Hatred of children in psychiatry
Hatred is one of the most powerful emotions a person can experience.
It is characterized by its negative connotation, expressing open and strong hostility towards someone.
Hatred is characterized by such manifestations as rejection, denial, and hostility . As a rule, this attitude develops gradually, and not at once.
For hatred to appear, there must be an irritating factor that disturbs the comfort and tranquility of a person over a long period of time.
Unfortunately, sometimes children become targets of hatred. The baby, due to his age, needs constant attention and help from his parents . However, he cannot always control his behavior, especially when it comes to hyperactive children.
Constant pranks, disobedience, or simply demanding attention from parents is a kind of irritant that disrupts the comfort of mom or dad.
This leads to negative emotions, and many parents cannot hide them, allowing hatred to manifest themselves openly . This is especially true for impressionable, expressive people who cannot keep their own feelings to themselves.
It is important not to confuse hatred of children with fatigue .
A little person is always mobile and active, but adults, after a hard day at work, want peace.
But, if there is a small family member in the family, it is unlikely that you will be able to enjoy peace and tranquility .
The baby constantly requires parental attention, he needs joint games or activities. This leads to the appearance of negativity, which is associated specifically with fatigue.
A distinctive feature of such an emotion is its short duration , when a tired mother rests a little, there will be no trace of irritation and anger at her own child.
Recently, the phenomenon of childfree (freedom from children) has become increasingly common. Young people of childbearing age deliberately refuse to have children, citing the fact that offspring will become an obstacle to a full life.
Such people do not have a maternal instinct, although they are completely healthy psychologically. They often reach certain heights in their careers, they are erudite and self-sufficient.
Despite their negative attitude towards children, such people do not show aggression towards them , simply trying to avoid contact with them.
Women were deceived - women are indignant
Mikhail Burmistrov, a philosophy teacher joins the conversation
— The intrigue of the situation that we see on social networks, where this article about the horrors of motherhood appeared, is simple: it arises when the attitude that motherhood is a continuous flow of happiness and happy parents collides with real life.
All these endless cover and advertising pictures in which a mother feeds porridge, cares for the baby’s delicate skin, where happy parents are bending over a cradle with a snoring toddler - these are images formed by the mass media, living their own independent life in people’s minds.
But when people get into a real marriage, their own child is born, then a different life begins, and it quickly becomes clear how much it differs from the advertising picture.
The incompatibility of the image of real life and the image that has been formed gives rise to strong experiences, sometimes of a tragic nature. People, pouring out their experiences in their texts on social networks, experience a kind of pleasure from the destruction of the previous pattern.
When nothing has prepared a person for motherhood, when there is only a happy picture in the head, it is not surprising that, suddenly thrown into experience, the imaginary will come into a harsh collision with reality.
The point is not even that we live in the era of a consumer society. It's also a matter of experience. People to whom a product is advertised are accustomed to having their expectations met. We are used to the fact that the shampoo will be really good, and the hair will be silky, and the yogurt will taste divine. Therefore, the product “happy parents” in a woman’s mind is happiness, tenderness and delight forever. But it turns out the other way around.
People are indignant because they were simply deceived by the “sellers”. They were handed a product that turned out to be completely different from what was advertised.
They wanted to buy a picture from a magazine, but as a result they were given real life. It is quite natural that this causes sharp negative emotions.
Causes
If negative emotions towards the baby arise on an ongoing basis, you need to figure it out and find out the reasons that led to this situation.
Why is a small child annoying?
When a newborn appears in a family, the entire habitual way of life changes , because the baby requires a large amount of parental attention and care, sometimes parents devote all their time to the baby.
This results in chronic fatigue and stress . The main reason for irritability towards a new family member is postpartum depression - a condition that is typical for many young mothers.
During this period, the woman is often in a bad mood, she is irritated not only by her own child, but also by everyone around her.
Other causes of irritability include:
- Lack of proper sleep, disruption of the routine, when the mother has to wake up several times at night to feed the baby.
- Frequent crying of the baby (for example, when something hurts, or he simply requires maternal attention).
- Lack of free time, which a woman previously devoted to her favorite activities.
- Possible problems in the family, tense relationships with the husband.
- Lack of social life (young mothers rarely meet with friends or visit public places).
If we are talking about children in the first year of life, who are gradually mastering the skill of movement, the reason for parents’ irritability is the increased activity of the young explorer, the need to monitor him all the time, without being distracted by anything.
At the same time, the woman must also do household chores. This leads to chronic fatigue, bad mood , and the development of irritability.
Why are other people's children annoying?
Most often, the object of irritation is not one’s own child, but someone else’s child. There are a number of reasons for this:
- Someone else's baby disturbs the peace.
If you can cope with your own fidgetiness, shout at him, explain the rules of behavior, then this will not work with someone else’s child. - Other people's children have their own upbringing (or lack thereof), which may differ from what we are used to.
- Dislike of another child's habits . Each person is individual, his behavior and habits are formed based on numerous circumstances (living conditions, rules adopted in a particular family). But not every adult is able to understand and accept this.
- Someone else's prankster spoils your property. Of course, such behavior is unacceptable, but because of his age, the baby cannot yet realize his mistakes.
- Another child is hurtful or a bad influence on our children . In this case, the adult develops a negative attitude towards the offender, however, it is better not to show his own emotions, but simply talk to his child, explain to him why he should not communicate with the aggressor.
A person is sure that happiness “must be”
- Let's talk about the role of the husband. Ekaterina spoke about the main underlying reason for the “horrors of motherhood” - a woman’s loneliness in unexpected difficulties. But isn't the husband the first assistant? Is it not from him that the woman expects support, and not even that he will help with the child, but that he will delve into her suffering and sympathize.
— It seems to me that the topic of bad husbands is quite secondary here.
A deceived, tired, irritated woman wants to present the score to the whole world, humanity, God, but out of all humanity, there is often only one husband nearby.
And therefore he receives the full program; in his person, life itself receives such an account.
Naturally, the relationship between spouses is the most important topic. Naturally, a lot depends on the participation or non-participation of the father, especially during such an important period as the birth of children. But in this context, it seems to me that something else is more important - the unpreparedness of many modern people, both men and women, for motherhood, fatherhood, and family relationships.
And here two important points can be noted. The first is the lack of experience and example.
Most of those experiencing this kind of problem with motherhood have no example, have never held babies in their hands, have not seen how their own parents cared for small children.
The second point is the influence of the education system. Everything starts from kindergarten and school. All upbringing is aimed at ensuring that children study well, get good grades, show leadership qualities, be competitive, and receive as many bonuses and prizes as possible. This line powerfully shapes the life of a girl, a girl, a young woman.
And this same line is cut to the ground when a child is born and the woman is forced to sit at home, fall out of the profession, fall out of the team of peers who at this time hang out in offices, clubs, travel, and enjoy all the joys of a young life. She finds herself face to face with a small, incomprehensible creature that is always screaming and demanding something.
Naturally, this causes enormous stress. On the other hand, in addition to this loss from life, the fictitiousness of ideas about family life is quickly revealed.
When you buy a product, you expect that it is, for example, oil, and not something else. And if you get married and give birth to a child, then you should receive happiness as a free package.
This is where the main problem is concentrated: a person is sure that he has the right to happiness, he must have it.
But the fact that happiness is a different kind of thing, that it is acquired in other ways and in a different way, is something many young people do not understand. After all, family happiness is not a product; you can’t buy it in a store or order it on the Internet.
How to deal with the problem?
First of all, you need to accept the problem, realize that it really exists. After this, it is necessary to find out the reason for this emotional state.
Often hatred of children develops as a result of health problems. It is necessary to undergo a comprehensive examination (consult with a psychologist, neurologist, take tests for hormone levels).
After this, you need to build friendly relations with the baby . In the first stages, you may have to force yourself to communicate with him. You need to pay attention to the baby, for starters, just come up and hug and kiss the baby.
Of course, at first it will be difficult, but then, as you get used to it, the situation will no longer seem so hopeless.
You will understand that communicating with your own child is a pleasant experience .
Perhaps hatred arose as a consequence of one’s own grievances against one’s parents , lack of love and parental warmth in childhood.
In this case, you need to remember and relive this situation, and then mentally forgive your parents .
Forgiveness in this case will bring emotional peace and relief, and communication with your own baby will become easier and more enjoyable.
I hate my son: what should I do?
Why is your own child annoying? There are quite a few reasons for the appearance of negative emotions towards one’s own child, and each age has its own factors.
So, if we are talking about children in the first year of life, irritation develops as a result of the increased activity of children, which disturbs the peace of their parents and takes up all their free time .
School-age children may have certain problems with academic performance in school.
Every parent wants to be proud of their child's success, and if he does not meet expectations, this can also provoke hostility.
When it comes to teenagers, the causes of hatred are often factors such as disrespect for parents and non-compliance with their demands.
In some cases, this is antisocial or criminal behavior (theft, fights, alcohol or drug use).
Parents' patience is not unlimited, and unacceptable behavior of a teenager leads to a loss of trust and the formation of negativity on the part of parents.
Recommendations from psychologists
If your own child is annoying, you should never deny the existence of a problem. It is necessary to accept this situation.
It is important to tell yourself that this is your dearest person, and you want to love him and receive love in return.
Try to communicate as much as possible, not forgetting to devote time to your own hobbies.
You cannot devote all your time to the baby, this will only aggravate the situation, lead to chronic fatigue and even greater hostility. Be sure to set aside time to socialize with friends, attend events, or simply relax.
It is natural for a newborn to cry . With the help of crying, he expresses his condition (after all, he still doesn’t know how to do it any other way). Many parents are annoyed by constant crying.
The only way out in this situation is to be patient and try to calm the baby down. He may be hungry or in pain. Or simply requires maternal attention.
There is a situation when, after the arrival of a newborn in a family, older children begin to cause hostility.
Most often, this happens due to changes in the behavior of the older child .
After all, he thinks that after the arrival of his youngest, his parents will begin to love him less, and with his bad behavior he tries to attract his mother’s attention.
In this case, it is necessary to talk with the child, explain to him that the birth of a brother or sister will not affect the attitude towards him in any way , the baby simply requires more parental attention, because he does not yet know how to take care of himself.
At the same time, it is important to devote at least a small amount of time a day only to the elder, to conduct joint activities, games, and watch your favorite films.
Hatred towards children is a destructive feeling that can bring serious discord to the family. Therefore it is necessary to fight it. You can cope with the situation, for this you need:
- accept the problem;
- express a desire to cope with the situation;
- contact specialists and follow their recommendations;
- communicate with the baby, spend time with him;
- relax, pursue your own hobbies.
