How to make a man work: psychology tips

A woman, marrying a man, sees in her partner a reliable protector, a caring person. The situation in the family can change dramatically if a young man finds himself unemployed and does not want to do anything to improve his situation. In such a situation, a woman may have a question: how to force her husband to work? In this article we will talk about the reasons why a man may continue to sit at home, and what needs to be done to prompt his beloved partner to think, which turns into action, about looking for a job.

Why doesn't my husband work?

Women are often confused and don’t know what to do if their husband suddenly doesn’t want to work. There can be many explanations for such inaction. Some of them lie on the surface. Some of the reasons are subjective, while others can be explained by objective factors. The main task is to find the origins of the problem, why a man does not want to work.

Difficult financial situation in the area where the family lives. My husband lost his job due to layoffs or layoffs. He is having difficulty finding a new job due to the shortage of jobs.
The discrepancy between a man’s expectations and available job opportunities. He wants to get a dream job, with a minimum of responsibilities and a huge salary, or he is a highly qualified specialist who does not have the opportunity to move up the career ladder and is constantly looking for and waiting for a suitable position for him.
The husband is unable to find a job in his specialty. The obvious way out is to undergo retraining and enroll in advanced training courses. Not all men go to study in adulthood, as they consider it humiliating for themselves.
Representatives of creative professions often experience difficulties when finding work: writers, artists, musicians. They are waiting for their talent to be appreciated; in this case, there is no stable income.
The husband is a pathological lazy person. This may appear before the wedding, when the guy does not work, but the girl in love does not notice such a serious flaw. It is extremely difficult to force such a person to work. You will have to be patient and resourceful to get your husband to stop constantly watching TV and playing computer games.
A dangerous type of men are gigolos who are used to living at the expense of others. You can see this even before the wedding, when it is very difficult to persuade a guy to do something useful. In family life, the gigolo exists at the expense of his wife. She has to bear everything on herself, get a divorce or make titanic efforts to change the man’s behavior.
A narcissistic husband actually loves only himself and does not seek to increase the family budget. He doesn’t admit he’s wrong, the guy doesn’t want to work or earn enough to support his family. He will not do anything that will humiliate his manhood.
A man’s immaturity may be the reason for his lack of employment; he is accustomed to other people deciding everything for him: his mother, his wife. It is not easy to deal with this, but with some effort it is possible to get rid of such a deficiency. Infantility can result in alcohol addiction, which is very difficult to overcome. It harms not only the man, but also the wife and children.
There are men who, due to their nature, find it difficult to join the team. They are called misanthropes; the way out for them is to look for activities that are not related to communicating with a large number of people.

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Ups and downs: how to support a man during a job search?

It's not hard to support a man when he's on the crest of success. You motivate him with praise, support any endeavors, and inspire him with your mere presence. But the surprises that life brings are sometimes unpleasant. For some reason, your chosen one finds himself without a job, and the situation changes radically. How can you help your loved one cope with a difficult period?

1. Give it time.

Losing a job invariably causes stress and, for men, is a blow to self-esteem. It may seem to you that your spouse or boyfriend is overdramatizing the situation, but he will not immediately be able to cope with negative emotions. Unless there is a pressing need, there is no reason to accept the first job offer that comes your way.

2. Listen.

Your chosen one wants to share his experiences. Listen to complaints about unfair management or incompetent colleagues. The man needs to speak out. At this stage, do not analyze his mistakes out loud. Just listen and agree.

Here is how a former employee of the company talks about his training at the Svyaznoy store:

The coach announced the rules of the day: training until 6 pm with an hour break for lunch somewhere from two to three and two small breaks of 15 minutes each. The rest of the time you can leave the classroom only for urgent needs and only one at a time. If we manage to finish all the tasks earlier, we will finish earlier; if we slow down, we will finish later.

And this is not the worst option! Not all of us get a decent job...

3. Be prepared for outbreaks.

Even the most gentle of husbands will become somewhat more irritable after losing his job. Don't worry, it's completely acceptable to be angry in a situation like this. True, until he begins to take his anger out on you or the children.

4. Don't cancel plans.

Giving up any entertainment that involves spending money may seem like a reasonable option. But don't go too far. If your loved one can't pay for the movie tickets, he'll tell you. Don't cancel events that were planned a long time ago; limit yourself to not adding new items to this list.

5. Curb your sexual appetite.

Losing a job deeply traumatizes a man, so there is a high probability that he will become less active in bed. Do not insist on intimacy, otherwise your spouse may decide that he does not live up to expectations in absolutely all areas of life.

6. Don't try to cheer him up.

If you start baking his favorite cookies every night or choosing movies that your other half prefers to watch together, then remember that such an attitude will please the baby, not the adult. Once he gets over the first wave of resentment caused by the loss of his job, he will become a little more silent, because he has a lot to think about. Let your chosen one understand himself and his plans for the future.

7. Think about how to break the bad news to your parents.

Relatives do not need to know the details of how your spouse became unemployed. Limit yourself to general phrases, demonstrating a positive attitude.

8. Be patient.

You know firsthand that finding a job can be difficult.

Read materials on job searching and interviewing. After a while, you can give them to your significant other so that he remembers the main points. Here, for example, is interesting material on the topic of passing an interview at Svyaznoy:

How to successfully pass an interview at Svyaznoy. Without exaggeration, everyone is signed up for an interview. Just call by phone to make an appointment or fill out a form on the website and a HR manager will contact you on the same day and set a day and time for an interview. On the specified day you need to report to the Svyaznoy training center.

It will take more than one day before luck returns to your loved one, because the new job will not necessarily have the same good pay or convenient schedule. Believe in the best, appreciate the opportunities available, and don’t give up. Remember, you will cope with any difficulties together, because you promised not to leave each other neither in wealth nor in poverty.

What to do if a man is unemployed

To get a man to work, you first need to understand why the husband does not want to work. Further actions depend on this.

Objective reasons

If the husband cannot find a job, but really wants it, then the woman should help him. She needs to morally support her husband if he is left without work, and do not skimp on praise. You can go to special trainings to increase your self-esteem.

The algorithm of actions is as follows:

The wife should first consider whether she can help her husband find a job.
Then the spouses need to talk frankly, find out what the man is going to do when he plans to start working. If he wants to undergo retraining, then he needs to be supported.
If a woman has the opportunity to contribute to her husband’s employment, then, after consulting with him, she must take advantage of this.
You should not neglect to look at vacancies together with your husband, choosing from them those that will help his talents reveal themselves.
You can create a resume together and send it to employers.
It is necessary to encourage your husband to find a part-time job for a while, this will bring income and help him feel needed.

Subjective reasons

If the husband does not want to work consciously, without explaining why, then a lot of effort will have to be made so that he decides to get a job.

You should start by thinking about the situation, remembering when the man began to be lazy at work. If this happened recently, then there is a chance to improve the situation.
A frank conversation with your husband is necessary. If he is in no hurry to voice why he doesn’t have a job, then you should unobtrusively tell him about the necessary family expenses.
If the spouse is not influenced by verbal persuasion, he does not seek to get a job, the best way out is to limit him in money, buy him only the essentials.
When a woman, due to lack of finances, is forced to work for two, she has every right to shift some of the household responsibilities to her husband.

An unemployed man must take on housework

Way out

In fact, temporary financial difficulties arise periodically in every family.
Most often they are associated with moving to another city or quitting an old job and looking for a new one. But only some of the representatives of the stronger half of humanity know how to quickly find a way out of the current situation, while others simply prefer to take a “time out” and relax. And in this case, all responsibilities for providing the family with food and everything necessary fall entirely on the women’s shoulders. What should a wife do in such a situation, and how can she convince her husband that he needs to pull himself together as soon as possible and find a source of income for the family? Of course, you need to look for an approach to your husband based on the situation. We do not consider cases where the husband is sick or temporarily unable to work. We only admit the fact that the husband is healthy, full of strength, but for some reason stubbornly refuses to go to work.

The first thing you need to do, if you see that your husband is being a philanderer and is in no hurry to look for a job, stop dragging everything on yourself. Do not look for additional help from parents and relatives in the form of food and finances. Present the situation in fact and say that today the family will be left without dinner because there is simply no money for food. Believe me, after 2-3 days of eating only pasta, the husband will at least begin to think about looking for additional temporary income.
If there is a situation in your family where there is enough money thanks to a good salary or the wife’s earnings, and the husband sees that everything is fine and there is no rush to go to work, then offer him a fair option. Since he is sitting at home and has a lot of spare time freed up, let him completely take care of everyday life and raising children. He will do the cleaning, prepare dinner and learn homework with his daughter or son. It is unlikely that a self-respecting man will agree to remain in the role of a housewife for a long time and will quickly rush to find a more worthy occupation.
Male psychology is very subtle, so you should convince your husband that he is the only breadwinner in the family and all hope is on him, but this should not be done intrusively. You should not openly criticize and scold a man for not being able to provide for his family. On the contrary, he should feel your support and respect. Be sure to take part in resolving the issue. Help him find a suitable option, write a resume, etc.
Avoid the phrases “you must” and “you must.” They will only aggravate the situation and strain your relationship to the limit. It’s better to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband and find out what he would like to do and what he is ready to do for this.

Helping a man find a job quickly is only possible if he himself understands the seriousness of the problem and takes at least some action to correct the financial situation. Here the wife can very easily influence the husband’s behavior. And if the understanding that the family needs to be fed and adequately provided with everything necessary does not come to a man, then it is worth thinking about whether you need a head of the family who is not at all concerned about the needs and happy future of his relatives.

Psychologist's advice

A woman can come to a psychologist alone; if possible, bring her spouse; together it’s easier to find a solution to the problem. An objective look from a competent specialist can help find a way out of the situation.

These tips from a psychologist, a kind of life hacks, will be useful to women, because they greatly influence their men, including professionally.

a girl, even during the period of communication with her future spouse, should not forget that the man is the head of the family, called upon to take on the burden of basic concerns; the reins of government should be given to your companion;
belief in success is already half the battle; if the husband feels that his wife believes in him, he will almost certainly achieve success in his business;
a woman needs to be patient; she should not expect fleeting success in business;
You can’t compare your man with others, it hurts his pride;
instead of criticism, one should try to emphasize the merits of the spouse, especially those related to his professional activities;
to encourage your husband to earn money, you can tell him about travel, expensive things, everything that requires additional money.

It should be remembered that you cannot force your husband to work, because he is an adult who is responsible for his own actions. You can only motivate with words, convince.

If everything is unsuccessful, then building a further family life with such a person is extremely difficult, and he himself may prefer free swimming to life with his family.