37 Family Traditions That Teach Responsibility, Kindness and Empathy

Family values are ethical norms that reflect people’s ideas about family and regulate relationships between members of a social unit. This is a set of concepts and rules that determine the procedure for creating a favorable psychological climate within the family and ensure the preservation of its integrity. Values include achieving the status of spouse and parent.

How are family structure and family values changing?

How is the family model formed in our head, the model that we will then use in our lives? We:

Looking at the parents' family
We look at others (later)
We watch movies, read books, perceive cultural images

What problems arise in this regard?

Parents' family

As a child, we cannot know what is good and what is bad. We perceive as correct the model of life that adults show us. And it’s good if they show us something acceptable. What if it’s constant quarrels, loneliness or alcoholism? An appropriate family model will emerge. Family scenarios also arise.

Example of others

The second source of ideas about a normal family is the example of others. You can also be lucky or unlucky with him. But there is one difficulty with it. When we look at people from the outside, we cannot know for sure what is really behind their behavior. People can act affectionate, but in reality hate each other. Or, on the contrary, for some reason, hide their good relationship, acting coldly towards each other in the presence of strangers (for example, because of upbringing). Therefore, learning relationships by looking at people from the outside is almost impossible. That is, it is useless to make other people’s families a model for yourself.

Examples from culture

The most accessible source of information remains – culture. But it is not intended to be taken as an example from her images. Usually it has a completely different function. Either entertaining, or advertising, or generally distracting. It is not meant to instill or reinforce important family values.

Therefore, the images of the family there are either idealized or problematic. Either the plot of the film ends at the wedding, after which in reality the family only begins to be built, or problems are shown (otherwise it would be uninteresting for us to watch, the plot is built on the problem). The situation is similar with books.

And we often lack emotions, and in order to get them, we watch or read works that have more of them. And since negative emotions are stronger, it is easier to synchronize with them and fill the lack.

And so we become “saturated” with problematic stories. And at the same time we get the idea that relationships are a headache, eternal difficulties, negativity, endless tedious work.

As a result, after looking at all this, many people ask themselves: why are these relationships needed at all? It's easier to be alone - less problems. And if earlier making such a decision meant going against society, now for many the family has ceased to be considered something obligatory. And loneliness, divorce, etc. are much easier.

And even if we enter into a relationship, we are still afraid of honesty, openness and intimacy with each other. But it is on this foundation that a happy family life is built and deep relationships arise.

What else prevents you from treating your family correctly?

We are afraid of responsibility; the attitude of consumption has become fashionable.
Very often we create trial relationships, like a “rough draft”.
Our culture places infatuation above love.
It seems to us that relationships are for joy, so that we get something from them.

Traditional performances

Family values in the traditional sense are the framework that supports the life and integrity of the family. In the traditional view, family is a value guideline that every person strives for. Modern trends reflect the individual’s desire for autonomy, maximum manifestation of individuality, which contradicts the principles of the primacy of the family.

Family in the traditional sense is a phenomenon that is a source of security and spiritual closeness, which, in the context of maintaining family values, presupposes the presence of a foundation for the socialization of the next generation. The family is considered as a microenvironment for social adaptation and protection of the individual. The success of a marriage is associated with great responsibility, which members of a social unit voluntarily take upon themselves.

Supportive, prosperous, comfortable intra-family relationships serve as a support for the growth and personality formation of children. Receiving psychological support from parents in a normal family, a feeling of stability and security helps children cope with life's difficulties.

Responsibility or irresponsibility?

Most people want less responsibility and more pleasure. The modern concept of relationships comes from the fact that we need something from a person and we ask the question - can I get something from a person. Rarely does anyone think about giving something to someone else. This is natural from the point of view of our animal part, but it harms relationships. Deep relationships arise where there is less egoism and more willingness to give.

You can read more about this in the article “On male responsibility.”

What is the role of the family for a child?

Family is the place where the baby said the word “mother” and took his first steps. Parents try to give their baby the best, care, affection, love, instill spiritual and moral principles, and teach them to explore the world. The baby will be able to appreciate its role in his life only as an adult. But parents must tell and demonstrate the importance of family so that the child knows that he can always turn to them for help and support. Understanding that he has a strong family gives confidence and strength.

Trial relationship

Sometimes it seems to us that we can try to live with a person, and if something goes wrong, we can separate. This seems logical, but in fact there is a trap. If there are difficulties in such a relationship, the first thought is to leave rather than solve the problem. It's always easier. But only by going through difficulties, relationships become deeper and love becomes stronger.

I discuss this in more detail in the article “About real relationships and choosing a partner”

Hard work

The very word “hard work”, that is, love of work, already carries within itself the correct attitude that every person must form in himself and maintain in relation to the work in which he is engaged. Diligence implies that work is not only a tool for satisfying a person’s material needs, but also a deep inner need of a person, embedded in his very nature and leading him to spiritual development. Work, whatever it may be - managerial or productive - ennobles a person, develops his talents and abilities, and raises him to qualitatively new levels not only materially, but also spiritually. His power is great and life-giving.

In this regard, labor differs from work. As noted by the outstanding Russian scientist D.I. Mendeleev,

“not all work is labor... Labor is determined by the usefulness of what is done not only for oneself, but also for others... Work can be given, work can be forced, labor has been and will be free, because by its nature it is conscious, volitional, spiritual, complex and necessary..."

Therefore, love for work and understanding of its high significance are very important for a person to live a healthy, decent life. The same is true on a larger scale - a society in which work is valued lives prosperously and is in constant development, material and spiritual.

In the old days, which were not distinguished by special comfort and consumer abundance, the need for labor was more obvious than now. Our ancestors spent most of their lives in work, which is why such an impressive number of sayings and proverbs on this topic were compiled that have survived to our times. This group of Russian proverbs and sayings is one of the most notable. Expressions such as:

Skill (patience) and labor will grind everything down
Under a lying stone and water does not flow
If you like to ride, you also like to carry sleds
Finished the job - go for a walk safely
You can't catch a fish from a pond without difficulty
Time for business, time for fun
The eyes are afraid, but the hands do
A small deed is better than a big idleness
The master's work is afraid

Today, the attitude towards work and hard work from the point of view of accepted mass philosophy has noticeably changed for the worse. Previously, the need to work responsibly could not have been more obvious:

If you don’t heat it, you won’t get warm
He who is not lazy to plow will produce bread
What you sow is what you reap, so you will be full
and so on,

then current reality also offers various kinds of parasitic types of existence. The harmful tendency is strengthened by the parallel widespread circulation of the idea of idleness through modern mass culture. The well-known popular series about schoolchildren, students and doctors are happy to amuse the viewer with love twists and turns, funny situations, conflicts of heroes, anything, but not the image of a working person, although in an amicable way, he should be in the foreground: schoolboy, student, doctor - This is, first of all, a hard worker. In modern folk philosophy, hard work as one of the highest life values has obviously faded and is not cultivated not only with its former fundamentality and scope, but in any way at all. Today, work is not promoted by the media and culture as an important part of human life, unfairly left behind the scenes as some kind of unpleasant moment on the path to success that must be come to terms with.

However, the truth still remained as it was: work and recognition of its value in the form of hard work are prerequisites for the successful development of material and spiritual life and the happiness of an individual, an individual family and the entire society as a whole.

Infatuation or love?

It often seems that love arises when we meet, and then goes somewhere. But the riot of hormones that occurs at the beginning of a relationship is nothing more than falling in love. From the point of view of nature, our vivid feelings and desire for intimacy are not accidental: they ensure the birth of offspring (nature did not provide contraception). Love begins much later - after people get used to it, learn to see each other, and not idealized images, get used to and accept each other.

Read more about this in the article “Forms of communication and stages of relationships between a man and a woman”

The greatest feat of married life is to save the family against all odds. It is most important.

Even folk wisdom says: “If you endure it, you will fall in love.” That is, before learning to love, we must learn to endure each other’s weaknesses and thus fulfill the law of Christ. You need to learn to endure, to humble yourself, you need to learn to keep peace. This is what constitutes the basis of family life. If this is not the case, then, of course, it can be difficult to save the family.

The famous elder of the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), in his entire many-year life of spiritual care for his children, as I was told in the monastery, never gave anyone a blessing for divorce. He told his children that the family should not fall apart through their fault under any circumstances. That is, you need to protect your family until the last. You need to humble yourself, endure, forgive.

Are relationships for joy?

Between the position that relationships are hard work and the position that relationships are only for joy, you can find a middle ground. I'll say this. Relationships require hard work. But they can become a source of such great joy and inspiration that nothing else in life can give you.

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Honesty

For many people, the concept of honesty boils down to the need to always tell the truth. Meanwhile, V.I. Dal gave a broader definition: “Honesty is directness, truthfulness, steadfastness in one’s conscience and duty, denial of deception and theft, reliability in fulfilling promises.” An honest person is one who does not cheat his soul, and whose actions do not have selfish motives.

In a family in which parents are accustomed to being honest with their children, harmony and understanding reign. After all, if there are no lies, then there are no serious reasons for conflicts or disagreements.

At the same time, honesty towards others begins with honesty in dialogue with oneself. Learning to be honest with yourself is the basis for spiritual development. And, of course, only an honest person who lives in harmony with his conscience can be truly happy.