So, everything from the very beginning. Now I’m thirty-seven, I’m married, and for the second time. I walked down the aisle for the first time as a very young girl - at 18 years old. My first husband and I knew each other since childhood, we studied at the same school. True, he is two years older, so, of course, we did not communicate in junior school. But we knew each other - he was friends with my best friend’s older brother. I think they still communicate well, but this definitely doesn’t apply to my story.
So, Vasily and I started dating when he was in the 11th grade, and I, accordingly, in the ninth. We both fell madly in love and almost immediately decided that we would get married as soon as I turned eighteen. And so it happened. True, Vasya still managed to join the army, and I honestly and faithfully waited for him for two years.
At that time, we didn’t really want children, we thought to live for ourselves, as they say, but fate decreed otherwise: two years after the wedding we had Mishka. Of course, it was not easy, because there was very little money. And there was still, essentially, wind in my head. But somehow we managed. And when my son turned three years old, we easily enrolled him in kindergarten. Vasya’s mother works as a manager there, so of course there was a place for her grandson.
And so I went to work. Not the first time, of course, but I had very little experience - how long did I work there before maternity leave? While I was sitting with the baby, a lot changed in my company. In particular, a new boss appeared in my department. Of course, I was introduced to him before my first day of work. And he immediately struck me as a very pleasant and likable person. All this was confirmed when I started going to the office: Alexey was not just a wonderful boss, but at the same time he had simply an excellent character. He was also very charming.
And then it happened!
You probably guessed that I simply fell in love. And he, apparently, was also interested in me. And, as terrible as it may be (after all, I was married!), six months later, my boss and I had a whirlwind romance. Lesha was single, somehow it wasn’t very important for him to hide our relationship. But despite the fact that I was cheating on my husband at work, I had no intention of leaving my husband or leaving my child without a father. Therefore, she kept her lover a secret. But sooner or later everything secret becomes clear: Vasya found out that I was cheating on my husband at work. The scene of exposing the unfaithful wife (that is, me) was ridiculously banal: the husband accidentally saw us kissing. A wild scandal broke out!
I thought that Vasily would kill me. Well, not in the literal sense, of course, but he swore terribly. What could I answer him, other than that I was really to blame? Of course, I asked for forgiveness, swore and swore that it was just some kind of obsession and would never happen again. But Vasya still couldn’t forgive me: at twenty-six I received a new stamp in my passport, this time about a divorce. And she was left alone with her five-year-old son. To be fair, I will say that Vasya did not abandon the child - he only had complaints about me...
Cons of office romance
- Interferes with work and career building. Many managers are against office romances, which can threaten dismissal.
- There are a lot of rumors and gossip in the team. Of course, it's better to pretend that this doesn't concern you. If colleagues find out that their married co-worker is having an affair, and even in the workplace, they will “bite her to pieces.”
- An affair with a married woman is unlikely to end positively. This will greatly affect the woman's reputation and her career.
Life went on
I returned to my parents and continued to live. Of course, I had to change my job, but it’s okay - a new one was found quite quickly. True, now it was not very convenient with the kindergarten, but we managed - we got up early with Mishka, or he even stayed overnight with his dad. Of course, I did not count on such a turn, but six months after the divorce I met my second husband. And six months later we already signed.
Of course, not everyone, but many of those around me knew what caused the rift with Vasily. But I didn’t tell Sasha, my second husband, anything about this. I understood that this information was completely unnecessary for him. And I myself learned the lesson for the rest of my life, without even intending to look at other men. And even more so, cheating on your husband at work.
The Positive Side of Having an Affair at Work
Of course, there are many benefits to having a romantic connection at work:
- true love, you never know where you will meet your soulmate and the work office is no exception to this;
- your beloved (beloved) is always nearby, there will be fewer reasons for jealousy, since the whole day is in front of your eyes;
- thanks to the gossip that is present at every job, you will know almost everything about this person, including his marital status and the presence of children, and this is very important to find out even before the start of a relationship;
- one topic for conversation and discussion: about work, colleagues or superiors;
- most of the time your partner will see you in a good image, because if at home you can wear a robe and curlers, then you will definitely dress up for work;
- shared trips to work and home;
- all doubts about where your significant other is located disappear;
- lateness will be extremely rare and you will run to work as if it were a holiday, because your loved one will be waiting for you there.
Revealed the past
In general, Sasha and I lived, as they say, happily ever after: we just recently celebrated our tenth anniversary and gave birth to two girls, Yulia and Katya. He treats Misha great, they are just such friends! They spend a lot of time together, constantly go somewhere, they even have some secrets of their own. In general, everything is wonderful. Was. Until the time when some bad person suddenly decided to tell Sasha my terrible secret - information about the reason for my divorce.
I don’t know who it was and probably won’t find out: my husband won’t tell me who told him. But this, I think, is not so important. Although I’m terribly interested in what kind of infection was impatient to make such frankness. Because my life was ruined significantly.
One evening Sasha simply came home and asked point-blank whether it was true that my first husband filed for divorce after he caught me with my lover. Perhaps I should have denied it, I don’t know, but I confessed. And from that very moment (and about two months have passed since the conversation), my husband went wild!
Moreover, even during the first discussion, I told him that not only had I never cheated on him, but I hadn’t even thought about it. I said that this is a thing of the past. That I myself was sufficiently punished for my mistake and would never repeat it again. But it's all to no avail. Sasha is still sure that even if I haven’t cheated on him yet, this will definitely happen in the very near future. What kind of nonsense is this?! True, I am faithful to my second husband and do not intend to date anyone. How to calm him down? How to stop this unreasonable jealousy? Or is there no way to fix this and it’s easier to get a divorce again? I’m cheating on my husband at work - after all, this is no longer about me!
Many psychologists claim that office romance is something that should not be done and should be avoided at all costs. Indeed, relationships that begin at work have too many disadvantages for this advice to be ignored.
Why are office romances not recommended by psychologists and persecuted by employers?
There are many reasons for this. Firstly, office love can cause big trouble for those involved. Falling in love with a colleague will never contribute to fruitful work. The presence of a relationship partner in the workplace is distracting and interferes with work. And over time it can even begin to irritate. Only at first, when the relationship is just beginning, you may think it’s great to see your love next to you every day. Gradually you will get tired of being together all the time: at work, outside of work - always! Absence is known to strengthen relationships. If you haven't seen each other all day, in the evening you will rush to each other with joy. But, being side by side all the time, will you also want to meet in the evening? At first, yes. And then? You will quickly see the downside of professional relationships.
Many employers often provide a special agreement to sign or include a clause in the contract that employees are prohibited from entering into intimate relationships with each other. If you disturb the order, you can easily lose your job, which in the current difficult economic conditions can bring serious difficulties to your life. This is another minus. And if your company prohibits personal relationships between colleagues, then, among other things, there will be a constant feeling of lack of freedom due to the need to hide your feelings from colleagues. In addition, others, believing that you are free, may begin to flirt with you, which will make your partner jealous. Jealousy, by the way, can be called an inevitable companion to forbidden office romances. It will be very unpleasant for you to see someone else flirting with someone you care about. And you can't do anything about it, because you have to hide your love relationship at work.
There is another negative side to office romances. At work, you may develop friendly relationships with colleagues. Let's say you are invited to visit, to a restaurant, to a concert. Usually a couple is invited. But you are supposedly alone. That is, one of you will have to stay at home while the other goes, for example, to visit a colleague.
What about corporate parties? There you will also have to be on guard all the time: no one should guess. Even if someone is flirting with him (her) with all his might or cuddling too closely in the dance, you need to remain calm in appearance. That is, tension and jealousy can become constant companions of your time together in public.
As for breakups, which often end any romance, in your case this can bring much more unpleasant moments. A breakup is often painful for one partner. And forced communication at work can become unbearable. But no one has yet canceled their official duties. We need to work, communicate, collaborate. Doing this with someone who was very close to you recently is difficult. It is unlikely that you will be able to treat him (her) the same way as other colleagues. One of you will be hurt if the other one flirts or gets too close to others. This will not have a positive effect on the work process. You may even lose your job. And this is another negative reason why psychologists do not advise, and employers prohibit office romances. Among other things, you can bring yourself to such a state that psychological help and support from a psychologist will be needed, when a person finds himself in such a dead-end state that the help of a psychologist will be very important.
Love and work are two incompatible things. It is advisable to remember this when one of your colleagues suddenly seems so attractive to you that you want to have an affair with him. Important advice from a psychologist: don’t risk your workplace and your personal life. It's better if each of these aspects of your life at work exists separately from the other.
For what purpose are you starting an office romance with a married woman?
By starting an office romance with a married woman, a man loses little, even if he himself is married, but the woman’s reputation suffers. But in this situation, the fault in any case lies with both partners. The man is to blame for flirting with a married lady and awakening her feelings for him, and the woman, in turn, is to blame for succumbing to this impulse of feelings.
In any case, why are you having an affair with a married woman at work? She is your boss and by establishing at least some kind of relationship with her, do you think that you will climb the career ladder faster? Are you married and tired of everyday problems, but a married lady will not be as demanding as a single woman? Boredom? Or is it for love?
Even if you seriously fall in love, you should understand that it is unlikely that a woman will leave the family, especially if she has children. Such novels rarely end well. Most likely, you will both suffer from this, unless, of course, your relationship is simply about sex.
We suggest you read: How to understand that a man is yours
How to save relationships at work?
Considering the above, it is worth taking care to preserve the attraction that has arisen, of course, if you value it very much.
- Don’t tell your colleagues anything, keep everything secret at least for the first time, until your partner confirms with his behavior whether you can really be together. If everything is great, only then share the joy with your best friend; if not, break up before gossip starts about you and sidelong glances fly in the back. In the latter scenario, you will be glad that you did not tell others anything.
- Agree among yourself that you will behave with restraint at work, without getting into personal relationships. But at the same time, when leaving the office doors, leave all official matters behind them and do not fill your dates together with them - this is your personal space and a chance for strong love. Otherwise, you will get used to parrying every word, behaving as if at work (defending yourself like a professional).
- In order to avoid conflicts either during working hours or after it (over regular situations that usually occur every day), it is preferable for one of you to move to another company or get a job at another enterprise. But only strong, long-established couples who are not afraid of separation can take such a step. Naturally, you need to choose a higher paying position.
Are there any advantages to having an affair with a married man?
Why, despite the huge number of disadvantages, do women still take this path? What makes the fair half of humanity interfere in someone else's family?
Many ladies, especially those who have already been married once, are in no hurry to tie themselves into family ties again. But everyone wants to experience a feeling of passion, attraction, desire . In this case, it is better to choose a man who does not want to take you to the registry office, stand you at the stove and give birth to children together. The most suitable option in this case are men who have it all.
Reference! Monotonous, similar days, the lack of a passionate and vibrant relationship with his wife push representatives of the stronger half to look for entertainment on the side.
As they say, the cards align, and in this case, an easy relationship suits both parties. In addition, a married partner will not demand that his mistress solve everyday issues, such as washing, ironing, and cleaning . For this he has a wife. He wants to spend time with his mistress as his heart desires. For a woman, this is an obvious plus, and she can spend her free time as she pleases.
The risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection from a married lover is also minimal . Such men will not risk their family for a fleeting relationship on the side.
How to properly break off a relationship at work?
To end an office romance and avoid negative consequences, you should remember: you are working for your personal gain, and not to get a prospective partner.
- Having taken the position of a “breadwinner” of money, you will understand: everything has fallen into place. You will be more calm about his antics with your colleagues and will not react so painfully to jokes.
- Do not get involved in inflated conflicts, so as not to become a target for barbs, avoid the office of your failed partner. Negative emotions can cause inattention and annoying mistakes.
- Do not react to his demonstrative presence or feigned manner - do not be fooled by his emotions, but have your own. This way you will maintain your job and professionalism.
- If you need to communicate about work, then speak dryly, matter-of-factly, discussing only official information. Do not allow familiarity and transition to personal topics - keep them silent.
All life is theater
In the situation of an established romance at work, the most important thing that needs to be understood is what kind of relationship this is and what to expect from them (or not to expect). As with any other type of relationship, in the case of a romance at work, you first need to determine your attitude to what is happening. It must be remembered that in the event of a breakup, especially if it is a breakup with anguish, it will be difficult to work together later.
We invite you to read: How does a Taurus man in love behave?
Is there a willingness to take risks for the sake of this relationship? The risk of failure, the possibility of subsequent dismissal, the possibility of disappointment, whispering of colleagues and subordinates? If so, then perhaps the game is worth the candle. However, it should be remembered that sometimes it happens that a romance at work for a person is a kind of entertainment, a meaningless adventure, so that “work is not boring.”
Most often this position occurs in men. And then the employee who is in love with him ends up having an office affair with a married man, and she herself often does not know about it. To be honest, there are few known cases where a man leaves his wife seriously for another woman. Men are quite lazy creatures and really don’t like change, and if they have affairs at work, it’s only for a short time and to “get distracted.”
The thirst for variety often entails the consequences of unsuccessful office romances with a married colleague, when the woman remains deceived. Therefore, the first sign of a successful romance at work is complete freedom from any relationship. Love is two. And she can't stand a third one. Only if this third one is not their common baby. Therefore, an office romance with a married man is a futile matter, since women usually want love.
She is a slave to tender passion. . . It also happens that the woman herself, like the man, is married or single, but the goal of her relationship is to receive a charge of emotions, inspiration or change. But a minor change. The reason may also be a good intimate relationship in which both parties are interested.
Why do relationships happen at work?
The work team is an environment that surrounds literally all day, more precisely from morning to evening. Some people only spend nights and weekends at home. But over the weekend you want to get everything done that you have been putting off for a whole week, so in everyday life there is often no time for romantic relationships.
However, the body intends to compensate for the shortfall - both emotional and physical. Hence - extra-office relationships that easily develop between people with a lack of warmth outside the office walls. They also arise due to a host of other individual reasons:
- boredom and hopelessness (idle office plankton are looking for accessible and bright affairs, flirting or reliable connections);
- the desire to get a husband (he’s still sitting homeless at work and hasn’t seen his wife for weeks, so why not try - maybe you’ll get lucky);
- the desire to loosen up, relieve the surging tension and switch the brain to another object (it turns out, even turn it off, since in a tense work environment they simply do not work).
