Why others don't like you and how to change it

Our life is impossible without close interaction between people. One way or another, everyone will have to repay their invisible debt to society. People surround us at work, on public transport, and everywhere, even in our own home. Unfortunately, communication with homo sapiens often brings more anger and disappointment than benefit and positivity. Modern people are often angry, intolerant, arrogant and thirsty for profit. This is required by life in our society, built on competition and selfishness. It is not surprising that some find it difficult to adapt to this state of affairs. Since childhood, they listened to stories about integrity, friendship and love, but as they grew up, they realized that people are driven by more prosaic motives. Instead of accepting everything as it is, some subjects became embittered towards the entire human race, devouring themselves from the inside with their own hatred. Today there is even a special term for what people who hate people are called - misanthropes.

Why is hatred dangerous?

Almost everyone who hates others believes that by doing so they are harming them. However, the only one who suffers from this is the hater himself. Usually, the feeling of enmity does not arise out of nowhere; there is always a reason for it. But this does not mean that this reason is objective. You can look for positive aspects in hatred, but there are none. It is this feeling that leads to wars, discrimination, violence and intolerance.

Often the feeling of hatred grows out of anger. But if anger is fleeting, explosive, then hatred remains for a long time, bringing constant discomfort to its “happy” owner. Envy is a common cause of hostility when a person, instead of accepting the limits of his capabilities, begins to get angry at those who have much greater resources.

Many people live for years side by side with their hatred of someone or something, accumulating more and more suppressed aggression, which destroys the personality from the inside. Such an attitude towards one’s inner world can hardly be called reasonable. Therefore, no matter how pleasant and righteous hatred may seem, it is better to get rid of it in a timely manner than to suffer in its viscous fetters all your life.

Why men and women hate each other

I am happy to note that feminism in Russia is becoming fashionable among women, and now confession of patriarchal views can slightly tarnish one’s reputation. Given the desperate situation with domestic violence, it is vital that girls grow up knowing their right to equality, respect and safety.

But next to the most beautiful movement there are always people scurrying around, taking the idea to the point of absurdity. I see quite a lot of women around who hate men, but the worst thing is that they call themselves feminists and discredit the phenomenon.

If we talk about a collective image, then it is usually a desperate woman over forty who buried her dreams of love and solemnly cursed the men. Every man in her version is a weak but evil creature, lustful but powerless, full of vices but devoid of even negative charm; he is not allowed to do anything - be interested in women, approach children, expect politeness.

These angry ladies have always existed, but before they did not attach themselves to feminism, but now they are trying to legalize their hatred, hiding behind the right ideas, and this is terribly offensive.

In fact, aggression is a pure consequence of frustration; they now devalue what they have unsuccessfully strived for for the previous thirty years, and can take out their irritation on nasty men and more fortunate women.

Male age-related misogyny has a slightly different nature. No matter how many adventures and relationships there are in life, one day it turns out that the world of great sex is lost for a man: he is no longer good for young girls, he has not made money to increase his attractiveness, and even if he can lure someone into bed, he risks not being able to handle it. He won’t be able to cope with someone his own age, especially since her body is not flawless, and the youthful testosterone that makes it possible not to notice it is long gone.

And the man finds himself in a garden of green grapes and inedible pumpkins: some won’t give, but with others he simply can’t. And how can one not feel hatred among these tantalum torments? Girls are declared selfish fools, and mature ones are generally denied the right to be called women.

Such a person constantly tells what a woman is obliged to do (spoiler: everything), how she should look in order to rekindle his faded sensuality, dictates to her the meaning of life - to catch the male (him, that is).

A lot says that no one needs marriage, and a woman over thirty-five is acceptable in this world except as a grandmother.

Here you begin to understand the man-haters from the previous paragraph - they love to talk about these types, meaning that everyone around them is like that, and denying the wonderful strong men who are the majority, but who do not shout so loudly and enjoy maturity and adult love.

And I thought a lot about why this dreary reality forms in the heads of older people who were previously passionate, sensitive and sensual. Often, the hotter they were in their youth, the grumpier they are now.

And I think I've found the answer. These are those who have not matured, have not learned to interact and coexist.

Previously, everything was covered by hormonal surges, neuroses mistaken for love, or the zombie program “get married and give birth.”

Immature but rotten girls and boys are confused: they don’t want her anymore, he can’t do it anymore - and what to do now?

They really don’t understand that if they can’t fuck with you until they bleed (and fall in love until they drool), then what’s the point of living with you?

They simply have not grown and developed the apparatus that allows them to love and respect another person; they essentially do not know how to communicate and get along outside of bed.

This construction “why do I need a man/woman in the house” is not shocking - they quite sincerely do not understand.

Why value another person, what kind of intimacy can there be above the waist, what can we do together in a vertical position.

They still need sex, but not so urgently, so the unsatisfied desire becomes a kind of constant irritant, which is still not worth having a permanent partner - well, you slept with him, so what, talk? Interested in his world? Learn to live side by side? Delve into other people's desires? Find common goals? How is this and why?

It’s easier to retreat into hatred and denial of any meaning of the other gender. And those who know how to live in couples are declared henpecked, dick hunters or backward patriarchal individuals.

And this time I don’t even have a positive ending - which is a pity, I wish there was a way to grow and mature in my old age

Author: Martha Ketro

The birth of misanthropy

How do people who hate people appear? Where does insidious misanthropy originate? There can be a lot of reasons, for example, a bad childhood, in which parents, using dubious or downright harmful methods of education, instilled in their child an inferiority complex so strong that he carried it throughout his life. And a person who considers himself a flawed, inferior subject will not be able to build a happy and harmonious life. After all, it is much easier to start hating everyone around you than to change.

Envy is a feeling that often leads to misanthropy. At first, a person simply envies the qualities inherent in other people, or their material well-being. But achieving success is not easy, it is much easier to say to yourself: “I hate people!” - and live the rest of your life in this vein. Hatred is attractive because it does not require any effort to develop. It grows independently and fills the entire inner world of its victim.

Negative experiences gained as a result of relationships with people can also sow the seed of misanthropy. After betrayal or betrayal, being in a depressed state, a person begins to transfer his negative experience to all the people around him. It begins to seem to him that those around him are just waiting to harm his unfortunate person. Instead of recovering from the blow and moving on, people choose a different path. They convince themselves that everyone around them is equally bad and relationships with them are not needed. At the same time, the internal need for human warmth and communication does not disappear anywhere, giving rise to dissatisfaction, which is replaced over time by anger and hatred.

It is especially easy to become a misanthrope in adolescence, when maximalism and a sense of one’s own superiority over others are strongest. During this period, it is very easy to fall under the harmful influence of your delusions, becoming a misanthrope for many years. The result of this mistake of youth can be very sad: hatred of people will remain at a conscious age, gradually eating away from the inside of a person who may not even remember why he does not like people so much. Disappointments will also not keep you waiting long, because adult life will quickly put everything in its place. Suddenly it turns out that the usual superiority is just a figment of the imagination, and this can lead to constant frustration and only increase hatred.

When I hate people, I suffer greatly from it myself

The desire to isolate yourself from others with a Chinese wall is born as a result of disappointment with unsuccessful attempts to establish contact. The result of failures, negative past experiences. Up to the complete loss of hope for understanding and that one of the seven billion people living on this planet is able to understand you. In this crazy emptiness of loneliness, the idea is born that you suddenly began to hate people.

You don’t understand how to communicate with them and why: “I hate everyone, good people and not so good ones. All as one species.” Some people hate pickles and don’t understand how they can be eaten and why they are needed. And you began to hate people. Over time, you stop even trying to create emotional connections with someone. Knowingly considering everyone around you to be deliberately causing trouble for you.

A carrier of the sound vector, painfully reacting to sounds from the outside as manifestations of the existence of the surrounding world and the people inhabiting it. Not wanting to participate in life, he puts on headphones. The rumbling music acts as a barrier, turning you off from life in a society so alien to the sound industry.

Famous misanthropes

You might think that misanthropy is the lot of losers and insecure people. But what about those who are quite successful, rich, famous, while remaining misanthropic? Apparently, modern society generates such a huge number of unpleasant, disgusting individuals that even those who, it would seem, should enjoy life and love everyone around them, hate people.

Among famous figures of science and art there are often misanthropes. Vivid examples are Bill Murray, Egor Letov, Varg Vikernes, Friedrich Nietzsche, Stanley Kubrick and many others. Their example shows that people who hate people do not necessarily envy them or hide their old grievances behind misanthropy. Obviously, there are many objective reasons to feel hostility towards all of humanity. Many titans of thought saw only evil, depravity, and stupidity in society in general and people in particular. Taking a look at the world around you, it is not difficult to agree with them. Wars fought to enrich a few billionaires, famine in one part of the planet and widespread obesity in another. It is obvious that something is wrong with this world, and only people are to blame.

Varieties of misanthropes

The misanthrope loser is one of the most common types of misanthropes. Such people, due to their weakness and inability, could not become successful. Unable to gain the favor of others and occupy a high position in society, the poor people try to convince themselves that they do not need such things. As a result, dissatisfaction with oneself and others develops into hatred. Such misanthropes will never ask themselves the question “Why do I hate people?”, because then their unsightly nature will be revealed.

There is a more interesting type of misanthrope. They consciously reject social norms, engage in self-development, trying to rise above the gray masses and become better. This movement was greatly influenced by Friedrich Nietzsche and his ideas about the superman. Misanthropes of this kind are usually well-educated, independent and really do not need company. However, they usually still maintain communication with a certain number of people, realizing that they cannot survive alone.

You can also distinguish the so-called misanthropic techies. These are very smart, sometimes even brilliant people who have problems with communication. They are characterized by passion for their work and the perception of others as obstacles in achieving their goals. This type of misanthrope can be found wherever the labor of technical specialists is used. They are invisible because they silently rummage through their pieces of iron, not paying attention to the people around them. However, the skills of such people are so good that their colleagues are ready to tolerate their bad character.

One can also identify those who try to become misanthropes under the influence of films, ideologies or books. They think that the image of a cynical misanthrope will make them more interesting and attractive. They say: “I hate people!”, but there is no confidence in their words, their hostility is far-fetched. Over time, such misanthropes usually return to their normal state or are so imbued with their new image that they become real misanthropes, from which they usually suffer greatly.

I hate the whole world: why does the whole world hate me?

My friend didn’t respond to the message, she was pushed into the subway and didn’t apologize, her colleagues were whispering behind her back... What’s wrong with you?

The human psyche can pull any trick it wants. We can create problems for ourselves out of the blue, without even having the prerequisites for it. And if we become embittered and begin to hate the whole world for its callousness and injustice, then why should this world accept and love us?

There is a category of people who are used to feeling like victims. Everyone always owes them everything. Must love, respect, accept with all their shortcomings. Should be admired and worshiped. But this does not happen because the victims hate the world around them. They hate other people and at the same time wonder why these people pay them in the same coin.

Where do they get this from? Psychologists believe that the victim’s worldview is formed in childhood. The man was disliked by his parents, he did not live up to their expectations and grew up complex and unsure of himself. “Nobody needs me”, “I’m not like everyone else”, “They don’t want to communicate with me”, “What’s wrong with me?” - all this is often told to oneself by a person with the psychology of a victim. He repeats this like a mantra and begins to hate the whole world. But he doesn’t think about why those around him don’t like him? Is the hostility of other people a cause or a consequence?

Most likely a consequence. In fact, other people don't care about the victim - they care about their own lives. But not all of them actually want to humiliate the victim or show that they are better than her. People already have enough problems of their own, and the whining of the victim is not interesting to them. They instinctively try to protect themselves from other people's negativity, because there is already plenty of it in our lives.

Before hating everything around them and suffocating in this cramped prison of their hatred, victims need to begin to slowly let the world into themselves. It's time to stop walking around with a sour expression on your face

– it’s so hard for people to like you. Sincere interest in the eyes and a slight smile will instantly make a gloomy, gloomy person more attractive. And yes, you need to stop constantly scrolling through social networks on your smartphone. Real life is much more interesting!

It's time to stop thinking negatively about everyone.

Spouses, in-laws, colleagues and girlfriends are people with strengths and weaknesses. It is better to accept them as they are, be open and friendly with them, and over time they will change their attitude in a more positive direction.

It's time to stop beating yourself up.

Very often people who hate the whole world are talented and smart. They just really want to be appreciated, but for this they lack two important things - a stable psyche and a sober outlook on life. They should stop thinking about what will happen if they are suddenly fired from their job and their husband finds himself a girl with large breasts. As you know, bad thoughts materialize, and good ones too.

It's time to stop being a drama queen.

Many people do not want to communicate with the victim just because the question “How are you?” she begins to tell all the bad things that have happened to her over the past week. The victim will twist even a minor squabble at work in such a way that it can be found to constitute two or even three criminal offenses. The interlocutor will quickly end the conversation, and the victim will replay this situation in his head over and over again.

It's time to stop talking.

Victims lack communication, and they really like to sit on the ears of the person with whom they suddenly communicate. It could even be a hairdresser or a trainer, who, due to his duty, will have to listen to the endless chatter of the victim, peppered with complaints and claims to others.

It's time to be kinder to yourself.

The victim hates the whole world because he subconsciously hates himself. She cannot forgive herself for not becoming a nice, kind, sociable person with lots of friends and privileges at work. But it's not too late to change everything!

I hate people. What to do?

Not all misanthropes enjoy their condition. Most of them are unhappy in one way or another. Therefore, over time, some embittered individuals try to break out of the vicious circle of hatred, because it carries negativity in any case, no matter what ideas you decorate it with. If you set out to overcome your dislike for people, then half the battle is done! After all, few misanthropes are ready to part with their anger, enjoying the current state of affairs. If you've been wondering how to stop hating a person or group of people, it won't be that hard to fall back in love with humanity.

First we need to realize how harmful hatred is. Once you understand how destructive its influence is, the desire to get rid of this harmful feeling will firmly settle in your head. After that, just ask yourself the question: “Why do I hate people?” The answer to this should put everything in its place if you have been honest with yourself. Usually the true reason for hatred of people lies in the qualities of character inherent in them, or in their financial situation. After this, it would be good to learn to accept people as they are, or to focus on their positive aspects rather than their negative ones.

If accepting or loving the people around you is beyond your strength, and you want to get rid of negativity and anger, then you can try to stop yourself in moments of anger by simply repeating a phrase or counting down. You will be surprised how baseless and stupid the reasons for anger seem if you just wait a little.

I hate myself and the whole world.

Dear Anna, hello!

I read your letter and felt sad. You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you, and it’s better to throw away this baggage with rotten potatoes the sooner, the better.

This is your life and only you can decide what to do with it. Judging by what you wrote here, you want to change your life and that’s good.

Let's talk about your condition.

You write that you feel hatred. How is this expressed? It is quite possible that the range of feelings and emotions that you experience is much greater and most are connected precisely with your attitude towards yourself.

To get started, please read the articles on this site about self-attitude. There are a lot of exercises there.

The next thing I would like to draw your attention to is your relationship with your mother and towards your mother. Please believe that your mother loves you and wants the best, but she does it as best she can. And my mother’s friends hardly meant harm. Believe it and forgive them all. There are a lot of techniques for forgiveness.

Dear Anna, we always have a choice in life!!! Choice: feel sorry for yourself, engage in self-deprecation, or start taking action, make plans, perk up in spirit and body. If you really don’t like something about yourself, then WHAT is stopping you from fixing it? Excessive thinness - many people simply dream about it. But again, what prevents you from playing sports and building muscle mass? Facial features can always be enhanced with cosmetics. Remember famous actresses and singers who do not have natural beauty, but can look gorgeous. They just put and are putting a little more effort into it. And if you remember Cleopatra... was she really a beauty? We return again to self-attitude.

You can always instill good habits in yourself, for example, the habit of self-development, study, and the habit of caring for yourself.

If you really want to change something in your life, to be happy, then carefully read my answer several times and do the exercises that I recommend and find additional ones yourself.

First, you need to learn to stop scolding yourself (in any form, generally forbid speaking badly about yourself), stop hating others and yourself. Practice forgiveness! You also need to start raising your self-esteem - this is a must!

Forever prohibit yourself from scolding yourself, criticizing yourself, and stop scolding and criticizing others. Start doing exercises in the morning to begin with, at least start with 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, etc.

Be sure to reward yourself for your efforts (start small and be sure to reward yourself). In the same way, start reading books and learning something new and interesting for you. Set yourself this goal - not a day without a line of reading, nor without some new scientific fact or rule (Russian language, mathematics, biology, etc.). Agree with your loved ones so that they reward you for your achievements, but always only in an ascending manner (i.e. if you rewarded 2 squats today, then tomorrow reward only for 3, then for 4, etc. and then the goals are larger and larger-scale ).

But in any case, exclude criticism altogether!!! As I already wrote, you need to once and for all prohibit yourself from being angry with yourself and getting upset. You can write this down for yourself as a motto (but it is best to write down and repeat all statements for yourself only in a positive sense: instead I am not angry, I love better, I have a good attitude, etc.).

You are wonderful and you have many positive qualities, otherwise you would not have written here. You strive for the best. It’s just that you haven’t been able to do everything at once before, but you will definitely succeed. It is worthy of respect.

Your courage is worthy of respect. Accept and Love yourself! The main thing is don't stop.

Write, draw your positive future. Imagine what you want, who and how you see yourself in a few years. Here is the condition that you are describing a positive future, your dreams, don’t waste your time on trifles, imagine how happy you are. Want it. Just for a few minutes every day, start imagining it as reality. Believe it and you will want it. May your whole family be present and love reign in this future. Now let's talk about habits. Habits are our actions that are often performed automatically and are not even consciously realized. Our body is so tripled that it likes everything that is constant and familiar, even if it is harmful. The body often likes (if it is accustomed to this) only what gives pleasure, even contrary to common sense. If a person is warm at home, he is fed, clothed and put on shoes, then why should he change anything in his life? Why bother?

This is how a spoiled organism thinks (subconscious, laziness). And only serious incentives can change something.

Is your happy future an incentive?

Repeated repetition of the desired behavior, and then mandatory reinforcement - reward!

You can develop any habits yourself, the main thing is to do it consciously and instill useful habits and praise yourself!

As the body has already written above, the psyche can be lazy and does not want to change anything, or maybe it is afraid (it doesn’t matter that changes are for the better - there is only one reaction, up to panic. And this is normal).

Anna, you need to choose: do you want to get pleasure and peace from old habits (for example, surfing the Internet) or work hard at the beginning, and then live a different life. Everything is in your hands, in all this there is only your decision and your responsibility.

Maybe even if new habits (useful ones) give you pleasure, they will bring you pleasure as soon as they come into life (after repeated repetition) - this is scientifically proven.

You can change your habits, and with them your destiny! After all, in this way you can accustom yourself to anything: read a lot, work, praise, love yourself, praise, love and thank others.

It is possible that sometimes your body (subconscious, laziness, fears, complexes) will whisper to you “I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m bored. I hate it..." But you also have the will!!! You have dreams and goals - incentives. It is precisely because you are a HUMAN that you have a will, and you definitely have it. She is the one who tells you to continue. And you know why! You know, right?! Turning on your will and moving forward towards your goals and dreams is also a habit. So create it for yourself! I'm sure you can!!!

To instill a useful habit, you need to consciously deprive yourself of pleasures, and give them out in doses, only as a REWARD for the work you have done.

What else can I advise: Thank you as often as possible and to as many people as possible. Start your morning with gratitude. This will charge your day with positivity!

You can repeat the words daily - my life is getting better and better every day.

Find more words of affirmation and repeat them consciously, or even better, visualize them, feel them.

It is important to understand that your world will take care of you only when you yourself treat it with love and gratitude! Dream! Set goals that are interesting to you! Learn to love! Learn to forgive, understand and accept loved ones and yourself!

If anger comes over you, then go wash the floors and wash away this anger with all your might, just imagine how you wash the floors, you cleanse your soul, how anger is washed away, go wash it with your hands. You have a lot of energy that you haven’t spent anywhere for a long time; it needs to be released. Do it consciously!

When you do something, imagine that you are doing it for a reason, but that it is all for your development, for your future.

When you think consciously and learn to think positively, you fill yourself with energy. !!!

One day the king went into his garden and found withered and dying trees, shrubs and flowers. The oak said that it was dying because it was not as tall as the pine. Turning to the pine tree, the king discovered that it was dying because it could not produce grapes. And the vineyard dies because it cannot bloom as beautifully as a rose. And the king found only one flower, a pansy, blooming and fresh as always. He was interested to know why this was happening. The flower replied: “I took it for granted that when you planted me, you wanted pansies. If you wanted to see an oak tree, a vineyard or a rose in the garden, you would plant them. And I - if I can’t be anything other than what I am - I will try to be it as best I can.”

Anna, if you came into this world, it means you are needed and needed just the way you are!

One Indian water-carrier had two large jugs hanging on either side of a pole, which he carried on his shoulders. There was a crack in one of the jugs. While the second jug was perfectly intact and always delivered a full portion of water from the source to the teacher's house, the first jug was only half full. This went on day after day for two years. The water carrier brought only one and a half jugs of water to the teacher's house. Of course, the whole jug was proud of itself, fully justifying its purpose. And the poor cracked jug was terribly ashamed of its imperfection and was very unhappy, since it was unable to convey more than half the amount of water that it should have delivered. For two years the cracked jug felt the bitterness of its failure. And one day he spoke to the water-carrier: “I am ashamed, and I want to apologize to you.” "Why?" - asked the water bearer, - “Why are you ashamed?” “During these two years I was only able to carry half of my load. And this was because of a crack in my side through which water leaked on the way to the teacher's house. Because of my deficiency, you are forced to work more and get nothing in return,” the jug replied. The water-bearer felt sorry for the old cracked jug and said: “On the way back to the teacher’s house, I would like you to pay attention to the beautiful flowers growing along the path.” Indeed, as they climbed to the top of the hill, the cracked jug noticed wonderful flowers on one side of the path, basking in the sun's rays, and this cheered him up. However, at the end of the path, the jug felt bad again due to the fact that half of the water had leaked out. So he apologized again to the water carrier. . And then the water-carrier answered the jug: “Have you noticed that flowers grow only on your side of the path, and not on the side of the second jug? The fact is that I always knew about your crack and leak and took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day when we returned from the source, you watered them. For two years I collected these beautiful flowers and decorated my teacher's house with them. If you were not who you are, his house would be deprived of this beauty.”

Anna, allow yourself to believe in yourself, create the necessary habits, create your own destiny!

If, nevertheless, you notice that everything has become bad, that it is as if you are looking at the world through dark glasses, then I would like to suggest the following exercises:

-) Continue any negative thought that comes to you both orally and in writing. This is good because... And for that... and positive... Do this exercise for at least 2 months so that the positive vision returns and replaces the negative one.

-) Everything is possible!!! All the obstacles and limitations are in our heads. There are many techniques from Simoron. Life is a game! Come up with a Magic ritual to get rid of something bad, something that you don’t like, interferes with, or to acquire something that you would like... Find Simoron’s techniques on the Internet - “fun magic” will help you.

-) "I'm done!" Write on a piece of paper - I’m great because: ... You can save what you wrote and hang it in a visible place.

-) The principle of “little joy” is to plan and bring joy to yourself. Even if it's only 5 minutes. This is good support on an emotional level. Remember that life itself is not a problem, although, as we said, it is not an easy thing. It can give us unpleasant surprises, but the problem is something that is created by us, by our perception, which means we can change it.

“If you sow a thought, you will reap an action; if you sow an action, you will reap a habit; if you sow a habit, you will reap a character; if you sow a character, you will reap a destiny.”

I believe that you will succeed! Wish you happiness!

And one more method: you can take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts. In the first part at the top write “I WANT”, in the second part at the top write “I CAN”. For several days, write down everything that comes to mind. Write, leave, then come back again. In any case, the process will already begin, and thoughts will be spinning in your head. After a few days, take the sheets and analyze everything that is written there. Now you need to think about WHICH of what is written in the first part corresponds to the second. Then think about what can be done so that what is written in the first part goes into the second. Think about HOW this can be done, what resources are needed, etc. and so on for each point. Let there be direct plans for implementation. After this process, and this will require effort and mental work, you can proceed to the next stage. Now you need to analyze and think about HOW and WHAT what is written in the second part can correspond to any profession, WHERE you can apply what you can and want. Fantasize as much as you like (let your fantasy fly as far as you like), and then only critically analyze it. Maybe in this way something will emerge with desires and aspirations about your future.

It seems to me that you need to first of all take responsibility for your life and happiness on yourself, instead of thinking about the influence of others on you - this is important.

If you need additional help, write to me, I will definitely answer you for free.

Wish you happiness!

The main thing is to remember that if you leave everything as it is and continue to just surf the Internet, then nothing will change - the wizard will not arrive. And if you want to change, then start it right now. Turn off your computer and do something else.

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Does love breed hate?

Artists have repeatedly noticed the close connection between love and hatred, expressing this seemingly paradoxical union in their works. Remember cases from your life: is it possible to be very angry with a stranger who is indifferent to you? But the power of hatred between lovers can be so great that it pushes people to rash, crazy actions. Many philosophers and psychologists closely connect love and aggression, recognizing that the deeper the relationship between people, the stronger the mutual hostility between them will be in the event of a conflict.

Does love always lead to hate?

Why then love someone if in the end only anger remains? Love does not necessarily entail negative feelings. They are caused by the dissatisfaction of the human ego, which seeks to turn any relationship into narcissism. Naturally, in this case, resentments and misunderstandings arise, because a hypertrophied ego will always find a reason for dissatisfaction: either it is loved too weakly, or it is treated worse than it deserves. Narcissism will seriously interfere with building harmonious and warm relationships.

Therefore, if you decide to build a relationship with another person, think about whether you are ready not only to take, but also to give. Can you throw your spoiled ego off the throne and start caring for someone else as much as you care for yourself? Only a strong, self-confident person can afford such luxury as complete dedication. For most, close relationships eventually reach a dead end, leaving only boredom and misunderstanding. Many women, experiencing strong hatred for their husband, subsequently transfer it to the entire male race. Are they happy? Hardly.

Happy misanthropes - do they exist?

After reading everything written above, you can decide that all misanthropes are unhappy, sick people. But there are individuals who harmoniously combine hostility towards people and self-love. Whether a misanthrope can be happy largely depends on the reasons that pushed him to this position in life. If a person experiences a constant feeling of frustration from others or envy of wealthier members of society gnaws at him, then he is unlikely to be able to become happy without getting rid of these destructive feelings.

Things are completely different with a misanthrope who despises society, but strives to become above it, to rise above the gray mass. An ideological misanthrope does not experience frustration or envy, he simply prefers loneliness and does not depend on others. Such a person does not shout “I hate people!” at every step, he just prefers to encounter them less often. Among the happy misanthropes one can note many successful, decent people. They are not rude to others, do not commit antisocial acts, the manifestation of hatred seems to them great stupidity. However, such conscious misanthropes are extremely rare, although most of those who hate people consider themselves precisely in this group.

Misanthropy today

In the modern world, it is fashionable to be a misanthrope. Numerous heroes of films, books and television series set an example for the younger generation of misanthropes. On screen, people-hating characters are presented as self-sufficient and cynical, but overall good people. Even if the misanthrope is a negative character, he still has his own charm and evokes sympathy with his charisma. Today, everyone knows what people who hate people are called, because every second person around him insists that he hates those around him, calling them a herd, cattle and other unpleasant words.

Of course, among fashionistas and imitators there are many true monsters hiding who want the death of every representative of the human species, but there are not so many such characters, which is good news.

Fierce, animal hatred is a sign of an unhappy person who simply cannot express his pain in any other way. Of course, there are a huge number of subcultures that have made misanthropy an integral part of their ideals. Some of them promote hostility towards people of a different race, religion or orientation. In this case, hatred unites members of the subculture, making their connection stronger and more reliable. But, unfortunately, flirting with misanthropy can lead to horrific acts of violence, war, and genocide. Racial discrimination in many countries is a great example of this.

Of course, anger has always been a faithful companion of our species. People have hated each other since time immemorial. Aggression is one of the most important mechanisms of our psyche, which ensures the survival of humanity, but today it is shown without any need, simply because they cannot control it. Despite all the scientific progress, man himself remains the same cruel savage he was thousands of years ago.

. / . / I hate humanity, I run away from it in a hurry. ...

How do you know how Balmont wrote it, what he meant and how he felt about the word “Fatherland”?
He was an absolute cosmopolitan and wrote about it himself. Shmelev did not approve of Balmont’s “cosmopolitanism.” “Eh, Konstantin Dmitrievich, you still have Lithuanians, Finns, and Mexicans. At least one Russian book…” he said while visiting. Balmont recalled that, in response to this, he also showed him the Russian books lying in the room, but this had very little effect on Shmelev. “He is upset that I am multilingual and multi-loving. He would like me to love only Russia,” the poet lamented. Magnificent poems. I wish everyone present and leaving enthusiastic comments never experience what it’s like when 1) These poems are about you; 2) Actually, only the first four lines are about you, and the rest makes no sense.

* * * I hate humanity, I run away from it in a hurry. My united fatherland is my deserted soul.

I miss people to the point of excessiveness, I see the same thing in them, I wish for chance, infidelity, I am in love with movement and verse.

Oh, how I love, I love accidents, A sudden kiss, And all the delight - to a sweet extreme, And a verse in which the singing of streams.

I met an old witch in a brooding forest. He asked her: “Do you know what sin I bear?” The old witch laughs, laughs with all her might: “Don’t I know you? You're not the first to kill your youth. You have rejected living joys and become your own enemy, And you are dragged into the dense forest like a wretched old man.” I see that the old witch knows everything about me, Laughs with the laughter of the devil, cursing my dream, My dream of a righteous, sinless life, And he said to her: “Do you know my aspirations? I entered the forest, but I will pass through the forest, transparent as a stream, and I will go out to the clear sea of ​​​​divine rays.” The old witch laughs: “Where should you go? The end of you has come here: you will wither away on the way. These forests are dense, it has been dark here for centuries, you are allowed to wander here. but it’s not possible to get out. Look. I will go out to the bright sea! Do you think it's easy? And what benefit does it have for you! Dark and deep." And the witch laughed with her toothless mouth: “You cannot live at sea, but here is your faithful home.” And the witch laughed. like the devil: “The water of the sea is bitter, and you cannot drink it.”

* * * Why am I so stuffy? Why am I so bored? I'm completely losing track of my dream. My days are uniform, my life is monotonous, I am frozen at the last line.

Only a step remains, only a swift-winged moment, And I will leave the pale people. Why do I hesitate before the open grave? Not rushing into the unknown soon?

I am not the same cheerful, inspired demigod. I'm not a genius with a singing dream. I am a gloomy hostage, I am a yearning prisoner, I am standing at the last line.

Only a swift-winged moment, and the soul, like an albatross, will be carried away to an unknown darkness. I'm tired of getting closer from questions to questions, I regret that I lived on earth.

And of all the paintings that I created for the world, the most desirable to my heart is the painting “Awakening of the Vampire.”

I really don’t know why. Are my cherished dreams in it? Is there a double meaning? Don't know. I don't understand.

In the darkness of a dilapidated building, Where the grandeur of ancient days has died, In the corner lies a mad creature. —

Insane in its cruelty, Bloodless form with scarlet lips, One - from the rejected shadows.

Among demons, like a king between slaves, A beautiful demon, in the lunar twilight, He sleeps as those hidden in coffins sleep.

And everywhere there is sleep and pallor on the earth. Like ice floes, the clouds above froze, And the moonlight froze on the rock.

He sleeps like a strange dream that has become obsolete, Like someone who knew all the luxury of beauty, Like those who lived somewhere before.

The features are distorted by sadness and expose the greed for excitement, the wear and tear of spiritual emptiness.

He will still wake up to new pleasures, From midnight he lives until dawn, Among passions, with a frantic vision.

But the first ray is a sentence: “Die.” And now the second part of the picture grows. Second part: there are, of course, three of them.

In the sky, like broken ice floes, there is a ridge of airy clouds. Another building. Lush curtains.

A half-opened pomegranate alcove. There the woman froze in passionate torment, And her breasts were like the white fluff of snow.

The curved arms are thrown back, as if the darling is clinging to her in a dream, And she feels sweet, and she is afraid of separation.

And the one who is dreaming is right there on the side, He is also delighted with his love, But he is terrible in the watching silence.

Clinging to her chest as if to a headboard, He sleeps, tired of the bliss of passion, And his mouth is stained with scarlet blood.

Who of the two is more in love? One saw pleasure in a dream, Another stole it and was put to sleep.

And both do not foresee awakening. The ambers fade a little in the azure. The moon is huge in the distances of its descent.

The first ray of dawn has not yet broken out. The second part of the picture is completed. The vampire did not know that there would be three of them.

In the heavens, like melting ice floes, crowds of scattered clouds are running, threads of cobwebs are beating at the windows.

But the windows are closed with the weight of shackles, A shameless day reigns in the chambers of the building, And the entire pomegranate alcove is on fire.

Seized by a rush of trembling, She whose dream was a luxurious feast, Awoke to immeasurable suffering.

He loved her, caressed her - a vampire. And he, bent over, with greedy lips, What a new world he suddenly saw!

Deceived by captivating dreams, He did not have time to disappear at the proper moment, To wait until the deadline, a shadow between the shadows.

The sleeping spirit woke up like an old man. Caught in the moment by despair, he is unable to hold back a sharp cry.

He wanted to live forever unchanged, And suddenly he lost the power of his former spell, And suddenly he saw himself captive forever, Seeing a bright solar fire!

I am a cry of pain, I am a cry of anguish. I am a stone that fell to the bottom of the river.

I am the secret stalk of underwater herbs. I am the pale image of the river baths.

I am a light ghost between two worlds. I am a fairy tale of eyes. I am a look without words.

I am a cherished sign, and only with me will you say with your heart: “There is another world.”

Spell

1 I saw the truth only once, When they lied to me. And from that time, and at this hour, I am completely on fire.

I was a child of about five years old, and life was easy for me. And I didn’t know that I was on the way, that I would be far away.

The painless world all around breathed with the deceptions of flowers. I was happy, I slept soundly, And every day was new.

Manor, linden trees, old garden, dragonflies, reeds. Why can't you go back and end your life in silence?

On a summer day I asked my father: “Tell me: is the light eternal?” With a smile on his sad face, He answered me: “No.”

And I asked my mother, half asleep: “Tell me: Is He good - God?” She nodded silently to me, And held back her sigh.

But how can it be, but how can it be? One told me: “Yes,” Another said that there would be darkness, That there is no “Always” in life.

And I began to ask myself, Where is the truth, where is the deception, And who is tormenting in love, And why is darkness given to us?

In the morning I went out into the old garden and lay down among the grass. And the blossom of the plant was crushed from the child’s head.

In the garden there was a black dilapidated vat with blooming water. He was like a sign of unknown countries, He was my dream.

There's a duckweed there, there's water under it, a frog lives there. And suddenly Trouble came to me, And the sky froze.

Clinging to her chest as if to a headboard, He sleeps, tired of the bliss of passion, And his mouth is stained with scarlet blood.

Who of the two is more in love? One saw pleasure in a dream, Another stole it and was put to sleep.

And both do not foresee awakening. The ambers fade a little in the azure. The moon is huge in the distances of its descent.

The first ray of dawn has not yet broken out. The second part of the picture is completed. The vampire did not know that there would be three of them.

In the heavens, like melting ice floes, crowds of scattered clouds are running, threads of cobwebs are beating at the windows.

But the windows are closed with the weight of shackles, A shameless day reigns in the chambers of the building, And the entire pomegranate alcove is on fire.

Seized by a rush of trembling, She whose dream was a luxurious feast, Awoke to immeasurable suffering.

He loved her, caressed her - a vampire. And he, bent over, with greedy lips, What a new world he suddenly saw!

Deceived by captivating dreams, He did not have time to disappear at the proper moment, To wait until the deadline, a shadow between the shadows.

The sleeping spirit woke up like an old man. Caught in the moment by despair, he is unable to hold back a sharp cry.

He wanted to live forever unchanged, And suddenly he lost the power of his former spell, And suddenly he saw himself captive forever, Seeing a bright solar fire!

*** He was one of those on whom lies the stamp of Inextinguishably bright suffering, Who must curse or remain silent, When the chords of the universe sound.

Among the faces, where every glance is transparent, Among the angels singing in a bright choir, And repeating their eternal “Holy, holy, holy,” He would flare up with both anger and reproach.

No, another sinister light sparkled in him, Like a torch it burned at a gloomy feast: Where there is sadness, where there is groaning, there is no truth, At least beauty breathed in the world.

“The answer is to my heart, my heart!” He prayed, choking from suffering, and demons appeared to him to talk about the secrets of the universe.

He cursed the World, and is forever alone, Locked deep sorrows in his soul, But he could not express them in songs, Even though the songs sounded victorious.

And he loved in the World only that which froze in despairing silence: The tops of the mountains, where no one breathed, The vastness of their magic without a name.

The night luminaries were a silent light, And between them, with their regular pattern, The fall of swift comets, The failure of nights, pierced by a meteor.

All that, silently, bearing its oppression, A sudden storm will break out in a single moment, Like pure snow of transcendental heights With a destructive avalanche rushing down.

The despair of a tormented soul, I call you to witness, That I did not sleep in pampered silence, That I did not go to the tempting Paradise.

I didn’t want bright peace, Fearing to forget about those who were cursed, I was attracted by a painful destiny, I was attracted by rejected brothers.

It was not angels, but demons who made the sad journey with me, and my days in the earthly abode dissipated like a pile of dark dust.

Among the graves there is a vague whisper, a vague whisper of the breeze. A sad sigh, a sad murmur, A sad murmur of the willow tree.

Among the graves the shadows of deceased grandfathers and fathers wander, And the shadows of the dead descend on the church steps.

And they knock on the church door, They knock until dawn, Until in the distance ambers light up in the pale sky.

Then, realizing that life is momentary, that their struggle is unsuccessful, sobbing sadly and vaguely, they go to their coffins.

That's why the next morning Flowers sparkle over the dark slab: In them bitter tears tremble About life - life lived.

Your reasoning is alien to me: “Christ”, “Antichrist”, “Devil”, “God”. I am the gentle frost of cooling, I am the breeze, a barely audible sigh.

Your exclamations are alien to me: “Let us love darkness,” “Let us love sin.” I cause torment for everyone. But my free laughter is bright.

You are so cruel in thought, You are so fierce in words. I must be a spontaneous genius, I am all in myself - delight and fear.

You divide, merge, Without reaching being. But you will never know How completely whole I am.

God be damned! Oh, everything that is in me. In the name of a child's dream of forget-me-nots, And swallows, their tender white breasts, And the angels that I saw in my dreams -

In the name of innumerable quests, Equally fruitless prayers to all Gods, In the name of the eternal arrows of enemies to enemies, And blood staining the snowy fabric, -

In the name of barely noticeable stems, trampled by a monstrous hoof, banners of love on the field, torn up by abuse, in love, in the mind, in everything - fetters, fetters, -

In the name of crimes committed and uncommitted. choked like a sigh, Cursed be the Devil, You, whose name is God, Be cursed, cursed in the thunder of chants.

***

With my dreams I caught the passing shadows, The passing shadows of the fading day. I climbed the tower, and the steps trembled, And the steps trembled under my feet.

And the higher I walked, the clearer the outlines in the distance became, And some sounds were heard around me, Sounds were heard all around me from Heaven and Earth.

The higher I ascended, the brighter the heights of the slumbering mountains sparkled, the brighter they sparkled, and with a farewell radiance they seemed to caress, as if they gently caressed a foggy gaze.

And below me, night had already come, Night had already come for the sleeping Earth, but for me the light of day was shining, The light of fire was burning out in the distance.

I learned how to catch the passing shadows, the passing shadows of a dimmed day. I climbed the tower, and the steps trembled, And the steps trembled under my feet.

Don’t believe anyone who tells you that death is death: it is the beginning of life, that unearthly existence, before which our life is dark, like a moment of melancholy - before careless joy, like black sin - before childish purity. It is not given to us to understand all the beauty of death, We can only have a presentiment of it, - So that there is no temptation for our souls to leave the earthly world before the time, And, without passing the usual tests, To leave with our weak eyes To where the higher light has blinded us. While you are a man, be a man And do earthly things on earth, But keep in your soul the imperishable fire of Divine mystical melancholy, The desire to be something other than what you can be. Fearlessly go higher and higher, Along the radiant clean steps, Until the airy straight infinity unfolds in front of you, Where time stops its flight. Then you will know that there is freedom In reasonable subordination to the Creator, In humble reverence for Nature, - That, as if on an endless path, Our Sun always strives forward, Leading with itself both the Earth and the Moon To the beautiful constellation of Hercules, So, eternally filled with aspiration, With us carries the Divine to an unknown but blessed goal. Live, pray - with deeds and words, And greet death as news of a better life.

I hate all the saints, They care painfully About their pitiful thoughts, They save themselves exclusively.

They are afraid for their souls, They are afraid of the abysses of dreams, And they execute the poisonous snake without compassion.

I would hate Paradise, Among the shadows with a gentle smile, Where the eternal holiday, eternal May Walks with a measured gait.

I would not like to live in Paradise, Executing the resourcefulness of a snake, Since my childhood days I have loved the Snake, And I admire it like a painting.

I would not like to live in Paradise, Among the ecstatic fools. I am dying, dying - and I sing, Mad demon of lyrical dreams.

Under the low lid of the coffin, Hammered with nails, We both lay motionless, With both hostile features.

Frozen corpses, we lived with the consciousness of the curse, That here we are in the grave - in the grave! - We are in a disgusting embrace position.

And the Devil laughed deathly. A funeral slab: “Hey,” he said, “how convenient it is for freaks to be in a double grave!”

Two corpses met in the grave, And the corpse touched the corpse, In cold darkness, in prison, and in rot, With the touch of dead lips.

They, lovers, once breathed together under the moon, the caress of the spring scent and the rustling silence.

They swore to love until the grave. And so, at the end of the days, the earth's greedy womb took them into food for worms.

Heavy, with a dull look, Where there is darkness and darkness everywhere, They lie so close together, Fetidly soft bodies.

Having become food for small creatures, And separated from the soul, They are a rotting dwelling, Where is a new feast, alien to them.

And they sleep wildly in the fog, And see fabulous dreams of Indescribable breaths and immense silence.

From dead to living

Tell him that I love him, that I understand him as before, and, like a ship to someone else’s ship, I call out at the hour when I am dying, -

To him, to him, forever distant, Running on the waters of the Ocean, To rest at the mouths of powerful rivers, Among the slender masts of his native ship

Meanwhile, I changed my image, Disproportionate to the gravity of the attraction. Forgetting that I, too, was handsome, like him, I bow to the terribly unfamiliar abyss, -

And I pray to the indifferent winds with the length of my dying bells... Tell him that I love him For the fact that he did not hear these groans.

She will come to me silent, She will come to me passionless, full of incomprehensible bliss, soothingly beautiful.

She will come like a mysterious dream, Like a familiar sound in the darkness of exile, And the only moment will be sweet On the edge of darkness and consciousness.

I will be quiet, I will be joyful, Having experienced the happiness of reconciliation, I will be filled with a sweet feeling, the inexplicability of oblivion.

Silently I will talk With my soul flying away, Silently I will preach About the creative power of life, -

About the power of Truth, which does not diminish Beyond the unforbidden borders, And over the dead, quietly blowing its white wings for the last time.

Konstantin Balmont

MY SOUL OASIS BLUE

Clips on Balmont's poems

My soul is a blue oasis, Among the pale souls of other people, powerless. A luxurious dream was sent down to me by fate, Among the deserts, languid and dusty.

And again alone, I live myself again, I dream of eternally young joy. My soul is a blue oasis, My dreams bloom without fading.

* * *

You can live with your eyes closed, not wanting anything in the world, and say goodbye to heaven forever, and understand that everything around you is dead.

You can leave everything you cherish, You can stop loving everything without a trace. But you can’t cool down on the past, But you can’t forget about the past!

* * *

I am a sudden break, I am the playing thunder, I am a transparent stream, I am for everyone and no one.

Forever young, like a dream, Strong in that I am in love with both myself and others, I am an exquisite verse

* * *

I hate humanity, I run away from it in a hurry. My united fatherland is my deserted soul.

I miss people to the point of excessiveness, I see the same thing in them. I wish for chance, infidelity, In love with movement and verse.

Oh, how I love, I love accidents, A sudden kiss, And all the delight - to a sweet extreme, And a verse in which the singing of streams.

Bottom line

What do we have in the end? Is it worth getting rid of misanthropy if you discover it in yourself? There is no clear answer to this question. If you are happy, then there is no point in depriving yourself of joy by trying to figure out how to stop hating a person or all people. If burning hatred devours you from the inside, destroying your inner world, turning you into an irritable and angry person, then it’s time to get rid of such harmful emotions. It is impossible to say whether it is good or bad to be a misanthrope, the answer is different for everyone, you just need to understand your inner world.

Not every misanthrope becomes a Breivik or a Hitler, and not everyone who claims to love people is a truly good person. We should not forget that the largest wars and massacres of defenseless people always took place in the name of another good goal. Bloody dictators and murderers did not say: “I hate people!” On the contrary, only sweet speeches about goodness and philanthropy flowed from their lips. Therefore, it is worth judging a person by his actions, no matter whether he is a misanthrope or an exemplary Christian. After all, very often the words and actions of people are completely opposite to each other.

How to stop hating a person, educational article

Hatred is a strong feeling of dislike for another person, oneself, dissatisfaction with life or circumstances. People are capable of hating both their own body and the entire world around them. The most powerful and destructive feeling is hatred of one’s own kind.

Sometimes hatred arises at one moment as a result of some actions or statements of another person, sometimes anger and irritation accumulate for years, eventually turning into a burning, irresistible feeling that is almost impossible to cope with.

Hatred is a destructive feeling. It gives people a lot of energy, which cannot be directed towards anything positive. Hatred craves ruins and scorched earth, the grief of others. Hatred primarily harms the one who hates. The hater is exposed to its destructive effects. Many illnesses, both physical and mental, are caused by this terrible feeling.

Judge for yourself, huge negative energy literally bursts inside you at the sight of the object of your anger or even the mention of it. At the same time, you most often cannot show your emotions in all their intensity, you have to restrain yourself. Where does the energy go? That's right, it penetrates inside, destroying everything in its path.

Feeling that it is no longer possible to live like this, people begin to think about how to stop hating. Hatred will not go away on its own; this must be firmly understood. To cure hatred you need to work for a long time, every day, every hour. If you are a believer, turning to God and confessing will help.

People often think that they can stop hating only if the hated person dies. But this rarely brings relief. Having learned that the person for whom they grew hatred and cherished them for dear years has died, they relax and realize that they even feel sorry for him. The grievances seem small and insignificant. And then a person has a chance, having spent half his life in hatred, to spend the second half tormented by feelings of guilt.

Meanwhile, having spent a lot of time hatching plans for revenge or

Without claiming the laurels of a specialist psychologist, I still want to give some advice, or rather, even indicate the direction in which you should try to move. At one time, this method helped me too.

How to stop hating. Step One: Find the Reason

Hatred cannot arise out of nowhere, although sometimes when asked why we hate a person, we can answer that we are annoyed by his very presence on earth, we hate him simply because he exists.

In fact, there is a reason for hatred and it is extremely specific. Another thing is that it can be completely insignificant, and over time we can even forget about it. But the anger will remain. Often it is the understanding of the insignificance of the reason that helps a person stop hating.

Maybe the person you hate said or did something that made you angry and completely rejected you. Or maybe you hate your boss who pesters you every day with nagging. Or is it a relative of your husband or friend (whom you cannot refuse to meet) who behaves completely unacceptable to you? Find out the reason and it will be easier for you to take the next step.

How to stop hating. Step two: put yourself in his shoes

The other person, as surprising as it may sound, may not even be aware of your hatred. He may do something without knowing how it affects you. Moreover, those around you are not even aware of your attitude towards him. Why would they suspect something was wrong if you are overly kind and attentive to the object of your hatred? It is the hated person who causes us increased attention and the desire to be pleasant. After all, our goal is to hide our feelings and not allow emotions to break through.

As a result, we get what we get. All you need to do is talk to this person, ask him to change his behavior, think about his statements. How many internal conflicts have been resolved in this way!

But it also happens that, putting yourself in his place, you understand that he is doing nasty things, in your understanding

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