Let a fresh wind into life! Why is change scary and how to accept it?

Fear of change: is it worth fighting?
Despite rapid globalization, humanity not only does not get rid of its superstitions, stereotypes and fears, but also acquires new ones. Imagine that you were asked to take part in a small experiment. You must plunge your hand into an opaque container and take out what is hidden inside. It could be a bar of gold, or it could be a slimy, nasty reptile. What will you do? Without hesitation, will you rush to find the bullion or will you come up with excuses and cultivate your fears? And even if greed outweighs fear, then at the moment the hand plunges into the unknown, the heart will jump out, and the imagination will draw terrible pictures in the imagination. What if there’s a crocodile sitting there who hasn’t had breakfast today and is eager to meet your manicured, gentle hand? Sometimes it is so difficult to step over the fear of something new, unknown, that we would rather give up that small opportunity for happiness than subject ourselves to even the slightest test.

It is always scary to deviate from a stable course and decide to take a sharp turn in life. It’s just that the fear of the unknown incites some, while others become numb and stop them from both perceived failures and successes.

We are waiting for changes…?

A person, starting from birth, is open to everything new, and it is thanks to this that his knowledge of the world, learning and development occur. The child is open to new experiences every day. He wakes up in the morning, charged with searching for adventures, joyfully joining in the game with the world around him; he is not afraid of knocked-out knees and bumps. The child grows, and his information baggage received from the outside world becomes larger. Now he is already a teenager with the philosophy “everything in life needs to be tried,” and he tries, tries, gets impressions, gains some “bumps” and tries again. Thus, as we grow up, we no longer carry within us only the joy of new discoveries and impressions, but also a lot of other sensations absorbed with them, not always positive - such as fears or uncertainty.

The need for knowledge and new experiences gradually becomes less significant and is overshadowed by others, no less important - positioning oneself in society, creating a family, professional fulfillment. A certain way of life develops, it is warm, comfortable and cozy. Everything is clear and simple, you don’t need to strain yourself, you can just calmly go with the flow. And as a result, over the years, we have a kind of “cocoon” of a perhaps boring but stable job, family, usual leisure time and a lot of established customs. Stability seems to be a symbol of success; any attack on it causes, at a minimum, panic and resistance. Getting over these feelings is not always easy; not everyone is ready for a new turn in life. Many would rather give up tempting new prospects or experiences than allow themselves to lose that very sense of peace and comfort, while avoiding both potential failures and possible successes.

How to get rid of the fear of change?

Start small

And gradually you won’t even notice how you are making a whole revolution in your life. Choose new routes to work, even if they are a little longer, again this will allow you to get up a little earlier, and not at what time you are used to, change the list of usual products, try and discover new tastes and dishes, buy something you didn’t have before dare, dare to experiment with clothes, hairstyle, hair color. It’s not for nothing that many ladies, faced with love disappointment, begin changes in their lives by visiting a beauty salon and radically changing their image.

Find yours

Making a revolution alone is always difficult. It’s good when the rear is reliably protected, an ally is always ready to lend a helping hand, help reach the victorious end or be there in case of retreat. In any endeavor, it is important to have the support of a loved one, someone who will not let you give up, freak out, get scared and give up everything halfway, someone who will inspire and give kicks, pushing you forward.

Attitude towards failure

Fear of change, as a rule, is born precisely because of the fear of failure. If you begin to relate to failures more simply, you will also get rid of the fear of change. It’s enough just to remember that only slackers make mistakes!

Set your priorities

Focus on those actions and changes that can make your life better. If life's priorities can benefit from taking a responsible step, then put your efforts into achieving this, rather than looking for excuses and horror stories that prevent you from making a decision.

I'm not a fan of stability; it scares me. After all, before you know it, stability turns into stagnation. Only change leads to progress! And this does not mean at all that you should thoughtlessly rush headlong into the pool (although sometimes such actions lead to very happy changes).

If you took a risk and everything worked out, you have won. If nothing works out, then nothing has changed, and you have lost nothing. Fear of change is just an anchor that keeps your ship from leaving its intended course, but also prevents it from moving forward.

Why is change so scary?

Why is that same tit in your hands better, even if it’s very small and shabby, than the notorious crane? Why don’t you want champagne at all so much as to risk it? There are three main reasons for this:

The first reason is the fear of those very “bumps” - disappointments or failures. “What if everything goes wrong? What if it doesn't work out? What if I lose more than I gain? - flashes through the imagination like a red line, and immediately fatal pictures of failures and misfortunes appear in orderly rows. They seem so bright and probable that the image of a possible positive result fades into the background.

The second reason is, oddly enough, but this is the fear that everything will work out! Does fear of your own success sound strange? Yes, but nevertheless, not every person is ready to accept in reality what they have been dreaming about for years. You can dream, strive, but as soon as there is a chance to fulfill this dream, you are paralyzed by the fear that you are not ready, or that you will not be able to cope with the pile of happiness that has fallen on you. Remember the stories of ordinary people who accidentally hit the lottery jackpot. Most of the lucky ones simply turned out to be unprepared for this: at best, they simply squandered the millions that had fallen on them and returned to their old lives, and at worst, they died from excesses.

The third reason is our own beliefs that limit us. Perhaps you have limited yourself by not believing in your own strength. Or maybe a dear and significant person once said to you: “What do you mean?” You won’t succeed!” or “This is not for you. Be content with what you have, keep your head down...” And perhaps he said it more than once. And you believed in it, accepted it as truth. And now we are convinced that no, it won’t work, no matter how hard you try.

You are late

Here is my own experience. It was Monday, 07.27 am. I was sitting in my office and trying to write a new book, but a voice was ringing in my head, repeating in different ways:

You're behind.

You will never move forward.

If you moved forward, you could rest.

It is too late.

If you had more time, you would have finished everything.

Like most of the voices I struggle with, this one was already familiar to me. But that morning for the first time I doubted its veracity.

Instead of engaging in dialogue with him, I started writing down what each thought actually meant:

1. “You're behind” Behind what? On what schedule? By what criteria? What does this even mean? I don't work on a meter. The work hasn't even started yet. I'm not running a race, I'm not competing with anyone. Who am I behind?
2. “You will never move forward” Where is forward? Who defines what “forward” means? I even suspect that there is no “forward”.
3. “If you moved forward, you could rest.” Rest is a gift, not a reward. These are not hobbies that lazy people use as an excuse, but one of our biological characteristics. Rest is a need for the body, and I don’t need to earn it with my results. Rest is not a byproduct of my success, but part of my human nature. I don't need to get ahead to enjoy or need rest.
4. “It’s too late” Nonsense. It's Monday, 07.27 am. How can it be “late” this week? There's still a whole carload of time. I reject the idea that “too late” is already when I wake up on Monday morning.
5. “If you had more time, you would have finished everything” Nonsense. What is "everything"? And why even set the goal of “finishing”? When you find something you love, you don't want to end it. You want to do it every day. And to finish means to put an end to it.

I wrote all this down, and it began to dawn on me how absurd fear's view of time is. The absurd thing is that fear tries to instill in you two opposing thoughts about time: “Do it later” or “It’s too late.”

The first thought makes you procrastinate out of laziness. The second destroys you, making you feel regret. And both of them are lies.

If you're alive, it's not too late. Don't trust the calendar that feeds you fear and doubt. This calendar never has a “today” page. The calendar of fear and doubt always begins with yesterday or tomorrow.

But you have today, and that's all you need to get started.

The rest will appear as we go.

How to change your life for the better?

You should declare war on all your past experiences: habits, fears, concerns. You should even give up your favorite activities: pleasant events, entertainment, hobbies. From everything that connects us with the past.

To change your life for the better you need to carry out a serious military operation in 5 stages:

1. The “enemy” should be discovered: unpleasant habits, painful experiences, useless activities. Refuse to obey your experience, your habits.
2. Renounce old experiences and embrace the unknown. It’s like in childhood: I left the house on the street and went to God knows where (“wherever my eyes look”). This worked best as a child.
3. Accept the unknown as unknown and inevitable. Only in this way and only then will a new experience be born. Among the people, this idea is encapsulated in one simple saying: “what will happen, will not happen.” Accept any experience, any reality, and any outcome that may come into your life. And, oh, how hard it is to accept! After all, we are so often afraid of losing in life, of being left with nothing, so to speak, “with nothing.”
4. Accept any experience, no matter how it turns out, positive or negative. Get a positive result. After all, it is known that what is assessed positively in life becomes an experience from which one can learn; what is negative is mistakes that destroy our lives.
5. Do not give up experiments, constantly isolating from experience that golden grain that will help you in the future change your life for the better and build your happiness. That is, search and don’t give up.

In the end, I can say that very few people decide to undertake truly serious experiments in life. Many of them were considered "strange", such as Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Einstein, Lomonosov, etc. But look at their destinies, at their life stories. These are people who went ahead of the rest, made a lot of discoveries, and won recognition. And all this because they were not afraid of changes in their lives and were not afraid of making mistakes.

Feel free to make mistakes. And let every mistake be the beginning of your great successful experiment in building your life, good luck, happiness...

Go for it!
We invite you to purchase the video course “Labyrinths of Fate”. It will help you build your life correctly and fully, become a strong, harmonious person and realize your true desires.

Signs of a fear of change

A person who is afraid of everything new always experiences great difficulties in adapting to unusual conditions.
He will not do anything even if his position is unprofitable, humiliating and hopeless. Anything that requires effort to adapt to unusual circumstances and can provoke the destruction of established patterns will cause anxiety and fear in him. Typically, such people do not risk changing jobs, trying themselves in a new position, and do not strive to develop in any field of activity. Even if they are not satisfied with the working conditions (wages, work team), they will not take a single step aside in order to change something. Such individuals often experience anxiety when faced with unconventional work methods or any new information. Even if the old methods turn out to be ineffective in performing certain duties, no changes will follow. A person who is afraid of change cannot change his place of residence or move to another city or country. Sometimes even a short vacation in a new place is an impossible task for him. In some cases, such persons refuse to improve their living conditions, rather than deprive themselves of their familiar surroundings. It is not easy for them to make new acquaintances, get married or get divorced. Some women may dream of a stable relationship and family, but at the same time be lonely all the time and refuse every man. Others, on the contrary, suffer for a long time in an unsuccessful marriage with an unworthy spouse, without doing anything to improve the current situation. We recommend that you read: Fear of old age - how to deal with it?

Often people are afraid to change their lives. They think it will only get worse than now.

Any changes in a person’s life cause him a certain kind of fear and anxiety for his future. These fears are associated with a person leaving his comfort zone, and leaving this zone is always stressful. A comfort zone arises when a person spends a long time in certain conditions, no matter how nasty they may be.

The comfort zone is a state of psychological security that arises by maintaining the sequence of habitual actions that produce the expected result.

Stress is when the forecast does not coincide with reality. Therefore, when a person cannot calculate the result, then any instability causes him stress.

Being in the comfort zone makes a person feel confident and safe. Within this zone, a person performs actions that are familiar and familiar to him, which lead to the expected result. The reality around him is stable, so a person is confident in the future.

Such comfort can be quite deceptive and dangerous, because a person stops developing, endures inconveniences and restrictions for the sake of stability. For example:

• Low wages;
• Disrespectful attitude towards oneself;
• Ignoring your interests.

The comfort zone prevents a person from gaining new life experiences. However, leaving your comfort zone is not necessary. If everything in a person’s life is satisfactory and there are no serious objective problems, then this is not worth doing.

Having decided to overcome their fears and leave their comfort zone, many people expect quick results. People want everything to develop in the order in which they imagined it. But often, the first results do not correspond to their ideas, thereby causing people to fear that they acted recklessly and perhaps they should return everything back (even to their detriment).

In life, everything happens at once extremely rarely, and even more so, as we imagine it. Leaving your comfort zone is fraught with certain negative consequences and feelings, especially at first.

You have to pay for everything in this life. To achieve any result you need to be patient and put in some effort.

It happens in life that a misfortune that happens in the most miraculous way serves as the beginning of a new happy stage in life, or the cause of an unexpected happy event.

You need to learn to look at life not only in the short term, but also in the long term. What people consider in the short term to be wrong actions or punishment may turn out to be a good (perhaps difficult) lesson for them that will make their life easier in the future and lead them to their cherished goal.

What is given to a person most difficult is then most valued.

Example: Two angels, a woman running to work, steep stairs.

- Push, push, I say!

- The stairs are so steep, you’ll fall to death!

- I'll back it up, but he'll break his leg!

- It’s a nightmare, she has to go to work, she’s already been late for three days in a row!

- Yes, and now she will also be on sick leave for at least three weeks. She will be fired altogether later.

“You can’t do that, what will she do without a job, the salary is good!”

- Push, I say, then I’ll explain everything, push!

The same angels, the highway, two women in a company car, high speed. In front of the car is a KAMAZ loaded with logs.

- Throw the log, don’t pull it!

“You can kill with this log, but if you hit the windshield at speed, they will die, they have children!”

- Throw it, I’ll take the log away, they’ll only get scared.

- Why do this, why scare me?!

- It’s not time, I’ll explain later, after turning the sign the sign will read “They’re waiting for you at home!”, they will already move away from fright, draw their attention to the poster, let them stop.

- They both cry, they call home, how cruel!

Corporate party. Two angels, a man, a wedding ring on his hand, a girl.

- Let him drink some more.

- Enough, he's already drunk! Look how he looks at her!

- Pour some more, let him drink!

- He has a wife at home, two children, he’s already lost control, he’s inviting a girl to a hotel!

- Yes, let her, let her agree!

- I agreed, they are leaving, it’s just terrible! My wife will find out and they will get divorced!

- Yes, a quarrel cannot be avoided! That's how it was intended.

Sunset, two angels.

- What a job, it’s a lot of stress!

— Is this your first day at this level? This is such a level, learning under stress, at your first level you teach with books and films, but here are those for whom books no longer help. They have to be knocked out of their usual rut by stress in order to stop and think. How they live, why they live.

Here’s the first woman, while she’s sitting at home with a broken leg, she’ll start sewing again, and when she’s fired, she’ll already have five orders, she won’t even be upset. She sewed like that in her youth, a sight to behold! She has been putting off her hobby for 10 years, she still believes that she needs to work, that social guarantees are more important than spiritual harmony and pleasure from what she loves. And sewing will bring her even more income, only with pleasure.

Of the two women who cried on the highway, one will quit in a week and will understand that her place is at home, with her child, with her husband, and not in a foreign city, living in hotels for weeks. She will give birth to a second child, she will go to study as a psychologist, they cooperate with you on the first level.

- And betrayal, how can it do any good?! The family will be destroyed!

- Family? The family hasn't been there for a long time! The wife has forgotten that she is a woman, the husband drinks in the evenings, they fight, they blackmail each other with their children. This is a long process, it’s painful, but each of them will think, the woman will start reading your books, she will understand that she has completely forgotten about femininity, she will learn to communicate with a man differently.

- Will you be able to save your family?

- There is a chance! Everything will depend on the woman!

- What a job!

— You’ll get used to it, but it will be effective! As soon as you knock a person out of his comfort zone, he begins to move! This is how most people are built!

- And if this doesn’t help?

— There is also a third level. They teach losses there.

But that's a completely different story...

Conclusion: man proposes, but God disposes. You need to learn to look to the future and not despair because of the first unsuccessful results. You need to learn to find the bright and useful even in the worst events. Nothing happens for nothing in a person's life.

Comfort zone