Every woman dreams of her marriage being like an eternal honeymoon. But, unfortunately, this does not happen, and families have their own moments of crisis and turning points. Very often, everyday routine and lack of passion destroy relationships. This is probably why every woman often thinks about how to maintain a relationship with her husband. As practice shows, this is possible. There are couples who maintain harmonious relationships even after decades of marriage. We will look at how exactly this can be achieved in this article.
Why most relationships fail
No matter what they say, women are much wiser, in some cases more cunning, than men. Often, male infidelities, conflicts in the family, and scandals also happen due to the fault of unwise and short-sighted wives. Of course, it is generally impossible to live without conflicts, but learning to smooth them out and resolve them is the basis of how to establish peace in the home. But most women make the same mistakes from generation to generation:
- They believe in fairy tales. Being in a howling romantic illusory world, women dream of princes on white horses, ideal sacrificial love and death in one day. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult to see reality, which leads to bewilderment and disappointment.
- They are afraid of loneliness. Many women are so afraid of being alone that in an attempt to create an ideal relationship, they make mistakes. They constantly try to please their husband, tolerate his vices, literally blow away specks of dust from him, and elevate him to a pedestal. As a result, the woman becomes uninteresting as a person.
- They don't have their own position. A woman with low self-esteem will never be interesting to a man. He will be next to her, and punish her for this through criticism and humiliation.
- They shift responsibility onto the husband. Undoubtedly, the man is the head of the family. A breadwinner, but he cannot be responsible for everything at once. And he cannot be responsible for the relationship just because he is older, more experienced or stronger. Letting someone drag you down or be responsible for your happiness is wrong. Instead, you need to follow the principle: “I am responsible for my life and my destiny.” You are a hero, not a victim.
- They give themselves completely to the family. Of course, family is the most important thing in life and it takes up most of a person’s time. But you shouldn’t forget about yourself, your desires and hobbies. Remember that you do not have to stand at the stove or washing machine day and night. The house can be cleaned by a visiting housekeeper, lunch can be ordered at a restaurant, or better yet, go to a beauty salon and get a new hairstyle or manicure. The husband will be happy to see a beautiful, well-groomed woman with a twinkle in her eyes, and not an always tired, hysterical housewife.
Turn on emotional self-control mode
There is nothing worse than an offended woman who spills her poison out, unable to control the strength of her emotions. She dumps everything on her husband’s head, not allowing him to catch his breath or defend himself, and then wonders why the man leaves. If you want to save your relationship, don’t rush to thoughtlessly discard negativity, it’s better to take a break and calm down. Work through grievances in advance, find the true cause of the conflict, and then come to discuss disagreements. Men find it difficult to cope with a large number of emotions; their psyche is weaker.
How to save a marriage
You need to look at things realistically and understand that the wild love and passion that was at the beginning of the relationship cannot be preserved. Every relationship has its own stages that need to be passed through with dignity. Feelings become not so bright, but warmer and more reverent, sex is not so hot, but more tender and intimate. Mutual respect and value of marriage appears between both partners. But all this is possible only if the partners can competently resolve all conflicts that arise. And for the most part it all depends on the woman. To achieve family harmony, a woman needs to develop basic principles for herself and her family, and try not to violate them.
You need to appreciate your spouse and remind him of this more often
After a woman gets married, all her tenderness and femininity often turns into sheer dissatisfaction and irritation. Research shows that nearly half of men who cheat on their wives say the act was motivated by emotional dissatisfaction rather than sexual problems. When men don't feel valued by their wives, they easily succumb to the charms of any attractive woman who is able to understand and support. Someone famous compared relationships to a shark that is constantly moving. If there is no movement in a relationship, it will die. And there is some truth in this.
No one owes nothing to nobody
According to men, very often they live in marriage, being in a constant sense of guilt and debt. “I cleaned out the kids' closets, so you need to clean out the basement,” “I quit my job when we got married, so now you have to do it for me,” “I started sex for the last time, so now it's your turn.” This is exactly how relationships are built in some families. But this behavior is childish and will do nothing but destroy the trust and connection you have built with your spouse. You need to do things because you want to, and not because you owe someone something. The same is the case with my husband.
Appearance care as the basis for a husband’s sexual interest
After many years of marriage, and even when the house is full of worries and children, it is very easy to neglect yourself. Think back to when you first met your partner. Would you walk around in stained pants and unbrushed teeth? Probably not. Of course, you don't need to look like you're going to a party or filming a TV show. But you need to make it a rule to always maintain the beauty of your skin, nails, and hair. Walk around the house in clean clothes and let them not be robes, but light home suits or dresses.
Words can kill
There are many things you should never say to your spouse, the first of which is: "Don't you think our new neighbor is attractive?" It is also not recommended to start a sentence with: “You know, this is your problem...” Who wants to hear that from their partner?
“You always...” or “You never...” - if you speak to your spouse in this tone, sooner or later he will begin to protest.
Silence as a solution to problems
Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to simply walk away from it, to let it go. If a scandal begins between you, and you feel that today it will not be resolved, it is better to shut up. Give both yourself and your husband time to cool down and reflect. Perhaps tomorrow the problem will not seem so global to you.
Realism and sobriety
As already mentioned, relationships are movements. If they stop, they will die. But movement is not always carried out only along a positive path. Relationships can have both happy and tragic moments. There may be quarrels and scandals, conflicts. But this is life, this is reality. Understand that there is no perfect relationship. It doesn’t happen like in fairy tales or romantic melodramas. You are not perfect, just as your husband is not ideal. Your relationship is something you build yourself. So stop demanding that your husband become perfect from your point of view. Work on your relationships too.
Kindness and positive attitude
Most often we offend people close to us. Perhaps this happens because we know that they love us and will forgive us everything. For example, you had a bad day at the office, and when you returned home, you took out your dissatisfaction and fatigue on your husband. But it’s not his fault that something went wrong at work. It is much better to start a new day by asking yourself: “What can I do today to make my partner happy?”
For a marriage to be happy, you need to be able to please each other sometimes. This sometimes means sitting around endlessly watching what you think is a stupid football game, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling to old war sites when you'd really rather be relaxing on the beach in Hawaii. But today you support your husband, and tomorrow he will answer you in the same way.
Sexuality is a woman's main weapon
Maintain intimacy and passion both inside and outside the bedroom. Sexuality is not just sex, and passion is not just sudden sex on the kitchen table. A woman’s sexuality is her appearance, her manner of speaking, random touches and hugs, and light flirting. After 20 years of marriage, your husband will no longer want you every minute, and you won’t have butterflies in your stomach just from looking at him. But you should still have something close and warm, known only to the two of you.
Of course, maintaining peace in the home and harmony in relationships is the task of both partners. It is impossible to save a family when one person is hitting the wall and the other is living his own life.
Video on the topic
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https://youtu.be/rMl0ZDmTH10
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React to signs of attention
Another mistake that costs you dearly is the inability to correctly accept gifts from a man. Finally, understand that not only flowers and diamonds are worthy of your admiration. If he selflessly looked after you during your illness, thank him and don’t take him for granted. Hold the doors to the store, chase away the angry dog, run in the middle of the night for Belgian waffles? These are small deeds in your honor. Try to note such nuances, or even better, reciprocate, showing the same signs of attention. Mutual gratitude in a relationship is extremely valuable.
Share his interests with him
A strong family begins where husband and wife profess the same values and support common interests. How long have you been interested in how your man lives? Does he love locking himself in his room and making flying machines? So join him to help out with a little hobby. Brought a box of worms and are going to go fishing? Buy pizza, rubber boots and volunteer to be a helper. At first it will seem ridiculous and funny, but very soon he will appreciate your enthusiasm and look at everything in a new way. As a bonus, you will be able to spend more time together and there will be new topics for chatting.
Give up the habit of complaining
Sometimes it’s so nice to come to your beloved friend with a bottle of wine to wash your spouse’s bones. And in a fit of anger, I want to call my mother and cry into her warm chest. But be careful! Looking for support on the side and throwing mud at half, remember, you will make peace, and a bad opinion of your husband will spread throughout the world like a plague, returning like a boomerang at the most inopportune moment. Give up the habit of pouring a bucket of dirt on the head of everyone you meet; after all, you yourself chose this person and now you are putting the soul of your family on public display. Happiness does not like prying eyes...
Learn to trust and rely
A man subconsciously feels everything well. If you showed distrust of him out of nowhere, did not want to believe in his strengths and capabilities - what can you catch in such a relationship? It's like living with an enemy who constantly keeps you at gunpoint and checks you for lice, when you simply cannot relax. Learn to show patience and respect to your spouse, since you once chose him for a reason. Do not pester your husband with petty control or interrogations, do not prohibit or track him down. A man is inspired by a woman who believes in him; she wants to fit in with her.
