Option 1.
Is it worth changing for love? This question often arises at moments when the conversation turns to a magical feeling, sung by poets and writers, about its mysteries, secrets, mysteries. It excites those who are just discovering the world of love, and those whose hearts have already known its sweetness and torment. Many word artists also thought about this difficult question and gave answers in their works, which we will turn to.
The poet Robert Rozhdestvensky, whose name is known to many true connoisseurs of literature, in his short poem “Should I give you love?” gives his answer to the question that concerns us. In his opinion, true love is a bright, huge, strong feeling, a union between a man and a woman, in which each partner is free. Love is not slavery, so you should always remain yourself, and not change to please your lover. The poem is constructed in the form of a dialogue between a girl and a boy. Which of them begins the probing conversation remains a mystery to the reader. By asking, one of the participants in the dialogue tests the strength of the other’s feelings. The reader learns that the subject is ready to be there in sorrow and in joy, to empathize. But the tests become more insidious: “I’ll tell you: kill!” But a person in love is ready for this too. He is ready to cut a hundred knots, betray his friends, forgive deception, and thus becomes a shadow, a man without his feelings and desires, without a face, as if in fact he is not a person, but a slave. Only slaves who have lost their own identity, who have changed at the request of another person, are not loved by anyone, so the one who experienced it exclaims: “This will not happen!” – refusing to give love to a slave.
Maxim Gorky comes to the same conclusions in his romantic story “Old Woman Izergil.” The heroine of the work talks about her youth, about “how many kisses she took and gave.” She spent a wonderful time of her life in entertainment, often falling in love herself and people falling in love with her. She was proud, careless, ardent, so she won many hearts. They confessed their love to her, they died for her, they gave her gifts, they wooed her. Izergil lists all his loved ones. First, a fisherman won her heart, then a Hutsul, she stayed in a Turk’s harem until she ran away from him with his sixteen-year-old son. When the young man died, she fell in love with a Pole, then met with a Magyar. Young Izergil abandoned many of them herself and broke off relations with them without regret. She remained proud, sometimes inaccessible, rebellious, thereby attracting young people. They wanted to achieve her, to conquer her. And only Arcadek, one of her lovers, she treated differently. He was young, handsome, proud and spoiled by women. For a long time he sought Izergil’s love, he even knelt in front of her, begging for love. But as soon as she gave up, he immediately abandoned her and laughed at her in front of others. The heroine admits how hard it was for her because she fell in love with Arcadek. And when she found out that he was in captivity, she decided to save him: she humiliated herself in front of the sentry, crawled like a snake in front of him, asked him, begged him, and then killed him and freed her lover. She forgot about her pride and dreamed only of being with her beloved. Having fallen in love with Arcadek, Izergil changed, and this leads to the separation of two lovers, because submissive, obedient people rarely arouse the fire of love in the heart of men.
Thus, many writers and poets warn us that changing in love is a dangerous idea. By dissolving completely into another person, we lose our face, become not who we really are, and such changes push those we love away from us.
Plus to minus
Any change in a person can be positive or negative - it depends on what consequences it entails. The influence of a profession on a person’s personal life undoubtedly has its own “bonuses”.
Article on the topic
Excellent student syndrome: how not to burn out emotionally at work A person who has developed the necessary qualities for work grows with them and can find use for them outside of work. For example, the determination and responsibility acquired over the years of leadership will help in raising children, and the ability to effectively distribute responsibilities will help in organizing everyday life. Many work qualities turn out to be extremely useful in everyday life, for example, the fact that you worked for a huge number of years as a consultant in a store will help you control yourself in any family conflict!
But, like every medal, this one has a downside: the specifics of work often suppress the true essence of a person and adversely affect his behavior and relationships with loved ones. In my practice, there was a case when a woman came to me for training and complained about the lack of affection and tenderness on the part of her military husband, who, even in the most intimate moments, maintained restraint and a certain officer subordination.
The wife constantly felt unhappy and dissatisfied. This state of affairs in the family could well have led to discord if she had not acted like a real wise woman - with the help of feminine charm and special techniques she was able to convey her desires to her beloved and achieve greater tenderness from her partner.
The opposite effect also occurs when a person, forced to bend and show gentleness at work, compensates for his wounded pride in his environment, becoming a domestic tyrant.
There is another danger, but it is already lurking for the employer: a person who adapts to the requirements of the position and suppresses his true self can behave in an unexpected way under stress.
For example, a responsible and discreet employee will decide to go to Madagascar to observe rare species of insects or fly to Las Vegas with all the company’s savings.
Option 2.
Love is the most powerful feeling. It fills our lives with meaning, illuminates our path, and warms our hearts. It makes many poets and writers write odes in their honor, and the hearts of ordinary people tremble with happiness. I want to breathe with my loved one, please him, anticipate his desires, change for his sake. However, many works of fiction advise to remain a sincere, real person in love, not to play someone else’s role, and not to change according to someone else’s wishes.
An amazing novel by M.Yu. Lermontov’s “Hero of Our Time” is the story of the “suffering egoist” Grigory Aleksandrovich Pechorin. He is a young nobleman who grew up in society and was spoiled by its influence, as well as the excessive attention of secular beauties. He was tired of their love, so the beautiful, but proud and inaccessible, with a sense of her own dignity, Bela immediately won his hearts. She exuded kindness, sincerity and spiritual purity. She was not like those beauties that Pechorin was used to seeing in secular salons. The hero made every effort to achieve her: with the help of Azamat, Bela’s brother, to whom Pechorin promised the horse that the boy so wanted, he stole Bela. At first the girl avoided the hero, but then she fell in love with him with all her soul and became obedient and pliable. She tried to please her lover, predict his desires, became submissive, so Pechorin, after four months getting bored with her, says: “The love of a savage is little better than the love of a noble young lady.” Having changed, Bela ceased to be interesting to Pechorin, extinguished his feelings, and if she had not died at the hands of Kazbich, she would have experienced a huge tragedy, seeing her lover grow cold towards her.
A person who, for the sake of his beloved, steps over himself, his nature, often brings himself to tragedy, he has to endure hardships and hardships. This happened with the heroine of the story by A.I. Kuprin "Olesya". The main character of the work is the savage Olesya. The girl and her grandmother were considered witches and sorceresses in the village, so they lived in the forest, behind the Irinovsky Way, where the city gentleman Ivan Timofeevich once met them. Olesya was a strong and brave girl, she loved nature, animals and birds, but was uneducated. Panych is a city dweller. He is smart and educated, born and raised in decent society, and was an aspiring writer. The young people began to meet more often and fell in love with each other. Ivan Timofeevich felt that Olesya was dear to him; the young gentleman fell in love with her with her sincerity, sensitivity, and moral purity. Olesya couldn’t imagine life without her beloved. For his sake, she even crossed the threshold of the church, although she admitted to Ivan Timofeevich that she would not dare to appear in the church, because “from birth” her “soul was sold to him, that is, to the devil.” The women beat her, and she and her grandmother had to leave their home and run away. For the sake of her loved one, Olesya was able to step over her principles, but this, unfortunately, did not bring her happiness.
Thus, by changing to please a loved one, we not only lose love, but also our true face. We have to suffer and suffer. Therefore, in order to be a loved, desired person, you do not need to step over yourself, break yourself. We just need to remain ourselves, as we really are.
Do you need to change for the sake of a man?
The question “Is it worth changing for a man?” requires reflection. First of all, understand what this man means to you? Can you say that you love this person? If you clearly understand that this is love, then you will inevitably have to change.
We can say that love is given in order to change us. Love can make something rough softer. Lazy - more active. The greedy one is generous, the angry one is lenient. Love is a unique life school. Not a single feeling requires big changes from a person.
If we reason in this way, then any person, not just a woman, must change for the sake of a loved one: restrain themselves, their habits, even change their circle of friends. Carefully analyze what caused the quarrel or what caused your man’s dissatisfaction?
If the reason is some kind of shortcoming of yours, and you have known about it for a long time, use this chance to change. If your loved one is not happy with the fact that you are constantly “on the phone,” then really, try to devote less time to this.
If you are very hot-tempered and jealous, try to behave more restrained, increase your self-esteem, so as not to upset your loved one with constant hysterics. Such changes will benefit, first of all, yourself.
If your man demands that you look different, speak only when he allows it, demands that you end your relationship with one of your friends... If he is trying to mold you into a housewife, and you love movement, activity, or your favorite job is related to movement. What to do in such cases?
Try talking to him. Explain that such forced changes will not make you happier. And this certainly will not benefit your relationship. Ask him if he himself is ready to give up his favorite job and familiar environment for the sake of you? Why does he demand this from you?
Perhaps you should end the relationship for a while if your friend does not understand that his desire to change you is ruining the relationship. Show character and do not give in if your lover’s demands seem unreasonably harsh to you.
Always be guided by the situation, do not allow a man to manipulate you. If a man demands changes, before you blindly give up everything and change, analyze this desire of his. What are his motives? Does he really want to help you or is he just acting out of selfish desires?
Never give in to selfish provocations. In this case, it is better to break off the relationship, but maintain self-respect.
