What to do if the guy is shy? A very shy guy.

How to understand his inner world

Have you ever had to wash a crystal vase with the thinnest walls? Very painstaking and dangerous work. One careless movement and the vase will be shattered. It is almost impossible to clean it from the inside. And it’s scary to touch the cut - you can damage it. But the vase is terribly expensive.

It’s the same with the soul of a modest silent person. You can’t get inside, don’t touch its weak points, and if you handle it carelessly, you can break it in an instant. She is very thin, despite the external bearish unsociability of her owner.

All indecisive silent people are introverts. It is difficult for such a guy to contact people, he is closed and prefers to live in his own small world. He leaves all his doubts and worries to himself, well, as a last resort, he will tell his closest friend or person he trusts about them.

What such a person cannot stand:

noisy parties with killer pandemonium;
working in a large team with hassle;
getting into his personal space and soul.

No, he doesn’t look like the lone Neanderthal from the cave. He just likes to spend holidays in a narrow circle of close people. And to work, he needs maximum concentration. He also has a clear boundary between strangers and his own people, and he does not like it when it is violated.

Most often, such people are divided into two psychotypes:

Phlegmatic: very balanced, patient and taciturn. No, he is not a mean-spirited beech, he just rather likes to listen to his counterpart and in his mind draw conclusions about him and the situation as a whole. In general, phlegmatic people are pleasant and friendly people - you can trust them, and they know how to keep secrets.
Melancholic: it is more difficult to communicate with him. His vulnerable soul painfully tolerates any criticism addressed to him from a stranger. He, unlike a phlegmatic person, practically does not understand jokes. Even because of a harmless joke, a melancholic person will go looking for a dark corner to cry there alone.

In general, this is the most basic thing you need to know about shy people. And now we will think about how, when communicating with such a person, we will not accidentally break his soul vase. Especially if you liked him or you feel that he is in love with you.

You may be interested in: Why does a man ignore the woman he likes?

Do guys like modest and silent girls?

Men don’t like quarrels, hysterics, “brain blowing.” Modest girls give the impression of being incapable of shaking the balls of their loved one’s nerves. Such ladies are usually laconic and know how to listen carefully. Shyness creates the impression of helplessness, which prompts the stronger sex to turn on the mode of protector, guardian, hero.

Silence creates an aura of mystery, prompting the guy to “investigate” the mysterious young lady. Such girls do not pretend to take the leading role in a couple; they are calm, reasonable, and flexible. They are often naive, innocent, and have little experience of communicating with the opposite sex or having sexual contacts. All these factors make modest, shy girls incredibly attractive to men.

Modesty and shyness can interfere with a person’s life. It is difficult for shy, timid individuals to make new acquaintances and to show their positive qualities in work and study. It is more difficult for them to move up the career ladder and defend their own interests. There are techniques to help overcome shyness, but this quality is not a vice. Such people have a unique charm, special energy and are very pleasant in close communication.

Attitude towards women and getting to know them

Such men avoid nightclubs, discos and do not attend noisy parties. But those who are already ripe for starting a family will look for their woman either on the Internet or hope for a casual acquaintance.

Matchmaking is not for him, since it is a difficult test: realizing that such a meeting is not accidental, the modest man will be ready to burn with shame:

He will turn beet red at any awkward question.
It will be difficult for him to communicate casually and without nervousness.
He will be fixated on his gestures, voice, facial expressions, behavior.

Indecision will be noticeable in everything, because this is not a bride’s show, but his own. It’s a pity that it’s impossible for him to fall through the ground at this time, but he would like to!

If you want to meet such a guy, then let it be supposedly by chance. Well, a friend ran to her sister’s, or an unmarried girl was invited to the company, because she had no one to celebrate the holiday with.

And if such a modest guy is looking for a girl for himself, then she will definitely be the same as himself. Bitches, fools and hysterics are immediately swept aside. Although the guy feels his inferiority complex, he is not going to complicate his life.

In the article Do Guys Like Modest Girls, there is a video from the movie “Where is Nophelet.” This story clearly shows the type of men who like shy simpletons.

Collecting anamnesis or why is it like this?

Of course, we all come from childhood. Upbringing in a family, the first successful or unsuccessful experience of making an independent decision, the first blow to the nose... Receive it, sign it, now it’s all yours.

The relationship between mother and child determines the degree of self-confidence of the future man. For a child, a mother is the image of the world. If a mother accepts a child and gives him warmth and joy from the first days of life, then, as he grows up, the boy will take the feeling of security and comfort into adulthood.

An overly caring or despotic mother can cause a number of complexes and defensive behavior patterns, which the wife will have to fight.

How to communicate with someone like this

Don't try to figure out a shy person during your first conversation or date. In general, you may have the feeling that you are communicating with some kind of abnormal outcast: he seems to be an adult man, but he is so afraid of girls.

The fact is that a shy person really avoids visual contact. Perhaps his complexness is hidden in some external data:

he is too thin or, conversely, very plump;
he has speech impediments that are noticeable when speaking;
he is not as handsome as he would like.

But with all this, he is not prone to self-criticism. Women also have this fad, as in the article How to become more confident in yourself in the story about Natalia.

But there are also internal complexes:

He experienced mental trauma as a child: a bad family, struggle with poverty, bullying of teenagers.
He is not as successful, lucky and rich as his peers, no matter how much he strives for it.
He has already been unlucky in love once: once upon a time a girl laughed at his feelings.

Well, now about the essence: how a modest man behaves when talking to a woman and what rules must be followed:

Never ask a shy person about his personal life if you barely know him. There is a limit where he will not let you go. He will either withdraw into himself or answer vaguely and briefly.
Don’t even think about looking closely at him from the top of his head to his shoes. He regards this look as an execution. He is embarrassed, he twitches and will look for a reason to leave. It is enough to casually look into his eyes during a conversation.
Be careful with humor - this may be his weak point. Since vulnerability is in a modest person’s blood, he can take your jokes, even about another person, personally. Even a joke about a bun will offend him if the guy is overweight.
Never try to argue or be rude with him. He cannot respond to rudeness with rudeness - he becomes withdrawn, embarrassed, lost, and feels guilty. If his indecisiveness pisses you off, then why are you even talking to him? This is not the hero of your novel.

Indeed, a timid and unsociable modesty is always only for amateurs. But he also has the right to choose the lady of his heart. He will find her when he is interested in even being silent next to her. But if you desperately need such a guy, then the article How to please a shy guy will help you with this. Then change yourself for his sake.

Try to find the reason for his behavior

Once you understand it, you will be able to build a line of attack. Most likely the reasons for his behavior lie in the following:

He is an introvert and it is normal for him to be reserved. He behaves this way because of a feeling of discomfort in society, feeling confident only in private. You will have to come to terms with this, but once you gradually get into his comfort zone, you will be able to rotate in it calmly. The main thing is not to put pressure, but to pursue a targeted policy;
Or maybe he likes you , so he closed himself off. He is afraid to demonstrate his feelings for some reason, so he avoids active communication;
Or vice versa, he doesn't like you . Then his isolation is the result of the fact that he cannot speak openly about it, preferring to simply avoid you.

Chatting in Internet

This option is the best for a shy guy, but only in correspondence, and not via video. Here it can somehow reveal itself:

he is not bombarded with piercing glances;
he can leave the computer at any time;
no one sees how he blushes and is shy;
he may not answer uncomfortable questions;
he can reflect his thoughts in emoticons.

It’s when he sees a girl that he gets shy, but here he’s an invisible man. Even if you sit naked in front of the monitor, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But when meeting, he may again become tense. And this will continue until he lets you through his invisible border.

Such indecisive guys

Despite all the masculinity, at the very beginning of a relationship or even before it begins), girls often ask themselves the question “why are guys so indecisive?”, taking risks is a common thing for them, and when it comes to starting to build relationships, all the masculinity and determination go where it will disappear. This applies to the moment when a guy wants a serious relationship, and not just to find a girl for one night. We will deal with this issue within the framework of this article.

Why are guys so indecisive? You can tell by your look that he likes you, but asking him to go to the cinema or just for a walk is an impossible task for him. Here the question again rests solely on male psychology, yes yes yes this is another confirmation that girls and boys think completely differently.

First, you need to overcome the fear that afflicts this indecision. Why? For a man (guy), there is nothing more humiliating and offensive than being rejected by a girl. Of course, there are alpha males with increased EGO, but fortunately there are only a few of them. Most men are afraid of being rejected. Of course, you can’t say this on the surface, but understand, deep down, in matters of personal life, they worry no less than we do.

Therefore, with especially beautiful girls they behave very carefully, carefully, like wolves circling, gradually getting closer. You can wait a long time until he gathers his strength and decides to take this step, so if you really like the guy, you shouldn’t wait for action on his part, but take the whole situation into your own hands - offer to go somewhere yourself.

What? Do you think this is not a woman's business? Should a man make the first move? Of course, this was the case before, but times have changed, and to prevent the man from being taken away, act on your own. I’m not saying at all that you should do everything yourself, and even look after him, but give the first push - why not? You will show that you are not indifferent to him and you want more, and then determination, confidence will come to him and everything will be just super.

Why are guys so indecisive? In 94% of cases it is caused by loss. Yes, yes, yes, it’s not only guys who leave girls, it happens quite the opposite. And for the guy it’s a triple shame.

And another reason for their indecision (again lies in psychology) - a real man is a wolf, a male. He considers a pretty girl as his future wife. This feeling wakes up somewhere after 22-23 years, when you’ve already had your fill and nature itself, at the level of genetics, openly says that it’s time to start a family. This is where this very indecision wakes up. The fear is not just of being abandoned or rejected, but of making the wrong choice.

If he likes you

But until he let you into his circle of trust, he will be stone-faced, even if he is in love with you. Yes, you can only guess about it from his strange behavior, or someone will tell you that the guy changes in your presence. The same redness on the cheeks, the same trembling in the voice. He may even clumsily demonstrate his indifference to you. But this is not so, he just feels both fear and love for you at the same time.

My only big request is not to hurt his soul even more, whether you like him or not. He himself probably doesn’t even dream of a relationship with you, your flight is too high. But in any case, be extremely polite and tactful with such a guy. Let him count on at least a sweet friendship with you.

Recommendations for a shy man on communicating with women

If you are a shy guy, remember that women are passive people. Even in the case of sincere sympathy for a man, they only try to indirectly show their interest.

How to behave as a shy man with a girl:

The main rule: it is important to look 100%, because every day the girl you like is surrounded by dozens and even hundreds of guys who she could potentially like. To stand out, it is advisable to be the best of them.
It is recommended to start communicating with the woman you like with a banal “Hello.” How are you?". This is not the most original way to start a dialogue, but it can become the “anchor” that will lead to the development of the conversation.
It is important to remember that the form of communication matters more than its content. The interlocutor will pay more attention not to what was said, but to how it was said: confidently or not, with a smile or a sour expression, with or without eye contact, etc. Non-verbal communication is more important than verbal!
If there are no topics for dialogue, you can talk about what is happening around you. A boy in a funny T-shirt walks by; it would be worth making a joke about it or drawing the attention of your interlocutor to it.

If a guy is very shy, he can still attract the attention and even please attractive girls, you just have to practice a lot - communicate a lot with people and learn to start a dialogue on your own.

How to get a shy guy excited?

Try to do the following while he is shy to speak directly - use social networks and SMS. We can say with 100% accuracy that in this way you will be able to get to know him better and encourage him to communicate.

Next, proceed according to the circumstances:

When you feel that he trusts you, set up a date. Let it be a crowded place, a cafe or a city park;
Let him feel your interest, ask more questions, but at the same time behave with restraint, do not allow vulgarity. Try to create a calm, cozy atmosphere, let the person relax in it.

It turns out that you need to babysit him like a child. This is true in this case. But don’t worry, he won’t always be like this, as soon as you get closer, everything will change, communication will move to a new level. And with others, let him be shy, this is not at all bad.