Don't look at the future as an abstraction
At the beginning of life’s journey, the future seems distant and unrealistic to us, so the desire to find love is rather a tribute to the tradition “everyone does it.” At 30, you begin to value relationships and gravitate toward stability and long-term relationships. But there is also a minus: at 20 you are not afraid of loneliness, but at 30 it is a frightening prospect that can plunge you into the dark abyss of depression.
At 30, you look at the qualities of your partner. Financial stability, family values, and mutual interests become more important than six packs and dust in the eyes.
What do men want at 20, 30, 40 years old?
Have you probably noticed that whenever you pass by a group of men, they (regardless of age) never miss an opportunity to talk to you or attract your attention in other ways? Have you ever wondered why men always remain children? I wonder if they ever mature enough to appreciate the woman inside us, and not just admire the external manifestations of our beauty? After all, appearance is only one side of the coin, and we want men to idolize us not because God created us with such seductive body parts... We conducted a survey among men of different ages, asking them the same question: what attracts them to a woman? Their answers were very enlightening.
20: The more the merrier.
“I like beautiful women with great figures,” says Andrey, a 23-year-old broker. He explains: “The first thing I think about when I see a woman is whether she is suitable for me as a sexual partner. Usually this thought occurs to me 70 percent of the time. At this stage of my life, I’m not thinking about any serious and long-term relationships.” This is probably because most guys in their twenties have only one burning desire - to make a career, and the more women, the merrier. At the age of twenty, men perceive a woman as a beautiful addition that they can proudly show to their boss and everyone around them: “Look how cool I am if such a beauty has fallen in love with me!”
However, like the light at the end of this serene tunnel of youth, there is one hope: as a man grows older, he begins to learn from his own experiences. “When you get burned several times while communicating with long-legged beauties, you finally understand that appearance in a woman is far from the most important thing,” says Yuri, a 27-year-old business consultant, “and although I am primarily attracted to pretty girls, but now I look deeper: how sensitive and responsive she is (I also have feelings)!
30: Stability and sanity.
Denis, an actor by profession, recalls: “When I was seven, I needed a girl who knew how to make beautiful sand castles, at 17 she had to look just cool, at 27 she had to dream of becoming my wife. And now, when I’m 30, I need a reasonable woman for whom constancy is not an empty phrase. At this age, if a pretty face makes me turn around, then the gray matter located in the head maintains further interest.” When a man enters his thirties, his attitude towards women changes significantly. After the end of the initial (experimental) phase of communication with women, when he often meets, courtes and makes dates, he begins to look for a woman who would be able to fulfill the social roles of mother and wife. In other words, its taste becomes more refined. He knows that he cannot spend his whole life in bed. A thirty-year-old man decides to settle down and lead a sedentary life. Pavel, a programmer, at 32 years old, is no longer looking for a girl to date, but is deciding on a serious relationship: “I need a woman who could become a good mother for my children, and not a girl who only cares about her figure , is afraid to eat an extra piece and because of this, he keeps the whole family hungry.”
40: Soul kinship.
At this age, men still don't mind playing in relationships, but they want something more substantial.
They want to be cherished and pleased. If you are willing to do this kind of work, you will not have any difficulty finding someone willing to marry you among forty-year-old men. Most unmarried men at this age burn out at work, earn decent money and howl like a wolf from loneliness because they have no one to share their successes with. Are you in doubt? Listen to what Sergei, a 40-year-old entrepreneur, says: “Now that I can say that I have reached a wiser age, I am more interested in a woman’s character than her appearance. How caring and gentle is she? What does she prefer: giving or receiving? These are the questions I ask myself when a new acquaintance appears in my life.” The afro-disiac for Sergei, as for many other forty-year-old men, is good psychological compatibility. If the relationship between a man of this age and a woman does not have a sufficient level of comfort, we can say that it is simply doomed to failure. Boris, a 42-year-old advertising executive, says: “It would be much easier to find the right woman if I was only interested in looks. But if I don’t feel a kinship of souls with her, I immediately lose interest. I want to be with someone who will laugh at my jokes, take care of me if I get sick, and let me take care of her. Now this mission seems simply impossible to me.” July 7, 2010 3:34:45 pm
The influence of age on relationships
In many of my articles on breaking up relationships, I did not touch upon the topic of the age of the guy and the girl and the influence of this factor on the relationship.
Today I intend to correct this oversight and talk about the impact that age has on the formation and development of relationships between a man and a woman, and this role is key, albeit under certain conditions. To be honest, for me the issue of age is self-evident, apparently, that’s why among all the articles I forgot to talk about this important factor influencing the development (and most importantly) the breakdown of relationships. Along with dozens of reasons why a guy leaves a girl (we have already considered most), the ratio of partners’ ages is in the top five of the list, however, it should be noted that this usually happens only at a certain age stage.
I think you often come across common expressions, like: “Age in a couple does not matter”, “What difference does it make how old someone is?” You’ve probably heard this more than once, and maybe you’ve said it yourself, without even thinking about how fair and unfair these statements are.
Without knowledge about the process of a person growing up, it will be difficult to understand how the age of a man and a woman affects the development of relationships, so I will start with a short overview. Some comparisons and explanations will not be entirely scientific and somewhat simplified, but this is done intentionally so that what is told becomes clear to as many readers as possible.
Throughout life, the human body undergoes continuous physical and chemical processes that influence the development of the psyche. We all know how very different the behavior and driving principles of a 5-year-old child are from the behavior of a person who has lived 60 years.
However, such changes are noticeable over a shorter distance - especially during critical periods, for example, in adolescence. The difference between a child before the onset of active puberty and the same child (already a girl or boy) at the end of this period is striking, although the period itself is extremely short and is measured in only a few years.
Every human body, regardless of gender, lives its physical life according to the same scenario: birth - growing up - aging - death. At approximately 24-26 years of age, the process of maturation of the organism ends, after which aging immediately follows, when chemical reactions of decay begin to prevail over chemical reactions of formation.
Despite the fact that the general development of a person does not depend on gender and the chemical processes occurring in the bodies of women and men are very similar, there are significant differences in the reaction of the psyche to these processes. Due to this, the female and male psyches develop differently.
Both boys and girls physically mature at about the same rate. On average, of course, boys are 1.5-2 years behind girls in physical development.
What does “the boys are behind” mean? Not everyone understands what kind of “lag” we are talking about. It's not about mental abilities, but only about physical development and nothing more.
It is popularly believed that a girl becomes a “woman” and a guy a “man” after the first full sexual intercourse, but in reality this is not so. Any girl physically capable of conceiving a child is already a woman. Any boy physically capable of impregnating a woman can be considered a man. It is in these abilities that boys lag behind girls in development, on average by one and a half years. The gradations - “girl”, “girl”, “woman” and - “boy”, “young man”, “man”, were invented only for domestic use.
However, the biological purpose of women and men is different. Because of what there is a difference in mental development. This difference was laid down by nature in ancient times, tens of thousands of years ago, but we see its manifestations even now.
A woman's biological purpose is to be a mother.
Along with a woman acquiring the ability to give birth to a child, the formation of such qualities as psychological readiness to become a mother, and then the ability to bear, feed, raise a child and provide him with conditions for growth and survival for at least one and a half years becomes very important for the continuation of the species. decades from the moment of birth.
Thus, after the first menstrual cycle, Mother Nature rapidly prepares the female body for motherhood, almost completely completing the transformation of a girl into a mentally adult person by about 19 years of age . At the same time, the development of all physical components necessary for successful motherhood ends - the final formation of the pelvic bones and mammary glands.
A man's biological destiny is to be a father.
As soon as a man becomes fertile, nothing happens. More precisely, it happens, but it follows the general scenario of the development of the human body. Despite the ability to become a father, a man’s mental development is in no hurry to be completed, and there is an explanation for this.
The father, in addition to the ability to fertilize, is required to have the ability and ability to protect and feed his family. First, provide food and protection for the woman while she is bearing his child, and then - protection and food for the entire family, since a woman with a small child, from the point of view of nature, is defenseless in the face of any external threat.
It is quite natural that from the point of view of nature, a man who is not fully physically developed ( up to 24-26 years old ) is not able to fully provide his family with everything necessary; he cannot yet protect his wife and child from more mature and strong males, and also not in able to fully hunt and obtain food. At the dawn of humanity, young men who had not reached full adulthood would still live under the protection of the tribe, frolicking, playing, testing their strength, helping adults on the hunt and bullying their fellow tribesmen. In this way, they would hone their masculine qualities before going out on a free search in order to win women for themselves to start their own families.
Now we can go directly to the main issue of the article. Many of you apparently understood what I was getting at.
To begin with, let me remind you of the phrase that was heard in the second paragraph: The ratio of the partners’ ages is in the top five of the list of the main reasons for breaking up relationships, however, it should be noted that this usually happens only at a certain age stage. Do you understand what age stage we are talking about? – That’s right, this is a period of 19 years – 25 years (plus/minus 1 year on both sides). And, basically, this concerns the age of a MAN.
As already mentioned, by the age of 19 a woman is mentally formed as an adult in terms of relationships with a man and starting a family. She is ready to become a mother, and therefore a wife. But the woman is not only ready, but she has a need for it.
If we lived in a wild world, then by this time a woman would be married to an adult man, capable of performing all the functions of a father of a family in protecting and obtaining food. This would be an adult, 24 years of age or older, and most likely from a different tribe.
But we live in a civilized society, so women between the ages of 19 and 24-26 are forced to be in the circle of their peers - men of the same (or approximately the same) age as them. However, from the point of view of nature, at this age men are not ready to start a family.
When starting to build a relationship with a peer, a woman is faced with the fact that she cannot understand the needs of her boyfriend. Subconsciously, she wants undivided attention, love and for the guy to belong only to her.
In fact, this desire is not a drawback, but only an external manifestation of the instinct of readiness to give birth to offspring and the need to feel protected and confident that the future father will not go anywhere and will not abandon her while she raises his children.
Girls, you may not even think about it and consider some of your actions to be the result of your own character traits. Although in fact, your behavior is the personification of the implementation of a program for the survival of the species.
Let's not even look at the statistics, but take a look at the comments to the articles on this site. Have you noticed something that is common to almost all breakup stories? - This is an age gap! The girl is from 19 to 25 years old, and the guy’s age is in the same range. The woman is already mentally mature and ready to start a family, but the guy is not ready yet. He has not yet reached the threshold of adulthood, so he wants to frolic and gain strength - friends, parties, picnics, hobbies, work, etc. A woman on this list cannot possibly be in first place due to the guy’s psychological immaturity.
If the girl does not understand this, then the couple’s goals diverge and the woman, beginning to be indignant and protest against the behavior of the man (actually still a boy), ultimately breaks that thin thread of affection that holds the guy near her. At this age he is especially intolerant of restrictions. He is not psychologically ready for the obligations associated with family life and it is not his fault, this is how nature intended.
You've probably heard that the optimal age difference between a man and a woman to start a family is considered to be a difference of 5-6 years. That is, a man should be 5-6 years older than a woman. Now you already know why this is considered so.
But a correction needs to be made here. When they talk about a 5 or 6 year difference, the starting point is the age at which a woman reaches psychological “adulthood”—18-19 years. However, in fact, it would be more correct to say that a man can be considered ready to start a family upon reaching the age of 24-26 years. And what’s interesting is that after crossing this line, a woman’s age practically no longer matters. She may be the same age as the man, or younger or older, but this is a matter of aesthetics, not biology.
In fairness, it is worth noting that the age of 24 or 26 years for a man should not be considered some kind of turning point, after which everything changes dramatically. In fact, this is only the beginning of the maturation stage, which lasts until approximately 28-30 years of age. It’s just that by 24-26 a man reaches the first stage of mental readiness to start a family.
Unfortunately, dear women, our struggle for equality has created problems. Single-sex schools (for women and men) have gone into oblivion; the age limit, when girls were admitted to school several years earlier than boys, is no longer applied. That is, all the additional measures that society instinctively used to separate young people of the same age of different sexes away from each other, giving them the opportunity to build normal relationships in the future, have disappeared.
After reading this article, you can already take a slightly different look at how your personal relationships developed and return with a fresh look to the article “When and why guys leave”, understanding another important reason for the breakdown of relationships - age.
But is there tragedy and hopelessness in this? - Of course not! Forewarned is forearmed!
We cannot demand understanding from men who have not yet become men in the full sense of the word. Even if everything is explained to them, they still will not be able to understand why they behave this way and not otherwise and why we behave this way. It’s like trying to persuade a teenager who came home late: “I’ll see how worried you will be when you have children!” While there are no children, there is no mental “model of parental behavior” and all such conversations are useless. The teenager understands the meaning of each word, but cannot empathize (sympathize) with what he is not psychologically prepared for. It simply does not have the corresponding “receptors” in the body.
The same is the case with men who have not reached mature “male” age. At this age they are not able to understand the motives that drive a woman. They have not yet developed the “understanding” for this.
This is another reason why, after a breakup, you need to avoid contact and take time. Just let your “little prince” grow up and mature. But it’s best to be more delicate with him, and don’t lead things to major quarrels. After all, now you already know what the matter is. Is not it?
Naturally, there are exceptions. Living conditions can influence and accelerate a man's maturation. But that’s why they are exceptions, to prove the rules.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My answers in the comments are the opinion of a private individual and not the recommendation of a specialist. I’m trying to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I don’t physically have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also don’t have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.
In this regard, I kindly ask you to ask specific questions about the topic of the article, do not try to use the comments for correspondence or chat, and do not expect me to provide advice in the comments.
Of course, you can ignore my request (which many people do), but then be prepared for me to ignore yours. This is not a matter of principle, but solely of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.
If you want to receive qualified help, please seek advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.
With respect and hope for understanding, Frederica
Source: The influence of age on relationships In many of my articles on breaking up relationships, I did not touch upon the topic of the age of the guy and the girl and the influence of this factor on the relationship. Today I intend to correct this oversight and talk about https://ksusha-club.ru/vliyanie-vozrasta-na-otnosheniya-ili-kogda-i-pochemu-parni-uxodyat-2.html
You will find out who Zhenya Rudnev is and who Timur Batrutdinov chose in the last season of “The Bachelor”
If you didn't pick up your wife at a gathering of cosplayers or avant-garde poets, most likely she's watching TV. The fragile twenty-year-old female brain is well aware of the reports from the television front: the news comes in such a dense stream that some of it will definitely reach you. So it turns out that Camila is a whore, Liberge is a fool, and Mark is not a man.
Don’t despair: firstly, as your loved one ages, her interest in TV will fade away, and the better you try, the faster this will happen. Secondly, the rule also works in the opposite direction, so within a couple of months your wife will learn about the role of the turians in First Contact and will be able to distinguish the Redanians from the Nilfgaardians in a couple of seconds. Weak, but a consolation.
