Good day! You had a fight with your husband and don’t know what to do to make peace? Don't worry, quarrels in families are normal. But this does not mean that they are not worth paying attention to. To maintain harmony in a relationship, it is very important to know how to make peace with your husband after a strong quarrel. If you don’t do this, then you may not talk to each other for a long time, you will be offended, and so on...
Often we don’t talk to my husband because of pride. What is the best thing to do, take the initiative in reconciliation yourself or wait for the initiative from the guy? How to behave after a quarrel?
How to make peace with your husband after a quarrel
First of all, you need to forget about the quarrel that happened. Don't constantly blame your spouse for anything. Don't torment yourself with memories of what he said to you. If you make excuses for yourself and blame your significant other for everything, then you are not yet ready for reconciliation. To reach agreement, both spouses must admit they were wrong. But, if a woman takes the initiative for reconciliation, then she should forget about pride and realize the full value of her partner. If you realize and accept your mistake in behavior during a quarrel, then you can confidently move on to a conversation with your loved one.
Take the conversation seriously. Don't forget that a man's psychology is different from a woman's. A man does not experience as strong emotions as a woman. He is inclined to have a direct conversation, and is not ready to listen to a lot of information; it is important for him to have a constructive conversation. If a quarrel with your husband occurred for a serious reason, be prepared that the husband may not only stop communicating, but also file for divorce. This could include treason.
Were you able to reconcile with your husband? Don't relax right away. Any relationship that has survived a serious fight is not as strong as it was before. Thoughts and memories of words spoken to each other and actions committed are still flying through the partners’ heads. From the moment of reconciliation, it is very important to approach strengthening the relationship as seriously as possible. If you do not pay due attention to this issue, then the next quarrel may be your last.
Psychologist's advice
Each union between a man and a woman has its own story. As a result, what helps one family may not help another. What words or actions are most universal? Read the psychologist's recommendations and select the most appropriate ones for your family.
Determining the true cause of the scandal
It is possible that a lot of unnerving factors are layered on top of each other, and the main reason is completely different. Don’t be led by emotions, but try to figure out what the real stumbling block is that provoked the scandal, and start looking for a solution.
Never mention divorce
If you often utter a phrase threatening divorce, supposedly out of a desire to intimidate, then you should be prepared that sooner or later he will accept your proposal. If you don’t like something, start talking and during the dialogue tell us what you don’t like, but with a touch of love: “I don’t like it when you do this. “I love you very much and I want to correct the situation, you are very dear to me.”
Controlling your own emotions
I understand that emotions make you want to speak out, hit, and so on. This is a natural desire. It is very important to understand that you will make peace, but offensive statements and actions will emerge in your memory for a long time. Therefore, if you understand that you cannot restrain yourself, it is better to move away from your partner and calm down.
Give me a chance to calm down
A man may not immediately cool down from emotions and start looking for compromises. Only a girl can calm down after a couple of hours and go put up with her face as if nothing had happened. Men experience everything on a deeper spiritual level. Therefore, it is very important to make sure that your husband heard you, and then give him the opportunity to calm down and comprehend the information.
Do not discuss family problems with relatives or friends
You will still make peace with your husband, but those around you will already consider him a bad person because of your emotional stories. If you don’t want people to think badly of your marriage and husband, don’t tell others about what’s going on in your family.
Learn to forget grievances
Tell your man what offended you and why this happened. Afterwards, you can still pout for a while, even though you have forgiven. But under no circumstances should you accumulate resentment in yourself, so that later, at one specific moment, you do not express everything at once. Better remember the pleasant moments of your life together. In this case, during quarrels, there will be something to remember about how good you are with your partner and your negativity will be squeezed out by pleasant memories.
The best prayer to make peace with a loved one: doing everything right
How to make peace after a quarrel? Top 10 tips from a family psychologist
- Advice one. Avoid “reconciliation mistakes”!
Some spouses, having allowed the quarrel itself, make additional mistakes in view of attempts to reconcile in a way that irritates his (her) partner even more.
And these partners themselves, reacting to someone’s clumsy attempts to reconcile, at the same moment in time commit no less stupid acts, “show character” and in every possible way avoid resuming those contacts that are necessary for reconciliation. Ten most common “reconciliation mistakes” When you quarrel with your spouse, you absolutely must not :
- make peace while drunk (especially in such a degree of alcohol intoxication, when people in the morning do not remember that they have already made peace? And they try to do it again, as if “for an encore!”);
- calling with the goal of “having a thorough heart-to-heart talk and putting everything in its place” in the midst of the working day of your “half”, when he (s) is working and does not have the opportunity to communicate normally. And her (his) refusal to communicate only adds fuel to the fire of a quarrel;
- refuse to pick up the phone when the spouse with whom you are in a quarrel tries to reach you. As surveys show, a partner at this moment may think that you are already having sex with someone at this time, are dead drunk (etc.) and therefore simply are not able to answer! Of course, all this does not cause him (her) much joy;
- do not respond to neutral or conciliatory SMS from your “half” after a quarrel. In this case, a very proud partner may be so offended that even the smallest quarrel can drag on for two weeks;
- send your “half” with whom you are in a quarrel an SMS with a laconic request: “Dial me!” The partner may be afraid that by calling first, he/she seems to be putting himself in the position of “a known loser” and therefore in the end he won’t call you. And the absence of a call from your partner, in turn, will cause a surge of negative emotions on your part. So an awkward attempt at reconciliation will boomerang on you;
- Having dialed your “other half” some time after a quarrel (or picked up the phone after her (his) call), start the conversation with the phrase: “Well, I hope you have finally realized your mistakes and already want to apologize?! " As a rule, such a formulation of the question causes furious rage, and the person who answered the phone (or called you himself) will end up not only not saying a word of reconciliation, but, on the contrary, will compose something especially juicy and multi-story in response to you;
- call and start your supposedly “conciliatory” conversation with the phrase: “You, of course, are a scoundrel (an insensitive brute, an ungrateful animal, a traitor, etc.), but I love you and suggest you forget about the disagreement that happened...”. Such a beginning is extremely rarely very fruitful;
- after a quarrel, spend hours knocking on the door of the spouse who has locked himself in the office or bathroom with a categorical demand to open it immediately and “figure everything out.” Such behavior rarely helps to overcome a family crisis;
- threaten that if your spouse does not take the initiative to reconcile within a certain number of days, you will immediately acquire a completely different loved one or begin to cheat;
- seek help from parents, close friends (girlfriends) or employers of your “half”. Usually this is perceived by him (her) as a way to apply pressure (and this is absolutely true!) and only aggravates the situation.
- Tip two. Make up within 24 hours after a quarrel! The long-term surveys I have conducted convincingly show this.
The vast majority of men and women want to make peace immediately on the day of the quarrel. And if so, it means that you should humble your character, and, no matter how angry or offended you are, still make peace on the same day that the quarrel took place. Of course, you can also make peace two or three days after a quarrel, but there is a very high probability that one of your couple will have that unpleasant aftertaste in their soul, which in the future will itself become the cause of new quarrels. So, I advise you not to experiment on your personal happiness!
- Tip three. Take the initiative for reconciliation!
A family is a special place on Earth where men and women can and should be exactly as they really are - without unnecessary posturing and the desire to seem more important than they really are. Everything that happens in the family is deeply intimate and does not happen in front of everyone. That is why, having quarreled in our own family, in contrast to conflicts at work, where everyone looks at us and evaluates our “combat” behavior, we do not need to “stand to the death” and “defend our position no matter what,” especially if we They themselves understand that they are wrong.
My observations show: in families where both spouses are able to take the first step towards reconciliation at once, crises and divorces practically do not happen.
Therefore, if you consider yourself a completely sane person and strive to save your family, learn to take the first step towards reconciliation, even if you think that it was you who were offended. Believe my surveys and observations: make peace first, and it will definitely be appreciated. Even if they don't say it out loud.
Behave in your family... like in your family! Take the initiative for reconciliation, and your family future will not deceive you.
- Tip four. Know what exactly your partner expects from you!
Here you can go into a little more detail. Let me remind you that this advice was written in accordance with expectation No. 4, which included two things at once:
- Firstly, the process of reconciliation itself must take place within the time frame and according to the scenario that your partner has drawn in your head;
- Secondly, it is important that you, as the initiator of reconciliation, capitulate not just like that, but fully or at least partially recognizing the rightness of the other side!
Based on this, it follows:
- Know exactly when your partner prefers you to give in to him/her. In practice, different people may have completely different time frames: some people like to be reconciled literally five minutes after a quarrel, but others are fundamentally convinced that if the quarrel lasted less than two or three days, this means that the parties and did not draw any conclusions, and therefore early reconciliation is simply meaningless! Of course, no one can tell you the favorite time frame for reconciling your partner. You have to install them yourself! And it is best to identify them from an analysis of past quarrels or personal communication with a partner on this topic.
- During reconciliation, you should definitely say that, after a little reflection, you are ready to admit that your partner is right about something. This “something” thing is actually not so scary. It is quite possible that your partner will simply become so pleased that no one will demand that you significantly change your behavior or approaches!
- Tip five. Do not discuss the conflict situation at the time of reconciliation!
My surveys show: the majority of quarreling lovers and spouses really do not like to return to the topic of the quarrel during reconciliation!
Of course, this does not mean that everything that happened should simply be forgotten and never returned to. Of course not! After all, you and I remember that no matter how senseless quarrels may seem, in fact, they never are: our unconscious never does anything for nothing! Therefore, you should still return to finding out the true reasons for quarrels and mutual unfulfilled expectations.
However, have a little patience and just do it a little later...
- Tip six. Make up very emotionally!
Since the majority of men and women surveyed (especially women!) really want the moment of reconciliation to be as pleasant and memorable an event as possible, this means that it needs to be made very emotional! When you go towards each other with flowers, cake or ice cream (most importantly, not with a rolling pin in your hands), immediately let out a cry of happiness, drop what you had in the crayfish (God be with him, with this cake! The main thing is that you have made peace !!!), hug tightly, hug each other until your ribs crack, kiss, start stroking each other’s hair or back, and you might even cry a little! You know: you can’t spoil porridge with butter!
- Advice seventh. Explain to your spouse why you decided to reconcile!
When the question arises about the need to make peace after a quarrel, every man and every woman really wants to know two things:
- he/she was still appreciated,
- By deciding to call first, the partner acts sincerely, and does not try to solve his financial, career or intimate problems at your expense. It is for this reason that in the monologue that you should compose before you begin to make peace, it must be present that you finally understood and even felt what a good person you have been living and communicating with all this time,
- you don’t need absolutely anything from him (her), except for this person you adore so much (you just don’t always show it well!) to always remain by your side!
I definitely assure you: this will definitely work!
- Tip eight. Convince your spouse that it was very bad for you without him (her)!
This point is not at all a continuation of the previous point. The seventh point was mainly about those words and actions that work at the level of your partner’s mind. Now is the time to tackle his emotions! The bolder you admit that you have completely forgotten how to do without your loved one, the sooner you will make peace!
- Tip nine. Convince your spouse that he (she) had a very bad time without you!
You probably noticed the difference between the eighth and ninth points. In the first case, you convinced your quarreling “half” that the quarrel was bad for you, but now you need to convince him that he (she) felt just as bad from the conflict! And this is especially useful in those families where, after a quarrel, they like to play “silence” for several days at once.
That is, spouses seeking reconciliation should clearly convince their partner that:
- in fact, he (s) suffered very, very much without you;
- he/she was bored without you and had no one to go to the cinema, to a cafe, or for a walk with;
- the fact that he (s) has already begun to gradually get used to living without communicating with you is just a short-term and extremely dangerous illusion... Technically, this is achieved through two techniques: two technical techniques of convincing your partner that during your separation was very bad for him (she) .
Reception No. 1. You offer an extensive cultural program.
Having agreed to reconciliation, you simply must immediately offer your partner a whole range of entertainment, cultural or recreational activities! And the very fact of reading out this entire list will show him/her that it is much more interesting with you than without you!
Reception No. 2. You artificially warm up your partner emotionally by the fact that, by talking about your suffering during a protracted quarrel, you willy-nilly resurrect in his (her) memory your own suffering in the first days of the quarrel. And everyone definitely has them!
However, since it most often happens that by the time of reconciliation, the main suffering of your partner is already in the past, then the only way out for you is to evoke his/her memories of his/her own past suffering due to your absence . And to do this, you must tell him about your own suffering, as if to emotionally “light” your partner.
At the moment of reconciliation between spouses after a protracted quarrel, you cannot skimp on emotions!
If the spouse “warms up” emotionally, then the chances of the next conflict will be significantly reduced.
- Tip ten. Convince your spouse that you are still his/her family property!
No matter how much anyone denies this, we need to understand: love and family relationships are necessarily built on a sense of ownership of one person over another!
Therefore, at the moment of reconciliation, it is fundamentally important to suppress and extinguish the partner’s completely natural jealousy, to convince him (her) that during your disagreement you did not cheat left and right, and your couple did not turn into a love triangle. In general, I advise you to make the most of the magical meaning of the phrase “I am yours”! The more often you repeat something stupid, like “Your cat missed you very much...”, the faster you will overcome some alienation that naturally arises due to jealousy. And during normal communication, all spouses can be advised: the more often you tell your partner “I was thinking about you,” the fewer quarrels and disagreements you will have!
By applying all three of these techniques, you are simply doomed to success! I give you a good set of tools for timely suppression or the correct way out of family conflicts. It's time to put the rake aside and go hug!
Best regards, author.
What to do when your husband is to blame
Even though the man is to blame, and you are tired of him being silent and not reconciling, take courage yourself and take the first step towards it.
Many girls think that if they make the first step in such a situation, they will show their weakness and the man will sit on their neck. It may be like that. It all depends on your partner. Therefore, it is better for you to know whether this method will help or not.
Waiting time
If a guilty husband constantly asks for forgiveness, then you can give him time to calm down and after that, he will come to you again with an apology.
First step
Men are stubborn creatures by nature. It’s hard for them to admit they’re wrong, much less apologize. The fact that a man does not apologize, even if he is guilty, does not always mean that he has lost his feelings. In most cases, they are afraid to show compliance. Therefore, the ability to take the first step towards negotiations is very important.
Don’t turn another dialogue into a quarrel
Under no circumstances should you turn another conversation into a new scandal, even though your patience will be tested again. Try using the following phrases: “I’m offended to hear such words from you, but our relationship is very important to me. Let's try to talk without shouting."
How to reconcile if the wife is at fault
What is necessary to make peace with your husband if the quarrel was your fault? Women are also guilty, no matter how strange it may sound. In such a situation, not every man will begin to ask for forgiveness for anything, so start taking the initiative yourself.
Don't fall at your feet with an apology.
At first after the quarrel, the man is still angry and all nervous. Give him time to come to his senses and cool his mind. Otherwise, all your words will fall on his ears. When your husband calms down, you can start a conversation.
Forgiveness is asked with dignity
It is not possible to solve all the problems that have arisen at once, but showing that you understand what happened is very important. Your job is simply to invite the conversation when he is ready for it.
Writing a message
For many, this method is considered childish, but thanks to it you can move on to a more serious conversation. Make your message suggestive in a conversational manner. There is a chance that this way a serious conversation will be much easier than it seems. At a minimum, this is your opportunity to arrange a meeting for reconciliation.
What to do if you are at fault?
How to make peace with your husband if you are the one who is wrong in the current situation? Yes, yes, dear ladies, sometimes we too are to blame for quarrels and scandals, and men find themselves in the role of victims. And you should not expect that your man is guided by the motto of the French writer de Croisset: “When a woman is wrong, ask her for forgiveness.” Take the initiative into your own hands!
- There is no need to immediately rush to the man with an apology. Now he is indignant, angry and generally looks like the angry movie Wolverine. Give him time to calm down, cool down and think a little, otherwise he simply will not hear your sincere apologies. After your husband is in a normal state of mind, begin active actions.
- Ask for forgiveness with dignity. It is impossible to solve all the problems at once, but it is necessary to demonstrate to the man your repentance. Of course, there is no need to follow your spouse around and beg for “redemption,” because the number of times you say “sorry” does not determine how quickly he will forgive you. Just offer to talk, thereby starting the reconciliation mechanism.
- Write an SMS. Some consider this method of apology childish, but it can become the beginning of a serious conversation. Send your beloved an SMS with poems, pictures, a hint of a pleasant evening. This will probably help make amends in case of a slight quarrel. In the event of a serious conflict, SMS will help arrange a meeting.
- Have a romantic evening. Are you thinking about how to make peace with your husband? An effective method of apologizing is a romantic evening. There is no point in describing it in detail. You will need wine, candles, rose petals (if appropriate) and, of course, erotic lingerie. The method of making peace in bed is more suitable for young spouses, but experienced couples can also try it.
- Invite company. Another trick is to invite friends or your mother-in-law to visit. In such good company, a man will be able to relax and, unnoticed by himself, will begin to communicate with you. Is this fair? Of course, it is more correct and decent to simply talk with your spouse, but if he refuses to make contact, such a workaround maneuver will do.
There are many ways to apologize and reconcile, but only you know your chosen one better than anyone in the world, which means it’s up to you to choose how to quickly make peace with your husband after a quarrel. We advise you not to delay the emotional conversation and tender kisses, because there is a high risk of hugging not your loved one, but a complete stranger. It is completely wrong to believe that the word “sorry” has no expiration date. Eat! Apologize and make peace with your husband on time.
