How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You

How to understand that your lover is jealous: signs

The appearance of a lover in a woman’s life can be completely accidental (Cupid, shooting arrows, does not look at his marital status), deliberate (a woman strives to get on the side what her husband cannot, does not want to give - bright emotions, a feeling of female attractiveness, being in demand, material wealth, enchanting sex).

At first glance, it is obvious that the third participant in the relationship is aware in advance about the marital status of the beloved and should not allow her to make claims against the legal partner. In real life, the opposite often happens.

You can determine that the signs are manifestations of possessiveness, and not caused by a bad mood, by looking at the type of temperament of your dear friend:

1. The sanguine person is uncomfortable with conversations concerning the “competitor”; emotions are expressed with restraint, but the tension and dissatisfaction are palpable. The man will suggest changing the subject, diverting the conversation, and will give a vague answer to direct questions about the reason for the behavior (unpleasant, I don’t want to talk). Sanguine people, when meeting with their mistress, tend to avoid the topic of their own family and never discuss their spouse, children, or household chores.
2. Phlegmatic people rarely go “to the left”; the type is characterized by the formation of stable connections, values ​​​​calmness, regularity, and the warmth of the hearth. A tendency towards laziness and slight lethargy make the fact of having a mistress surprising. A lover of the phlegmatic type avoids scenes of jealousy, reacts calmly to stories about a rival, but an overflowing cup of patience will provoke a break; you should not assign a patient man the role of a sincere girlfriend.
3. The choleric person expresses feelings clearly, violently, wants to be unique, unique. She will stop talking about her husband, try to find out her friend’s feelings for her husband, the best consolation is criticism of her husband, phrases about the long-term cessation of intimacy at home, compliments to her lover in superlatives.
4. Melancholic people are the prototype of Eeyore, who is always depressed, knows how to find flaws in the best, is sure that he deserves the blessings of fate, but is deprived of fortune. Able to openly express jealousy, thickly flavored with sadness. Your husband is lucky, I will never have such a wife - typical phrases of a melancholic person. The questions are conducted softly, insinuatingly; behind the delicacy there is a desire to control the situation.

Types of jealousy and reasons for their occurrence

Minor or short-term jealousy has never destroyed a single relationship. In small doses, this feeling can even strengthen the bond between partners. Remind them to appreciate what they have.

In small doses, jealousy strengthens relationships.

But this does not apply to the pathological condition in which a married lover is jealous of all men with or without reason. In this situation, he risks losing his beloved. It is unbearable to endure daily scandals and reproaches, and it is easier for a mistress to abandon such a relationship.

A married man is jealous for several reasons:

1. Possessiveness . When he considers a woman his own and does not want to share her with other partners. He understands perfectly well that he himself is married, but he can find excuses for himself. For example, saying that their feelings have long faded away, that they live only for the sake of their children, and the like. But the fact remains that he allows himself to be unfaithful, but does not accept even a hint of betrayal from his mistress.
2. Fear of losing . A married man is aware of the vulnerability of his position. At any moment, the passion can find someone else, and he will not be able to do anything about it. He has nothing to offer her in return when a single competitor appears on the horizon. The realization that other men like his mistress scares him. In this regard, a feeling of jealousy arises.
3. Projection . He can be jealous of other men even without reason because he himself committed treason. By projecting his attitude towards betrayal onto his mistress, he stops trusting her. After all, lying to his wife and loved ones is in the order of things, which means his chosen one can play a double game.
4. Doubt about your partner. If a married lover is jealous of his passion, then perhaps she herself gave a reason for this. Open conversations about other men, mentions of fans and other similar situations can cause outbursts of jealousy in a man. He understands that this may be just the tip of the iceberg, and doubts about honesty arise naturally.

There is a common belief that if someone is jealous, it means they love them. But in practice it turns out to be far from the truth. Although there is still some truth in it. After all, why would a man be jealous of his mistress if he has absolutely no feelings for her? Her connections and life in general should be indifferent to him in this case. But more often the cause of jealousy is a feeling of vulnerability, hypocrisy or lack of self-confidence.

Common causes of jealousy: vulnerability, hypocrisy, lack of self-confidence.

Having dealt with the main reasons, we can safely say that jealousy can be different. Let's try to classify this difficult feeling depending on the type of man himself.

1. Owner . These men are distinguished by selfishness and narcissism. He is not used to being on the sidelines. Requires a special attitude towards oneself, both from the wife and from the mistress. The woman should belong to him completely without any reservations.
2. Disadvantaged personality . Internal complexes do not allow him to relax. He is constantly under tension because he is not confident in himself. After all, there are so many handsome men and temptations around that his mistress can succumb to. Complexes can be associated with his appearance, wealth and many other factors.
3. Distrustful type . It is difficult to trust and believe people if you yourself committed treason. A logical assumption arises: if I do this, then my mistress may become interested in another man. Proving your “innocence” in this case is practically useless.

Why is a lover jealous of her husband?

Men tend to view women as their trophy, their property, to protect their “territory” from the encroachments of strangers. Such instincts are inherent in nature; the male is interested in the continuation of his family, and is ready to spend resources on “his” female and children. Times have changed long ago, but the owner’s program remains and continues to work. If specific character traits are superimposed on her, then the lover is able to finish off his girlfriend with manifestations of jealousy.

The components of a caustic feeling are uncertainty, inferiority, fear, selfishness, awareness of the possibility of a “left” connection, a feeling of inferiority, and fear of competition. A man is afraid of losing, of being worse, of being deceived. The situation is aggravated by the piquancy of the union with a married woman; the lover understands that the girlfriend is “hanging noodles” with her spouse, and hears telephone excuses.

Trying the situation on himself, he understands that he could easily find himself in a similar position. A free girl who has an affair with a married man also has to deal with the jealousy of a man who understands the precariousness of the situation and admits that in her free time from dating, her partner is able to meet with other men and accept signs of attention.

Jealousy is not evidence of love, as is commonly believed; rather, it is a sign of unhealthy self-esteem, the desire to break into first position by any means. A survey of men who have mistresses showed that they are rarely jealous of their legal husband, but rather experience some sympathy from the position of a superior.

Explaining their feelings by saying that they are the winners of an unspoken battle, and not “cuckolds,” they sincerely believe that they “skim the cream” in bed, encouraging their girlfriend to perform incredible intimate experiments, giving enchanting pleasure. The mistresses themselves rated their husbands’ “bed” skills higher in most cases.

If you are married

First, you can read how to understand that your lover is jealous. It describes the signs of your man’s jealousy, based on his psychotype. Maybe you are wrong in your guess that he is tossing around in passions? Or do you simply not understand his psychological portrait and temperament, so you cannot cope with him?

Let's once again go over all the options for the male psychotype, find your mistakes and try to eliminate them.

Jealous Choleric

Well, with this guy everything is clear - leadership is in the blood to such an extent that it requires reinforcement from the beloved in various ways:

1. With words of praise from his beloved woman about his unsurpassed achievements in life, in sex and in everything that would please his male ego.
2. Comparison with other men, and, of course, so that these comparisons are only in his favor.
3. Moral humiliation of other men: they are all nonentities who are unworthy of female attention.

Inside, the choleric person has an eternal battle with himself. The legal husband of a mistress is a bitter enemy and rival who has driven his wife to such an extent that she, poor thing, is forced to seek affection and protection on the side. It’s good that she found such a superman, otherwise she would have completely disappeared.

This is exactly what a choleric man expects from a woman - words of admiration and tears of gratitude for his temporary patronage. It is she, the unfortunate one, who must hang her head and leave the romantic date back to her hateful husband. A lover of this psychotype will torment his passion with jealousy if he finds out that he is only playing a supporting role.

If you try to convince your Othello of his impeccable leadership, the nervousness will subside. Just keep in mind that if you answer a phone call from your husband and say: “Yes, dear!”, then you will have to prove your excellent attitude towards your lover from the very beginning.

The most dangerous thing is to introduce a choleric person to your spouse (supposedly by accident, a work colleague, etc.). Let the lover think that the husband is a worthless wimp. Why dispel his illusions? But this is only if you value this man. Remember - the left connection with Othello is very dangerous. Sometimes it is better to break such a connection in time.

Jealous Sanguine

In principle, this is a problem-free guy, unless the woman herself creates a problem for him. A minimum of reminders about her marital status, and the man himself will not dwell on his jealousy.

However, women love to create unpleasant situations. For example, with the same acquaintance with your husband - supposedly this is how you can get closer and meet without much fear. She passes off her lover as either a colleague or a childhood friend, inviting him to a party. Even if the husband has no idea about anything, revolutions take place in the soul of a sanguine person:

1. He begins to feel where the woman is being disingenuous, lying to him about her husband, about her free time, and the like. A lot of things don’t add up, which means there is no trust in such a girl.
2. He, like any man, begins to involuntarily compare her husband with himself personally. Somewhere he sympathizes with him, somewhere he envies him, but on the whole new chaotic feelings are born.
3. He may eventually become friends with his spouse, but such a friendly temperament will not allow him to continue the relationship with his passion.

Thus, the woman will dig a hole for herself. A sanguine person will not be jealous if the situation for aggravating feelings is not created. It is enough for him to know that his mistress adores him, and if he himself is married, then his brain works well to understand the attitude towards such connections, and that it is stupid to be jealous.

Both take it easy when dating. They should take place on neutral territory with neutral topics of conversation - about you, your loved ones.

The best cure for jealousy in a sanguine person is quality sex. Read about this in the article How to behave in bed with your lover.

Jealous Phlegmatic

How did you even manage to see jealousy in him? A phlegmatic person will not make a scene - he leaves without explanation. His feelings can be described with a catchphrase:

Don’t awaken the beast in him, otherwise he will wake up and run away.

This is how he experiences his inner jealousy:

1. Although without obvious signs of “suffocation,” phlegmatic people are still very sensitive natures. They also feel a pang in their hearts if their mistress flirts with other men or brags about her husband.
2. He listens to other people’s opinions if people around him say that his mistress is a simple shady girl from whom unpleasant consequences can be expected.
3. He is offended by the woman’s coldness - inattention to his personality, unrealistic promises and sudden disappearances. He will then choose to disappear from her life.

The indifference of a phlegmatic person is the first sign that he is tired of coping with his jealousy. If he is dear to you, then the situation can be saved by intimate solitude, tender declarations of love and frankness that you deliberately arranged scenes of flirting with other men for him in order to stir up his feelings. But you won't do that again.

In general, be happy if you have a phlegmatic lover. It is absolutely safe for your family life and will disappear forever if you get tired of it. No problems!

Jealous melancholic

This is the most dangerous relationship. At first glance, such a man seems to be a crying Pierrot, but in fact he can be held back by the devil himself. Attacks of jealousy appear out of nowhere: did the husband call during a date, or was there just some hint about him?

But these attacks are expressed not in aggression, but in snot and tears. If you are able to constantly wipe your lover’s nose and calm him down during depression, then the flag is in your hands. Melancholic people like this state when he is capricious and is lulled to sleep.

The best advice is to separate from the big baby. If you drag out an affair with him without leaving the family, then there will be more requests and whims. He will begin to set conditions, threatening to do something bad to himself and will still do it, although not completely: he will be found in an unconscious state with cut veins, but they will definitely save him.

You may also be interested in: How to write a breakup letter to your lover

What to do and how to react

A jealous man is a huge headache for a woman, regardless of his status. You have to constantly make excuses, endure accusations, and convince others. People who are prone to possessiveness need to understand themselves, increase their self-esteem, achieve real success; sometimes in severe cases, consulting a psychologist will help.

Is it worth continuing the relationship?

The most dangerous jealous people are choleric people and melancholic people. The former, in a moment of anger, are capable of doing stupid things, the latter can turn into natural maniacs, besieging the victim, spending the night under windows, bombarding them with tearful messages demanding 1001 “last” clarifying conversations. If you want to break ties with these representatives, it is preferable to make the lover himself come to the conclusion that the alliance has been exhausted.

A married woman who has decided to have an extramarital relationship should take a close look at the candidate at the initial stage; an observant, intelligent lady is able to quickly draw conclusions about the man and determine how “dry” she will be able to get out of the love adventure.

You shouldn’t leave compromising evidence for a guy to play against a girl, especially since most modern instant messengers have functions for deleting messages after reading, making it impossible to save or copy photos. Just in case, it is useful not to show your lover a photo of your husband, to block social network profiles; men are not inferior to women in curiosity and insidiousness. You should protect yourself in advance; no one knows how the romance may end.

Married lovers are less likely to be jealous of their married friends; they rightly believe that the balance of power does not allow them to exercise their rights; if the young lady gets divorced, this will create a slippery situation that threatens well-being, since men clearly separate flies and cutlets. The wife is a constant, the keeper of home comfort, a lifelong friend, and the mother of children. A mistress is a source of pleasure, inspiration, a holiday. Therefore, “married people” are interested in maintaining secrets, respect confidentiality and do not “blow out their minds” with jealousy.

Light manifestations of possessiveness enliven meetings, add a touch of piquancy, and flatter women’s pride. The growth of jealousy becomes a source of discomfort, stress, and fears that the blinded Othello will tell his husband unnecessary information and could harm the physical health and reputation of his mistress. In such cases, you should think about how to get out of the relationship with minimal losses and do it without fail.