first second, as soon as he stops seeing you.
How to stop missing your loved one
There is a category of people who have a hard time being separated from their loved one for a couple of days and are frightened by the very thought of being separated for a long period of time. How to stop missing your loved one if the separation is very short?
Psychologists advise to distract yourself from your own thoughts and do anything: mental work, physical activity, useful things or, conversely, meaningless ones. The main thing is that the activity captivates you, and does not add sad thoughts and melancholy. Some girls like to add fuel to the fire and start watching sentimental melodramas. We do not recommend this practice!
Remember yourself! Look at parting with your loved one from the other side: time has freed up that you can devote to yourself. Think about your goals, think about your true desires and make a plan for further action.
Remember that besides your partner, there are other people in life who also need your attention. Call your family and friends, think about friends or acquaintances you haven’t seen for a long time and arrange a meeting.
If you receive a letter full of homesickness, do not rush to hasty conclusions
If the letter you received was sent by mail, and in the days that it was sent, there were no emergency calls from the camp, think that perhaps things are much better now. Before making hasty decisions, check the facts and understand the child's experiences without trying to judge or convince him. The support that you will provide him now will allow him to cope not only with the experiences associated with the camp, but also in his future independent life.
How to deal with longing for a person who left
When parting with near and dear people, a natural manifestation of the human psyche is melancholy and mental pain. In this case, try to deal with the difficulties arising in your soul. What are some ways to ease the longing for a person who has left?
If a relative, loved one or loved one has left and there are hundreds of kilometers between you, remember that communication does not end there. After all, you can write an SMS or call on Skype, and talking with a loved one will become much easier. Modern means of communication make it possible to maintain even visual contact, which greatly facilitates separation.
Don’t get used to talking on the phone every day and texting about little things, otherwise you will be dependent on each other. Psychologists also recommend leaving your comfort zone and finding a like-minded person around you with whom you can talk, share something and ask for advice.
Look to the future with hope and plan to visit each other. Try to write your thoughts on paper every time your hand reaches for the phone, write an SMS or call. This way, you can analyze how much you need such frequent communication. You definitely need to occupy your free time with something useful. Open your heart to new acquaintances and people.
Unfortunately, many of our feelings are not reciprocated. It may seem that you have a best friend in life, but after a while, it turns out that he doesn’t consider you that way. His life continues without you, but you feel offended and upset. disappointment and longing for this person. How can I stop yearning for a person who has managed without me for a long time?
Psychologists advise, first of all, to allow yourself to react emotionally to the situation and not keep negative emotions to yourself. Each person experiences difficulties differently, so give free rein to your emotions and do exactly what you feel. Give yourself time to reconsider your thoughts and come to terms with them. After the emotions subside, promise yourself to return to your normal lifestyle.
Secondly, try talking about your feelings with a loved one. We are sure that such a conversation will help you understand yourself. Thirdly, try to write down emotions and feelings, keep a diary that will help you sort out negative feelings. Every time thoughts about this person appear, try to re-read your letters.
And of course, don’t forget that life is dynamic. Your circle of friends and acquaintances changes over the years and, perhaps not at all by chance, this person simply went beyond your social circle. Give a little time and the emptiness will be filled with new people, emotions and impressions.
Doubts and worries are normal
Any normal parent worries, and perhaps doubts, their decision to send their child to camp. Understanding your child's feelings and wanting to help is part of what makes you a loving and caring parent. However, allowing a child to overcome difficulties on his own and giving him the opportunity to be independent is also part of good parenting. Trust your intuition, perhaps what he is experiencing now will make him stronger. After all, you didn't abandon him, it's just a camp.
