Potential victims
The easiest way to manage is someone who is a good person in society. Honest, kind, sympathetic people who are easy to put pressure on are at risk.
Characteristics of people who most often choose manipulators:
- Individuals who know how to empathize with the grief of others, and who also know how to share their joy with others. Having sensed these qualities in the victim, the manipulator is able to take control over him. He may ask for money or do some work for him, may set him up against specific people, etc.
- Conscientious and bashful people. You can ask them for anything. An example of this could be the phrase: “I have done so much for you, but you refuse to help me!”
- Helpful suckers. Such people often fawn over their superiors, trying to curry favor or please them. The boss can demand whatever he wants from such a subordinate.
- Indecisive and non-conflict people who avoid quarrels and showdowns. If the manipulator intimidates such a person by publicly disclosing something or sorting things out in public, he will definitely give up.
- People dependent on the opinions of others. For them, the statements of others are so important that they are almost a life guide. The manipulator will definitely take advantage of this.
- Victims. People who are accustomed to constant bullying, insults or humiliation will easily give in to a manipulator. He can either immediately achieve submission or promise his support and protection in exchange for something.
Even with minimal manifestations of some kind of manipulation, you must always be ready to fight back.
An attempt to shame
Sometimes a manipulator will use insults or sarcasm to distract you or make you feel insecure, anxious, or powerless.
It could be subtle sarcasm or insults that really make you feel bad. For example: “Oh yes, it’s my fault that the car is dented. We both know that you are a perfect driver and never make mistakes” or “You know, you are really an idiot for deciding to lend me your car.”
Characteristics of the manipulator
People who know how to dominate others can act in different ways. How to understand that you are being manipulated:
- The person shows interest in a person’s life and events in his family. Tries to find out about all the secrets and dreams, hobbies and personal life. Or he copies gestures and habits, agrees with his views on life. Becomes close. Would you really refuse something to your soul mate?
- Constantly enlists the support of other people, refers to their opinion on this or that matter. “I thought that Peter’s opinion was important to you, but it turns out that it is not.”
- Promises benefits: “If you stop being friends with Olya, then I will definitely help you with your coursework.”
- He blackmails by saying that he will stop communicating with the person or treating him well if he does not do as he asks.
- In response to fulfilling someone’s request, he expects the same in relation to him: “I will help you sell the car, but you will also help me with something.”
- Trying to evoke pity. He can tell how indifferent and inhuman everyone is and cannot accept his genius. May feign resentment or his own worthlessness in order to get help. In this case, it seems to the individual that he is doing a good deed, but he is being used.
- He communicates with an ultimatum: “If you do this, I will complain to the authorities, or I will not lend you the money.” The manipulator tries to make it clear that he is doing this for the benefit of his victim.
- Talks about health problems. He doesn’t ask for anything, but he always emphasizes that he can’t do something himself. Who will refuse a weak and infirm person?
These are just the basic ways to manage unnoticed. If there is any suspicion of exploitation, it is necessary to check such a person according to the points listed above. If something coincides, you need to take a closer look at the techniques he uses.
Lie
The manipulator often completely changes the course of events, the entire story, or does not try to tell at least something truthful. It's hard to notice, but usually the facts don't add up and you may sense that something is wrong. For example: “I left the store, got into my car and started to drive away, but another car, which seemed to be far away, suddenly crashed into me.”
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Control levers
You can control people consciously and unconsciously. In the first case, the manipulator deliberately performs certain actions towards a person, fully understanding the goal he wants to achieve. Conscious people management is often used in business or business relationships.
An unconscious type of manipulation is usually found in interpersonal communication. This is the case when the manipulator does not really understand why he is manipulating and what result he can get from it.
There are two auxiliary tools: communication and behavior. In the first case, oratorical abilities are used, with the help of which you can convince not only a specific person, but also crowds of people. This type of influence is most often used by politicians.
The second type is behavioral. It involves influencing human consciousness through some actions, deeds or situations.
Trying to shift the blame onto someone else
Sometimes the manipulator will turn the facts upside down to make it seem like you are the person who acted inappropriately, not him. Usually the manipulator tries to make you an aggressor when you reprimand him for bad behavior. For example: “You lose your temper so easily! I didn’t tell you about the accident because I knew you’d start screaming again.”
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Spheres for manipulation
You can find yourself on the same path as the manipulator anywhere. But it is worth considering that he will choose a method to influence the victim taking into account the goals that he sets for himself. They want to sell a person some product. Or maybe the goal will be to convince him to vote for someone else in the elections. Or even simpler: for the victim to do some work.
In what areas are manipulators most often found:
- Trade. In this area, we often buy into well-thought-out strategies and tricks. It could be: “Today only 50% discount” or “Gift for purchase over 5,000 rubles.” To avoid becoming a victim of such promotions, you need to be aware of why you came to the store. And don’t agree to make any purchase right away. Typically, this is how sellers get rid of expired goods.
- Advertising. Here the main strategy comes down to leading a person to the idea that he needs the advertised product, even if he has heard about it recently or has not heard of it at all. This is not to say that everything that is advertised is bad. But before you agree to buy something, you need to study the product you are interested in from other sources of information and ask for reviews about it.
- Politics and media. Manipulation in the media is most often based on the feeling of fear inherent in humans. This could be fear of terrorism, a collapse in exchange rates, rising prices, etc. Creating a problem and distracting the audience’s attention from something really important is also part of the media. Politicians act differently on their victims. Their main goal is to make a person part of the crowd. The crowd cannot think logically, acting situationally and emotionally. Politicians often portray to people the image of an invisible enemy that threatens their values and must be defeated. Minimum specifics, maximum promises. There can only be one piece of advice here - to be a thinking person.
- Astrology and fortune telling. Everything is simple here: any prediction is formulated in a general way and can suit everyone without exception. Therefore, those who belong to the category of highly suggestible people should avoid collisions with representatives of this sphere in general. If an individual is told that he will get sick, he may actually get sick. If contact with a fortune teller or psychic is inevitable, you need to ask as many questions as possible aimed at clarifying the details.
- Social networks, public pages and groups on the Internet. The World Wide Web is the same as the media. Therefore, believing everything written is reckless, without knowing the reliability of the source. Users of social networks openly post information about themselves and their family, supporting it with photographs. If attackers take advantage of this, such frankness can become disastrous for someone. Many dishonest people take advantage of us by asking us to help treat a sick person or to repost this news among friends. But the call to the phone number indicated in the ad cost a considerable amount, and the money transferred for treatment was received by scammers. Advice: always be attentive and communicate only with people you actually know.
- Business and work. Manipulation in this area is usually associated with discrediting competitors. And here everything comes into play: blackmail, accusations, sarcasm, etc. If a person is being manipulated at work, you need to try not to disrupt the daily routine and perform your job duties well. When the manipulator has nothing to cling to, it will become almost impossible for him to control the victim.
- Personal relationships. Manipulations in this area have already been discussed in the section “How to recognize a manipulator.”
Abstraction
The manipulator avoids the need to respond directly in conversation; he tries to redirect your thoughts in another direction in order to completely change the topic of the conversation. For example: “You yourself could have dented your car. By the way, have you seen the trailer for the new film?
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Getting rid of other people's influence
Once you become dependent on someone, you need to immediately look for a way out. A manipulator is not a criminal who is perceived with horror, but still you shouldn’t succumb to his influence either. If there is no desire to become a weak-willed and weak person, then here are some recommendations on how to behave:
- Having identified the manipulator, you need to inform him that you do not want to be under his influence and therefore want to end further relationships.
- Criticism towards him helps to effectively fight the puppet master.
- An emotional blackmailer may be discouraged from manipulating by public exposure of his actions.
- If you feel pressure, you can call this person for a frank conversation and find out the goals and motives that guide him. This can help find a compromise way out of the current situation.
- If you still can’t get rid of the pressure delicately, you should try using the same methods. You can openly resist or respond to manipulation with manipulation.
An experienced manipulator will always be able to find a victim who can be controlled. By recognizing and understanding his motives, such a person can be confronted. The main thing here is not to lose your temper and not give free rein to your emotions, because this is what he needs.
Rationalization
The manipulator makes excuses or tries to rationalize inappropriate actions; in order to change your negative perception, you must prevent this. By trying to avoid responsibility, the manipulator creates the impression that the inappropriate action is actually acceptable or even positive, which can get you into trouble. For example: “I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to return the car to you in time, so I had to speed up.”
